Granola Milk
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Hi-C Ecto Cooler
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Long time readers of the site know that on occasion I’ll review a non-carbonated beverage. Most times I do so because I falsely believed the beverage was carbonated which leads to an embarrassing time for all. Other times it’s because I feel the beverage is culturally important enough at the time to include.
Read MoreSodaMod
/Haribo Happy Cola
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As I’m sure you’re well aware, kids and grown-ups love it so, the happy world of Haribo. But just how happy will Haribo’s Happy Cola make you?
Those who are in the know are more likely to be aware of Haribo due to their gummy bears. They also have what seems to be around a few hundred different types of gummy candy variations. The one most appropriate to this site is, of course, Happy Cola.
The gummies are appropriately shaped like bottles, half filled with soda. This ratio of half gummy, half cola is pretty accurate. The candy tastes like the “clear” flavored gummy bears (my personal favorite) with enough of a cola flavor that you’ll recognize it as something unique.
The cola flavor is a bit sweet, which is a rare comment coming from me, but because it only takes up about half the flavor, again, sharing the other half with the “clear” flavor, it works out perfectly.
Without knowing that these were supposed to be cola flavored, I may not have guessed that properly, but that doesn’t mean they’re not good. Just don’t expect to be overwhelmed by a cola taste. If I have any other negative, is that after eating a bunch of these, your hands will smell terrible. So...maybe consider a fork?
- Mike E.
Cry Baby Sour Mini Drinks
/So my mother-in-law is fairly amazing. She can produce food at the drop of a hat. Oh, you showed up unannounced? Let me just pull all these pork chops out of the oven and have four sides to go with it. She's stopping over for a visit? Better make room in the fridge. Mostly it's practical food stuffs that you can eat for a meal. The other day she brought a pack of Cry Baby Sour Mini Drinks and I knew I had to review them. They're you're basic wax bottle filled with liquid candy, but they're sour! Thankfully there are five flavors so it's time to write some blurbs!
Hi, Twist!
Blastin Blue Raspberry - On the sour scale it's slightly less than an actual lemon. The flavor is definitely identifiable too which is nice. Thankfully these wax bottles are pretty thick so I'm able to consume these without worry of mess. All in all, it was pretty good...albeit tiny.
Chargin Cherry - Slightly less sour than the Blue Raspberry, of course "Blastin'" is above "Chargin" in the candy adjective scale. I enjoy the cherry taste better than the Raspberry, but Blastin Blue seemed more true to it's flavor.
Overload Orange - The least sour of the three thus far. Tastes more like tangerine soda with a bite. Still quite tasty, but the most boring of the ones I've tasted.
Lightning Lemon - This is still less sour than an actual lemon, but does an ok job replicating the flavor...plus a burst of Pine-Sol goodness. Due to it's similairity to lemonade it's the most refreshing thus far.
Lectric Lime - Ok, the lime is delicious! It's more of a key lime than lime lime. There's a sweetness that was absent in the others and I'm really enjoying it. Definitely the best of the bunch.
Ok, the final tally is in and here are the results:
Lectric Lime
Chargin Cherry
Overload Orange
Lightning Lemon
Blastin Blue Raspberry.
I know I know, controversy abound! Well sleep on it and see if you don't still hate me in the morning.
~A
Dr. Pepper Sweet & Kickin' BBQ Sauce
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A common theme with all the soda related products that I’m running into is it’s a combination of two things, and usually two things I enjoy. Take Dr Pepper BBQ Sauce for example. I like Dr Pepper, and BBQ sauce. Also, I enjoy a sweet BBQ sauce. Where could this go wrong?
There isn’t a single food I have paired this with that has tasted good. Dr Pepper BBQ Sauce has way, way too much Dr Pepper in it. It is sickening sweet to the point of disgusting. I don’t think I’ve eaten anything that felt so wrongly-sweet since I made the mistake of ordering Cap’n Crunch chicken fingers at a Planet Hollywood in 1995. I can only imagine dipping those in the BBQ sauce. Ick.
Speaking of ick, this sauce is really runny. Not that I need my BBQ sauces to be super thick or anything, but it just seems really watery. I’d say maybe their intention was to use as a marinade, but that is also available for sale. I will not be attempting that.
Sadly I can’t recommend getting this, or even purchasing it just to try. If I think something is overpoweringly sweet, then there’s a good chance it’s gone overboard.
- Mike E.
A&W Root Beer Float Dessert Topper
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I’m not a big ice cream guy, but occasionally enjoy it. When I do, I prefer frozen treats, or ice cream with lots of “stuff” in it, like a pint of vanilla ice cream with 100 peanut butter cups in it. Something reasonable.
Despite not being a fan of syrups, and not as much of a fan of “smooth” ice cream, I still gave A&W Root Beer Float Dessert Topper a try.
As a direct syrup, it’s fairly powerful. I feel this way about most ice cream syrup, however, so take that as-is. On the rare occasion that I do eat ice cream with syrup, I usually mix it up so that the flavor is spread out evenly.
This is where I appreciate this product. Root beer ice cream seems hard to come by here in Texas. In Pennsylvania, it was all over, thanks to it being a flavor in the line-up of the Weis Market store brand ice cream. This is essentially a way to create your own root beer ice cream, with whatever your favorite brand of vanilla ice cream is.
There isn’t much more to say about this. It is as it says. This is root beer flavored syrup for ice cream. If that’s what you want, this delivers. You might not use it the same way as I did, but it certainly works in the traditional sense as well.
- Mike E.
Chewy Chips Ahoy Ice Cream Creations Root Beer Float
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There are plenty of products that I didn’t know I wanted. Neopolitan Oreos. Red Velvet Pop Tarts. Jack in the Box’s Brunch Burger. Going into them I knew they had to be delicious, but I sure didn’t fathom a world with any of these treats.
Enter Chips Ahoy’s Chewy Ice Cream Creations Root Beer Float. I’m not a big chocolate chip cookie guy, but I enjoy Chewy Chips Ahoy, and the numerous spin-offs that have come from them. Despite the rest of the Ice Cream Creations line-up sounding delicious, I obviously went to try the Root Beer Float first.
Sadly, these are super disappointing. When you open the package, you know for certain that they were going for a root beer float flavor. The scent is bold. This pumped me up even more than I was before. Sadly the taste is just way too weird.
There are “vanilla chips” and I guess root beer chips? I tried to figure out if they were chocolate or root beer but the root beer flavoring overpowers everything. It reminds me a lot of spray butter or flavorings. It’s like they found “spray root beer flavoring” and just took vanilla chip cookies, and sprayed it on there.
I’ll put it like this. Over the course of 5 days, I ate four of these cookies, rather than in the course of about a 5 minutes. Two things that taste great separately, not so great together.
- Mike E.
Body Works Relax
/I don’t normally review “shot” type beverages, but hey when you’re supplied a “shot” type beverage you review it. That’s exactly what ThirstMonger sent my way this week; a series of tiny bottles for various situations of life. The brand is Body Works and the drinks have titles like Energy, Wellness, and Sleep with ingredients that promote each. I picked Relax since I didn’t want a boost of energy and didn’t want to go to sleep. We all want to relax, right? The first thing I notice is that this label is flavor free. Sure the color is primarily purple, but nowhere on here can I find a flavor. Perhaps in the ingredients will prove more helpful.
Twist says Relax
Ok, I’m about drink some filtered water, citric acid, natural flavors, potassium sorbate, sodium benzoate, and sucralose. Well at least I know that the flavor in the bottle is “natural”. According to the bottle I’m supposed to drink then when I’m “Feeling Overworked. Feeling tension. A need to unwind. Stress. Anytime you need to relax”. As I said before, I just picked this because I don’t need to fall asleep and I don’t care to be jumping off the walls. Oh, and the purple color made me hope this was berry flavored. Let’s find out, shall we?
Out of the mouth of this tiny bottle the scent of berries appears. There’s a citrus scent lurking behind the front line berries, but I’m not sure how pungent they will be in the ensuing battle for taste.
Ok, so the immediate flavor that I experience is a very tart, berry explosion that I kind of enjoy. Less than a second after that the berry taste gets shoved into the mud by a bitter, chalky, coffee flavor that decided my drink experience needed to be ruined. I’m aware that people don’t drink “shot” type beverages for the flavor, but guess what I do for a “living”. I review beverages based on the “flavor” and this one isn’t great. I’ve already completed the tiny bottle even though I was trying to nurse it as slowly as possible. Each sip was the exact same experience, drink it, enjoy the berry burst, watch as the bitter, chalky, coffee flavor takes over, and then sigh because you’re about to take another sip. Will Body Works Relax make me relax? Probably so, but it didn’t make me want to drink more of it.
You know how you’ll see quotes promoting things you personally don’t think are all that great. Ever notice how they have ellipses before them or no punctuation at all? It’s just a series of words that the company grabbed from an article that helps make them look good. This next sentence is the one that the company would use. Body Works Relax is the best tasting “shot” type beverage I’ve had to date. With that said, I’ve had three and the other two were awful. Body Works Relax isn’t awful, but I’m not going to classify it as good either.
~A
Positive Energy Orange Juice
/Remember a while back when Mountain, sorry, MTN Dew tried their hand in the breakfast drink market with Kickstart? It all seemed rather forced, but then again I don’t work for Drink Co. and think of multi-million dollar ideas. Why are you trying to make a new breakfast beverage when the ones we have work so well. If you want to wake us up just add caffeine to what we already drink for breakfast. Segue. Positive Energy is the beverage ThirstMonger sent to me today and guess what it is, orange juice with caffeine. They also make a cranberry juice cocktail version, but I’ve been told that the OJ is the bees knees so it’s the one being reviewed.
Positive Energy Orange Juice is not made from concentrate, has no sugar added, and uses green coffee bean caffeine. I don’t really care what kind of caffeine they use, but green coffee bean caffeine is by far the most fun to say. Looking at the back I see that this little bottle has the same amount of wake up juice (why isn’t this called Wake Up Juice?) that your morning cup of coffee has. Positive Energy OJ has been visited by the vitamin fairy as well with giftings of vitamins A, B, and C. Now the task will be simple. Can you put all of this in orange juice and still have it be tasty? I just finished my bowl of Grape Nut Flakes (TheCerealJerks.net give it "Buy a Bowl") and I’m ready to be swept away citrusly.
Can't you see how wired Twist is?
Wow, they fill this bottle to the tippity top. Guess what it smells like? If you guessed orange juice you’re probably too far away for me to give you anything with minimal effort, but you’d be right.
Well that’s pretty dang tasty. It’d have been pretty amazing if someone could mess up OJ, but this is honestly good on the OJ spectrum as well. A lot of orange juice has an almost caustic feel, but Positive Energy Orange Juice goes down smooth compared to its brethren. Being orange juice this occasionally touches both the sweet and bitter spectrum of flavor. The initial sensation I get is indeed bitter, but this is mostly broken up by the savory side of the orange a few seconds into each sip. With that said there is a consistent bitter taste to Positive Energy. While you might think this would keep me from enjoying this beverage, as bitter tastes have in the past, it’s not strong enough to even make me consider stopping. I’m not addicted to it by any means, but it’s a delightful beverage. Positive Energy Orange Juice is doing right (with a much smaller budget I’m sure) what MTN Dew did so very wrong. Positive Energy took a flavor we already like and added a little “boost” to it without compromising the flavor much if at all. Great concept, great delivery. With that said it’s still orange juice so I’m not going to go crazy with the ranking.
~A
Golazo Mango-Lime
/Twist knew that snake and he's ok with the outcome
So the folks at ThirstMonger have filled my fridge once again with their drink of the week. This week’s brand is Golazo which labels itself as an “ALL NATURAL SPORTS HYDRATION DRINK”. They’re awfully fond of capital letters at Golazo, but who can blame them. Since it’s a sports drink I’m sure it’ll be chock full of hard to pronounce “natural ingredients”. Let’s take a look, shall we? Ok, color me wrong. Here are the ingredients for Golazo Mango-Lime: Water, Cane Sugar, Coconut Water Concentrate, Natural Flavor, Citric Acid, and Salt. I’m impressed and now even more curious about the Mango-Lime flavor I chose. Lemon-Lime was another beverage I could have reviewed by Golazo, but that flavor is so very common in the sports drink world I figured I’d give the odd duck of Mango-Lime a try. Hopefully this risk will pay off.
A stronger than expected aroma escapes the wide mouth bottle. True to its listed flavor the scent is easily identified as both mango and citrus. Once again I’ve doubted Golazo and once again they’ve proven me foolish for doubting them. Why would I even begin to doubt a beverage whose label clearly states that it’s “born to score”? Interesting use of lowercase letters here, yet another surprise.
The mango/lime combination is definitely unusual, but nothing that would be described as off putting. The initial sip can be described as a light mango flavored water, which is quite refreshing. When the lime shows up to the party it brings a little bit of a bitter taste with it, but I suppose that’s to be expected when you partner sweet with sour. Through the majority of the experience my mouth is pleased with the overall feel of Golazo Mango-Lime. It’s promised to be a refreshing beverage and it delivers that promise in spades. I am wishing I’d tried the Lemon-Lime version now as I bet it’d be one of the better ones on the market. The ingredient list of this was amazing, the flavor is enjoyable, and the mouth feel follows suite. So what is wrong with Golazo Mango-Lime? Well, going back to the bitter taste the lime seems to bring. That bitter taste, albeit small, interrupts the overall flow of the beverage for me. It’s like driving down the highway and every five miles you hit a speed bump. You’re still going to get to your destination, but the trip isn’t going to be as pleasurable because of it.
Even though I’m not sold on this particular flavor I will tell you that Golazo has made me excited to try other flavors by them and that’s saying something. They did too many good things with this “ALL NATURAL SPORTS HYDRATION DRINK” for me to ignore. Good thing I have another flavor chilling in my fridge.
~A
Green Fit Lime Coconut
/Each time I do a review it’s usually about a single beverage that I’m currently holding. Well, today’s beverage is from ThirstMonger and this bottle of Green Fit Lime Coconut plainly reads that it’s “6 Functional Drinks in One Bottle”. Now I’m not completely sure what they mean by that, but if I turn the bottle around I’m told that I’m about to consume the nutritional equivalent of 2 eggs, 10 oranges, 1.5 cups of broccoli, 1/3 of a cup of peas, 2 cups of green tea, and a baby banana. That’s all well and good as I do like it when a beverage is good for you, but does it taste good? This is the reason you’re still reading, right?
The bottle suggests I shake it before opening and looking at the sediment I agree completely. With its lid wrapped in the same plastic that surrounds the bottle, this is one of the most difficult beverages I’ve ever had to open. I surely hope the struggle is worth the nectar.
Well, the aroma that sits atop this bottle of Lime Coconut liquid holds neither of the scents of the previously listed foods. Instead an odd, somewhat bread/vegetable aroma is what my nose detects. Something is off here in the smell department. Hopefully my favorite flavor of lime kicks in when I take my first sip, making me forget about the scent at hand (or nose in this case).
Twist thinks they should try 1 drink in the bottle before ramping it up to 6.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. Those are the words that my fingers screamed out because my face could not. What in the hell did I just drink? Why must I go back and take another sip to tell you how terrible it was? Each sip starts off like an ok day at work. The lime flavor is somewhat noticeable, it’s light, it’s fun, it’s hanging out by the copier… but you’re still at work so you’re kinda bummed. It’s a somewhat sweet taste, but nothing you’d confuse for unhealthy. For the first few seconds it seems like we’re all gonna be ok with this average beverage… or baverage as I’ll say from here on out.
What follows is the absolute worst aftertaste I've ever experienced in a soda. You know what; it’s not even an aftertaste. An aftertaste is what you experience after the beverage has continued on its journey down your throat and you lick your lips a little and get the essence of what you just consumed. What I’m tasting here is a horrible “halftertaste”. A halftertaste (Now a term coined by TheSodaJerks) is literally the second half experience of the sip you've taken and the halftertaste of Green Fit Lime Coconut is terrible.
Pretend you’re out in the desert in need of a cool refreshing drink of water. The crunch of the sand between your teeth doesn't even bother you anymore as you've been out there for days. Ahead you see a waterfall and rush your plunge your face into it. The cool water rushes over your tongue as your teacher calls your name. “Henry? Henry?” Your name is Henry. “Quit licking the blackboard, Henry.” You awaken to find yourself erasing the day’s math problems on the blackboard with your tongue. The chalk fills your mouth making it feel even drier than your recent dream. That’s what the halftertaste of Green Fit Lime Coconut is like. Chalky, bitter, and certainly nothing I’m going to continue drinking. I've probably personally reviewed over 300 of the beverages on this site and that’s the worst taste I've EVER had in a beverage. At least we got the words “Baverage” and “Halftertaste out of it. Now, hopefully I’m going to wake up from this and find myself licking the blackboard.
“Wake up, Henry”
“My names not Henry”
~A
