Black Lemonade

   Keeping with the nautical theme I decided to grab a bottle out of my fridge that has skull and crossbones on it.  It’s a short, stout bottle, a somewhat unique shape I rather like to hold when drinking a soda.  Adorned above the skull and crossbones are the words “Black Lemonade”.  That appears to be the name of the beverage and the coloring is indeed black, so let’s look a bit more closely shall we?  Around the skull there are humorous sayings like, “Animal testing was consentual”, “This may be your only way out”, “We want you for life”, and “Without a face, you’re just a bonehead”.  The bottle cap is definitely a keeper.  It’s a skeleton drinking a red soda but the soda is just pouring through his face.  Silly skeleton… soda is for the skin covered.  So from the label and bottle cap we can tell that the folks who make this have a sense of humor.  Hopefully they like good ingredients as well.  Oh neat they put the ingredients right on the bottle!  Who’d have thought!  Cane sugar, citric acid, lemon concentrate, lemon oil, some coloring, a bunch of crazy Ginseng, African Capsicum, Brazilian Guarana, Kola Nut, Skull Cap, and of course Sodium Benzoate.  Well aside from that last ingredient they seem to take their stuff pretty seriously.  Hopefully the taste reflects it.  Of course you know we can’t taste it until we smell it.

   Smells like lemonade… so no real surprise there.  I guess it doesn’t taste like fresh brewed lemonade but I’m ok with that since you can’t really expect anything  in a bottle to be freshly brewed.

   This tastes like liquid lemon/lime Twang to me.  For those who don’t know, Twang is a flavored salt that you can usually buy little packets of at your local gas station counter.  You definitely get the lemon flavoring you’d expect paired with an unexpectedly sour burst of flavor.  It’s not overly sour but you do get a nice(?) burn in the stomach from it.  Black Lemonade is not really that refreshing of a beverage, so there’s no need to replace all of your regular lemonade with this.  I know you were looking for a reason to replace all of your normal lemonade… sorry to get your hopes up.  It definitely leaves a lasting impression on your mouth as no portion of this drink is smooth.  Picture yourself driving a 1977 Gremlin without any shocks (I used a Gremlin in this example because the word itself is awesome.)  Now your yellow Gremlin is cruising down a cobblestone road… that’s when you first take a sip.  As your mouth takes note of what you just ingested your Gremlin is now reaching the end of the cobblestone road only to slide down a very rocky mountain… perhaps one of the Rocky Mountains.  Just as you think this rough ride is over you complete your sip of Black Lemonade.  With this completed sip your mouth and throat receive a harsh “Gremlin driving over landmines during an earthquake” feel.  Of course those are all exaggerated examples but truly this is one of the harshest beverages I’ve ever had the pleasure of tasting.  With that said I’m not sure I’d want to consume one everyday but that’s ok.  Soda isn’t meant for normal consumption… it’s a treat.  In this case though, the treat tricks you just a bit.  Oh joy I worked in a Halloween reference during the month of January. Topical!

~A

Twist has stared death in the face countless times.  Guess who keeps looking away.

Seagram's Raspberry Ginger Ale

   I’m a lazy person by nature.  These two holiday weeks off were not planned… it was more along the lines of an excuse I made up.  With that said, I still procrastinated greatly to write my first review of the New Year.  I’m sure once I get back into a rhythm I’ll be good to go but this first one was pushed back 2 or 3 times.  I have a fridge full of new drinks but the soda picked for today’s review is seasonal so it goes before the rest.  What I have in front of me is Seagram’s Raspberry Ginger Ale, given to me by D-Dub.  Now, I love raspberry flavored things as I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned before.  I also have a joy for ginger.  I’m sure the last sentence can be taken many ways(several of them ringing true for me) but what I’m speaking of is ginger ale.  The side of the can does note that the raspberry flavoring inside is one of a natural origin.  Yay.  Reading the side of the can I notice that the green you would normally find adorning the aluminum of this can has been replaced with a much more festive raspberry pink.  Of course I noticed that way before I read the side of the can but I needed some sort of segue.  With the descriptive stuff out of the way we can now begin!

   As soon as I opened the can I heard a police siren outside.  Hopefully I’m not breaking some sort of federal law since I *insert funny here*.  The scent wafting from the mouth of the can is certainly that of raspberry.  The first thing I thought of when I inhaled it was that it reminded me of a scent you might find in a flavored water.  Hopefully Seagram’s Raspberry Ginger Ale has much more flavor than a bottle of Clearly Canadian.  I didn’t mean to name drop Clearly Canadian, it was just the first flavored water that came to mind.  On to the consumption!

Thought 1:  I like both regular ginger ale and green tea ginger ale better.

Thought 2:  While listed as natural the raspberry flavoring tastes a bit fake.

Thought 3:  The initial taste is good, the ride in the middle is ok but the finish has something to be desired. 

   Those are the first three thoughts that entered my head when I first consumed this.  The carbonation in this beverage is stronger than most but you don’t really feel that until after you swallow.  I hold raspberry flavored items to a very high level.  Remember when “Blue Raspberry” candy came out in the mid 90’s and everyone freaked out?  People were so very happy to have blue raspberry candy where it once was not.  Being a fan of raspberry I thought “how very odd for it to be blue… oh well let’s try this brand new blue raspberry SweetTart.”  Disappointment hit me hard in the face.  So while people were jumping off buildings out of the excitement that was new blue raspberry flavored candy, I sat home and cried for five straight years.  FIVE STRAIGHT YEARS!  That’s how hard I judge raspberry flavoring.  Now with that said I can at least tell that this is supposed to be raspberry flavored.  It’s just not what I would suggest a raspberry enthusiast try first thing after they woke up from a coma.  Finally, the HFCS really makes an impact on this beverage.  The finish of Seagram’s Raspberry Ginger Ale has a very sticky mouthfeel, much like Sprite.  This might be something they could fix if they sweetened with sugar instead.  Ah well… that’s just a crazy dream I suppose.  With all that said I did finish the drink and it wasn’t  that bad of an experience.  I just won’t be drinking one of these again anytime soon.

~A

The can is almost camouflaged on that fantastic maroon couch.  Twist is not.

Jelly Belly Juicy Pear

   Jelly Belly Jelly Bean Co. makes soda!  Who knew?  Apparently lots of people since this is sold at Walgreens.  As you might have guessed by the title of this article and the previous sentence, I have a Jelly Belly soda in front of me.  The particular flavor that’s gracing my palate today is Juicy Pear.  Now I don’t believe I’ve ever had a pear soda before so this could get rather dicey.  Ok, I’m not sure if “dicey” is the correct word but it was typed and I don’t feel like hitting the Backspace key that many times to correct my mistake.  The label is fairly simple in the fact that they use what looks like a clip-art pear combined with actual pictures of the Jelly Belly Juicy Pear jelly beans so that you won’t get confused as to what this flavor is based on.  The color is a vibrant pear-esque green which is very pleasing to the eye.  Time to take a whiff.

   Personally I can’t get a strong smell out of the top of this bottle but today I have enlisted the help of Ma Bla XL in reviewing this beverage.  I chose him to help for two reasons.   The first reason is that he’s here next to me so I figured I might as well get his opinion.  Reason number two is that he’s a candy affectionado.  The man knows his candy, making this seem like the perfect soda for him to help with.   Ma Bla XL is drinking his ration out of a styro-foam cup so he has a bit more surface area to work with when it comes to smell.  He believes that it smells exactly like Jelly Belly Juicy Pear jelly beans.  I’ll have to take his word on it.  Let’s move on.

   Yeesh.  The first thing I taste is a very chemically flavored pear.  It’s not the chemicals in the soda that produce this artificial taste, I really think that’s the flavor that they were going for and it’s just not agreeing with my taste buds.  It takes a while to meander your way through the chemical pear flavoring but once you do you’re not greeted with anything worth your journey.  There’s an appropriate amount of fizz but that’s not enough to save this soda in my opinion.  Ma Bla XL, on the other hand, says this tastes exactly like Jelly Belly Juicy Pear with a slight hint of burning.

~A

Ma Bla XL's take on Twist since he was not on hand

Henry Weinhard's Orange Cream

   Good ol’ Henry Weinhard is back in my grasp, except this time he’s the flavor of dreams…icles.  That’s right the same Henry Weinhard that makes Henry Weinhard’s Black Cherry Cream Soda also makes Henry Weinhard’s Orange Cream.  Who’d have guessed?!  The ingredients on the side say that this beverage has a “blend of select oranges, mandarins, and real vanilla”.  Well that’s good enough for me… oh wait.  The added “complexity and character” comes from “a blend of lemon, lime, Chinese ginger, nutmeg, lemon grass, and angelica root”.  This is some pretty fancy-dancy orange cream soda.  Way to many words, not enough drinking.  It’s time to move on

   The orange cream aroma is not a shy one.  Once I opened the bottle my nostrils were treated with a barrage of orange and vanilla.  Pretend its April Fools’ Day but you’re heading off to bed.  You’ve manage to go all day without getting tricked.  Sure enough before you head up the stairs your doorbell rings.  “Well who could that be?” you ask aloud, only to be answered by the meow of your cat.  You cry a little inside thinking of what might have happened if, JUST IF, you had talked to the girl at the gas pump.  Maybe you wouldn’t be so lonely.  Maybe Snugglepuff would like her new mommy for once.  Maybe you’re going a little crazy.  Opening the door you look around for who might have come calling for you.  The black night sky greets you, and nothing more.  “Heh,” you chuckle to yourself, “I guess I did get fooled after all.”  Before you can turn around you hear a rustling in your bushes.  You squint your eyes making out the faint outline of a man.  POW! A peeled orange hits you square on the nose; your nostrils now filled with the scurvy fighting juice.  Before you can react to the citrus onslaught, the guy that didn’t bring oranges runs up to you and rubs vanilla scented potpourri all over your face.  “THAT’S NOT EVEN A TRICK!” you yell into the night upon uncaring ears. 

   That is what I imagined when I first opened this bottle.  I never do my pointless rants during the smell portion of the review, so I figured I’d mix it up a little.  Anyway, I should probably drink this now.

   This, my fellow jerks, is excellent orange cream soda.  The orange has the citrus tart you want to find in an orange soda but there’s a bonus this time that your normal orange soda doesn’t have.  As long as you swish this around you don’t lose the great orange flavor, which would be a good flavor for a soda all by itself.  The moment you stop the smooth vanilla begins to dissipate the once tart orange.  Eventually the orange is overtaken by the vanilla giving Henry Weinhard’s Orange Cream a delightfully smooth finish.  The mouth feel changes so much from initial sip to finish I’m a little bit amazed.  The aftertaste you’re left with is that of the smooth vanilla, the orange is almost nowhere to be found until you burp.  I know that’s a bit crass, but the duality of this beverage is very unique.  To be honest with you I was a little hesitant to try this because I was slightly let down by the black cherry cream soda.  Henry Weinhard did not disappoint this go around though.  This is honestly the best orange cream soda I’ve had to date.

~A

You can almost see the resemblance

Jarritos Toronja

   Again we dip from the Jarritos well of flavors, this time pulling out Toronja (which is Spanish for grapefruit).  Now early on in my soda reviewing timeline I thought I didn’t like grapefruit soda thanks to childhood memories I had of Fresca.  Thankfully the fine folks at Oogave made a delicious grapefruit soda that removed any thought in my brain that grapefruit couldn’t be good.  I don’t know if grapefruit is a newer flavor with Jarritos but the bottle art on the side seems much more modern and eye catching than their normal bottle art.  I like it!  Enough of the jibbering and the jabbering… let’s open this up.

   As you might think upon smelling this beverage you get the scent of citrus… a centrus if you will.  Grapefruit isn’t really known for its powerful aroma so I’m not too worried about the light amount of centrus.  We could huff this all day and not really find anything else out, so let’s try drinking it instead.

   These are literally the first words that popped in my head after the first drink:  Sprite. No, not Sprite.  Grapefruit.  Nice. Fizzy.    Now I normally have more complicated thoughts than that, but for some reason my brain decided to simplify the review process.  Just think, you now have an insider’s look into what this article is being built around.  I guess I could break down the words for you so that it doesn’t seem like I have no ability to elaborate.  “Sprite,” means just that.  My initial reaction was “wow this tastes a lot like Sprite when you first drink it.  “No, not Sprite,” was my brain pulling back the first thought and telling me “wait… this isn’t what you thought it was.”  “Grapefruit,” is obviously what I began to taste as this point in the consumption.  “Nice,” was how pleasant the grapefruit flavor was to my palette.  “Fizzy,” was the barrage of bubble I received on my tongue after I had completed the first sip.  Now all of that happened in about 3 seconds time, so if you feel like doing the math to figure out how long each thought lasted more power to you.  Jarritos Toronja is a very light beverage which allows it to be refreshing as well as tasty.  You could make a friend easily by giving this to someone who’s working outside, sweating, and looking generally miserable.  With that said you’d need more than one so that you could enjoy it as well.

~A

Note: This soda was given to us by Jarritos.

Twist was triple dog dared to lick this ice cold bottle.

Jarritos Fruit Punch

   Who doesn’t like fruit punch?  Raise your hand.  Ok… the three of you in the world that don’t enjoy some aspect of fruit punch may leave.  The rest of you get to watch The Muppet Movie!  Sadly no, I tricked you.  The rest of you get to now read my review of Jarritos Fruit Punch!  I expect great things from this soda as Jarritos really hasn’t let me down yet, and the fruit punch “flavor” has a very liberal taste definition amongst other drinks.  My initial gaze at the bottle immediately notices its healthy red color which pops (HA!) nicely to the eye.  Enough chatter, let’s get started.

   The initial scent reminded me of what I might smell if I was eating a fruit punch sno-cone.  It’s definitely a sweet smell but not overly sweet if my nose is indeed telling the truth.  I really thought the scent would be a bit more powerful but I really have to inhale at the lip of the bottle to really get any scent at all.  You’re never going to accidentally smell this.  Ok, on to the fun part.

   The first thing my mouth feels when I take a swig is a barrage of tiny carbonation bubbles, so much that the initial flavor is masked by them.  They quickly give way to what I can best describe as a strawberry/cherry/slight citrusy flavor.  Honestly, I can’t identify every fruit in this particular fruit punch.  It’s sweet but as I assumed by its smell not overly so.  You could drink this with a meal and not be worried about spoiling dessert.  As quickly as the flavor hits your tongue it begins to leave.  Sure there are remnants of it left within the walls of your mouth but the real memory comes from the bubbly burning sensation left on your tongue.  It’s like world history in your mouth.  Your tongue is a new country and the carbonation bubbles show up to live there.  They’re happy, they’re cool, and they have families, and carbo-dogs and such.  Meanwhile the fruit punch flavoring is getting a big jealous so it decides to show up and crush the carbonation with delicious flavors.  Being frail, the bubbles succumb to this attack and vanish for the time being.  Happy in its victory, the flavor continues on into your body looking for other things to conquer.  Little does the flavor know that it’s all downhill from here.  Meanwhile, a few bubbles have survived the onslaught and begin to rebuild on your tongue.  “What an enjoyable sensation!” you say.  Your words cause tremendous earthquakes amongst the bubble population causing mass hysteria, and eventually the bubbles are no more.  After both the bubbles and flavor have left your mouth the indigenous taste buds come out and cheer… for they are the true victors in this story. 

~A

Note: This soda was given to us by Jarritos.

Twist's favorite Muppet is Rowlf.

Walgreens Strawberry Cherry Escape

   Sometimes I get lazy when selecting a soda.  Sometimes I don’t want to go searching for the most unique thing out there on the market.  This was one of those times, thus the reason today’s review is Walgreens Strawberry Cherry Escape.  Chances are if you have a friendly neighborhood Walgreens in your area you’ll be able to find this flavor.  I really don’t feel all that bad for reviewing this soda because it’s probably more easily obtained than many of the others we review.  With that said I don’t have high expectations for it.  I blame my biased thoughts about Walgreens Strawberry Cherry Escape on the fact that I think I’m slowly becoming a soda snob.  Hopefully this drink helps bring me back to my roots.

   As I crack open this 20oz bottle I start to get a familiar feeling.  Yes I’ve opened many a 20oz bottle but that’s not what I’m feeling.  Putting my nose to the bottle I get both of the scents written on the label with strawberry winning the tug of war with my nostrils.  That’s truly an odd thing to picture.  Any who, it’s time to consume.

   Light carbonation, fruity flavor, not too overly sweet… not too shabby.  The taste is much like the scent which makes it nice that my nose didn’t play any tricks on me.  There’s nothing overly special about this soda but I’m starting to realize what that familiar feeling is I was feeling earlier.  I don’t know if it’s the generic packaging of this soda or the basic red coloring but something about this is sending me back to my childhood. 

   When I look at a bottle of Walgreens Strawberry Cherry Escape I immediately get the mental image of a kid in the 1980’s who we’ll call Luke.  Luke is having a party and everything is going well.  His best buds are there… and heck even a few girls are there but they aren’t quite old enough to realize they aren’t gross yet.  Luke and company have consumed all the Pepsi purchased for the party but they still need more to drink.  “We’re thirsty, Mom!”  Luke says.  “Well why don’t you get some of those extra drinks in the garage?” she replies.  Luke then begins to make the trek to the garage.  He squeezes past the car, and tiptoes his way around the tools sitting on the wall.  He’s wearing his favorite Thundercats t-shirt so he doesn’t want to get any grease on it.  After making his way around to the corner of the garage he spies the sodas his mother has mentioned.  There they sit, on top of what can only be described as half a cardboard box.  This is the usual place the sodas are kept and the evidence of can indentations only proves this further.  Luke grabs a couple of the 2 liter bottles, reveling for just a moment in the warmth that they give him.  Once again he squeezes past the car, the tools, and all the other junk in the garage.  It’s a bit harder this go around since the two bottles are a bit much for him to hold onto at this young age.  As he makes his way back inside, with no thanks to any of the other partygoers, he places the bottles on the countertop so his mother can open them.  She does indeed open the bottles and pours the warm liquid onto the cubed ice, melting it instantly.  This fake recollection of memory is why Mike wants you to buy a pack of Walgreens Strawberry Cherry Escape.  I on the other hand think that while this memory could be accurate, the taste of this beverage is average.

Look at it... how exotic!

Cascal Light Red

   So I saw a bottle of what I thought was a soda called Cas Cal… but it turns out that’s the actual companies name.  First off that reminds me of a dish detergent name but I don’t know why.  Then I searched the bottle for the name of the flavor it incased and the best I could find was “Light Red”.  Fortunately the bottle also included the fact that the soda had “notes” of black current, cherry, and mirabelle, which is apparently a variety of plum.  So I take this bottle to Mike’s so that we may record a Popcast about it, and in the process of studying the bottle I learn that almost everything in this is fermented.  Sigh.  I’m not a big fan of the fermented sodas but needless to say it still needs to be reviewed. 

   This smells horrible.  Ok, maybe horrible is too strong a word but this isn’t anything I would normally ingest without some sort of compensation.  Today’s compensation is the fact that I later get to post this article to our fellow citizens of the Carbo-Nation.  Time for consumption.

   Amazingly it doesn’t taste nearly as horrible as it smells, so I guess it’s got that going for it. One delightful thing about this is the fact that it’s very lightly carbonated.  There is a slight fruity flavor, but honestly there is nothing special here.  I occasionally get the slight flavor of tea but the fermentation is warping the “light red” flavor to the point where I really don’t want to finish this bottle.  I feel badly making this such a short review but honestly there is nothing else that needs to be said about this.  It has light carbonation and a slight but warped fruit flavor tainted by fermentation.  This is a big ol’ bottle of Meh.

~A

Light Red... more like Light Dead. Sigh.  Twist always wrote the witty captions.

Jarritos Lime Soda

   Please be good.  Please, please, please be the best lime soda I’ve ever had.  Oh!  Hi there, Aaron here from TheSodaJerks.net.  Perhaps you saw me begging and pleading with this bottle of Jarritos Lime Soda to be of excellent quality and taste.  If so, I’m very sorry to have embarrassed you like that.  If not… well then you don’t read our reviews very carefully do you?  As you may know I have a dream of finding a great lime soda but that dream has not been realized yet.  Hopefully today Jarritos will show me that my dream is not of the “pipe” variety.  Let’s open this up and see where it takes us. 

   Upon smelling the opening of the bottle I notice a very slight lime scent.  This of course is somewhat promising, but how much of that promise will translate into a delicious lime taste?  There’s only one way to answer that question… drink the soda.  I guess we could have someone else drink it, and then allow them to review the soda for us but that wouldn’t be much fun would it?  Here goes.

   I’m… I’m liking this.  Fortunately this is not one of those lime sodas where it just tastes like you’re drinking off brand 7-Up.  While I wouldn’t compare it to cutting open a lime and sucking out the sour goodness, I also wouldn’t compare this to lime flavored candy either.  The flavor I’m experiencing here is in the middle of those two places, not too sour, not too candy sweet, in fact it’s very pleasant.  Jarritos Lime Soda starts off without a lot of bite but as its incredible journey through the mouth continues the carbonation seems to attack your throat with a barrage of tiny bubbles. 

   The aftertaste that is left is slight, but delightfully sweet.  This is also a very refreshing beverage with a somewhat light mouth feel, one I would enjoy on a hot day.  That must sound kind of silly.  “What kind of soda wouldn’t be good on a hot day, YOU FOOL?!”  First off… cool it.  Secondly, there are several beverages that might sit heavily in your stomach.  For example strawberry soda is one you might not want to chug after playing cartoon freeze tag with all your friends.  Well all your friends except Tyler since he’s a jerk and all.  I can’t believe he borrowed Super Dodge Ball from you and when you finally got it back it wouldn’t work.  You tried to play it but you just kept getting the title screen and some weird jumbled version of the title screen flashing back and forth while the first second of the title music repeats over and over again.  What kind of friend ruins your favorite Nintendo game?  No friend of mine.  Getting back on track though, you could chug that strawberry soda but be prepared to watch all your friends recall in horror as you seem to lose more blood than humanly possible through your mouth.  What a delightful mental picture that is! 

   Back to this, now empty, bottle of Jarritos Lime Soda.  While I will not say that my dream has been fulfilled, Jarritos Lime Soda is the best lime flavored soda I’ve had to date.  With that said my rating may hold a bit of a bias.  I have just had the best lime soda I’ve ever tasted, and lime soda might not be all that important to you.  With that said, know that this is a definite buy but that my rating is as follows.

~A

(Note:  This beverage was provided to us by Jarritos.)

Faux Fact:  Twist is lime flavored.

Maine Root Blueberry Soda

   Let me start off this review, which you would know the outcome of if you listened to Popcast Episode 29, by stating the fact that I’m not all that fond of blueberries.  I like blueberry muffins but that’s pretty much where my love for the tiny spherical fruit ends.  I do not like them in the raw; I do not like them in my jaw.  I do not want them in my cakes; they make my taste buds slightly ache.  I will not eat them with a goat; I will not eat them in a moat.  I do not like the berries blue; but I would not mind a new kazoo.  There… point made.  On the other hand this is Maine Root Blueberry Soda.  Maine Root sodas are known for including fair trade ingredients with an excellent quality about them.  Hopefully that will help sway the flavor to something closer to my liking.  On with the drinking!

   Ok, so I haven’t tasted it yet but if you’ve read any of my reviews you know that I huff my beverage first to get you a little bit more information about them.  This one smells remarkably like blueberries but not overly so.  It’s a nice sweet smell without being too powerful.  No without further adieu… the first sip.

   Delicious!  This is a fantastic soda!  The blueberry flavoring (created by using actual blueberry juice) is flavored just right.  This isn’t as tart as a raw blueberry would be, nor is it as sweet as you might find in a pie.  I compare the aftertaste to that of a blueberry muffin, without the warm bread of course.  For someone who isn’t all that fond of blueberries I must say that I’m highly impressed.  For a company to make me like something I normally do not is truly a success on their part!  Maine Root Blueberry Soda also packs the perfect amount of carbonation for its flavor.  It’s not necessarily a smooth beverage but a blueberry soda shouldn’t be in my opinion.  Sorry if my words seem a little jumbled but I’m generally excited about this soda.  The only downside I’ve noticed is that the flavor degrades the warmer the bottle gets.  I know this is common with all sodas but this one seems to be doing so at a much quicker pace.  So as I chug the last bit of Maine Root Blueberry Soda I’ll leave you with this… the rating.

~A

It stands alone in awesome blueberry taste... on a Formica counter top

Jarritos Mango

   Continuing the Jarritos reviews, we now have Jarritos Mango to experience.  When I think of this exquisite fruit all that floods my mind are these scholarly words.  "Can you know the mighty ocean?  Can you lasso a star from the sky?  Can you say to a rainbow... 'Hey, stop being a rainbow for a second'?  No!  Such is Mango!"  While I’m not sure if the intellectual that spoke those words is absolutely right with their description of mango, it does indeed have a very unique flavor.  I’m excited; you’re excited, let’s drink.

   What a great aroma this Jarritos Mango produces.  Since I somewhat know what I’m to expect here, this exceeds what I did expect.  It’s a very rich and robust mango scent that emits from the top of the bottle.  Enough of the chit chat; let us partake in my first mango soda.

   CURSE YOU NOSE!  My nose always seems to be the hype engine when it comes to soda.  Recently the smell seems to be stronger than the taste in the sodas I’ve reviewed.  With that said, this is still a very nice soda.  You definitely get a punch of mango to the back of the throat almost instantly.  The mango flavor is easily identified, and the aftertaste is delightful as well.  This has more of a soda mouth feel than what I thought it would, strong, tart, and to the point.  To improve this though I think I would make it a little bit creamier of a soda.  I want less punch to the throat and more ‘sitting on a beach’ relaxation.   Mango soda should be smooth in my opinion, and a bit more flavorful than what Jarritos has done here.  This, of course, is my opinion.  If you’re a fan of the mango, or even if you’re not, you should still try this soda.

~A

(Note:  This beverage was provided to us by Jarritos.)

Twist, sadly, is allergic to Mangoes

Henry Weinhard's Black Cherry Cream Soda

   A citizen of the Carbo-Nation suggested that we try out Henry Weinhard’s Root Beer.  Well no such luck as they were out of root beer when my good friend Dustin arrived as a location that sells Henry Wienhard products.  Thankfully Dustin was able to procure some Henry Weinhard’s Black Cherry Cream Soda!  The label has a nice old timey feel to it, and the literature on the front of the bottle makes it seem like they use high quality ingredients.  Let’s check it out!  It seems that the flavoring they use is high quality as they include the all natural flavors of black cherries, black raspberry, and bourbon vanilla.  Deeee-lish!  Once you look past the flavoring though you get HFCS and sodium benzoate, bringing this soda a little bit closer to the realm of “nothing special”.  Hopefully the top notch natural flavors will push it to the top of the heap.  Let’s see what Henry has to offer.

   Wow, this is one of the most delicious smelling sodas I’ve had the chance to inhale in a long time.  The odor is rich combination of vanilla and cherry.  It does worry me a bit because it likens itself to sno-cone syrup in that it seems concentrated to the point of being overly sweet.  This will either work very well for Ol’ Henry Weinhard, or be his undoing.

   Well that’s a little disappointing.  The hype the odor created only set me up for sadness.  Don’t get me wrong, this will end up being a positive verdict for Ol’ H.W.  If they had been able to make the taste as rich as the smell… we’d probably be talking about a serious top soda contender.  I’ve whined enough, so  it’s now time for the actual review.  You’re initially greeted with a punch of black cherry, which is a pleasant way to start.  The “punch” lingers for a bit, and then cross dissolves (I work in television, so forgive the lingo) to the vanilla cream promised in the soda’s name.  I originally described the vanilla cream as “smooth” but realized I’d be lying as the finish on this drink isn’t as smooth as you might predict… and I think I know why. 

   While I’ve had drinks that felt much more syrupy in my mouth, this definitely lines the inside of it much like the smell of fast food lingers in your car hours after you’ve taken the bags out.  The aroma just sits there like a heavy cloud of sadness in your car, waiting for the next potential passenger to enter your car and be instantly depressed by the death gas your fries have created.  The HFCS is going to be the bane of Ol’ Henry Weinhard.  If they’d just replace the HFCS in this soda with sugar we’d be talking about a potentially amazing beverage.  I think the longer I drink this the more average it tastes… so I’m going to stop now before I go away from my initial score.

~A

Twist was unable to review this weeks beverage as he is part of the Weinhard family... not the soda making Weinhards, but a completely different unassociated Weinhard.

Postobon Manzana

   If Pepto-Bismol was a soda it would look like this.  Dan “The Fan” W gave us this very pink can of Postobon, which is apparently an apple flavored soda.  Looking at the label shows that Postobon is a myriad of chemicals.  With that said, I do like apple flavored soda and I am one of the few people that likes Pepto-Bismol… so color me ready to drink.  While I’m not sure what color “ready” is, I’m pretty sure in this case it’s pink.

  This has no smell.  Wait, wait, I can faintly smell apples and now the odor is getting stronger.  It was like the apple smell was Nessie keeping her head underwater until she thought it was safe to come up, avoiding the stares of tourists.  Now as she emerges the apple smell gets stronger and stronger.   That would be so very awesome if the Loch Ness Monster smelled of apples.  Since I’ve now somehow tied another thing I like into this beverage I’d say it’s time to drink.

  That, my friends, is no apple soda.  This is some kind of cotton candy/apple hybrid.  Have you ever had apple cotton candy?  Of course you haven’t.  The only time you get the flavor of cotton candy and apples together is after a long day at the state fair… after one too many rides on the Zipper.  I did it again.  I incorporated my favorite carnival ride into this review.  I don’t really want to drink this anymore, it’s so sickly sweet.  It’s not so gross that I think no one will like it, I’m sure there will be people out there who disagree with me whole heartedly.  What I’m saying is that I’m done with Postobon and for some reason I have Bonnie Pink’s song Cotton Candy stuck in my head.

~A

Twist used to operate the Gravitron

Fitz's Orange Pop

   Dan “the Fan” W gave me this bottle of Fitz’s Orange Pop with the disclaimer that this was “the worst orange soda he’d ever had”.  The ingredients indicate that it uses cane sugar, and filtered water… so maybe Dan is exaggerating a bit.  On the other hand it also has your standard soda chemicals… so there is still promise of it being bad.  Short intro.  Let’s get going.

   I don’t know that I’ve ever had a drink SMELL so strongly of cardboard, but that’s exactly what this smells like.  Like if a comical hobo (the kind you can feel ok about making fun of) found a piece of cardboard in the dumpster, but sitting on top of it was half an orange.  “Cardboard ala Orange” he’d call it, and charge two comical fish heads per piece.  Sadly it’s now time to drink.

   I wish it tasted more like cardboard, but this is like drinking Cardboard ala Orange out of a dirty sock.  That’s not an exaggeration; it really does taste like it has been strained through a used athletic sock.  The beginning is like you’re sucking on said sock, and that said sock has been saturated in orange soda.  For the splitest of seconds you then get the solo taste of orange soda, only to be finished off by the rather disgusting flavor of the aforementioned Cardboard ala Orange combined with dirty sock.  Dan was right; this is the worst orange soda I’ve ever had, hands down.   I’m honestly having a tough time deciding on the verdict of this soda… so we’re going to see if I can finish it or not.  I’ll tell you right now that I don’t want to, but I’m going to give it a shot.  ***time lapse*** Still drinking… how does something sweetened with cane sugar taste so very awkward?!  Ok, as unpleasant as the task was I did indeed finish it.  Now for the parting shot.

~A

Twist has his "yuk" face on.  Can't you tell?

Gamer Soda Grape

   Three Gamer Soda flavors down… one to go!  Since this particular Gamer Soda doesn’t have a flavor listed on it, yet the packaging is purple, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that it’s grape.  I am the connoisseur of grape flavored sodas between the two of us, and I look forward to trying this installment from Gamer.  You can read all about my history with grape sodas in some of the many links I’m posting in this article.  Enough chit chat… time for business!

   This has a cheap grocery store brand grape soda smell.  Now if you’ve read those articles I told you about, then you’d know that sentence is a compliment.  For those of you who are too lazy to read the articles, that first sentence means that it has a strong, recognizable, definite, grape odor.  Gamer Soda surprises me most every time when it comes to the punch of the aroma that escapes the bottle, shame on me for doubting.   Let’s find out if the flavor matches.

   The first thing I noticed is that my stomach is VERY empty.  I really need to eat something after I finish this review.  Secondly I’m really impressed with the amount of flavor I’m getting here.  It has that “artificial grape” taste (again, read the articles…), but with a very clean finish.  Gamer Soda Grape seems to have the best of both worlds, excluding the sodium benzoate of course.   You get just the right amount of grape flavoring without all of the heaviness a non-brand grape soda would carry with it.  If I do say so myself, Gamer Soda Grape is the first refreshing grape soda I’ve ever had.  There’s really not much more to say.  I don’t even have a funny story to go with this, so here’s an amusing word… Wolpertinger.

~A

(Note:  This beverage was provided to us by Gamer Soda)

Twist is actually half Wolpertinger... which makes him 100% Wolpertinger

Fentimans Dandelion & Burdock Soda

   As promised I’m going to try something a little different today with the review today.  In front of me is the head of a dog.  I don’t know if the dog’s name is Fentiman, or if Fentiman is a particularly unattractive person who happens to look like a dog.  It doesn’t matter who/what Fentiman is.  What does matter is that I have a bottle of his Dandelion & Burdock soda in front of me, given to us by Dustin H.  Since I haven’t the slightest idea of what this could taste like, I thought it might be fun to do the review without trying the soda… then taste the soda and give the real review.   Care to play?  Yes, let’s.

***Faux Review:

Ok let’s take some time to smell the roses…er… dandelions, and open this beautiful bottle up.  Wow, the smell isn’t quite as strong as I thought it’d be, but what I do smell has a fruity scent to it.  The closest thing I can describe the smell to is mixed berry yogurt, Yoplait of course.  Ok, enough smelling… time to drink!

Hmm… that’s a hard flavor to describe (especially when I haven’t tasted it yet, tee hee).  While I definitely still taste the berries I initially smelled, I also get kind of an earthy flavor hitting me in the spot my tonsils used to reside.  I like this, but I don’t think I’d drink it every day.  The sweetness is just about perfect, but I wish there was a bit more fizz to this.  I honestly didn’t know what to expect, but I’m glad I ended up giving it a try.  Speaking of trying new things…

Faux Verdict – Buy a Pack***

   Ok, how was that?  Hopefully it’s fairly accurate, but we’re about to find out for realsies.  Let’s open this bad boy up.

   Ok it definitely does have a fruity smell, but much closer to a combination of cherries and grape Robitussin.  I can smell the slight amount of alcohol in this.  Just a heads up, it is fermented, and has less than 0.5% alcohol by volume.  I decided to drink this because it was given to us by a fan, but it technically doesn’t meet all of our standards for a soda we’d normally review.  Enough chatter, let’s take a swig.

   That is a peculiar flavor, and I don’t really taste much sugar at all.  Fentimans Dandelion & Burdock starts off with a flavor comparable to cough syrup, which transforms into… well, cough syrup.  It’s obviously not thick like cough syrup so I guess that’s a plus.  Oh no!  Someone has put a gun to my head, and is making me describe it in one sentence!  It tastes like cough syrup soda without the vapory feeling cough syrup gives your mouth.  Fwew!  He’s gone… thanks for all your help!  Oh, another thing.   It also has a bit of a black licorice finish to it, but it’s so slight I reluctantly added it only after Twist made me.  One positive comment I will say about Fentimans Dandelion & Burdock is that you don’t have to search for the flavor… unlike my previous experience with Dry Soda Co. Lavender.  Sadly though, it seems that this really isn’t up my alley… and that’s fine.  If you’re a big fan of the ‘Tussin maybe you should give it a try.  I for one like a little ‘Tussin.

~A

Twist got soooooo WASTED!

Gamer Soda Orange

   Gamer soda is back in our hands, and this time it has the flavor of oranges.  As you may know we’ve already tried two of the Gamer soda flavors… cherry and citrus.  I’m a fan of orange soda, so I’m quite interested to see how well this clear concoction delivers.   Let’s open it shall we?

   The smell is most definitely orange.  It’s not a chemically smelling orange either; in fact it smells like the fine mist that occurs when you squeeze an orange peel.   For now I’m going to file that in the “Yay” book.  Drinkin’ time.

   Well that’s odd.  The smell definitely has a more lingering orange experience to it than the taste.  Gamer Orange doesn’t have a diet taste to it, but the mouth feel is that of a diet drink.  What I mean by that is it doesn’t sit heavy in your mouth like say a Sunkist Orange Soda would.  A light mouth feel is fine and dandy (like sour candy) but this is just a bit too light for me.  Picture one of those people who own a pet parrot, but are really too close to it.  You know the people I’m talking about, they allow the birds head into their mouth so it can pick at their teeth.  Now picture a parrot of your choosing picking at the teeth of its owner, who we will now call Raphael.  This particular parrot accidentally dropped a candy orange slice on the back of the Raphael’s tongue (no questions on how he got one, parrots are crafty creatures), but then being greedy the parrot immediately picked the orange slice back up again.  This only teased Raphael’s taste buds to the fantastic flavor of orange he could be experiencing had he not raised a greedy parrot.  That is what Gamer Orange tastes like… without the taste of parrot feathers of course.  The beverage taunts you with what it could be if the flavor only lasted a little longer.  Sure you have a decent aftertaste, and in a lot of cases that would be enough for me, but not in this one.  After this rant you might think that I’d rate this beverage lower, but the orange flavor they tease you with really is tasty… like crackers.

~A

**Update!**

We received an e-mail from Gamer Soda explaining the way the flavor hits your tongue!

Considering your parrot analogy, when you sweeten with real (cane) sugar, the flavor comes & goes quicker because it doesn’t coat your mouth like syrup. HFCS has been commercially used for so long now that most consumers have gotten used to it’s yuckiness. You can really tell the difference when comparing side-by-side, and if you ever compare the 2 at room temperature, there’s a huge difference (not that you’d drink a soda at room temperature…this almost qualifies as a sin). The cane sugar soda tastes fine, but the HFCS can barely be tolerated. Lastly, cane sugar sodas don’t need nearly the same carbonation, because you don’t have to trick your taste buds like you do when using corn syrup. As they say, you get what you pay for!

Thanks to Gamer Soda for showing an interest in the site, and helping teach us all a little bit more about soda.

(Note:  This beverage was provided to us by Gamer Soda)

After one too many oranges I can get Twist to clean my teeth

Topo Chico Lime

   I’m a bit late posting this, but today’s drink is actually last Friday’s drink.  Last Friday’s drink was Topo Chico Lime Flavor.  If you happened to listen to the Popcast from last Friday, and you’re missing some good stuff if you didn’t, you already know how this review ends up.  Actually I’m going to break format today and turn this into a rant.  First off, let’s get the review portion of this out of the way…

   Topo Chico Lime Flavor has somewhat of a lime smell, but it’s really only to taunt you.  After consuming this you’ll immediately learn that it is basically seltzer water with the hintiest hints of lime.  That’s it, review over, check the end for the rating.  Sorry if that wasn’t all your dreams lead you to believe it would be, but I’m tired.

   Tired you say?  Yes, I’m tired of the lack of good lime flavored beverages.  I’m not talking Key Lime, or Cherry Limeade, or that made up “Lymon” nonsense… I’m talking LIME.  You know lime; he’s lemon’s overlooked, but equally awesome brother.  Lime is one of my favorite flavors, but soda companies seem to mute it, over sweeten it, or pair it with another flavor when they make a soda out of it.  I want to find an AWESOME lime soda.  I want to find a lime soda that hits you in the mouth with how tart it is, then rocks you back to sleep with some sweetness.  It should be refreshing on a hot day, and have a light mouth/stomach feel to it.  While I’m making demands, it should also use cane sugar for sweetener.  Actual limes should be used in the beverage itself, and you should be able to taste them.  Topo Chico uses lime essential oils in this “lime flavored” beverage.  I’m pretty sure they aren’t all that “essential” to the limes that are missing them, because they hold none of the flavor.  So this is my challenge to you soda manufacturers, jerks, and jerkettes… find me a good lime flavored soda.  By finding one you will be helping me see that our friend the lime isn’t being overlooked.  For smurfs sake they make passion flower flavored soda!  Now make me some lime soda; you’ll be improving the lives of so many if you do.  Oh yeah, one more thing…

~A

Twist the Iguana has more lime flavor than this

Zuberfizz Grape Soda

  Oh Zuberfizz, how you perplex us.  One minute I can be enjoying a delicious beverage from your factory, and the next I can open a different drink of the same flavor only to find it watery.  In front of me I have a bottle of Zuberfizz Grape Soda, and since I’m such a “Grape” guy, it’s my job to review it.  I already know Mike’s call on this beverage… he claimed that it was watery.  He also made that claim before we knew that Zuberfizz Soda was a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde.  Now that we know that there are both, I have to hope this is one of the good ones.  If in fact it is watery, I have to hold it against them.  Hopefully, like Hot Lips did, they will explain why some of their beverages don’t quite match up to others.  Let’s open this up.

  Well some good news is the fact that it smells like a grape jolly rancher.  I really do hope that means the flavor is strong as well.  I always enjoy it when the cool refreshing cloud escapes from the neck of the bottle… if only it were the color of the beverage it was fleeing.   Time to drink.

  How sad, it’s watery.  While there is a decent amount of grape flavoring, it has no real bite.  It’s a smooth soda, but I’m not sure I like that for a grape flavored beverage.  I want to be able to feel this punch me in the back of the throat.  While I like that they use real cane sugar, this tastes to me like watered down grape soda that’s trying to hide behind its sugar.  What I mean by that is since there is no bite for the sweetness to compete with; it makes the drink seem too sweet.  It’s not a gross flavor by any means, but I can’t recommend you buy this when there is better tasting, cheaper, grape sodas out there.  Could this be a watery batch… sure, but until I taste a better one.

~A

Twist hid my camera, so I had to take a weird angle shot with my phone

(Note:  This beverage was provided to us by Zuberfizz)

OKF Sparkling Fresh Grape

   Have you ever seen a clear can?  Well I hadn’t either until I picked up OKF Sparkling Fresh Grape.  Technically the can in question isn’t aluminum, but plastic… much like the lower half of a 20 oz bottle.  It’s really more of a can/bottle hybrid, but the important thing is that it’s in front of me.  If you listen to our Popcast you already know how we feel about this drink, and that I won’t have any problem reviewing it again in text form.  Here’s a fun fact that OKF Sparkling Fresh Grape taught us… the word Raisin is French for Grape.  Who knew?  The French I guess.  Whelp, it's time to open the canotle… botan… cattle… can/bottle.  (You really can’t combine the words that well)

   The drink has a fresh smelling grape juice aroma, which makes sense since it’s one of the six listed ingredients (even though it is only 1% of the total beverage).  It even smells a little sweet, so we’re off to a good start here.  Let’s drink.

   Just as we described on the Popcast, that while this drink is lightly flavored, it’s just the right amount for what it is.  I really think the cane sugar helps bring out the grape juice flavoring, and that’s honestly what puts it over the top for me flavor wise.  The carbonation is also light, making this just fizzy enough to separate itself from flavored water, but light enough to still be refreshing.  Fortunately the taste matches the light grape juice smell, with just a touch more sweetness added to it.  Now, I could easily drink more than the 8.3 oz that come in this bottle, but having such a small portion really makes it seem like a reward instead of a drink.  All in all, OKF Sparkling Grape is a pleasant beverage by all aspects; it’s healthy, all natural, light, sweet, and comes in a cool container.  With all that said…

~A

Twist finally made it over to Mike's house... and proceeded to eat all of his Zelda collectibles