Chocolate-Covered Maple Smoked Bacon Soda

I’m looking at the title of this article and sighing.  Chocolate-Covered Maple Smoked Bacon Soda will henceforth be known as Choc-Bacon Soda.  Now I’ve had bacon soda and I’ve had chocolate soda, but if my records are correct I’ve never had the c-c-c-combo.  Part of me thinks that this is trying a bit too hard to be “fun”.  On the flip side, another part of me is saying “that’s what soda is all about, fun!”  The fact that it’s specifically “Maple Smoked” makes me happy.  They could have made chocolate bacon flavored soda and called it a day, but they did not.  This is specifically flavored to taste like it was smoked with maple.  A quick look at the ingredients tells me that the flavor created is purely by chemicals, with the sweetening agent being cane sugar.  Oh wait… there’s also salt listed.  Goody.

Putting my nose to the mouth of the bottle I’m happy to experience a mostly chocolate aroma.  There is hardly a scent of bacon to be found.  In fact if I were to take a blind scent test I would believe chocolate was running solo with this delicious smell.

Twist abhors chocolate covered anything

Well I’m happy to say that the taste mirrors the aroma.  It seems the makers of Choc-Bacon Soda knew they might have more repeat buyers if the soda inside was tasty and not just “wacky”.  The immediate taste is that of chocolate syrup mixed with cola.  A sensation you must try if you haven’t already.  Next in line to the ride known as my taste buds is the maple.  Maple merely whispers to my taste buds, adding more of a syrup taste that I feel on the back end of each sip.  Next up would naturally be the bacon, but I honestly can’t taste it.  Perhaps the bacon flavor is breaking up what would be an overload of sugar given off by the chocolate and maple.  Maybe that’s the function, to make this beverage palatable.

The carbonation levels are excellent with enough fizz to make each sip seem lively.  So there you have it, this is a pretty tasty concoction, but I’m put at an odd place.  Do I rank this highly because it tastes good or do I knock off points because the label tells me I’d be tasting a Choc-Bacon Soda.  I’m thrilled to find another delicious soda on the market, but I do not taste the premier flavor on the label.  In this case I feel it still deserves a good ranking, but not what its potential could have driven it to.  What’s interesting is that if the bacon flavor were more powerful I’d probably rank this on the sad end of our scale.  Curious soda, this Choc-Bacon Soda.

~A

Empire Bottling Works Spruce Beer

Spruce Beer, would you try it?  I’m about to, but I’m quite uncertain what it will taste like.  Empire Bottling Works makes this particular Spruce Beer although I’ve never seen another on the market.  A look at the ingredients isn’t much help either.  Carbonated natural artesian spring water (really?), 100% cane sugar, extract flavor, citric acid, and sodium benzoate (yum yum) are what make up Spruce Beer.  You know what might have been helpful?  They could make the listing of “extract flavor” more than just a legal requirement if they told us exactly what it was an extract of.  Personally, I hope the extract is spruce.  I hope I’m about to enjoy a tree soda.

The stains on the label are sadly not part of the art.  In shipping a root beer was lost to the pressures of claustrophobia. 

This smells like tree soda, manly candles, and Vicks VapoRub.  I don’t want to drink it.  My hesitation is due to the fact that I never want to stop smelling it.  Granted I could just grab some Vicks out of my medicine cabinet, but it wouldn’t be the same.  Sigh… no use in stalling.  Time to try this truly uniquely scented soda.

As putrid as this tastes I’m laughing.  All of those aromas listed in the previous paragraph… this is liquid THAT.  Each sip is like a loved one rubbing Vicks VapoRub on my chest then on my tongue.  If you’re unfamiliar with Vicks (which needs to be remedied if true) then just replace every instance of Vicks with PineSol… minus the lemon scent.  The initial taste of Empire Bottling Works isn’t that bad, but it rapidly falls into a “Do Not Buy” spiral of taste. 

I don’t want any more of this.  It’s like this soda answered some unasked question of what would tree soda taste like.  Some pinesap, needles, and carbonated water would do in a pinch to replicate the sensation.  As unusual as this is I can’t suggest you try it.  I’m happy Spruce Beer exists in the world I live in because it truly shows innovention, but dear me it is terrible.

~A

Pure Sodaworks Hibiscus Lemon

I’ve never been one to drink flowers.  This is why I’ve saved the Pure Sodaworks Hibiscus Lemon for last.  Honestly I’m afraid I’ll hate.  Let’s see if I can guess what’s in it before I look at the ingredients.

The Soda Jerk’s Guess:  Sparkling Water, Pure Cane Sugar, Hibiscus, Lemon Juice.

Actual Ingredients:  Sparkling Water, Pure Cane Sugar, Hibiscus Flowers, Lemon Peel.

I feel I did pretty well, but I’m surprised to see this only contains lemon peel.  Perhaps the hibiscus flavor that I am so very unsure of will finally win me over in this form.  The soda is a pleasant rose color and WOW there is a bonkers amount of sediment in this bottle.  Ah well, when in Houston.

This smells not unlike a fruity tea with a squeeze of lemon.  With a deep inhalation I also get a flowery scent that while pleasant to the nose worries the mouth.  A little worry never did me any favors, so I feel it’s time to drink.

Now if it were dandelion lime...

It’s like I’m drinking an all-natural ginger ale while walking through a rose garden.  The sweet aroma coming from the pedals mixes with the flavors within my mouth.  A second sip reveals that Hibiscus Lemon starts to stack on itself quickly.  Another visit sweetens the taste and brings out the hibiscus even more.  It still reminds me of a ginger ale, but that memory is quickly fading… fading… gone.  The confusing sensation of consuming the scent of a flower is now at the forefront.  I don’t exactly enjoy the taste I’m living, but I’m happy to see a legitimate hibiscus soda.

Each time I stop drinking to write my lips develop the flavor of a fruit tea.  It seems the scent I initially identified was also present in the flavor.  The lemon peel is hardly noticed and if I didn’t see the words on the label I wouldn’t even know it was there. 

Sigh.  I can tell this was masterfully made, but hibiscus flavored soda just isn’t for me.  Fruit flavored teas are a favorite of mine, but that’s only a sliver of the flavors I’m experiencing.  I’m afraid my writing skills have failed me in trying to describe this sensation, but I don’t hesitate to tell you that I think you should try it for yourself.  Perhaps just a bottle to start.

~A

This soda was provided to us by Pure Sodaworks

Pure Sodaworks Strawberry Jalapeno

The last soda I will drink in 2013 needs to be memorable.  It needs to be unique.  It needs to be flavored with strawberry AND jalapeno.  Luckily my oddly specific requirements have been met in Pure Sodaworks Strawberry Jalapeno soda.  Hey, you wanna know what’s in this soda?  Sparkling water, Pure Cane Sugar, Strawberries, and Jalapenos.  That’s beautiful.  The soda itself looks like you left your lucky red hat on the dashboard of your car for about 10 years; pink, but just barely.  I’m just too excited to type any longer.  This experience needs to begin right now.

Ok, I cheated a little bit, but it wasn’t my fault.  I gently upended the soda to get the sediment mixed and upon opening I had to stop the flow of fizz from going everywhere.  I got a bit of a taste, but it was just the foam.  Let’s just pretend it never happened, ok?  The smell is primarily that of the strawberry and it smells like a scratch and sniff sticker.  So light and inviting I can’t wait to actually test out the beverage.

Just as the scent lead me to believe the strawberry taste is great!  It’s not sugary nonsense (as so many strawberry sodas are) and the carbonation levels that accompany it are quite effervescent.  With each sip I take the jalapeno grows more confident as the flavor takes hold of my mouth.  The actual taste of jalapeno seems to be missing, but the heat you’d feel from one is certainly present.  I compare it to the burn of a ginger beer, but this heat lingers quite a bit longer. 

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Twist wants me to find a new background.  I can't say I disagree with him.

The further down the bottle I go the more the flavor tilts in favor of the jalapeno.  Our friendly, funny, fizzy strawberry friend waves goodbye as he walks back home.  Meanwhile jalapeno starts to show his true personality as if he was afraid to be himself around strawberry.  Perhaps he has a crush on strawberry’s sister and didn’t want any negative word to travel her way.  Sadly, like most cases he really just should have been himself the whole time.  That way we could have seen exactly how well strawberry and jalapeno worked with one another.

It’s clear to me that when they made this soda they really had to complete a balancing act to get them just right.  Too little strawberry and you’d just end up with a weird tasting soda that burns your mouth.  Too little jalapeno and you reach a point why you’re adding it at all.  I think the folks at Pure Sodaworks did an excellent job with the balance of this soda.  It’s sweet, light enough to be quite refreshing, and overall a very unique experience to be had in the soda world. 

~A

This soda supplied to us by Pure Sodaworks

RootJack

The folks at RootJack told the folks at ThirstMonger to tell me to drink RootJack without ice at an extremely cold temperature…purple monkey dishwasher.  I’m pretty sure the part about the purple monkey dishwasher was something added along the line, but needless to say I was quite pleased to see a beverage company tell me to stay away from ice.  So for a week this bottle of RootJack, Orange Flavored Root Beer, sat at the back of my fridge chilling.  Everytime I’d open the door I’d want to reach in and drink it, but I couldn’t… I must wait.  How does one keep oneself from drinking such an ususual product?  Orange flavored Root Beer, I’d never heard of such a thing, but my mind tells me it should work.  Looking at the label I’m happy to see that RootJack is sweetened with sugar and also contains a bit of guarana seed extract for energy.  This fun hybrid of flavors also has 100% of the vitamin C I need in a day, to fight scurvy of course.  With that said, it’s time for me to crack open this bottle and set sail for nowheres in particulars.

The scent that rises from the depths of Davy Jones locker is root beer heavy with a hint of the orange promised on the front of the bottle.  Do you know what a pirate’s favorite letter is?  You probably think it’s RRRRRRR, but he truly lives for the C.  Moving on.

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TWist is better known at the Dread Pirate Roberts.

That is super bizarre.  Wow.  The first few glugs were just straight root beer, but then the citrus took hold of my taste buds and punched them square in the jaw.  The hint of orange the aroma spoke about was just the tip of the krackens tentacle.  I thought that RootJack would be root beer with a hint of orange.  I thought wrong as each sip starts off like calm day at sea; just enjoying a root beer with my swabbies, then the orange whale throws itself on board looking for Ahab.  It’s really confusing for my mouth and brain.  Each is frantically trying to figure out if it’s ok with this mixture of worlds. 

The sweetness level of RootJack is just right as I would have no problem drinking this with a meal.  While the flavor is wild, I still feel like it could pair well with your standard fare of hamburgers and hotdogs without taking away anything from them.  I’m also seeing why they wanted me to drink this cold.  The orange flavor could come off as offending to some if this was room temperature.  Even the bottle tells you to “Serve Cold”.  When’s the last time you saw another soda tell you the obvious? 

As the soda bottle empties the orange flavor becomes a bit more bitter, but not enough to turn me away from finishing it off.  Now that I have a proper place to put my message written on parchment, I’ll give you my final thoughts.  RootJack is truly a unique beverage from start to finish.  The mixture of two common flavors may confuse the mind to the point of not knowing if what you’re ingesting is something you like or not, but once you get your mind right you’ll find you wish you had another.  I’ve gotta hand it  to RootJack for taking a chance and setting themselves apart from the rest of the sodas out there.  The flavor combo was a little too combative for my tastes, but I still want to recommend that you buy multiples if just for giving some to your friends.

~A

Squamscot Maple Cream

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This beverage is not invisible, we're just getting back into the swing of things.  Liquid will be present next time. 

Do you guys even type reviews anymore?  Yes, yes we do, but what we review on our weekly popcast doesn't get written down.  I'll tell you the ranking, but if you need some more details, or at least some white noise to fall asleep to, I'd check out the link below. 

Aaron's Verdict - Buy a Pack

Mike's Verdict - Buy a Bottle

~A

TheSodaJerks.net Popcast Episode 36 - Squamscot Maple Cream

Mr. Q. Cumber

I’ve never liked cucumbers unless they’d been modified to the point of pickles.  Recently (within the year) I got the chance to try a cucumber soda and I really enjoyed it.  I can’t remember the name, but it wasn’t nearly as delightful as Mr. Q. Cumber.  See what they did there?  Other than put this soda in an adorable bottle they gave it an adorable name.  Mr. Q. Cumber soda is an all natural sparkling cucumber beverage.  The ingredients are rather adorable as well:  Sparkling filtered water, cane sugar, citric acid, and natural cucumber flavor.  That’s it.  Water, sugar, citric acid (a natural preservative) and cucumber.  How can you beat that?  Now here is where we find out if ThirstMonger.com did me a solid by sending me this adorable bottle.

As it should, Mr. Q. Cumber smells exactly like a cucumber.  There isn’t a sugary mask that makes this seem like the drink will be cucumber candy.  It holds the aroma of a freshly cut cucumber… a word I’m getting tired of typing.  Now I see why it’s called M. Q. Cumber, they became annoyed with the word cucumber as well.  This very accurate scent frightens my taste buds a little bit as they think they’ll be eating an icky pre-pickle.  Oh well, 7 ounces isn’t too much to handle.

Haha.  The drink literally made me laugh out loud, or LLOL for those wanting to refresh their 90’s internet abbreviations.  Immediately my mouth is struck with the cucumber taste that I shouldn’t like, but I do.  If I were to let this just sit in my mouth it seems like the cucumber taste would never vanish.  Yet, as soon as I continue the ingestion process my mouth is filled with large fizzy bubbles that wash away the majority of the taste and leave a refreshing coolness in their wake.  I genuinely like this soda.  It’s simple, but works on many different levels.  With four ingredients they’ve turned a flavor I normally don’t like into a very interesting soda that I’d happily buy multiples of.  The smaller 7 ounce size is perfect as well.  I’m not sure I’d want a full 12 ounces of this, but 7 ounces makes you wish you had 12.  It uses the Far Side/Calvin and Hobbes logic of going out while you’re on top.  Make them want more without giving them more, that way they’re less likely to tire of you.  I don’t understand why I like this soda when it clearly shares the taste of a vegetable I do not like.  Folks always say that cucumbers are refreshing.  While I don’t agree with that statement I will say that Mr. Q. Cumber is as cool as the other side of the pillow.

~A

OH Q. CUMBER = CUCUMBER.  GENIUS!

Elixir Floral Infusions – Lavender

So another review courtesy of ThirstMonger is in front of your face.  Today’s soda needs a little bit of assembly as it’s a mixer of sorts.  Elixir Floral Infusions Lavender is what I’ll be mixing with some cool carbonated water today.  When you visit their site it seems Elixir is primarily made for mixing with alcoholic beverages.  Since I’m not one to imbibe I’ll be using their “soda” recipe and reviewing that.  Before I go into creation mode I would like to note that Elixir is all-natural, made with purified water, cane sugar, natural lavender extract, natural food color, organic blueberry extract, citric acid, and cultured sugar.  That’s quite the impressive ingredient list in terms of quality.  My hopes have risen just a bit.  Now to the recipe for soda. 

Underneath the picture of a lightly purple drink I’m told that to make soda I need an 8 to 1 ratio of carbonated water and Elixir.  Already I’m looking at this picture and thinking that it won’t be strong enough for me to truly enjoy.  That soda looks waaay to fancy for my liking, so here’s what I’m going to do.  I’m going to take the chance and use my own math to make a better Elixir experience for myself… hopefully.  My Elixir Lavender will have a 4 to 1 ratio, thus allowing me to truly taste the lavender goodness.  Thankfully I have a Sodastream so that I can use my very own water in this experimental version of lavender soda.  Here goes something!

What I’ve created looks a lot like grape/purple Kool-Aid.  I’m sure it won’t taste of Kool-Aid, but that’s fine as I’m not interested in that particular sugar water at this point in time.  I’m interested in this new and “improved” Elixir Lavender.  On to the smell test!

Only when I press my nose up to it do I smell, amazingly enough, the sweet aroma of lavender.   I figured it would have a rather pungent scent since I’ve doubled the amount recommended.  Perhaps even this super charged version will still be weaker than I’d prefer.

Here is the part where I tell you how pleased I am with myself for increasing the flavor.  I can really taste the lavender.  It’s not some frilly beverage I’d drink at a cocktail party in tiny sips.  No, this is LAVENDER SODA and I like it.  Did I think I’d like it, no… not at all?  That’s because I was thinking it’d be more like my Dry Soda experience which left me feeling empty. 

The carbonation I created is tiny yet noticeable.  As I previously stated this was made in my Sodastream and I gave it “three buzzes” worth of carbonation which was the recommended level.  I will say that Elixir Lavender does taste a bit alcoholic yet there is no alcohol in site.  Of course it supposedly pairs well with alcohol, so perhaps this is why the flavor is shadowed.  Each time I take a swig out of my glass my nostrils fill with a lavender scent that thankfully does not rival the potpourri you might otherwise find lavender in.  While I know it’s impossible, I also get a slight grape flavor with each sip I take.  I’m thinking this falsity lies within the fact that I like most people associate purple soda with grape.  If I were a betting man I’d bet that this taste I’m transforming into grape is created by the blueberry extract that resides within the bottle.  It’s this very blueberry extract that I believe is balancing out the lavender taste so that my brain can both comprehend and enjoy what I’m partaking in.

 Now with that said, I’m sure lavender soda isn’t for everyone, heck I feel a bit odd with each sip I take.  Thankfully the gardens at Elixir are home to a few other flowers as well.  Perhaps they’ll have one you might enjoy.  So there you have it.  I broke all the rules (1 rule) and made a super Elixir Lavender Soda and I enjoyed it.  Give it a shot (HA! Puns!).

~A  

Stop and smell the iguanas!

Rocket Fizz Root Beer Float

In the infantile days of this site (I believe we were still on LiveJournal) we reviewed A&W Root Beer Float in a bottle.  I think the word that got tossed around a lot was “rancid” which left us a bit gun shy to try another Root Beer Float in a bottle.  Thankfully Rocket Fizz has such a beverage and since they rarely steer me wrong I have no worries about trying it.  Rocket Fizz Root Beer Float may not be the bees knees, but I can almost guarantee you that I won’t use the word “rancid” in its description.  Of course it’s sweetened with pure cane sugar, but after that the ingredients become a bit to chemical or vague (natural/artificial flavors) to really care enough to go into detail.  So my expectations are set carefully above “awful”… something tells me it will easily surpass them.

My nose has a hard time recognizing the “float” scent that should be coming out of the mouth of the bottle.  Of course this could easily be the result of a high level of grass pollen in the air that occasionally renders my nose useless.  I can smell a rich and sugary root beer flavor with something different in the background.  Hopefully the “ice cream” will arrive once I take a swig.

Well it’s a heck of a lot better than A&W’s version of the same flavor.  The root beer taste is burly and easily experienced, but the vanilla ice cream never shows up to the party… a different visitor must have stolen his invitation.  Roasted marshmallow is the secondary flavor in this soda and he’s quite brash about his presence.  You’d think that someone who was not invited to a shin did would show a bit of cowardice, but not R.M.  He kicked the door open, announced his arrival, spit on the floor, and kissed root beer’s sister.  It’s like he knows he doesn’t belong, but doesn’t care because he’s sure he’ll win you over… and he’s right.  I really did want to try a good root beer float soda, but with every sip of root beer and roasted marshmallow I care less and less that the ice cream taste is absent.  It’s an odd combination on virtual paper that works like gangbusters in my mouth.  Perhaps I should retool that last sentence, better not as then this sentence wouldn’t make any sense. 

Are there faults to Rocket Fizz Root Beer Float?  Well aside from the fact that it doesn’t exactly taste as the label states, yes there are.  The root beer flavor, while good, could be richer, creamier, just better in general for one.  A somewhat syrupy mouth feel is my last impression of the beverage.  I wouldn’t say it’s the velvet curtain I so often describe, but perhaps a sheer curtain used for fog effects.  All in all Rocket Fizz Root Beer Float is something out of the ordinary and I suggest you buy multiples to share.

~A

Twist is a Rocket Fizz Man, burning up his fuse up here alone.

Jeff's Chocolate Soda

So our washing machine started leaking a little bit last week and it was time to put the old biddy down.  It wasn’t a serious leak as the drain pan easily contained all of the water, but we’d had trouble before with this machine and the repair gnomes wouldn’t touch it because of how poorly it was made.  Fast forward to today where the new fancy machine was delivered.  It was all shiny and great and I couldn’t wait to test it out.  After I put my clothes in it I stood back and looked through the glass top marveling at a washing machine doing its job.  Satisfied I step away to play some Minecraft.  Twenty minutes later I hear a noise that sounds like a lot of water hitting the floor.  I run in and find out that as amazing of a washing machine as it is it does no good if the owner of said washing machine doesn’t put the drain tube down the drain.  Long story short, always bring a towel… and maybe a bucket. 

This has nothing to do with Jeff’s Chocolate Soda, but I don’t have a diary or a journal so this occasionally becomes my place to vent.  I picked this beverage out of my fridge for two reasons.  Reason one is that chocolate soda has a decent chance of being fantastic if not diet.  Reason two is that this is the first bottle of soda I’ve seen that classifies itself as an “Egg Cream”.  Looking at the ingredients milk, cream, and cocoa are all indeed in this bottle potentially making this a fantastic tasting soda.  The label is comprised of various shades of brown making my mouth crave the taste of chocolate even more.  Time to follow the instructions on the label and “Get Creamed!”

Oh sweet heaven that smells amazing.  It smells like I just buried my face into a pile of hot cocoa powder Tony Montana style.  To paraphrase, this smells like paradise, I’m tellin’ ya.  This Jeff’s Chocolate Soda is like a great big refreshing soda just waiting to get drank.  Now that I’ve taken an incredibly vulgar line out of Scarface and made it into something that isn’t even an analogy anymore it’s probably time to drink.

Wonderful.  The chocolate taste is rich like syrup, but the fizz is strong enough to keep it bubbly and fun as it crosses my taste buds.  A smooth creaminess is ever present with each sip combining my love of chocolate with my constant want of a good soda.  If you’ve never mixed chocolate syrup with coke go do it right now and drink it as we enjoy similar tastes together.  This soda tastes nothing like that per say as it’s much heavier on the chocolate, but once you realize how good chocolate syrup and coke is together you can begin to figure out how delicious Jeff’s Chocolate Soda is. The “soda” portion of it has hints of cola, but honestly the soda flavor is so faint it’s almost there for texture alone which is fine.  Now I wouldn’t want to pair this with any particular food as it’s more of a dessert beverage that you’d have after a long day of battling a stupid amount of water from a stupid washing machine that’s stupid because the stupid me forgot to stupid. 

This is hands down the best chocolate soda I’ve ever had; there is no question in my mind at all about that. The only downside to it, and it’s a small one, is how heavy it sits in my stomach.  Yes, I’m aware that by looking at the ingredients for a split second I should expect that… it’s still worth telling you.  I don’t care though as Jeff’s Chocolate Soda just removed several of my issues for the day.  Want the best chocolate soda I’ve ever had, try Jeff’s.  Want a dang good soda, try Jeff’s Chocolate Soda.

~A

Twist is stunned in amazement.  Can't you tell?

C&C Watermelon

Short history of my opinion of watermelon… I hate it.  On the flipside of the previous statement I tend to like watermelon flavored things.  It’ll be interesting to see which column today’s soda falls.  Oh, by the way, today’s soda is C&C Watermelon.   That was kind of like the hit TV series Flash Forward wasn’t it?  You saw the thoughts that should have come after the soda reveal BEFORE the soda reveal and yes I know that Flash Forward was not a hit TV series.  Aerosmith would do well to mention C&C Watermelon in their radio hit “Pink” as the label, soda, and label again are all varying shades of half of the color of watermelon.  The label even has cute, I guess fruit can be cute, little watermelons on it that make me want to drink this just a bit more.  Onward!

A watermelon/grapefruit smell punches me in the nose as soon as I twist the cap.  Thankfully watermelon is the clearly dominate scent as the grapefruit seems to just be there for a little filler.  Hopefully the flavor will mirror the aroma.

C&C Watermelon is much fizzier than I expected as the bubbles seem to run with razor blades down my throat.  This is a good thing even though it sounds horribly painful.  Just like the scent the watermelon flavor takes charge as his tiny buddy grapefruit holds on for dear life just hoping to not get noticed.  If you’ve ever had a watermelon Jolly Rancher then you’ll be familiar with the taste of C&C Watermelon.  While the sweetness level isn’t quite that of hard candy it’s still plenty sugary and very enjoyable.  Each sip I take begins with a quick burst of what I would consider a fairly authentic watermelon taste which thankfully (in my opinion) is covered up by the safer candy flavor previously mentioned.    I have to give credit to C&C for even trying this flavor.  So many companies could be making watermelon soda, but don’t because it’s too high risk.  C&C, with their myriad of flavors, thankfully decided to include watermelon in their arsenal.  This soda is different enough, bubbly enough, sweet enough, and tasty enough for me to recommend you give it a try.  Of course if you don’t like any kind of watermelon then you may want to sit this one out, but if you’re a fan of the fruit or the candy fruit then I definitely think it’s worth a shot. 

~A

This beverage supplied to us by C&C.

Although you wouldn't think it, Twist hates any pink and green color combo.  He's more of a blue and white kinda guy.

Grandpa Lundquist Christmas Soda

So who’s ready for the New Year?  Who’s ready to let go of 2012 and move on to 2013 with new goals in mind?  What’s that you say “Guy who had the best 2012 ever”?  You’re not ready to let go just quite yet?  Well what if I told you I could give you an extra week?  What if you could drink a soda and get exactly one week back?  You can’t, but I am going to review this Grandpa Lunquist Christmas Soda a week late regardless.   Who knows, maybe it’ll remind you so much of the last week it’ll feel like you hopped in the DeLorean/TARDIS/Phone Booth and took a trip 7 days backwards.  This particular soda is sweetened with cane sugar and caffeine free, yay for that.  It also has natural hops and malt in its list of ingredients, boo to that.  In case you’re unfamiliar with Christmas soda this bottle has a brief history lesson on it.

During Jul (pronounced “yule” – Swedish for Christmas), children and adults alike enjoy Julmust, a unique, sweet and flavorful winter soft drink.

Created in 1920, Julmust was quickly embraced and continues to be a part of Swedish culture to this day.

Start your own tradition by serving ice cold Grandpa Lunquist Christmas Soda at all your holiday gatherings and winter events.

So there you have it.  I guess a review qualifies as a winter event so I guess I should get cracking.  Onward!

The last Christmas soda reviewed on this site was done by Mike and if I remember correctly he hated it.  Upon opening this bottle I have to admit I’m a little sad that it didn’t fill the room with a pine aroma.  Instead my nose searched out a citrus/cola scent that holds licorice tones as well.  Honestly I have no idea what this smells like, but my brain is still trying to piece together similar scent in hopes of an accurate description.  It doesn’t smell gross, so there’s that.

While I expected to hate a hops/barely beverage I don’t hate this.  Grandpa Lunquist Christmas Soda has a noticeable flavor similarity to green cough syrup, but the flavor isn’t so bold as to keep you from taking another sip.  Much like many holiday treats this beverage has a tummy warming characteristic as well.  I wouldn’t liken it to whisky or anything like that, but it does warm unlike most sodas.  After the cough syrup taste has subsided I was greeted with a flat cola flavor that just sort of sits on the back of my tongue.  Oddly enough this is considerably more refreshing than I ever would have predicted it to be.  Would I open the fridge after a long run only to pull out a Grandpa Lunquist Christmas Soda?  No.  Would I enjoy this with some popcorn or salty salty chips?  Yes, yes I would.  You’d think that when my main two descriptors of a soda are “cough syrup” and “flat cola” that I would give it a scathing review.  Maybe it’s the Christmas magic jammed into this bottle, but I don’t hate this soda.  I wouldn’t put it on the syllabus as required drinking, but if you see a bottle pick it up.

~A

Merry Twistmas!

C&C Banana

From the icebox a new flavor appears.  A new flavor of soda my taste buds haven’t experienced.  Brought to you by C&C Cola it’s the yellowest fruit, Donkey Kong’s projectile, and the worst tasting Runt.  Ladies and gentleman…. Banana Soda!  Honestly I’m a little bit scared to try this as I’m not sure how liquid banana is going to go over with my flavor sensors.  Here’s the short history of me and bananas.  I love bananas.  I’m allergic to bananas.  The end.  I’m not deadly allergic mind you, they just make my mouth and throat itch to high heaven.  Thankfully(?) this doesn’t seem to have any banana in it at all, unless it’s in stealth mode under the title “natural flavors”, but I doubt it.  Let’s find out shall we?  Onward!

I expected a very strong banana scent to be waiting for me on the other side of the cap, but found a rather mild somewhat creamy aroma bashfully waving hello.  Smelling this quelled some of my fears, so there’s no time like the present to get on with it.

Well that’s weird.  C&C Banana soda tastes like box made banana pudding sans vanilla wafers and banana slices.  The carbonation level is low allowing for a mouth-feel of maximum smoothness which I must say is very pleasant.  I thought that no matter what C&C Banana tasted like that the banana flavoring would make it feel like someone lowered a heavy yellow velvet curtain in my mouth after every sip.  Surprisingly, the heavy curtain is never lowered so I was able to watch the finale which was a cute baby banana gracefully tap dance off stage.  This adorable dance was a fantastically light and fun way to end my experience with this soda.    Overall C&C Banana challenged my every preconceived notion about what I thought it might be.  I expected a loud and brash tasting banana soda that lived in the pores of my mouth for hours after drinking it.  Thankfully I was wrong about how “bad” it was going to be, which is one of my favorite things to experience when I write these reviews.  Did my head explode?  Will I buy banana soda after banana soda now?  No, but I can very honestly suggest you pick up multiples of this if you ever run across it.

~A

This beverage supplied to us by C&C.

Over the course of this review Twist kept asking me "is that a banana soda in your hand or are you just happy to see me."  It was creepy and didn't make a lot of sense, but I told him if he didn't stop I'd write this about him.  Now hopefully the joke will end and he'll GET OFF THE WASHING MACHINE LIKE I TOLD HIM A THOUSAND TIMES!

Mountain Dew - Johnson City Dew

Yesterday a package arrived at my door filled with hay and Mountain Dew paraphernalia.  It was a promotional kit telling me that I had the ability to choose the name and label art of Mountain Dew’s new malt flavored soda.  The soda was released in Johnson City, TN (the birthplace of Mountain Dew) as Mountain Dew Johnson City Gold, but now that it was going nationwide they needed a few new regional names and can art to go along with their product.

Anytime something is packaged in "hay" you know you're in for a treat

Here’s what it had inside.

Today I learned that Mystery Can + Free Awesome Markers make me giggle out of happiness

Now the contest ends today and I didn’t feel up to the task of creating amazing label art, but I did what I could.  If you’re a talented artist, or just bored, head on over to YourMaltDew.com and submit your entry.  As for the names they’ve already held the first contest for those so the job I was tasked with was to choose the best of three for my region.  Being from Texas I’m bundled into the “South” region where my name choices were the following:  Mountain Dew Southern Pride, Blue Ridge Dew, and Mountain Dew Southern Gold.  I don’t particularly like any of those names, but I have no one to blame for myself since I didn’t submit a name of my own.  Overall the best name in my opinion comes from the “Southwest” region with Mountain Dew Miner’s Malt.  I eventually chose Blue Ridge Dew as my name of choice for my region and started to think about my label art which you can see below.  With my terrible version of Twist scrawled in Sharpie on a can label a question popped into my head.  “If this soda doesn’t have a name, what do I call it in my review?”  Well I figured the best thing to do in such a unique situation was to use the original name for it, Mountain Dew Johnson City Gold (which honestly is better than ANY of the regional names in my opinion since the name holds a history.)

The likeness is so... so... so... so-so

I must be up front with you and say that I’ve yet to drink a “malt” soda that I enjoyed at all.  Now I will say that I’m more optimistic towards Mountain Dew Johnson City Gold just because it carries the “Dew” moniker, but still quite skeptical of the equation Malt + Dew = Tasty.  Since the can I received has no label, besides the amazing one I made, I can’t tell you what the ingredients are so you’ll have to research that on your own as it’s about my bed time.  Pretty much everything else you need to know was covered above so I figure it’s time to take a swig.  Onward!

The first time I smelled it I immediately thought of a Beer/Mtn Dew combination.  Frankly this scared me a bit since I hate the taste of all alcoholic beverages so I took another whiff and this time inhaled a lime/Mtn Dew scent with a hint of skunk.  Needless to say I’m not running down “Excited Lane” at this point, more like a cautious stroll down “Worried Blvd.”  My nose has told me a few white lies in the past so I’m just going to hope that’s what it’s doing now.

Congratulations to Mountain Dew on making the best tasting “malt soda” I’ve had to date.  The “Dew” flavor is thankfully the lead in this eclectic play with malt starring as the plucky sidekick.  While my nose is reminded of the skunk it smelled a paragraph ago every time I take a drink, my taste buds quickly erase that memory and replace it with an interesting hybrid.  This tastes like they took Mountain Dew and combined it with the flavor of lemon peel and beer.  It’s a little bitter, but nothing that will keep you from coming back for another drink.  Mountain Dew Johnson City Gold does remind me of beer, but not so much that I’m turned away by it.  Like I said earlier, I never got a taste for it, but the citrus “Dew” taste beats out the flavor of beer.  That and the fact that it’s non-alcoholic helps out as well. 

Is this a soda something I’ll buy once it hits stores in my area?  No, probably not, but I am excited that a soda company is doing something daring and different.  I can definitely see a market this will succeed in even if it might be niche.  If you like mountain dew or beer (not necessarily combined, but it wouldn’t hurt if you did) then I’d give this a shot.  Heck, if you’ve never had a “malt soda” and always wanted to try one I’d say this is the best starter “malt soda” available in terms of taste.  Look for the one with the lizard on the can… and then get out of my house.  Oh, and remember if you want to try your hand at label making head on over to YourMaltDew.com

~A

This beverage supplied to us by Mountain Dew

Like looking into a mirror

Lester's Fixins Peanut Butter and Jelly Soda

I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  Do you know why I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?  I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because I breathe oxygen and I feel the two things are both irrepressible reflexes.  Now I can honestly say that I’ve never searched out a liquid version of this delectable treat, but fortunately for everyone involved with this site I have one in front of me.  Lester’s Fixins Peanut Butter & Jelly Soda is what’s on the menu today and if it’s as accurate as their other beverages then I should be in for an interesting experience.  What’s making me want this more and more is the picture of a sloppy PB&J on the label.  It looks so very gooey… I wonder if they put butter on the bread as well.  By the way if you haven’t had a PBB&J you’re missing out big time.  Ok I don’t want to type anymore, I want to drink now.  Onward!

Well after smelling it I’m a little doubtful as it hints of cardboard.  Now maybe this cardboard aroma is actually that of bread, I mean they do have to have a bread flavor in there as well… right?  With a couple more whiffs I can’t say that I’d guess this was a PB&J soda if all I had to go by was scent.  Shall I pour us a drink then?

Not a bulls-eye in the flavor department, but at least the dart hit the target.  A surprisingly fizzy carbonation gives way to the initial bread flavoring which does taste a bit like cardboard, but not so much that I’d stop drinking it.  After the “bread” flavoring steps back into the shadows it’s time for the actual peanut butter and jelly flavor to show up.  Oddly enough the peanut butter is more prevalent than the jelly.  I figured the jelly would be the easier flavor to replicate, but it is hardly noticeable.  The lack of “jelly” seems to reduce the sweetness I expected to find as well.  I think if the “jelly” flavor was more powerful they might have a better tasting drink on their hands.  Don’t get me wrong this is still a drinkable beverage; I’m just not going to stock up on it.  At the end of my sip the “bread” stepped back up on stage and I was given an opportunity to “enjoy” all three flavors at once. 

Let me answer the obvious question of “Does it taste like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?”.  Yes it does, but this sandwich was made in 1000 years in the future by cold heartless robots and turned into a powder for easy storage.  You open your pack of PB&J powder and place it on your government issued plate.  Then you take a quarter cup of distilled water and pour it onto said powder.  The powder starts to change its consistency and looks like someone blended your soulless manufactured PB&J and dumped it on your government issued plate.  Begrudgingly you take your government issued spoon and dig in.  That’s how close to an actual PB&J this tastes.  Much like Aunt Viv from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air the character was there for all 6 seasons, but there was something “different” about seasons 4-6. 

~A

Whitewheat was developed by Twist

Flying Cauldron Butterscotch Beer

Those of you who are fans of the Larry Potter books will be familiar with this delectable treat.  Today’s entry is from the Flying Cauldron on Dragon Alley… Butterscotch Beer!  I’m sure you were jealous when Larry, Jon, and Calliope enjoyed this brew in the Four Broomsticks, The Hogs Shed, or the previously mentioned Flying Cauldron.  Be jealous no more, because the Flying Cauldron has broadened its sales region to include us Huggles… that’s humans to you non fans.  There’s even a brief history on the back of the bottle.  It reads:

Since 1374, the Flying Cauldron has been making this magical brew for under aged wizards or wizards who are young at heart at their brew pub in Hogsbreath England.  The recipe has changed little over the centuries.  It has the perfect combination of spells and quality natural ingredients.  Add a scoop of vanilla ice cream to create our Giggle Potion.

Then it’s signed by one Reed’s Inc.  I must say that their inclusion of the Giggle Potion is highly irresponsible as you may know with the wrong dosage you could easily laugh yourself to death which is no laughing matter… after you die… from laughter.  Well I won’t be creating any of the dangerous Giggle Potion today; I’m just going to drink this straight out of the bottle.  Upward!

Remember that candy jar your grandparents used to keep all their butterscotch in?  As far as you know it was filled with butterscotch for its entire existence.  That’s what this brew smells of… a very potent butterscotch aroma hits you in the face like a troll.  Since butterscotch is one of my favorite candies, hopefully this will be one of my favorite sodas.  Accio-Butterscotch Beer!

Liquid butterscotch.  The review is complete.  Buy all of it.  No, I mustn’t do that to my readers or my editor Rita Skeeta would hang me with a wizard rope or something.  Seriously though, this tastes like liquid butterscotch.   When it first hits your tongue, as I’ve now said twice, you get the taste sensation of butterscotch except the flavoring of the brew isn’t quite as rich as the candy.  I’m curious if that’s because it’s in liquid form.  The flavor seems watered down a bit, but I’m unsure if it’s even possible to achieve 100% butterscotch flavoring in a liquid with this viscosity.  Let’s see how much sugar is in here.  Wait… what black magic is this?  There’s stevia in this brew and I didn’t even catch an aftertaste?  I see that it’s also sweetened with 30 grams of cane sugar, but I would never have expected stevia.  At least they were smart enough to not sweeten with the sweetener that shall not be named. 

Butterscotch Beer carbonation levels are medium and it isn’t really noticeable until midway through my sip then it ramps up just a bit as the beverage completes consumption.  Thankfully it’s not a very heavy beverage so this “Reed’s Inc.” did a good job in what I believe would be a difficult task.  If I had to compare it to a Huggle beverage it would most compare to a rich cream soda that you’ve dropped several butterscotch in.  Maybe those of you who hate wizards, or wizardists as I call you, should try that approach instead of making trouble in Dragon Alley… OH WAIT, you can’t even go to Dragon Alley!  Incendio! 

So a big thanks to the folks at the Flying Cauldron for creating this soda.  Your spells were on point and though you endangered millions by leaking the Giggle Potion recipe I’ll buy from you in the future.

~A

One of Twist's middle names is Advada Kedavra

Lester's Fixins Bacon Soda

When I visit my grandparents around 7:00 in the morning as my 3rd wave of sleep is starting my grandfather will bang on the door and yell “Gold and brown, gold and brown, time for some gold and brown”.  What this means is that we’re having scrambled eggs (gold) and bacon (brown) for breakfast.  As a youth I disliked hearing this so very much as it meant I had to leave the comfort of my bed.  Since I’ve grown older, and who hasn’t these days, I’ve learned to love hearing these words as I feel their fairly unique to my family and they convey that I’m about to eat some tasty bacon. 

Today’s soda is both gold and brown.  Sadly it’s not bacon and egg soda, it’s just bacon soda with a yellow label.  Lester’s Fixins Bacon Soda has a pink hue to it that some might confuse with that of peach or apricot soda, but only if they had no nose I’m guessing.  You see I’ve tried a few Lester’s Fixins sodas before and they are very accurate in regards to achieving the labeled flavor, thus making me know that I’m about to have about as accurate of a bacon soda as I could probably find.  Let’s find out together, shall we?

Well my dog ran over as soon as I opened the bottle.  That’s probably attributed to the sound it made, but it’s much more fun to pretend that he was fooled by the aroma alone.  Speaking of the aroma it is bacon-esque, but not nearly as pungent as I figured it would be.  Just to be thorough I will mention that it smells more like crisp bacon than it does chewy.  For the record I prefer chewy bacon over the crisp.  Onward!

Hahaha, ok so the soda made me laugh because I knew the taste immediately and I honestly shouldn’t.  Ever given your dog Beggin’ Strips, the bacon flavored dog treat?  If your answer is yes then feel free to move on in parallel with my life.  Now have you ever wondered what a Beggin’ Strip tasted like?  Again, if your answer is yes then continue reading and paralleling my life.  Have you ever eaten a Beggin’ Strip out of curiosity?  If the answer is yes then you need help… kidding, I tried one a few months ago and was surprised at how much like bacon it tasted.  Lester’s Fixins Bacon Soda is liquid Beggin’ Strips with a bit more sugar.  The bacon flavor is there, but it’s obviously faked and the sweetness is probably the only thing that’s keeping me from gagging this back up. 

I’m two swigs into this drink now and the taste is already swaying me to stop.  The carbonation, because I know you care about the levels of carbonation in your bacon soda, is light and that’s to be expected in a bacon soda… I guess.  Honestly it’s not a terrible soda.  I could name five worse ones off the top of my head.  Malta Hatuey, Beverly, Lester’s Fixins Sweet Corn Soda, A&W Root Beer Float, and… ok maybe only four off the top of my head.  I’m halfway done with the bottle now and the bacon flavoring is bothering me less and less by the sip.  Will I finish this bottle only to go to bed burping up bacon?  No, but I could relatively easily.  I can’t honestly suggest that you “Buy a Bottle” of this because I wouldn’t myself just out of weariness.  I will say though that if you like Beggin’ Strips you’ll love Lester’s Fixins Bacon Soda.

~A

Twist's third to last middle name is "Bacon"

Taylor's Tonics Gingerbread House

March 26th officially marks the end of the holiday season here at TheSodaJerks as we’re finally finishing up with our themed sodas.  Today’s selection is Taylor’s Tonics Gingerbread House, which in my opinion could either be delicious or horrible.  Now that I’ve wowed you with my deductive reasoning it’s time to get this over with before the smiling gingerbread face on the bottle guilt’s me out of drinking him.

It certainly has a spicy aroma; one that’s burning my nose like a house hold cleaner or maybe a fancy candle your parents may own.  Either way I’m now a bit more hesitant to try this, but hey… gotta pay the bills somehow.  Wait a second… this doesn’t pay the bills at all.  Why would I subject myself to reviewing this if there isn’t anything in it for me?  Boredom?  Masochism? Curiosity?  Pick whichever one amuses you the most and that’s your answer.

Taylors Tonics Gingerbread House just ran over my tongue like a steam roller.  The ginger clove and cinnamon shoved their fist down my throat and forced all of my taste buds to be abused by this very festive concoction.  Now that I have stopped coughing from my first taste, let’s see if the second isn’t any smoother.  Ok, now that I’m prepared for it I can keep my body from trying to reject it immediately and I must say it’s rather pleasant; it’s very strong… but pleasant.  I see that there is no apple in here, but my brain is creating the apple flavor for me which balances out nicely.  I wouldn’t necessarily say that this tastes like gingerbread, but the ginger clove does a fine job in keeping Taylor’s Tonics Gingerbread House separate from your normal ginger soda faire.  This beverage lights your mouth on fire like a ginger beer, but it’s a small fire, one that you can build a resistance to.  Of course I wouldn’t drink this every day, but I don’t think Taylor’s Tonics wants you to do that.  Well of course they want you to drink their sodas every day… their profits would go through the roof, but you get the idea.  Overall I’m pleased with what I’ve consumed here, but I can’t recommend buying more than a bottle at a time.

~A

Twist lives in a gingerbread mansion.  It's quite tasty.

Taylor's Tonics Candy Cane Shake

March always reminds me of candy canes.  The cool mint on my tongue, the red and white stripes, the way it turns down at one end.  Those are all horrible comparisons to the month of March, but then again this bottle of Taylor’s Tonics Candy Cane Shake was supposed to be consumed in December.  This is the third out of four times that I will reference the fact that I’m drinking a soda at the wrong time of year.  As you might imagine Taylors Tonics Candy Cane Shake has peppermint in the ingredients.  While I’ve had spearmint in a soda before, this might be the first time I’ve consumed liquid peppermint… aside from PeptoBismol which I do indeed like the flavor of.  According to the bottle this soda is a “Minty & Majestic Peppermint Stick Fizz”.  The words “Majestic Peppermint Stick” reminds me of the best peppermint sticks out there…King Leo Peppermint Sticks.  Truly they are amazing and you should purchase them, but we’re talking soda here. 

The scent wafting from the mouth of the bottle is an inviting sweet vanilla mint.  It does remind me of candy canes, so that seems to be on the right track.  Drink on!

Liquid candy cane, well done.  The initial sip tastes fairly minty, but the candy cane goodness doesn’t hit until about a second after.  The weakest point in each sip is the aftertaste, but I have a theory on this.  I’m not sure if my mouth just can’t wrap itself around…wait… that’s going to a terrible place.  Let’s reword shall we?  I’m not sure if my brain can comprehend “liquid candy cane” so the finish causes me to tilt my head like a confused dog.  Taylor’s Tonics Candy Cane Shake is not something you’re going to drink with a meal; this is definitely a stand-alone beverage in my opinion.  Ever eaten a candy cane with your scrambled eggs?  How about with a burrito?  Candy Canes and pickles?  Actually, let me key you in on a very odd, but surprisingly good recipe.

Take a sour pickle, movie theatre size, and cut off the very end of it.  Next take a candy cane and stuff it through the middle of the pickle… much like your hand would go in a puppet.  The curve of the candy cane is now your handle, and the pickle/mint treat on the other is oddly tasty.  Give it a shot, what have you got to lose… except all your friends and family.  Back to the review.

So as you see this soda isn’t for many occasions, but it still delivers on its promise of being liquid candy cane.  I’m still not quite sure why it’s called a “candy cane SHAKE” though.  Does the use of vanilla allow for the word “shake” to be used?  It does cut a little into the mintyness allowing you to consume said beverage with a bit more ease.  No matter!  This beverage is unique enough and tasty enough to warrant you purchasing a bottle.

~A

Twist takes his Candy Cane Shake stirred.

Taylor's Tonics Eggnog Fizz

Once again I have a soda in front of me that is Holiday themed, but the holiday season has passed us so this review might seem a little out of place.  Oh well, I’d rather an out of place review than a wasted soda in my fridge.  Today’s review is Taylor’s Tonics Eggnog Fizz.  Even if you like eggnog… as I do, you probably cringe at the idea of an eggnog soda… as I do.  It’s great that it’s all natural and the ingredients include nutmeg, vanilla bean, allspice, and rum flavoring (just to name a few), but eggnog flavored anything is off-putting to me.  Even those eggnog shakes that come around your favorite or least favorite, fast fooderies don’t even come close to tempting me.  Enough stalling, time to drink!  I mean it has been almost 2 months already.

Good news?  It doesn’t really smell like eggnog.  I’d compare the aroma to a very spicy cream soda, which others might compare to eggnog, which puts us back at square one.  I’m not longer afraid of the eggnoggy taste because I don’t believe it’s going to be there.  I feel this will be a lot like Taylor’s Tonics Chai Cola just a bit smoother due to the vanilla.  Time for drinking.

My scent description was almost right on.  While there are the smallest hints of eggnog flavoring, this tastes more like an oddly flavored cream soda to me.  Sorry to say though, I’m not a fan.  Even though it’s an all-natural beverage it tastes like a concoction of chemicals.  The vanilla isn’t strong enough for my liking, but the nutmeg and allspice add a nice flavor.  It would probably help to tell you that I’m not all that big a fan of rum and this does have rum flavors in it and I think that might be where it’s losing me.  The drink contains no alcohol though.  The majority of the taste while consuming gives me negative thoughts.  There are dashes of “yay eggnog soda”, but like lightning those positive memories are removed from my brain.  Sad really, the Cranberry Dream made by the same company was one of the most deliciously unique sodas I’ve ever tried.  Eggnog Fizz tastes like its cousin that no one talks about because you don’t want to create an awkward silence in the room.  Like I said before, maybe a bit more vanilla would help mask the overall flavor of Eggnog Fizz, but I’m not even sure that would help it because of how powerful the taste that disagrees with me is.  Bleh, I’m not even going to finish this.  I can’t even get into a good rhythm to write a well worded review.

~A

Twist invented Eggnog, then un-invented eggnog, then someone came in and made a completely different product.