F&N Sarsi

“The Original Sarsi”.  That’s what I have in front of me today.  Technically it’s F&N Sarsi but I honestly don’t know if that makes a difference.  You see this can of Sarsi is from Singapore, brought to me by the MMAgician.  F&N Sarsi is manufactured and distributed by Coca-Cola Singapore Beverages Pte. Ltd.  I’m guessing it’s a fairy mainstream drink over there.  Maybe I’ll do a little more digging on Sarsi.  If you find these next few sentences <surrounded by alligators> informative at all that means I did in fact do some digging. <Sarsi, it’s just so fun to type, is a sarsaparilla based beverage sold in South East Asia.  Ok, we’re making some sense here… Sarsi/Sarsparilla… I see what they did there.  Fun fact!  According to Wikipedia, Sarsi was the subject of a 1985 film called It’s a Drink, It’s a Bomb, where a grenade was disguised as a can of Sarsi.> Sarsi seems to have a pretty short ingredient list.  Let’s read shall we?  Carbonated Water, Sugar, Flavourings, Caramel, Citric Acid and Preservative.  They seem to hide stuff a little better over in Singapore.  I know not if the “Flavourings” are naturally or chemically spawned.  I also don’t know what the “Preservative” is.  It could be formaldehyde or Sodium Benzoate.  Fingers crossed for formaldehyde!  Seeing as I don’t know what Sarsi should even begin to taste like (since I haven’t looked it up yet as of typing this) I’m interested to open up this stumpy maroon can.

One.   That was the most difficult opening of a can I’ve ever been a part of.  Two.  This smells like dreams.  Sarsi smells of root beer, Dr. Pepper, and peppermint, COMBINED!  While intrigued even more I’m now experiencing a bit of fear as well.  Ah well, who else can say that they’re drinking a Singapore soda today?  NOT YOU!  Unless of course you’re reading this in Singapore… in that case thanks for the readership you handsome/beautiful devil you.

Whoa… that tastes nothing like Dr. Pepper or peppermint.  Sarsi tastes of carbonated black licorice with a hint of root beer.  Mike (remember Mike?) says that birch beer tastes of licorice, while I thought it tasted so similarly to root beer that they wasted time re-naming it birch beer.  There were fights abound on the subject, one eventually coming to fisticuffs.  Sarsi on the other hand tastes like they soaked a handful of black licorice jellybeans in a diluted root beer concoction.  If you remember from the research above you will understand that half of my review isn’t that far off.  Sarsi is a sarsaparilla based soda so that explains the root beer.  I guess one of the “flavourings” could be licorice but we’ll never know.  Thanks Coke!  Thoke!  Sarsi’s carbonation to flavour ratio works very well for itself, but carbonation sits on the back burner when you have such an interesting flavour as we do here.  With that said Sarsi is in fact very different from anything I’ve tried up to this point.  While my joy of drinking it has increased throughout this review, I just can’t see myself purchasing a pack of Sarsi.  Therefore.

~A

Twist's blood is actually Sarsi, but not the kind you find in stores... the life granting kind.

Topo-Sabores Peach

Once upon a time there was a boy who wanted a soda.  Not just any soda mind you but a Topo-Sabores Peach soda to be precise.  You see a lion once told the boy that Topo-Sabores Peach soda was delicious but this lion wasn’t always to be trusted since he always seemed to regard Topo-Sabores products at the highest level.  One day a magical wizard named Abel gave the boy a bottle of the peach concoction under one condition… that he review it and put it up in the town square for all to see.  Of course the boy obliged and ran home with his bottle of Topo-Sabores Peach.  When he finally arrived at his home he gazed in wonder at the cool bottle in his hands.  Glancing over the contents of the bottle he noticed that this contained both cane sugar and some form of black magic called high fructose corn syrup.  Confused he decided he better not think about it too much or he might fall ill.    Quickly he broke the seal hoping to get a whiff of what majesty lay before him.

It was certainly peaches, or at least black magic made to taste like peaches, that populated the inside of this container.  While he hadn’t tasted this bubble nectar just yet his nose wouldn’t lie to him… would it?

Putting the lip of the bottle to his own he tilted it back to finally enjoy what the wizard had given him.  A broad smile crossed his face as the sweet peach soda raced across his tongue quickly being chased off by a horde of bubbles giving the soda a sharp contrasting after taste.  This wasn’t as smooth as he believed it would be, as this wasn’t the boys first peach soda, but he enjoyed it nonetheless.  Out of nowhere a dragon came lumbering along flicking its tongue moving closer and closer to the boy’s soda.  Panicking the boy ran off forgetting the Topo-Sabores behind him.  Looking over his shoulder he saw it was too late for him to save his soda… by the look on the dragon’s face it was to be consumed quickly.  The boy’s mood dropped as he remembered how much he enjoyed the peach flavoring, caused by black magic or not.  “Wait a minute,” the boy said allowed, “if a wizard made this for me shouldn’t it be the best soda I’ve ever had?  I mean he is a wizard and all.  This soda is enjoyable but a wizard should be able to create something out of this world.”  With that the boy walked into town square ready to post his review.  “Where is the soda the wizard gave you?  Wasn’t it most special?  Do you think he could make me one?” a passing peasant pondered.  “It was alright.”  The boy responded.  “Don’t bother asking him to make you one though.  You’re better off buying a bottle.”

Epilogue – As the years passed the boy grew and matured.  He made a lot of friends along the way and did some pretty amazing stuff.  That boy grew up to be Abraham Lincoln.

~A

To this day no one knows what happened to the dragon.  Some say he size was exaggerated, others say he still walks among us.  I guess we'll never know.

Barrilitos Tropical Punch

   I haven’t had a lot of tropical/fruit punch flavored sodas which is one reason I’m happy to have this bottle of Barrilitos Tropical Punch flavored soda in front of me.  Another more obvious reason is the fact that it is of course made with cane sugar since it’s from Mexico.  This is my first Barrilitos soda so I really have no idea what to expect.  Hopefully it’ll be close to an experience with a bottle of Jarritos than one of Caballitos.  I don’t really know what the logo is for Barrilitos but I do know that I like it.  It’s a green circle with a nifty design inside of it comprised of white ovals.  It looks very 1960’s space age if you ask me… which you did since you’re reading this.  Other than a nifty green logo and a textured neck this bottle of Barriltios is rather plain but that’s ok because it looks great with its simplistic design.  Time for a breather.

   I’d assume that tropical punch is a mixture of all sorts of flavors and smells but the one that I can smell the most easily is that of tangerine.  There’s an obvious mixture of fruit coming out of the bottle so this should be an interesting taste sensation.

   The flavor isn’t shy, I’ll tell you that much.  While I can’t discern a particular fruit from the taste I can tell you it seems to be a mixture of citrus and something of the plums/nectarines/peaches variety.  This is a very juicy soda… almost like you’re biting into a nicely ripened plum.  Your tongue immediately feels the punch that is listed on the label as soon as you take your first sip.  As long as the soda is in your mouth you are also aware of the carbonation.  It doesn’t so much attack your mouth as it makes its presence known.  Every holiday you have that one uncle that usually comes over and drinks way too much. (I don’t actually have this person in my family myself but stick with me here… pretend we’re a movie family and the analogy will work so much better.)  Anyway they usually drink way too much and make a huge scene.  Telling the kids inappropriate jokes for example.  Insulting the chair, apologizing to the chair, and eventually hugging the chair because he thinks it’s his father.  Putting lipstick on everything in the house that has lips… a mouth… or even just a face (clocks included).   You get the picture.  The carbonation isn’t that version of your movie uncle, the carbonation is that same uncle the year after he sobers up.  You keep your eyes trained on him waiting for him to make a scene but he doesn’t.  Throughout the night you can’t remove your gaze for the fear that you’ll be attacked with lipstick but still nothing happens.  Your uncle has made you very aware of himself but never making the scene he could be capable of making.  THAT is what the carbonation in this drink compares to.  You are very aware of it but not to the point where it’s apologizing to furniture.  With that said this is an above average drink but barely.  It has a nice flavor, a nice fizz, and decent ingredients… go on and treat yourself.

~A

Twist IS that drunk uncle.

Caballitos Mandarin

   “Little Horses”.  That’s what Caballitos translates into and that’s the name of the beverage I’m about to consume.  To be technical its mandarin flavored Caballitos.  If I was a more learned man I would know why Mexican sodas seem to popularly end in “itos”.  Jarritos, Barralitos, and now Caballitos.  Hopefully in the next 13.5 fluid ounces (that’s 400 ml for my metric friends) I’ll be a little closer to that answer but probably not.  Since this soda is Mexican I don’t even have to worry about finding HFCS on the ingredients label.  Nope!  Good old sugar is what sweetens this drink!  The bottle art for Caballitos seems to be a horse exploding from underneath a bottle cap.  The explosion caused by said horse apparently disrupted the Universe of Orange as orange pieces are flying hither and thither.  Let’s open ‘er up shall we?

   Huff as I might I only get the slightest of scents from the mouth of the bottle.  The mandarin scent is so very, very faint but we still must press on!  Drink up!

   This is the tamest orange soda I think I’ve had to date.  There is very little carbonation, very little bite, and the flavor is just so very average.  This tastes as if you took Sunkist Orange soda and added 3 parts water but then somehow took away the sensation of “watered down”.  Caballitos Mandarin doesn’t taste like watered down orange soda… it just weakly sits there.  The horse on the side art must be trying to leave the bottle as he is much too powerful of a mascot to be left upon such a mundane bottle of soda.  (Spoilers from The NeverEnding Story are coming up next, so beware Ralph ”The only guy who hasn’t seen The NeverEnding Story” Stevens.)  Sadly, much like Artax from the NeverEnding Story he must sit there and slowly meet his demise.  “Artax, you're sinking! Come on, turn around, you have to, now! Come on! Artax! Fight against the sadness, Artax.”  That scene hurt me so very much as a child.  I was very attached to Artax since we’d been through so much together in that movie.  Then as an adult I watched the movie again.  The horse dies like 10 minutes after you first meet him… TEN MINUTES!  They jarred my fragile child psyche with the death of a horse I met ten minutes ago!  On a higher note… wasn’t that luck dragon creepy/cool?  Where was I… oh yeah (Spoilers End).  Caballitos is very average orange, sorry, mandarin soda.  It doesn’t taste bad but it does absolutely nothing to set it apart from the pack… well except re-injure my childhood’s emotional scars.

~A

Twist was rooting for the Nothing the entire time... he's heartless like that.

SAPS Cola

   A nice man from the website DizzyFrinks.com (see what he did there) contacted me and made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.  If I was more into the Godfather I’d make a better joke here.  I went and checked out DizzyFrinks.com and really liked what I saw.  Great design, nice layout… heck if I had any kind of experience in web design it’s pretty much what our site would look like.  I noticed he had a good selection of German beverages and I was curious to try one.  After carefully looking over them all I eventually became the proud owner of a bottle of SAPS Cola.  So I must thank the fine folks at DizzyFrinks.com for opening my eyes to a beverage I probably wouldn’t have even thought of procuring.   Now that you’ve passed over three, count them, three hyperlinks to said website hopefully you’ll visit after you’re done reading this review. 

   Being from Germany, SAPS Cola’s bottle is filled with fun German words and phrases.  “Koffeinfrei” is the first one I notice and my rudimentary understanding of German deciphers that it means “Caffeine Free”.  Next up is the sentence “Mit Biohonig Gesuesst”.  Again my 3 years of high school German crack this coded sentence to mean “With Biohoney Gesuesst.”  Ok… so maybe I need to look this one up.  Ah, here we go… “Sweetened with Organic Honey”.  Thanks so much Google Translate.  The bottle design is kind of fun with a short stocky body attached to a long slender neck.  Sadly the label itself is fairly boring with the exception being a cartoon bee resting upon the “a” in the word “Cola”.  I looked up a little information on SAPS Cola and found out that it’s 100% natural, has won some awards, and has no preservatives.  All of these things normally point towards a great drink.  Let’s sniff it out a little more before we put a blue ribbon on the hog.  (Honestly I just wanted to write a made up country saying there.  I think I did pretty well.)

   Wow.  I never thought I’d be able to smell the honey so strongly upon opening this bottle.  If this review continues to go this well maybe more beverages should use Biohonig.  I literally only smell cola and honey and now I’m even more intrigued.  Shall I drink it now?  Yes I shall.

   That tastes nothing like I thought it would, which is a nice surprise.  I didn’t expect it to be gross or anything but the cola flavoring is much more muted than I predicted.  The initial flavor is a bit off putting but very familiar to me.  Well I guess it’s not completely familiar because I can’t pin point where I’ve tasted it before.  I know I’ve had at least one other soda that included this mystery flavor.  I’m starting to think that this is similar to the first half of a sip of Moxie.  As we all know the second half of Moxie tastes like carbonated tires.  Sadly I can’t claim that humorous description of Moxie but it was placed on the site and I enjoyed it to the point of adopting it.  I know they’re trying to get the cola taste through all natural means but the honey is the winning combatant in this battle.  I think that the flavor is one that most American palates would find unique and maybe a bit off putting at first but I must say the more I drink it the better it tastes.  It’s almost like the honey has a mind of its own and it slowing taking over my mouth.  Not to the point where a swarm of bees has claimed residence in my throat awkwardly flying out one by one to the confusion of everyone around me.  That would almost be worth it though.  I would randomly produce a bee from my mouth only to watch everyone in the room freak out until the bee landed safely back on my tongue only to go back home behind my molars.  One can dream can’t they?  One…can…dream.  Anywho, back to the beverage at hand.  The level of carbonation is low but that can be attributed to the fact that SAPS Cola is sweetened with honey.  Carbon Dioxide doesn’t bond as well with honey (or other natural but alternative sweeteners) as it does with sugar.  This in turn leads to a perfectly new soda tasting “flat”.  I wish I could say I knew that because of my immense chemistry background but in actuality I was told this by a soda manufacturer.  I used to be bothered by this flat taste when I started reviewing but I’ve come to appreciate the mouth feel of these drinks now.  They don’t attack your mouth and throat as much allowing you to focus on the beverage at hand instead of reacting to the initial buzz (haha, get it, buzz?) of the carbonation.  With all that said it’s time to put down a verdict.  I can honestly say that the ingredient list bumps this cola up a notch.  Would this by my drink of choice if I lived in Germany?  No, probably not.  Do I recommend you purchase this from overseas?  Nope.  If you live in Germany already but haven’t had the chance to try this should you?  Yes.  In fact…

Twist ist durstig

Jarritos Mexican Cola

   Jarritos does such a great job making sodas that we’ve reviewed every one of them so far… except Strawberry.  Our bottle of strawberry was lost to some goblins in a fan’s house.  One day… one day.  Any who, imagine my joy when a fan of ours, “AX2”, brought me a bottle of Jarritos Mexican Cola.  I wasn’t even aware Jarritos sold a cola in the United States so I had to research.  What I found was that Jarritos Mexican Cola had run an ad campaign with the sentence “It Crossed!” as the slogan.  I can only assume that this means it has only recently found a home here across the border.  Doesn’t matter though because I’m raring to try it! 

   After tracking down my bottle opener  for this twist proof cap I am welcomed by a robust soda aroma wafting from the lip of the bottle.  It’s a stronger cola smell than Coke produces so hopefully we’re looking at a strong contender in the best cola category.  Time for some drinkin’.

   Very nice!  Just the right amount of carbonation and a great cola taste.  It’s not as strong or acidic feeling on the throat as Coke is but Jarritos Mexican Cola definitely gets the point across.  There’s something a little different with the cola flavor in this soda than in others and I can’t quite put my finger on it.  It’s almost as if they put more syrup in it than you would think they would be able to.  This doesn’t weigh down the beverage, in fact it’s almost like they made the cola flavor more efficient.  I could find a mathematical formula to represent this but that would be boring and very inaccurate.  Oh heck here’s  one anyway:

   It’s almost as if they condensed the cola flavoring so that you get more than you would think per sip.  Like I said… I can’t put my finger on it.  Cinnamon maybe?  I dunno.  The big question is, “Is it better than Coke/Pepsi/RC?”  The answer is yes.  Jarritos of course uses sugar so that already gives it a leg up on the competition.  With that said, and sugar aside, the flavor/mouth feel from Jarritos Mexican Cola is better than that of the big boys.  I would choose this every time over “Red” or “Blue”.  If you can get some Jarritos Mexican Cola in your area do so, in fact…

~A

Twist needs a Mexican brother named Disparar for cases like this

Colombiana

   Dan W. gave me this very exotically named drink that I will be reviewing today.  The name of the beverage at hand today is Colombiana, so I could be taking a trip to Mexico, Brazil, Chile, or so many other fanciful places.  Let’s see what the side of the can says.  Looks like that it was bottled by the find folks at Brooklyn Bottling of Milton, NY.  Oh, how very exotic!  This is defined on the can as a Kola Flavored Soda… which I can only assume is flavored like kola champagne (similar to cream soda).  The can is brightly colored with everyone’s favorite primary colors.  Accompanying the name of the soda are two phrases in Spanish.  “La que tomamos en casa”, which according to Google roughly translates into “The one you take home.”   The other phrase is “la nuestra”, which again according to Google translates into “ours”.   Sadly the ingredients aren’t nearly as interesting.  They are just a collection of chemicals that make up this sugary drink.  Alright, it’s time to stop reading… me, not you.  I’m going to stop reading the can while you continue to read this review. 

   Yup, this smells like Big Red/Cream Soda/Kola Champagne.  If Colombiana has half the following that Inca Kola does then I’m probably in for a barrage (2 people) of criticism.  Let’s take a sip shall we?

   While you might think of cream soda when you first try this, if you study it for just a moment you’ll find you’re just enough off base to be called out.  The flavor starts off like a lighter version of Big Red with the slightest of hints of tea.  The fizz Colombiana hits you with has more of a punch than a cream soda, and that sets it apart from your basic Kola Champagne.  What you’re left with after drinking this is a lighter version of the flavor you started with.  To put that into a more comprehendible sentence:  The aftertaste is true to the taste.  To be honest I liked this more than your typical kola champagne but it still tastes like your basic sugary drink to me.  There is nothing that truly sets Colombiana apart from the soda herd.  So, if you see a red, yellow, and blue can that catches your eye, then give it a go.  If not, then don’t go crazy looking for it.

~A

The eagle and Twist had a staring contest.  Do you need to even ask who won?

Jarritos Toronja

   Again we dip from the Jarritos well of flavors, this time pulling out Toronja (which is Spanish for grapefruit).  Now early on in my soda reviewing timeline I thought I didn’t like grapefruit soda thanks to childhood memories I had of Fresca.  Thankfully the fine folks at Oogave made a delicious grapefruit soda that removed any thought in my brain that grapefruit couldn’t be good.  I don’t know if grapefruit is a newer flavor with Jarritos but the bottle art on the side seems much more modern and eye catching than their normal bottle art.  I like it!  Enough of the jibbering and the jabbering… let’s open this up.

   As you might think upon smelling this beverage you get the scent of citrus… a centrus if you will.  Grapefruit isn’t really known for its powerful aroma so I’m not too worried about the light amount of centrus.  We could huff this all day and not really find anything else out, so let’s try drinking it instead.

   These are literally the first words that popped in my head after the first drink:  Sprite. No, not Sprite.  Grapefruit.  Nice. Fizzy.    Now I normally have more complicated thoughts than that, but for some reason my brain decided to simplify the review process.  Just think, you now have an insider’s look into what this article is being built around.  I guess I could break down the words for you so that it doesn’t seem like I have no ability to elaborate.  “Sprite,” means just that.  My initial reaction was “wow this tastes a lot like Sprite when you first drink it.  “No, not Sprite,” was my brain pulling back the first thought and telling me “wait… this isn’t what you thought it was.”  “Grapefruit,” is obviously what I began to taste as this point in the consumption.  “Nice,” was how pleasant the grapefruit flavor was to my palette.  “Fizzy,” was the barrage of bubble I received on my tongue after I had completed the first sip.  Now all of that happened in about 3 seconds time, so if you feel like doing the math to figure out how long each thought lasted more power to you.  Jarritos Toronja is a very light beverage which allows it to be refreshing as well as tasty.  You could make a friend easily by giving this to someone who’s working outside, sweating, and looking generally miserable.  With that said you’d need more than one so that you could enjoy it as well.

~A

Note: This soda was given to us by Jarritos.

Twist was triple dog dared to lick this ice cold bottle.

Jarritos Fruit Punch

   Who doesn’t like fruit punch?  Raise your hand.  Ok… the three of you in the world that don’t enjoy some aspect of fruit punch may leave.  The rest of you get to watch The Muppet Movie!  Sadly no, I tricked you.  The rest of you get to now read my review of Jarritos Fruit Punch!  I expect great things from this soda as Jarritos really hasn’t let me down yet, and the fruit punch “flavor” has a very liberal taste definition amongst other drinks.  My initial gaze at the bottle immediately notices its healthy red color which pops (HA!) nicely to the eye.  Enough chatter, let’s get started.

   The initial scent reminded me of what I might smell if I was eating a fruit punch sno-cone.  It’s definitely a sweet smell but not overly sweet if my nose is indeed telling the truth.  I really thought the scent would be a bit more powerful but I really have to inhale at the lip of the bottle to really get any scent at all.  You’re never going to accidentally smell this.  Ok, on to the fun part.

   The first thing my mouth feels when I take a swig is a barrage of tiny carbonation bubbles, so much that the initial flavor is masked by them.  They quickly give way to what I can best describe as a strawberry/cherry/slight citrusy flavor.  Honestly, I can’t identify every fruit in this particular fruit punch.  It’s sweet but as I assumed by its smell not overly so.  You could drink this with a meal and not be worried about spoiling dessert.  As quickly as the flavor hits your tongue it begins to leave.  Sure there are remnants of it left within the walls of your mouth but the real memory comes from the bubbly burning sensation left on your tongue.  It’s like world history in your mouth.  Your tongue is a new country and the carbonation bubbles show up to live there.  They’re happy, they’re cool, and they have families, and carbo-dogs and such.  Meanwhile the fruit punch flavoring is getting a big jealous so it decides to show up and crush the carbonation with delicious flavors.  Being frail, the bubbles succumb to this attack and vanish for the time being.  Happy in its victory, the flavor continues on into your body looking for other things to conquer.  Little does the flavor know that it’s all downhill from here.  Meanwhile, a few bubbles have survived the onslaught and begin to rebuild on your tongue.  “What an enjoyable sensation!” you say.  Your words cause tremendous earthquakes amongst the bubble population causing mass hysteria, and eventually the bubbles are no more.  After both the bubbles and flavor have left your mouth the indigenous taste buds come out and cheer… for they are the true victors in this story. 

~A

Note: This soda was given to us by Jarritos.

Twist's favorite Muppet is Rowlf.

Jarritos Lime Soda

   Please be good.  Please, please, please be the best lime soda I’ve ever had.  Oh!  Hi there, Aaron here from TheSodaJerks.net.  Perhaps you saw me begging and pleading with this bottle of Jarritos Lime Soda to be of excellent quality and taste.  If so, I’m very sorry to have embarrassed you like that.  If not… well then you don’t read our reviews very carefully do you?  As you may know I have a dream of finding a great lime soda but that dream has not been realized yet.  Hopefully today Jarritos will show me that my dream is not of the “pipe” variety.  Let’s open this up and see where it takes us. 

   Upon smelling the opening of the bottle I notice a very slight lime scent.  This of course is somewhat promising, but how much of that promise will translate into a delicious lime taste?  There’s only one way to answer that question… drink the soda.  I guess we could have someone else drink it, and then allow them to review the soda for us but that wouldn’t be much fun would it?  Here goes.

   I’m… I’m liking this.  Fortunately this is not one of those lime sodas where it just tastes like you’re drinking off brand 7-Up.  While I wouldn’t compare it to cutting open a lime and sucking out the sour goodness, I also wouldn’t compare this to lime flavored candy either.  The flavor I’m experiencing here is in the middle of those two places, not too sour, not too candy sweet, in fact it’s very pleasant.  Jarritos Lime Soda starts off without a lot of bite but as its incredible journey through the mouth continues the carbonation seems to attack your throat with a barrage of tiny bubbles. 

   The aftertaste that is left is slight, but delightfully sweet.  This is also a very refreshing beverage with a somewhat light mouth feel, one I would enjoy on a hot day.  That must sound kind of silly.  “What kind of soda wouldn’t be good on a hot day, YOU FOOL?!”  First off… cool it.  Secondly, there are several beverages that might sit heavily in your stomach.  For example strawberry soda is one you might not want to chug after playing cartoon freeze tag with all your friends.  Well all your friends except Tyler since he’s a jerk and all.  I can’t believe he borrowed Super Dodge Ball from you and when you finally got it back it wouldn’t work.  You tried to play it but you just kept getting the title screen and some weird jumbled version of the title screen flashing back and forth while the first second of the title music repeats over and over again.  What kind of friend ruins your favorite Nintendo game?  No friend of mine.  Getting back on track though, you could chug that strawberry soda but be prepared to watch all your friends recall in horror as you seem to lose more blood than humanly possible through your mouth.  What a delightful mental picture that is! 

   Back to this, now empty, bottle of Jarritos Lime Soda.  While I will not say that my dream has been fulfilled, Jarritos Lime Soda is the best lime flavored soda I’ve had to date.  With that said my rating may hold a bit of a bias.  I have just had the best lime soda I’ve ever tasted, and lime soda might not be all that important to you.  With that said, know that this is a definite buy but that my rating is as follows.

~A

(Note:  This beverage was provided to us by Jarritos.)

Faux Fact:  Twist is lime flavored.

Jarritos Mango

   Continuing the Jarritos reviews, we now have Jarritos Mango to experience.  When I think of this exquisite fruit all that floods my mind are these scholarly words.  "Can you know the mighty ocean?  Can you lasso a star from the sky?  Can you say to a rainbow... 'Hey, stop being a rainbow for a second'?  No!  Such is Mango!"  While I’m not sure if the intellectual that spoke those words is absolutely right with their description of mango, it does indeed have a very unique flavor.  I’m excited; you’re excited, let’s drink.

   What a great aroma this Jarritos Mango produces.  Since I somewhat know what I’m to expect here, this exceeds what I did expect.  It’s a very rich and robust mango scent that emits from the top of the bottle.  Enough of the chit chat; let us partake in my first mango soda.

   CURSE YOU NOSE!  My nose always seems to be the hype engine when it comes to soda.  Recently the smell seems to be stronger than the taste in the sodas I’ve reviewed.  With that said, this is still a very nice soda.  You definitely get a punch of mango to the back of the throat almost instantly.  The mango flavor is easily identified, and the aftertaste is delightful as well.  This has more of a soda mouth feel than what I thought it would, strong, tart, and to the point.  To improve this though I think I would make it a little bit creamier of a soda.  I want less punch to the throat and more ‘sitting on a beach’ relaxation.   Mango soda should be smooth in my opinion, and a bit more flavorful than what Jarritos has done here.  This, of course, is my opinion.  If you’re a fan of the mango, or even if you’re not, you should still try this soda.

~A

(Note:  This beverage was provided to us by Jarritos.)

Twist, sadly, is allergic to Mangoes

Postobon Manzana

   If Pepto-Bismol was a soda it would look like this.  Dan “The Fan” W gave us this very pink can of Postobon, which is apparently an apple flavored soda.  Looking at the label shows that Postobon is a myriad of chemicals.  With that said, I do like apple flavored soda and I am one of the few people that likes Pepto-Bismol… so color me ready to drink.  While I’m not sure what color “ready” is, I’m pretty sure in this case it’s pink.

  This has no smell.  Wait, wait, I can faintly smell apples and now the odor is getting stronger.  It was like the apple smell was Nessie keeping her head underwater until she thought it was safe to come up, avoiding the stares of tourists.  Now as she emerges the apple smell gets stronger and stronger.   That would be so very awesome if the Loch Ness Monster smelled of apples.  Since I’ve now somehow tied another thing I like into this beverage I’d say it’s time to drink.

  That, my friends, is no apple soda.  This is some kind of cotton candy/apple hybrid.  Have you ever had apple cotton candy?  Of course you haven’t.  The only time you get the flavor of cotton candy and apples together is after a long day at the state fair… after one too many rides on the Zipper.  I did it again.  I incorporated my favorite carnival ride into this review.  I don’t really want to drink this anymore, it’s so sickly sweet.  It’s not so gross that I think no one will like it, I’m sure there will be people out there who disagree with me whole heartedly.  What I’m saying is that I’m done with Postobon and for some reason I have Bonnie Pink’s song Cotton Candy stuck in my head.

~A

Twist used to operate the Gravitron

Inca Kola

   Inca Kola.  “The Golden Kola” aka “The Golden Carbonated Beverage” aka Inca Kola, sits in front of me in a golden can, wrapped in aluminum… wrapped in a mystery.  This can seems to be full of chemicals, which is something I’m pretty sure the Incan’s didn’t use a lot of in their original kola… if in fact they did make kola.  The drink buy date is in 2011, almost as if they doubt you’ll be around in 2012 to drink it… eerie, but not really.  The unknown must become known, let us open this golden can.

   I assumed it would smell like a cola… ahem sorry… kola, but it doesn’t.  Inca Kola smells of cream soda and bubble gum.  The “Golden Kola” has the aroma of “The Red Wonder”… Big Red.  Not being a huge fan of Big Red, it’s not looking good for Inca Kola.  Time to drink.

   Good news, everybody!  It doesn’t taste like Big Red.  The bubble gum you smell translates into the taste of the beverage, except it also includes a hint of ginger.  “Does Inca Kola have ginger in it?” you ask.  No.  No it does not.  In fact this tastes like a generic mystery beverage.  It’s a hodge-podge of chemicals made to be a sugary drink with nothing that sets it apart from the pack.  Get it?  The pack.  A six pack of soda.  Eh? Eh?  Awwww, you don’t get it!  If you see Inca Kola though…

~A

Back home, Twist is known at the Golden Iguana... I asked him why but he said it was embarrassing.

Topo Chico Lime

   I’m a bit late posting this, but today’s drink is actually last Friday’s drink.  Last Friday’s drink was Topo Chico Lime Flavor.  If you happened to listen to the Popcast from last Friday, and you’re missing some good stuff if you didn’t, you already know how this review ends up.  Actually I’m going to break format today and turn this into a rant.  First off, let’s get the review portion of this out of the way…

   Topo Chico Lime Flavor has somewhat of a lime smell, but it’s really only to taunt you.  After consuming this you’ll immediately learn that it is basically seltzer water with the hintiest hints of lime.  That’s it, review over, check the end for the rating.  Sorry if that wasn’t all your dreams lead you to believe it would be, but I’m tired.

   Tired you say?  Yes, I’m tired of the lack of good lime flavored beverages.  I’m not talking Key Lime, or Cherry Limeade, or that made up “Lymon” nonsense… I’m talking LIME.  You know lime; he’s lemon’s overlooked, but equally awesome brother.  Lime is one of my favorite flavors, but soda companies seem to mute it, over sweeten it, or pair it with another flavor when they make a soda out of it.  I want to find an AWESOME lime soda.  I want to find a lime soda that hits you in the mouth with how tart it is, then rocks you back to sleep with some sweetness.  It should be refreshing on a hot day, and have a light mouth/stomach feel to it.  While I’m making demands, it should also use cane sugar for sweetener.  Actual limes should be used in the beverage itself, and you should be able to taste them.  Topo Chico uses lime essential oils in this “lime flavored” beverage.  I’m pretty sure they aren’t all that “essential” to the limes that are missing them, because they hold none of the flavor.  So this is my challenge to you soda manufacturers, jerks, and jerkettes… find me a good lime flavored soda.  By finding one you will be helping me see that our friend the lime isn’t being overlooked.  For smurfs sake they make passion flower flavored soda!  Now make me some lime soda; you’ll be improving the lives of so many if you do.  Oh yeah, one more thing…

~A

Twist the Iguana has more lime flavor than this

Sjampie

   I asked a friend of mine who lives in the Netherlands to suggest a drink for me to review.  His response was the Dutch beverage Sjampie.  Fortunately he’s the kind of guy that will pick me up an extra bottle, and then take the effort to get it to me.  Thanks K!  Enough chatter, time to review me some Sjampie.

   Before I go any further I feel obligated to give you the correct pronunciation of Sjampie.  It’s pronounced  Shahmp-ee.  That’s not exactly how I would say it, mostly because Sh-jamp-ee is so much more fun to say.  Moving along.  The bottle art is quite plain; it has a few yellow/green bubbles adoring the top and bottom of the beverage, but nothing all that elaborate.  The name of the beverage, Sjampie, sits on the neck of the bottle, while Corvo (which I can only assume the manufacturer) rests on the base.  In-between the two brands read the words “Limonadegazeuse Sjampie”.  This, from my best guess, is the flavor I’m about to consume.  While I associate Limon with lemon/lime, the color of the soda is brown… which leaves me a bit perplexed. 

   Silly me, I tried to twist off a foreign cap forgetting they usually need a bottle opener, time to get my flip-flops. (My mom purchased me some flip-flops with a bottle opener on the bottom… she’s the best)  Wow… upon opening it I get the smell of egg-nog cola, with maybe with a just a hint of chocolate.  I know there is no possible way for that to be the flavor, but needless to say my curiosity keeps going up the longer I hold this bottle in my possession.  Let’s Drink.

   It has the essence of a cola, the bite, the color… but it also seems to have a citrus flavor hiding within.  This is remarkably hard to attach a flavor to it.  It’s almost like a lemon cola with something else going on inside of it.  There is very light carbonation, but that seems to work with Sjampie.  In fact the smell, taste, and light carbonation of Sjampie make it seem like a drink that would normally house alcohol.  The flavor is not overpowering, in fact it’s quite mellow; almost like a flat, slightly watered down RC cola with a handful of lemons dropped inside of it.  I will say that it leaves a film on my teeth, much like drinking a warm Coke would.  Ok… the word “Limonadegazeuse” on the side of the bottle is mocking me… therefore I must look up what it means.  **Time Passes** Oddly enough as one word I couldn’t find a translation, but when I separate them into “Limon” and “Gazeuse” I get Lemonade – Soda Water.  This is a very rough Dutch translation of course, but I’m happy that I was able to at least guess the flavor. 

Twist is 1/128th Dutch

Jarritos Tamarindo

  The other day a reader came up to us, handed us a bottle of Jarritos Tamarindo, and said “This will be the worst drink you’ve ever reviewed.”  I was immediately skeptical.  “What does it taste like?” I responded.  “I have no idea.” He replied.  Thus I no longer believed that it would be the worst drink we tried to date.  I mean we reviewed liquefied Tofurky & Gravy not two weeks prior.  So I asked around to see what people thought of the Tamarindo flavor.  Since it’s a popular drink in Mexico I asked those with a higher level of experience with Mexican cuisine.  The reaction was very mixed, from “tastes like grape soda” to “I hate it.”  The survey just goes to show you that you should just try it yourself, which of course we did on the Popcast: Episode 2.  (Now available on iTunes, and the Zune Marketplace)  Here for your perusal, is the written review of Jarritos Tamarindo. 

  The bottle has your standard Jarritos clay pots adorning the label, and the beverage inside is a cider brown.  Upon opening the Jarritos Tamarindo I get a whiff of lemon tea.  How great would it be if this was a carbonated sweet lemon tea?  Let’s drink, shall we?

  Immediately it tastes like carbonated lemon tea, seems that I’m a soothsayer.  There are few other words I can use to describe it, as this hits it right on the nose.  Swishing it around just accentuates the tea flavor a little bit over the lemon.  The drink starts out with the mouth feel of an average soda, and then kicks it up a bit with the sharpness that follows.  I’d attribute this to the tang of the lemon, but the intensity comes from all sides.  The flavor stays with you a little while after you finish your current drink as well.  Luckily the aftertaste is a very close replication of the initial taste, so no problem there.  Overall this is a good drink.  I’m not sure I’d buy it all the time in the store, but it’s a solid drink.  If you like sweet lemon tea, then Jarritos Tamarind should be right up your alley.

Twist consumed a bit before the picture was taken... crazy iguana.

Sexy Italia - Energy Drink Plus

   Feeling a bit sleepy a little before 9:00 pm made me feel old, so I decided to crack open an energy drink that’d been in my fridge for a while… Sexy Italia.

   I picked up this can at a favorite stomping of TheSodaJerks, honestly when it looks like two genies are about to procreate on the label how you could you pass it up.  Something just now caught my eye though, it’s labeled as an energy drink… plus.  After looking up the limited information I can find on this beverage I learn that I’m about to drink an aphrodisiac.  It’s amazing there aren’t more Italians with this Energy Drink + Aphrodisiac on the market.  The label clearly tells me, in both English and Italian, that my energy is coming from Vitamin’s B6, B12, and some Niacin.  I have no doubt that this will help me stay awake for a short while, but I have my doubts on the aphrodisiac; regardless of the fact that in tiny official print the can tells me that it holds a  “High level of energy and stimulating components.”  I really wish I could go into all the amusing words listed on this can, but I’m positive I’d be giving this energy drink + more than it deserved in a review.  I’ll tell you at the end of the review if either the energy portion or the aphrodisiac portion of the drink works.  Don’t worry Mom, it won’t be weird.  Let’s just drink this thing.

    I open the can and I immediately smell the laundry list of ingredients that I’m about to ingest.  Upon first drink though I can’t say that I hate it, but I couldn’t tell you what I taste right now either.   Sexy Italia is hardly a descriptive term in the flavor world; unless you take it literally… then it’s gross.  I will tell you that the aftertaste is way better than the actual taste of the drink, which is an interesting change.  This is kind of how I would think flavored lighter fluid would taste, although I just found online that the flavors are “roses and pomegranate.”  I’m not exactly sure that rose is considered a flavor, but we’ve reviewed a lavender flavored beverage before so I guess anything goes.  Orange!  I think I taste some sort of orange here in the after taste, or maybe I’m just hoping for orange.  There was some citric acid listed amongst the dictionary of words on the side of this can, so maybe that’s what I taste.  Whew, just burped… tastes like the aftertaste.  Ok, now it’s time for me to just sit back and see if I feel any of the effects.

*time passes*

   Energy… all I got from this drink was energy; not even energy really, I’m just more awake now.  It has served its purpose well; I will no longer fall asleep like an old person at 9:30 pm.  Now I can stay up with all the others in Generation Y and watch the 10:00 news!  WOOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!!  The aphrodisiac portion of this beverage either has no effect on me, or is non-existent.  Just thought I’d through that in there to qualm any fears that I’d turned into a pro-creating genie… much like the ones on the can. 

Twist the Iguana wanted no part of this

Fress Kolita

   It’s been a while since we’ve had something with an international flavor.Today we bring to you Fress Kolita... a Venezuelan cola.This was given to us by a co-worker, so I don’t exactly know what I’m getting into.I do know that the can is very fun looking, and has the phrase “Explosion de Sabor” around the top of it.Since I took German in high school I can only guess the first two words of this phrase:“Explosion of...”Let me see if I can decipher anymore after visiting their website.

   Ok, that’s an insanely fun website song.Go listen to this website right now, it’ll cheer you up... then come back and read the review.  By the way... it means Explosion of Flavor.

   Their chemical list isn’t too bad, little bit of carbonated water, citric acid, some artificial colors, and flavors, and sweetened with sugar.It does have the preservative Sodium Benzoate in it... which I’m learning to dislike more, and more as I talk to some of the soda manufacturers.Let’s just get to drinkin’.After cracking open the can, I can smell something very similar to Big Red.Now, I’m not the biggest fan of Big Red (except for its name), so I’m a bit wary of what’s to come.

   This tastes alright; I can tell you that much right off the bat.While it does have a bit of a Big Red taste, it’s smoother than America’s #1 Red Soda (their words not mine).Fress Kolita also holds the flavor of a red cream soda.It’s a little bit like cotton candy in a can, as you notice the sugar right away.The carbonation doesn’t really knock you back either, but it seems to cover a large surface area of your tongue.While this is a tasty beverage, it’s nothing to write home about... what a boring letter that would be.Wait... that’s pretty much what this website is founded on.Ignore that last sentence.

Twist is unavailable at the moment... but he can still look on from within the digital world.

Guarana Antarctica

I really don't know what Guarana Antarctica is going to taste like... but it sounds really refreshing. The nice lady that rang this up for me gave it rave reviews, "like a sweet ginger ale" she said. It comes in a green swirly can, and under the name of the drink it reads, "The Brazilian Orginal." I can only assume this is good at the moment, so let us open it up and find out for reals.

Well it is refreshing... and she's right (sort of). The closest thing I've had in flavor to this is Vernor's Ginger Soda. This is made with chemicals, but also has guarana in it. The last sentence should be a bit obvious due to the fact that Guarana is the name of the soda. It's less fizzy than ginger ale, and a little more sweet. The crisp flavor, which hints slightly of apple, is also nice. For some reason when it's in my mouth though, the inside of my lips stick to my teeth; that's a little odd. I don't think this is all that good for the enamel. While I enjoy the flavor, the adverse effects it's having on my teeth is offsetting.

~A

Goya Coconut Soda

Time to take a trip to Mexico, and try out an unusual Goya flavored drink. Stepping up to be reviewed is Coconut Soda... let's give it a try.

The first thing I can tell you is that the flavor is very, very light. If you thought you'd be over powered with coconut, you'd be way off base. I actually have to pause for a moment to make sure I even tasted anything. I'm on my fourth gulp and it's only in the aftertaste that I'm even beginning to taste this. It does taste like coconut, but I think even those that hated coconut would be fine with this beverage. The ingredients do not impress me either: Carbonated Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Artificial Flavors, and Citric Acid. Are those not the most boring flavors ever? I can say that it is kind of refreshing, but I'd still like some flavor with my refreshment.

The bottom of this beverage begins to taste a little sickly sweet. I'm not sure if the very light flavor has slowly built up in my mouth, or if it's just the bottom of the bottle. Every time I burp I keep expecting some sort of remnant of what I just drank, but no such luck. I would normally write more, but this has no taste, and I can't keep saying that even though I have.

~A