Body Works Relax

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I don’t normally review “shot” type beverages, but hey when you’re supplied a “shot” type beverage you review it.  That’s exactly what ThirstMonger sent my way this week; a series of tiny bottles for various situations of life.  The brand is Body Works and the drinks have titles like Energy, Wellness, and Sleep with ingredients that promote each.  I picked Relax since I didn’t want a boost of energy and didn’t want to go to sleep.  We all want to relax, right?  The first thing I notice is that this label is flavor free.  Sure the color is primarily purple, but nowhere on here can I find a flavor.  Perhaps in the ingredients will prove more helpful. 

Twist says Relax

Ok, I’m about drink some filtered water, citric acid, natural flavors, potassium sorbate, sodium benzoate, and sucralose.  Well at least I know that the flavor in the bottle is “natural”.  According to the bottle I’m supposed to drink then when I’m “Feeling Overworked.  Feeling tension.  A need to unwind.  Stress.  Anytime you need to relax”.  As I said before, I just picked this because I don’t need to fall asleep and I don’t care to be jumping off the walls.  Oh, and the purple color made me hope this was berry flavored.  Let’s find out, shall we?

Out of the mouth of this tiny bottle the scent of berries appears.  There’s a citrus scent lurking behind the front line berries, but I’m not sure how pungent they will be in the ensuing battle for taste.

Ok, so the immediate flavor that I experience is a very tart, berry explosion that I kind of enjoy.  Less than a second after that the berry taste gets shoved into the mud by a bitter, chalky, coffee flavor that decided my drink experience needed to be ruined.  I’m aware that people don’t drink “shot” type beverages for the flavor, but guess what I do for a “living”.  I review beverages based on the “flavor” and this one isn’t great.  I’ve already completed the tiny bottle even though I was trying to nurse it as slowly as possible.  Each sip was the exact same experience, drink it, enjoy the berry burst, watch as the bitter, chalky, coffee flavor takes over, and then sigh because you’re about to take another sip.  Will Body Works Relax make me relax?  Probably so, but it didn’t make me want to drink more of it. 

You know how you’ll see quotes promoting things you personally don’t think are all that great.  Ever notice how they have ellipses before them or no punctuation at all?  It’s just a series of words that the company grabbed from an article that helps make them look good.  This next sentence is the one that the company would use. Body Works Relax is the best tasting “shot” type beverage I’ve had to date.  With that said, I’ve had three and the other two were awful.  Body Works Relax isn’t awful, but I’m not going to classify it as good either.

~A

Golazo Mango-Lime

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Twist knew that snake and he's ok with the outcome

So the folks at ThirstMonger have filled my fridge once again with their drink of the week.  This week’s brand is Golazo which labels itself as an “ALL NATURAL SPORTS HYDRATION DRINK”.  They’re awfully fond of capital letters at Golazo, but who can blame them.  Since it’s a sports drink I’m sure it’ll be chock full of hard to pronounce “natural ingredients”.  Let’s take a look, shall we?  Ok, color me wrong.  Here are the ingredients for Golazo Mango-Lime:  Water, Cane Sugar, Coconut Water Concentrate, Natural Flavor, Citric Acid, and Salt.  I’m impressed and now even more curious about the Mango-Lime flavor I chose.  Lemon-Lime was another beverage I could have reviewed by Golazo, but that flavor is so very common in the sports drink world I figured I’d give the odd duck of Mango-Lime a try.  Hopefully this risk will pay off. 

A stronger than expected aroma escapes the wide mouth bottle.  True to its listed flavor the scent is easily identified as both mango and citrus.  Once again I’ve doubted Golazo and once again they’ve proven me foolish for doubting them.  Why would I even begin to doubt a beverage whose label clearly states that it’s “born to score”?  Interesting use of lowercase letters here, yet another surprise. 

The mango/lime combination is definitely unusual, but nothing that would be described as off putting.  The initial sip can be described as a light mango flavored water, which is quite refreshing.  When the lime shows up to the party it brings a little bit of a bitter taste with it, but I suppose that’s to be expected when you partner sweet with sour.  Through the majority of the experience my mouth is pleased with the overall feel of Golazo Mango-Lime.  It’s promised to be a refreshing beverage and it delivers that promise in spades.  I am wishing I’d tried the Lemon-Lime version now as I bet it’d be one of the better ones on the market.  The ingredient list of this was amazing, the flavor is enjoyable, and the mouth feel follows suite.  So what is wrong with Golazo Mango-Lime?  Well, going back to the bitter taste the lime seems to bring.  That bitter taste, albeit small, interrupts the overall flow of the beverage for me.  It’s like driving down the highway and every five miles you hit a speed bump.  You’re still going to get to your destination, but the trip isn’t going to be as pleasurable because of it. 

Even though I’m not sold on this particular flavor I will tell you that Golazo has made me excited to try other flavors by them and that’s saying something.  They did too many good things with this “ALL NATURAL SPORTS HYDRATION DRINK” for me to ignore.  Good thing I have another flavor chilling in my fridge.

~A

Green Fit Lime Coconut

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Each time I do a review it’s usually about a single beverage that I’m currently holding.  Well, today’s beverage is from ThirstMonger and this bottle of Green Fit Lime Coconut plainly reads that it’s “6 Functional Drinks in One Bottle”.  Now I’m not completely sure what they mean by that, but if I turn the bottle around I’m told that I’m about to consume the nutritional equivalent of 2 eggs, 10 oranges, 1.5 cups of broccoli, 1/3 of a cup of peas, 2 cups of green tea, and a baby banana.  That’s all well and good as I do like it when a beverage is good for you, but does it taste good?  This is the reason you’re still reading, right? 

The bottle suggests I shake it before opening and looking at the sediment I agree completely.  With its lid wrapped in the same plastic that surrounds the bottle, this is one of the most difficult beverages I’ve ever had to open.  I surely hope the struggle is worth the nectar. 

Well, the aroma that sits atop this bottle of Lime Coconut liquid holds neither of the scents of the previously listed foods.  Instead an odd, somewhat bread/vegetable aroma is what my nose detects.  Something is off here in the smell department.  Hopefully my favorite flavor of lime kicks in when I take my first sip, making me forget about the scent at hand (or nose in this case).

Twist thinks they should try 1 drink in the bottle before ramping it up to 6.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.  Those are the words that my fingers screamed out because my face could not.  What in the hell did I just drink?  Why must I go back and take another sip to tell you how terrible it was?  Each sip starts off like an ok day at work.  The lime flavor is somewhat noticeable, it’s light, it’s fun, it’s hanging out by the copier… but you’re still at work so you’re kinda bummed.  It’s a somewhat sweet taste, but nothing you’d confuse for unhealthy.  For the first few seconds it seems like we’re all gonna be ok with this average beverage… or baverage as I’ll say from here on out.

What follows is the absolute worst aftertaste I've ever experienced in a soda.  You know what; it’s not even an aftertaste.   An aftertaste is what you experience after the beverage has continued on its journey down your throat and you lick your lips a little and get the essence of what you just consumed.  What I’m tasting here is a horrible “halftertaste”.  A halftertaste (Now a term coined by TheSodaJerks) is literally the second half experience of the sip you've taken and the halftertaste of Green Fit Lime Coconut is terrible.  

Pretend you’re out in the desert in need of a cool refreshing drink of water.  The crunch of the sand between your teeth doesn't even bother you anymore as you've been out there for days.  Ahead you see a waterfall and rush your plunge your face into it.  The cool water rushes over your tongue as your teacher calls your name.  “Henry?  Henry?”  Your name is Henry.  “Quit licking the blackboard, Henry.”  You awaken to find yourself erasing the day’s math problems on the blackboard with your tongue.  The chalk fills your mouth making it feel even drier than your recent dream.  That’s what the halftertaste of Green Fit Lime Coconut is like.  Chalky, bitter, and certainly nothing I’m going to continue drinking.  I've probably personally reviewed over 300 of the beverages on this site and that’s the worst taste I've EVER had in a beverage.  At least we got the words “Baverage” and “Halftertaste out of it.  Now, hopefully I’m going to wake up from this and find myself licking the blackboard.

“Wake up, Henry”

“My names not Henry”

~A