Granola Milk

Sonic Pickle Juice Slush

Body Works Relax

I don’t normally review “shot” type beverages, but hey when you’re supplied a “shot” type beverage you review it.  That’s exactly what ThirstMonger sent my way this week; a series of tiny bottles for various situations of life.  The brand is Body Works and the drinks have titles like Energy, Wellness, and Sleep with ingredients that promote each.  I picked Relax since I didn’t want a boost of energy and didn’t want to go to sleep.  We all want to relax, right?  The first thing I notice is that this label is flavor free.  Sure the color is primarily purple, but nowhere on here can I find a flavor.  Perhaps in the ingredients will prove more helpful. 

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Twist says Relax

Ok, I’m about drink some filtered water, citric acid, natural flavors, potassium sorbate, sodium benzoate, and sucralose.  Well at least I know that the flavor in the bottle is “natural”.  According to the bottle I’m supposed to drink then when I’m “Feeling Overworked.  Feeling tension.  A need to unwind.  Stress.  Anytime you need to relax”.  As I said before, I just picked this because I don’t need to fall asleep and I don’t care to be jumping off the walls.  Oh, and the purple color made me hope this was berry flavored.  Let’s find out, shall we?

Out of the mouth of this tiny bottle the scent of berries appears.  There’s a citrus scent lurking behind the front line berries, but I’m not sure how pungent they will be in the ensuing battle for taste.

Ok, so the immediate flavor that I experience is a very tart, berry explosion that I kind of enjoy.  Less than a second after that the berry taste gets shoved into the mud by a bitter, chalky, coffee flavor that decided my drink experience needed to be ruined.  I’m aware that people don’t drink “shot” type beverages for the flavor, but guess what I do for a “living”.  I review beverages based on the “flavor” and this one isn’t great.  I’ve already completed the tiny bottle even though I was trying to nurse it as slowly as possible.  Each sip was the exact same experience, drink it, enjoy the berry burst, watch as the bitter, chalky, coffee flavor takes over, and then sigh because you’re about to take another sip.  Will Body Works Relax make me relax?  Probably so, but it didn’t make me want to drink more of it. 

You know how you’ll see quotes promoting things you personally don’t think are all that great.  Ever notice how they have ellipses before them or no punctuation at all?  It’s just a series of words that the company grabbed from an article that helps make them look good.  This next sentence is the one that the company would use. Body Works Relax is the best tasting “shot” type beverage I’ve had to date.  With that said, I’ve had three and the other two were awful.  Body Works Relax isn’t awful, but I’m not going to classify it as good either.

~A

Positive Energy Orange Juice

Remember a while back when Mountain, sorry, MTN Dew tried their hand in the breakfast drink market with Kickstart?  It all seemed rather forced, but then again I don’t work for Drink Co. and think of multi-million dollar ideas.  Why are you trying to make a new breakfast beverage when the ones we have work so well.  If you want to wake us up just add caffeine to what we already drink for breakfast.  Segue.  Positive Energy is the beverage ThirstMonger sent to me today and guess what it is, orange juice with caffeine.  They also make a cranberry juice cocktail version, but I’ve been told that the OJ is the bees knees so it’s the one being reviewed. 

Positive Energy Orange Juice is not made from concentrate, has no sugar added, and uses green coffee bean caffeine.  I don’t really care what kind of caffeine they use, but green coffee bean caffeine is by far the most fun to say.  Looking at the back I see that this little bottle has the same amount of wake up juice (why isn’t this called Wake Up Juice?) that your morning cup of coffee has.  Positive Energy OJ has been visited by the vitamin fairy as well with giftings of vitamins A, B, and C.  Now the task will be simple.  Can you put all of this in orange juice and still have it be tasty?  I just finished my bowl of Grape Nut Flakes (TheCerealJerks.net give it "Buy a Bowl") and I’m ready to be swept away citrusly.

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Can't you see how wired Twist is?

Wow, they fill this bottle to the tippity top.  Guess what it smells like?  If you guessed orange juice you’re probably too far away for me to give you anything with minimal effort, but you’d be right. 

Well that’s pretty dang tasty.  It’d have been pretty amazing if someone could mess up OJ, but this is honestly good on the OJ spectrum as well.  A lot of orange juice has an almost caustic feel, but Positive Energy Orange Juice goes down smooth compared to its brethren.  Being orange juice this occasionally touches both the sweet and bitter spectrum of flavor.  The initial sensation I get is indeed bitter, but this is mostly broken up by the savory side of the orange a few seconds into each sip.  With that said there is a consistent bitter taste to Positive Energy.  While you might think this would keep me from enjoying this beverage, as bitter tastes have in the past, it’s not strong enough to even make me consider stopping.  I’m not addicted to it by any means, but it’s a delightful beverage.  Positive Energy Orange Juice is doing right (with a much smaller budget I’m sure) what MTN Dew did so very wrong.  Positive Energy took a flavor we already like and added a little “boost” to it without compromising the flavor much if at all.  Great concept, great delivery.  With that said it’s still orange juice so I’m not going to go crazy with the ranking.

~A

Green Fit Lime Coconut

Each time I do a review it’s usually about a single beverage that I’m currently holding.  Well, today’s beverage is from ThirstMonger and this bottle of Green Fit Lime Coconut plainly reads that it’s “6 Functional Drinks in One Bottle”.  Now I’m not completely sure what they mean by that, but if I turn the bottle around I’m told that I’m about to consume the nutritional equivalent of 2 eggs, 10 oranges, 1.5 cups of broccoli, 1/3 of a cup of peas, 2 cups of green tea, and a baby banana.  That’s all well and good as I do like it when a beverage is good for you, but does it taste good?  This is the reason you’re still reading, right? 

The bottle suggests I shake it before opening and looking at the sediment I agree completely.  With its lid wrapped in the same plastic that surrounds the bottle, this is one of the most difficult beverages I’ve ever had to open.  I surely hope the struggle is worth the nectar. 

Well, the aroma that sits atop this bottle of Lime Coconut liquid holds neither of the scents of the previously listed foods.  Instead an odd, somewhat bread/vegetable aroma is what my nose detects.  Something is off here in the smell department.  Hopefully my favorite flavor of lime kicks in when I take my first sip, making me forget about the scent at hand (or nose in this case).

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Twist thinks they should try 1 drink in the bottle before ramping it up to 6.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.  Those are the words that my fingers screamed out because my face could not.  What in the hell did I just drink?  Why must I go back and take another sip to tell you how terrible it was?  Each sip starts off like an ok day at work.  The lime flavor is somewhat noticeable, it’s light, it’s fun, it’s hanging out by the copier… but you’re still at work so you’re kinda bummed.  It’s a somewhat sweet taste, but nothing you’d confuse for unhealthy.  For the first few seconds it seems like we’re all gonna be ok with this average beverage… or baverage as I’ll say from here on out.

What follows is the absolute worst aftertaste I've ever experienced in a soda.  You know what; it’s not even an aftertaste.   An aftertaste is what you experience after the beverage has continued on its journey down your throat and you lick your lips a little and get the essence of what you just consumed.  What I’m tasting here is a horrible “halftertaste”.  A halftertaste (Now a term coined by TheSodaJerks) is literally the second half experience of the sip you've taken and the halftertaste of Green Fit Lime Coconut is terrible.  

Pretend you’re out in the desert in need of a cool refreshing drink of water.  The crunch of the sand between your teeth doesn't even bother you anymore as you've been out there for days.  Ahead you see a waterfall and rush your plunge your face into it.  The cool water rushes over your tongue as your teacher calls your name.  “Henry?  Henry?”  Your name is Henry.  “Quit licking the blackboard, Henry.”  You awaken to find yourself erasing the day’s math problems on the blackboard with your tongue.  The chalk fills your mouth making it feel even drier than your recent dream.  That’s what the halftertaste of Green Fit Lime Coconut is like.  Chalky, bitter, and certainly nothing I’m going to continue drinking.  I've probably personally reviewed over 300 of the beverages on this site and that’s the worst taste I've EVER had in a beverage.  At least we got the words “Baverage” and “Halftertaste out of it.  Now, hopefully I’m going to wake up from this and find myself licking the blackboard.

“Wake up, Henry”

“My names not Henry”

~A

jC's Sweet Tea

There are three types of beverages I’m guaranteed to like:  whole milk, limeade, and sweet tea.  I can thank my lucky stars that I have one of those three beverages in front of me tonight, courtesy of ThirstMonger.  jC’s Sweet Tea (and yes the “j” is lowercase) is today’s beverage and I think I’m in for a good time.  Immediately I looked at this bottle of sweet tea and the first thing I noticed is that it is “southern style”.  Now, I’m perfectly ok with that because I probably have a bias in believing that the South makes the best sweet tea.  The second thing I noticed is that it was made in Ohio.  Somehow I my eyes skipped past the part that said “all natural” and straight to the contradiction on the bottle.  How am I supposed to take a “southern style” sweet tea seriously if it was made in Ohio?  For that answer I checked out the jC’s Sweet Tea website and read their history. 

The long of the short of it is that a woman with the initials J.C., who hails from Alabama and South Carolina, eventually made it to the state of Ohio.  She of course brought her family recipes with her and the sweet tea really struck a chord in her friends.  Long story overly shortened… now we have jC’s Sweet Tea – made in Ohio, yet by a southerner.  That’s a legitimate enough reason for me… on to the ingredients.

Unless you were taken aback by the earlier contradiction as I was, you probably noticed that this is an all-natural sweet tea.  The ingredients are as follows: Water, Sugar, Pineapple Juice (a first for me in a tea), Fresh Squeezed Lemon Juice, Pekoe Cut Black Tea, Orange Pekoe Tea, Rinds of Oranges & Sweet Spice.  Without even opening the bottle, that sounds absolutely fantastic.  So, please allow me to open the bottle and prove to you that it is.

There is some serious spice in jC’s Sweet Tea.  The aroma that comes off the top of the beverage is downright heavenly.  It has a smell that I would like my entire house to share.  A mixture of everything I just read off the ingredient list greets my nostrils as if they were best friends.  Hopefully my taste-buds get the same treatment.

First off, I just let out an audible “Ahh”.  I felt I needed to type that for honesty sake.  I was afraid that this would be overly sweet, but jC’s Sweet Tea has a brilliant level of sweetness.  It’s enough to make the drink a treat, but not so much that it would overpower a meal or become a liquid dessert.  Each sip contains a harmonious mixture of sweet tea, lemon, spices, and even the orange finds its way into this description.  It’s hard for me to tell you exactly which spices are used, but my best guess would be all-spice and maybe some nutmeg.  Another area that I thought might be a weak point is the potential over use of the lemon, but let me paraphrase this again.  The lemon gets an “E” in conduct for how well he plays with others.  I cannot over emphasize enough how well blended this beverage is, so I’ll stop saying it from this point on.

The mouth feel is just at the entrance of syrupy, but this vanishes once the drink no longer resides in your mouth.  After my gullet was emptied I was left with the slight taste of sweet tea, nowhere nearly complex as the actual drink itself, but a fond reminder of what I just experienced.  Honestly I finished this about halfway through the review, it’s really good sweet tea.  I can’t say that I’ve ever had anything like it in the South, but I really wish I had.

~A

A “Twist’s Choice” Recipient

Twist is called "Sweet T" in many iguana circles

People Water

When I opened the first package from the folks at ThirstMonger to see what I’d be reviewing this week I let out an audible laugh.  Within the next month or two TheSodaJerks.net will have over 500 reviews on it and I’ve seen and reviewed quite a few beverages, but nothing could prepare me for what ThirstMonger wanted me to write about.  People Water. 

That’s right, I’m about to review a bottle of water, spring water to be more exact.  After a bit of research, I found out that People Water comes from a spring in the Palomar Mountains and not from a tap in your neighbor’s house.  This is a good thing.  People Water is also a very green company in the fact that their plastic bottles are designed to break down faster than a standard plastic bottle.  This is also a good thing.  For every bottle of People Water that is purchased they will give an equal amount of clean water to a person in need.  Yes, that’s another good thing.  At the very least I seem to be dealing with a company that has strong moral convictions, but honestly we’re looking for a clean taste here.  With all that said, I’m still about to review a bottle of water and I’m not quite sure how it’s going to go.

There is no smell.  It’s water.  If there were a smell I’d tell you right away, and probably not even risk drinking this.  To reiterate, there is no smell.

While many might have issue with the taste of City of Houston tap water, I have no problem consuming it en masse.  With that said People Water tastes better than what flows out of my local tap.  I can also tell you that it tastes better than some of the “big name” brands as well.  Could I pick it out in a blind taste test?  No, but I know what “brands” of water I prefer and this tastes better than those I do not prefer.  It’s rather refreshing water as well, but honestly most water is so I’m not sure I can laud it for doing what clean water does. 

All in all, I’m happy the people at People Water are doing what they’re doing.  They really seem to be a group of folks who care about the environment and getting clean water to others.  Sadly none of those factors go into our ratings, but it’s still worth noting.  People Water is bottled water.  If you buy it, buy it knowing that you’re helping out someone and be happy with that.

~A

Twist wanted to try some, but I reminded him that the bottle clearly states that it's People Water.  It was at this point he reminded me he was a person some 500 years ago.

Tamek Sour Cherry Nectar

There’s an issue I’ve been tip-toeing around for a while here on the site and that is whether or not I should include non-carbonated beverages in the reviews.  The response I’ve come up with is that I’ll take them on a case by case basis if they seem unique enough to test.  First and foremost this is a SODA review site, but occasionally it may step off that path for a brief second.  With that said, I’m not sure today’s selected beverage is carbonated.  I can tell you that it’s a Turkish beverage given to us by a nice lady who works with me.  The beverage at hand is called Tamek Sour Cherry Nectar.  The can is 330ml and a rich pink color.  There are no less than 26 cherries pictured on the can as well so you have to hope their taking this “cherry flavor” seriously.  Another sign that shows how “real” this beverage is about to be are the lack of nonsense ingredients.  Water, Sugar, Sour  Cherry Juice (from concentrate), and Citric Acid are the only components of Tamek Sour Cherry Nectar.  Again, I know this doesn’t fit our “soda definition”, but did you really think I’d turn down reviewing a Turkish beverage of any kind?  Drinkin’ time.

I don’t know if my nose isn’t working properly or what, but I’m getting little to no scent coming out of this stout little can.  My olfactory glands can only detect the slightest of aromas… to the point where my brain might be creating the scent for me just so I don’t feel insane.  Hopefully the flavor is a bit stronger.

Well, the non-carbonation aspect took me by surprise even though I knew it had no fizz to it.  I can sum the flavor of this beverage up fairly easily.  This tastes like liquid cherry pie filling.  If you like cherry pie (feel free to make all the innuendos you wish, I’m not doing your dirty work for you) then you’ll probably love this beverage.  The only flavor difference between this and a cherry pie filling is that at the end of the road this veers more towards tart where a cherry pie might swerve towards sweet.  Looking at the nutrition label I’m surprised to see that it only has 12grams of sugar because it tastes like it would have closer to 30.  The cherry juice does produce a trivial burn in the back of your throat with the completion of each sip, but unless your throat is made of origami paper you probably won’t even notice.  The aftertaste, which is exactly like the before taste and the current taste, sits in your mouth for a good while after your drink is complete.  That seems to be the only downside to Tamek Sour Cherry Nectar, the fact that it sits rather heavy in your mouth for the duration of the consumption.  I’m aware that nectar would be apt to do such a thing, but I still have to compare this to soda.  I know this probably goes without saying but nectar isn’t the most refreshing of beverages so don’t expect your thirst to be quenched.  Refreshing or not this can holds a good amount of deliciousness that might even be a bit too rich for some.  Pretty much every word I wrote after typing “This tastes like liquid cherry pie filling”

~A

Twist only plays Turkish board games.