Xyience Xenergy Pineapple

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Twist felt flat today, but his thighs looked GREAT!

Today’s Xyience experiment is pineapple flavored.  Technically this can of Xenergy is +Lemonade, whatever that means, in addition to being pineapple flavored.  I’m honestly not sure what to expect here, but I’m rolling with it.  Like all the other Xyience products that we’ve reviewed it’s sugar free and has zero calories.  They’ve been hit or miss so far in the flavor department so it will be interesting to see what side of the fence pineapple lemonade falls.

As the can cracks open the faint aroma that arrives is more lemonade than pineapple.  In fact I’d be amazed if I could identify this as pineapple flavored based on the scent alone.  Hopefully the taste doesn’t leave that much to mystery.

The initial taste I get is the tart bite of a lemon.  Slowly it washes away and transforms into the pineapple lemonade we were promised.  Truthfully it’s lemonade pineapple as the real star of the show cannot be mistaken.  Throughout the entire gulp the lemon teases the tip of my tongue with a tingle of sour.  This leaves the rest of my mouth awash with an average tasting lemonade.  It’s on par with Minute Maid lemonade, which to me is on the weaker side of the big name brands.  

Xyience Xenergy Pineapple is a very refreshing beverage.  Something I would happily reach for on a sweltering day.  It goes down smoothly which makes it easy to return for another sip.  The lack of sugar isn’t overly noticeable and the flavor while pleasant isn’t memorable.  All in all it’s a good energy drink, but an average tasting beverage.

~A

This beverage supplied to us by Xyience

Xyience Xenergy Tropical Punch

So the last time I tried a Xyience Xenergy beverage I was quite impressed.  It was refreshing, the taste was pretty good, it was all I needed it to be.  Well today’s review is of Xyience Xenergy Tropical Punch where the key idea is Hydration.  Tropical Punch flavor is caffeine free, sugar free, and loaded up with B vitamins.  It’s also enhanced with electrolytes, but whatever.  I just want this to be a tasty fruit punch.

Upon cracking open the can I get a familiar aroma.  This smells a lot like Hawaiian Punch, but not quite as fierce.  So they have the proto-typical fruit punch aroma happening.  Will it translate into the flavor?

Meh, kinda.  This tastes like watered down tropical punch which makes sense because it’s a “Hydration” product.  I guess I should really be comparing the taste of this to Gatorade or Powerade, but I have my own standards of delicious tropical punch taste.  In this case the “punch” is limited and the “tropical” is boring.  As powerful as the flavors were in the last beverage I reviewed, typically much more subtle flavors at that, I expected topical punch to blow me away.

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Twist was the muse behind 1999: A Space Oddity

Aside from being “watered down” there’s something in the aftertaste that just seems out of place.  It’s a combination of burn and bitter that lasts for just long enough to sour my opinion on this beverage.  The more that I chug it the more medicinal the aftertaste becomes.  Wandering away from tropical punch and moving toward Pedialyte.  I’ll be able to finish it this one time, but it’s not really something I’d be reaching for again.

So you’re saying to your monitor right now “Monitor, why be angry that a drink made for hydration is watered down?”  You monitor will respond with this next sentence.

“Dave, The Soda Jerks rank beverages based on taste and little else”

So after you unplug your computer to kill it remember what it said.  It Xyience Xenergy an alright hydrator?  Sure.  Do you want to have more than one in your fridge at any given time just to drink?  Unless you want a weak tropical punch flavored beverage with the aftertaste of medicine, no...probably not.

~A

This beverage supplied to us by Xyience

Xyience Xenergy Honey Ginseng

I don’t normally review non-carbonated beverages, but when the company who creates that beverage reaches out to me then who am I to say no.  Today’s drink up on deck is Xyience Xenergy Honey Ginseng.  Those of you who are fans of the UFC should recognize Xyience Xenergy as the official energy drink of the UFC.  If you didn’t know that, then perhaps they should rework their ad campaign.

Xyience Xenergy is sugar free, zero calorie, and vitamin fortified.  The Honey Ginseng flavor I’ve chosen includes Green Tea in the ingredients list along with several other words that you may have seen alongside some B vitamins and several other words that are much harder to say.

In case you weren’t aware Xyience means extreme science, and Xenergy is a blend of Zen and Energy.  With all nomenclature explained we should be ok to move on.

The faintest of faint aromas sits at the mouth of my newly opened can.  It smells slightly of honey and green tea...which is good because that’s what they’re going for.  Hopefully the taste is as inoffensive as the scent.

Four word review.  “Yay. Huh? Eh. Alright.”  Now let’s break it down.

Yay.  A cool refreshing burst of honey and green tea washes across my mouth.  It cools everything it comes in contact with, satisfying a thirst I wasn’t even aware I had.

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Twist is a Mad Xyientist.

Huh?  The gears change direction and now the ginseng and chemicals take over.  It’s not a complete 180 from what I first experienced, but I much preferred the initial taste to what I have now.

Eh.  So I guess I’m stuck with this new taste, but my mouth has quickly accepted this fate.  It’s not so bad and it’s still tastier than most energy drinks.  I really wished that first flavor would have lasted longer.

Alright.  So my wish is sorta coming true.  During the aftertaste the ginseng gives way once again to the honey and greet tea I initially enjoyed.  The only difference is that ginseng is still chilling there in the corner sulking because I didn’t like him as much.  The sweetness from the honey leaves a lasting impression and makes it very easy to return the can to my mouth.

Xyience Xenergy Honey Ginseng is a fantastic energy drink and a pretty solid regular drink to boot.  I could honestly see myself drinking this just because I enjoyed the flavor.  Yeah, there is a bit of weakness shown in the middle of each sip, but XXHG doesn’t tap out.  See what I did there?  I worked in an MMA reference to make part of the review quirky.  I should probably stop while I’m ahead.

~A

This soda supplied to us by Xyience

JOIA Lime Hibiscus and Clove

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One of Twist's middle names is "Poppin"

Oh JOIA, how your flavors challenge me.  It seems to always be three flavors with one of them being normal, one being different, and a final one that’s just odd.  Today’s feature is JOIA Lime Hibiscus and Clove.  Lime, good old lime.  I like lime soda it’s usually pretty tasty.  Clove is in here too?  Ok, I’ve had a couple of clove flavored items in my life.  I also used to push them into apples for Christmas decorations.  What’s this?  Hibiscus?  That’s a flower.  While I’ve had a few sodas with hibiscus included, that’s still not enough for my mind to make this a regular flavor of soda...natural ingredients or not.

What am I supposed to do, take a sip and say “oh man the hibiscus in this is poppin’?”  Perhaps if my tastebuds were smarter.  I like to think I still have the common man’s taste buds.  I don’t use words like “node” when describing a scent.  Then again I could probably improve at my descriptions, but that’s for another time.  For now my job is to drink JOIA Lime Hibiscus and Clove.

For being a lime soda it does have somewhat of a flowery aroma.  The clove is also easily identified with each sniff I take.  In fact the lime seems to be riding in the middle of back seat on the hump with his sisters to either side of him.

OH MAN THAT HIBISCUS IS POPPIN’!  It’s not, but I can at least discern the hibiscus flavor from the clove and lime.   While the lime gave off the lightest scent it has taken full command of the taste.  He might be riding in the middle of the back seat, but he’s got control of the radio.  After the initial burst of lime the sweet hibiscus and clove briefly swing by and make a polite appearance.  Quickly saying their goodbyes the girls saunter off allowing their brash younger brother to continue talking.  It’s quite the delicate flavor experience, but their story is told particularly well.

The carbonation is only strong enough to keep this soda from seeming flat.  Microscopically small bubbles rush down the back of my throat with each gulp; just creating a friendly reminder of their existence.

So there you have it.  JOIA Lime Hibiscus and Clove is really a lime soda plus.  The added flavors sweeten the experience and briefly refreshed my palate.  Even though I’m a huge fan of most any lime soda it was nice to have a bit of intermission built in to each sip.  

~A

JOIA Ginger Apricot and Allspice

How’s the old saying go?  JOIA, JOIA everywhere, and lots of flavors to drink?  I’m pretty sure that’s accurate.  Once again I have a bottle of JOIA in front of me.  This time it’s flavor is listed as Ginger, Apricot, and Allspice.  Three ingredients I enjoy, but never even thought about combining.  As with all JOIA beverages the flavors listed in the title are easily found in the ingredient list along with a host of other natural tastes.  You see, JOIA is an all natural soda with nothing artificial.  This allows me to expect every flavor combination to be at least above average, hopefully this bottle will meet those expectations.

The allspice and ginger are the strongest scents out of the mouth of the bottle.  It’s an aroma that I wouldn’t mind filling up my house.  Perhaps JOIA should start a candle business on the side.  I’d buy one.

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Twist actually won Wrestlemania XII, but was disqualified and had to give up the belt.

Son of a gun, that first impression is a delightful one.  Immediately I see why ginger and allspice were the two scents greeting me from the get go.  Each sip I take is like watching them wrestle for dominance.  

Ginger punches Allspice in the throat, but Allspice recovers and jumps onto Ginger from the ropes.  Rolling out of the way, Ginger connects with Allspices kidney.  Allspice hits the mat and Ginger goes on top for the pin.  ONE, TWO, THR… Allspice is able to kick out of it, but rolls out of the ring in a daze.  Ginger charges after knowing that Allspice is weakened, but what’s this?  A chair clocks Ginger across the face.  HE’S NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT!  HE’S NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT! Ginger hits the mat unconscious and Allspice pins him down.  ONE, TWO, TH… a bottle is thrown from an unknown location knocking Allspice out.  The two spices are still in the middle of the ring.  Who threw the bottle?  It was Apricot.

That’s pretty much what my experience is like.  It’s a lot of spice fighting amongst the bubbles and I kind of forgot that there is even supposed to be an apricot flavor.  Then somewhere in the aftertaste I remembered.  While the spices were nice change of pace at first now they are starting to tire out my taste buds.  I want more of the fruit and less of the spice.  It’s no longer a refreshing beverage because of these uneven levels.  Perhaps if Apricot had been given the chance at the title he would have brought his A game.

~A

JOIA Orange Jasmine and Nutmeg

So I’ve been sent several soda samples this year and fortunately the JOIA line was one of them.  The flavors I’ve had thus far were quite good and they don’t use any artificial ingredients either.  Today’s bottle of JOIA is of the Orange, Jasmine, and Nutmeg flavored variety.  The ingredients list each of the flavors titled plus a few extras like Monk Fruit, which is actually on the rise when it comes to soda making.  I’m not quite sure what this family of flavors will be like when combined, but I'm willing to bet it’ll be tasty.  

Twist has dated someone with all the listed names in this beverage.  Nutmeg was his favorite.

A delightful natural orange aroma rushes to the mouth of the bottle.  The nutmeg is also prevalent enough to make itself known with ease.  These two flavors don’t completely mask the jasmine, but they’re definitely the stars of this aromatic show.

A citrus kick right to the back of my throat is how I start my journey with this soda.  The orange and nutmeg once again working in tandem.  The nutmeg keeps the orange from tasting too acidic, creating a bitter flavor in the middle of my sip.  As the two power players work with one another the jasmine lilts in the background, creating a subtle sweetness.  Ultimately the orange is the most dominant of the three and has the final say as my gulp comes to an end.

Proving just as important is the small, but sharp bubbles experienced with each taste.  They keep the beverage alive and fun; stopping the orange/nutmeg combination from just sitting in your stomach as orange juice can sometimes do.  

All in all, JOIA Orange Jasmine and Nutmeg is a solid beverage.  All three of the flavors play their parts well, the ingredient list is fantastic, and it’s not just another fruit soda.  The bitter taste will not be pleasing to some, myself included, but it’s not so strong that you can’t enjoy the soda.  Pick up a few and share them with your friends, let them decide.

~A

Pennsylvania Dutch Birch Beer

Mike is from Pennsylvania where birch beer is prevalent.  For whatever reason he hates birch beer.  Personally I find it odd that someone who likes root beer could hate birch beer, but I’m sure I have my quirks as well.  Today’s soda hails from Mike’s home state and is called Pennsylvania Dutch Birch Beer.

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Twist can raise a barn... with his mind.

Now the good folks at Pennsylvania Dutch sent me a 12 pack for my review.  As I do with all of my extra sodas I gave it away to my friends.  Let me tell you, Pennsylvania Dutch Birch Beer went faster than any other soda I’d given away.  In fact one of the guys that got a bottle was a Pennsylvania native as well and had been missing his fix.

The bottle design harkens back to olden times with horse drawn carriages.  Now there is a heavy Amish population in Pennsylvania, so I guess the image could be modern too.  A ribbon at the bottom states that this is “Made From An Old Pennsylvania Dutch Recipe”.  I enjoy statements like that.  They’re always so full of hope until you check the ingredients.  Let’s see what creates this time tested flavor of olde.  Carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, caramel color, salt, natural and artificial flavors, gum acacia, and red #40.  Yup, their story checks out.  That ingredient list reads as if it were pulled from the 1800’s themselves.  Sigh.

It never makes sense to me to hide natural ingredients.  Sure, hide all the chemicals you want in your vague “artificial ingredients” tag, but if they’re natural I’d really like to know what they are.  Alright, enough complaining.  It’s time I moved on.

The pungent rooty aroma bursts from the mouth of the bottle.  It’s mostly comprised of black licorice and root beer, but a vanilla tingle is lingering at the end of each sniff.  

Old Pennsylvania Dutch Recipe or not, that is darn tasty.  The amount of vanilla in this creates a very smooth mouth feel while your taste buds are simultaneously battling the slight licorice taste you’d expect in a birch beer.  The carbonation plays both sides of the field as it first compliments the smooth texture with soft, tiny bubbles.  When the end of the sip draws near and the birch beer begins to bite the carbonation rises up and becomes sharp.  It’s quite the fortunate battle happening in my mouth.  

All in all Pennsylvania Dutch Birch Beer was a really pleasant experience.  I do wish they used cane sugar and told us what the “natural ingredients” were.  Still quite tasty and I’m having a hard time rating it.  I think I’m going to go with “Buy a Pack”, but know it’s on the high end of that scale.  Better break back out the decimals points (NEVER AGAIN).

~A

This soda was supplied to us by Pennsylvania Dutch

Begley's and Bill's Bananas Foster

The final beverage in my possession from Begley’s and Bill’s is Bananas Foster.  I’m fully expecting a taste of bananas and fire and will be disappointed if this is not achieved.  Ok, so I should probably lower my fire tasting expectations and just be on the lookout for vanilla, cinnamon, and perhaps a touch of rum flavoring.  

I’m going to limit my discussion of their sweetening agent to two sentences and then not mention it again as I’ve talked about it in the past three reviews.  B&B use SweetenFX which is their proprietary blend of stevia and erythritol to sweeten and it works quite well.  In other news, this will be my second or third banana flavored soda and my first bananas foster.  I’m quite excited to see what they can do.

Twist was the cause of the great banana famine of 1823

This has the strongest scent of the four B&B sodas I’ve tried to date.  The aroma is not unlike banana Runts which give me pause.  I dislike banana Runts as should you.  I’m pretty sure they just use them as filler so the bags aren’t loaded up with strawberry and cherry.  This isn’t a candy blog though…yet…so let’s move on to the actual tasting.

Alright, this could be better.  It certainly has a banana taste to it, but it reminds me of a medicine that’s been given banana flavoring after the fact.  After my sip was finished the some of the other expected tastes came in on the back end.  Vanilla was the strongest, but still easily shoved aside by banana.  I hardly taste any cinnamon or rum and maybe I’m not tasting it at all.  Perhaps I’m just wishing the two flavors into existence.  That’s how faint they are.  

Each sip I take hurts my opinion of B&B Bananas Foster more and more.  The artificial banana taste builds upon itself like lincoln logs stacking higher and higher.  I’m pretty sure I’m about to reach a point where I don’t want to finish the bottle.  This is a different outcome than the previous three B&B sodas where each bottle was emptied.  Nah, I’m stopping here.  This review is poorly written, but the soda is poorly executed so we’re even.

Begley’s and Bill’s Bananas Foster is a good idea, but seems kinda halfway done.  There are so many parts to bananas foster and while they still might be under the hood the less than stellar banana flavoring is the engine.  Give it a shot if you want to, but I’d buy quite a bit before this.

~A

This soda was supplied to us by Begley’s and Bill’s

Begley's and Bill's Root Beer

Sugar.  Free.  Root.  Beer.  I’ve never ever had a good one, but something tells me that Begley’s and Bill’s Root Beer is going to finally give me what I’ve not really been searching for.  You see Begley’s and Bill’s uses something they like to call SweetenFX which is their proprietary blend of stevia and erythritol.  All of their sodas are sweetened with it and their cola and cream sodas taste pretty dang good.  Today is uncharted territory though.  I attribute diet/sugar free root beer to poison.  Something important always seems to be missing.  Let’s see if SweetenFX can fill in for that missing puzzle piece.

If it looks like a diet root beer and quacks like a diet root beer... it much be a duck!

Ok, so the aroma is a little odd.  Like all the B&B sodas I’ve tried the scent is faint, but can be discovered with a little rooting around.  I can’t tell if it’s a burst of vanilla I’m getting or if this sweetening process is finally catching up to B&B.

It’s not poison, that’s for sure, but this entry into the soda market isn’t as strong as their previous two had been.  Let me preface all of this by saying it’s the best diet root beer I’ve had and that includes Virgil’s Zero.  With that out of the way I’ll tell you that the first third of each sip is very promising and enjoyable.  It’s sweet, it’s rooty, it’s good.

That quickly fades into the next leg of the experience where that initial flavor goes away and you can taste the “diet”.  It’s drier than a root beer should be at this point and even though it’s all natural a chemical taste becomes known.  It’s not something I’m sticking my tongue out over, but it’s noticeable enough to give me pause.

After this fades you’re left with an aftertaste that’s neither pleasant nor terrible.  In fact it taste a little like diet maple syrup.  Throughout this process the carbonation is slowly walking around in the background not really caring if he’s noticed or not.  Now it’s my opinion that root beer can benefit from strong or weak carbonation, but B&B Root Beer needs to add a bit more.

So there you have it.  While Begley’s and Bill’s Root Beer is still the best sugar free root beer I’ve tasted it still has it’s flaws.  It tastes alright and isn’t poison, so it’s got that going for it.

~A

This soda supplied to us by Begley’s and Bill’s

Begley's and Bill's Cola

Twist is also all natural

A zero calorie, partially stevia sweetened cola sits in front of me.  It’s Begley’s and Bills Cola and if I hadn’t had their similarly sweetened cream soda the other day I’d be nervous.  I’d be nervous about the taste.  You know the one thing I shouldn’t be nervous about?  Instead though I’m feeling confident that this will be at worst an average soda.  It’s not a terrible thing to be average at worst, it means you don’t fail.  Trust me when I say many sodas fail.  So lets open up this bottle and see what SweetenFX (their proprietary blend of stevia and erythritol) can do.

The cola aroma required is present.  It reminds me of RC Cola, which is my favorite of the three mainstream colas.  It’s a rather faint smell, but the cream soda’s was too and that turned out alright.

Score number two for Begley’s and Bill’s.  Just to get it out of the way, there is no chance I would have thought this was sweetened with stevia.  Where the cream soda had a bit of a tell, their cola tastes quite pure.  The mouthfeel is on the smoother side, but there’s still a bit of a bite at the finish of each sip.  Sometimes this would be attributed to the carbonation, but in the case of Begley’s and Bill’s Cola the bite comes from the flavor.  Speaking of the carbonation, it’s not particularly strong.  The bubbles are small and just fierce enough to keep it from tasting flat.  All in all they do their job well.

Again, the cola’s flavor isn’t reaching an above and beyond status, but it’s better than Coke.  Add to the fact that this is sugar free and only 8 calories and you see why I’m impressed.  It would be nice to have some added spice in this to differentiate it a bit more from your standard fare.  It’s good though and once again what I’d recommend hands down to anyone who needs a sugar free alternative or just like colas.

~A

This soda supplied to us by Begley's and Bill's

Begley's and Bill's Cream Soda

Ever wondered what Ed Begley Jr. tasted like?  You’re creepy, stop.  For those who answered the question with a resounding “no” I’ll continue on.  Ed Begley Jr. and man named Bill Sabo created a line of all natural sugar free sodas.  Ok, so I’m pretty sure Bill Sabo did the creating, but Ed Begley’s name is on the bottle as well...unless you go to the website where it’s called Birdie and Bill’s.  I have no idea why, but we’re going to ignore that fact to avoid potential awkwardness (maybe it was a love triangle?! Gasp!).  The first flavor I’ve chosen to review is Cream Soda.  The ingredients tell me that it’s sweetened with SweetenFX which is their proprietary blend of stevia (duh) and Erythritol.  

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Faux Fact: E.B.J tastes like Twist.

Now since SweetenFX is strictly a Begley’s and Bills item I’ve never come across it.  The bottle swears to me this soda is “Great Tasting” in both English and French, so who am I to doubt it.  Oh, I’m a guy that hasn’t had a good stevia sweetened “brown” soda.  That’s who I am, so I will doubt it.  Let’s not give me much time to doubt though.  It’s time to dive in.

My nostril pulls sharply at the mouth of the bottle, just barely getting the scent of cream soda.  What I do smell is pleasant.  There is a very strong vanilla presence in terms of aroma which is something I fully expect of any cream soda.  I do hope that this scent translates honestly into a taste.

Alright Ed, or Bill, or Birdie, you’ve got a pretty decent cream soda here.  SweetenFX really does an excellent job of creating a drinking experience that lacks the terrible aftertaste stevia is associated with.  Can I tell this isn’t made with sugar?  Yes, but I don’t care all that much as the chemical taste is minimal to non existent at times.  Instead a rich vanilla taste lingers with each sip.  The carbonation is light, but noticeable enough to contrast the smooth cream soda mouth feel you’d expect.  

What’s most impressive is that cream soda is a known sweet beverage and they replicated it very well.  You pick one up and expect a sugar rush in the taste.  They've managed to mostly duplicate that sensation with no sugar at all.  It was a risky soda to make, but they've pulled it off beautifully.  

So, does Begley’s and Bill’s Cream Soda match up to the big brand cream sodas?  Yes it really does and while the flavor isn’t something I’m going crazy over it’s still a good solid cream soda.  For those who need a sugar free cream soda I want to steer all of you in the direction of this bottle.  For those of us who are fortunate enough to be able to chose between sugar full and sugar free, I still suggest you buy a pack.  Either way I’m looking forward to trying a few other bottles of Begley’s/Birdie’s and Bill’s.

~A

This soda supplied to us by Begley's and Bill's 

Honest Fizz Root Beer

Well there has been some delay in reviews as of recent and I promise you it’s for good reason.  This Jerk now has a tiny Jerk of his own to take care of.  So there’s my excuse, hopefully you’ll take it.  Now perhaps you’ll think my excuse was fabricated when I tell you the next drink I had in line was an organic, stevia sweetened, zero calorie root beer.  That’d be pretty low to make up a tiny Jerk just to postpone reviewing a diet root beer.

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Don't worry, Twist told me the correct location eventually.  It's his establishment after all. 

 It worries me a bit to review this as I’ve never personally found any enjoyment out of “diet” root beer.  In fact I compare it to poison when the subject comes up.  Perhaps the stevia will add a little something I’ve never experienced before, but I’m still leery.  Oh, the name of the drink at hand is Honest Fizz Root Beer.  If you’ve been keeping up you’ll know that this is the fourth Honest Fizz beverage I’ve tried with mixed results.  As long as they stick to citrus soda they seem to do alright; it’s when they dabble in the brown sodas that their weakness is shown.  Who am I to jump to conclusions though?  Let me find out for myself.

After opening the scent off the can could hold its own with any root beer on the market.  There’s nothing scary or off putting at all.  Just two nostrils full of vanilla goodness telling me I’m ready.  Hopefully  my tongue gets into the same show that my nose told just told him about.

My nose was telling a half truth.  There was indeed a “place in France where the pretty ladies dance”, but no “hole in the wall for the men to see it all”.  For half of the sip I was there in France, I was sold, I was convinced that I was in the right place.  For half of the sip it was creamy, foamy, and right up there with your major players like Barq’s and the like.  The second half of the sip is when this imagined wall came tumbling down taking its hole with it.  It went from high hopes to bowl of nopes in about two seconds. 

Now bitter and dry, pulling away any taste of creamy vanilla I had once experienced.  It’s like I’m drinking root beer flavored seltzer water.  Each time I try and recreate the first half of the sip my trip is cut shorter and shorter until I’m just standing in Paris looking like a scammed tourist.  Why did I allow myself to get scammed?  I’ve never had a good sugar free root beer.  What made me think this would be any different?  Well at least I got to see Disneyland Paris.

~A

This soda supplied to us by Honest Fizz

Honest Fizz Orange Pop

So far Honest Fizz is one for two in my book.  Their Professor Fizz stevia sweetened soda wasn’t all that great, but Lemon Limey had promise.  So let’s follow that same citrus vine as it takes us to today’s soda, Honest Fizz Orange Pop.  Now many of the orange sodas I’ve reviewed have been chock full of sugar, so today’s installment of a stevia sweetened orange soda will be a first for me.  Will it be dry but still flavored appropriately like Lemon Limey, or will the stevia take over and make me wish I was eating orange rind instead? 

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When Twist was a boy he called his father Orange Pop, but then the change occurred.

The scent seems safe enough.  I’ve opened enough cans of Sunkist Orange to know what a “by the book” orange soda smells like and Orange Pop is just another chapter in said book.  Hopefully the flavor has studied the curriculum.  It’s a loose reference to the previous sentence, but it works well enough for me.  Moving on.

Much like Lemon Limey, the mouth feel of this soda is indeed a little dry but it works.  There’s not a burst of sugary taste, there’s not a film coating my mouth, and there’s not any of the terrible aftertaste that stevia is known for.  Honest Fizz Orange Pop is like orange soda graduated from college, bought a town home, and adopted a dog.  It has its life in order and no longer has time for the crazy parties it used to throw back at Berkeley.  That’s right, orange soda went to Berkeley.  Sure, he’ll let loose and play with his dog, but he’s focused on giving you an orange flavored soda without all the nonsense.  Some of his friends may not like him anymore because of what he’s become, but Honest Fizz Orange Pop won’t have a hard time making new friends.

The carbonation levels are a little high which is probably masking some of the stevia taste and as the liquid inside heats up a little it’s becoming harder to hide.  Even with the stevia taste showing through a little, I’m ok with mature orange soda.  I may not visit him as often, but he’s still an ok guy.  So I like my orange sodas sugary, there’s nothing wrong with that.  I can still appreciate what Honest Fizz has done here.  This is a legitimate zero calorie orange soda and if that’s your thing then you won’t be disappointed.

~A

This soda was supplied to us by Honest Fizz

Honest Fizz Lemon Limey

Ok, so I wasn’t thrilled with Honest Fizz Professor Fizz.  Did you really expect me to fall head over heels for a stevia sweetened Dr Pepper clone?  I have a feeling today will be a better day for Honest Fizz  when I review Lemon Limey.  The lemon lime flavor combination is tried and true, but I also believe it lends itself to be sweetened by stevia.  There’s only a handful of ways to find out if I’m right; I’m picking the way that continues this review.

The scent is faint, but I’m able to discern lime right off the bat.  That’s always a good sign in my book as the lime (in my opinion) is the flavor that usually gets left behind when talking about lemon/lime beverages.  Perhaps Honest Fizz Lemon Limey will end up teaching a class on how to properly flavor a citrus soda.

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Twist embodies lemon lime.

That’s not half bad.  Much like I expected, the stevia doesn’t offend as it might in one of the brown sodas (cola, Dr Pepper, root beer).  In fact it gives Lemon Limey a bit of a dry sensation you might expect from a fancier beverage.  The taste is quite similar to a well flavored sparkling water.  Personally I’d choose Honest Fizz Lemon Limey over most any sparkling water based on its flavor. 

The carbonation is light, but noticeable.  It’s like I’m drinking fancy Sprite except Honest Fizz does a better job emphasizing the two flavors in an individual manner.  With that said it’s not flavor-full.  Yes, I’m aware that “flavorful” is the word I was looking for, but I wanted to stress that Lemon Limey had flavor, it just wasn’t full of it. 

Certainly this soda has a market, but I don’t believe I’m in it.  I’m not looking for soda with zero calories sweetened with stevia leaves, if I were though I’d pick up a can of Honest Fizz Lemon Limey.  As I stated before, this soda isn’t bitter, it’s dry.  The flavor doesn’t make me crave more.  This just isn’t my thing, but I can certainly respect the job they did in creating it. 

If you prefer diet sodas or you need to have a sugarless soda for one reason or another, then I highly recommend trying Honest Fizz Lemon Limey.  On the other hand, if neither of those things are for you then maybe you should pick up a bottle to double check.

~A

This soda was supplied to us by Honest Fizz

Honest Fizz Professor Fizz

I have returned from my long break and I’m sure the rumors about my departure were just starting to run rampant.  Had I gone off the deep end, sold my Soda Jerk stock and purchased a yacht?  Perhaps I gave up soda drinking and was living in a little cave with only the essentials.  Maybe I was prepping for Game of Thrones Season 4 to start.  I’m not sure we’ll ever figure out what I was up to, but I’m sure it’s a tale for the police.

Today’s review comes from the folks at Honest Tea.  They make a soda called Honest Fizz that comes in four (hopefully) fantastic flavors.  Honest Fizz is a zero calorie soda that’s naturally sweetened with stevia.  Here’s their ingredient list for those interested.  You know there won’t be a lot of ingredients because I’d be too lazy to type them.  Anywho, here they are:  Carbonated Water, Erythritol, Organic Caramel Color, Natural Flavors, Stevia Leaf Extract, Citric Acid, and Caffeine.  For those who don’t know what Erythritol is, it’s a sugar that’s sometimes found in fruit and fermented food.  I don’t know if Honest Fizz’s is from fruit or from a lab, either way it’s in there.

What I’ve chosen today is called Professor Fizz.  Honestly I don’t really know what flavor Professor Fizz is as the label has what looks to be a cherry on it, but the description on the back reads like this may have Dr Pepper similarity.  You be the judge.

“Professor Fizz has a Ph.D. in taste, and one sip will tell you why.  There’s no way to describe this unique, all-natural spiced cherry flavor, other than to say it’s a definite A+.”

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Fun Fact:  Twist was known as Professor Fizz when he taught school in the 1800's.

So I counted a total of two puns in there.  I’m ok with puns… the lip of the can says “So-da-lightful”…I’m no longer comfortable with this many puns/plays on words.  Now that I’ve written my longest intro yet, lets me get to actually reviewing.

Judging by the smell of Professor Fizz I’m going to say they’re going for the Dr Pepper experience in this soda.  To back up my theory, the color is brown with a light red hue.  Scent-wise they’re doing a pretty good job matching it though.  Should be interesting to see how the taste stacks up.

Curse you stevia.  The first third of my sip tastes like Diet Dr Pepper.  The cherry/cola/root beer taste is there.  It’s sweet, it’s light, and it’s enjoyable.  The carbonation brushes gently across my tongue in a playful way.  I want to take another sip, but then the first third of my sip ends abruptly.  The second third of my sip begins to taste like Diet Dr.  The sweetness is turning into a somewhat bitter chemical sensation.  The cherry/cola/root beer flavor is fading quickly and the overall makeup of the soda is deteriorating.  By the time I’m in the home stretch it’s a bitter liquid that doesn’t even resemble what it sought out to be like so many of us out there.

You leave home at 18 to go out into the world with so many ideas.  You have your flaws, but you still feel unstoppable.  As time marches on you gain a more realistic view.  Bills, work, and booze infiltrate your life.  You black out.  Now you sit hunched over a computer writing soda reviews for the masses.  Three meals a day are passed to you through the bars of your “office”.  You tell them you have a peanut allergy, but they keep putting them on the brownies to spite you.  Your boss comes in every hour on the hour to make sure you’re still cranking them out.  Finally one day you find a way to escape. 

A speck of sunlight is seen at the end of the long hall.  You make a break for it.  For over a month you’re out in the world again, feeling light and airy.  A few weeks later you check the site and see that some other schmuck has posted a review.  Relief passes over your body as you figure the search for you is all but over.  You go to your family’s house to spend Easter Sunday with them, but that’s where they get you.  Before you can ring the doorbell the men in blue gag you and bring you back to your computer so that you can write more reviews.

That “fictional tale” is what Professor Fizz’s journey seems like.  It started off with such hope and promise, but the speed in which it deconstructed into a bitter beverage with a stevia aftertaste is astounding.  I know they want to have a zero calorie soda and I don’t fault them for that.  If they want to have an improved flavor then they need to cut the stevia with some sugar.  Just do half and half to see what it tastes like.  It’ll still be pretty low in calorie and you might have a wider appeal.  What do I know though?  I don’t make soda; I just sit here in my office eating brownies all day.

~A

This soda supplied to us by Honest Fizz

Kazouza Watermelon

I ate some insane hot sauce today, 357 Mad Dog if you’re curious.  It was a rather painful experience, but I knew I had a soda review that needed to be written as well.  Sadly I had to wait until the hot sauce heat had worn off because I didn’t want to grant extra points for relieving pain.  So here we are, me a little bit smarter and you waiting for a review.  Today’s soda was purchased by you with your donations, I thank you.  What you bought me was Kazouza Watermelon Soda.  Checking out the ingredients I see this was made in Lebanon and contains 5% juice.  It also contains the “Esters of Wood Rosins”, so I got that to look forward to.  Let’s just get to it.

Watermelon scent slyly finds its way out of the bottle, hardly noticeable unless you’re looking for it.  There’s something off putting about the aroma as well, sort of a sickly scent.  I’m hoping that doesn’t translate its way into the taste.

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Watermelon was the first currency used among iguanas.  Twist at one point controlled 6% of all watermelons. 

There is a light fizz to this refreshing watermelon soda.  It’s a fairly natural taste with a differing sweetness than you’d find in an actual fruit.  Watermelons are actually nauseating to me due to their cloyingly sweet taste, yet Kazouza Watermelon allows me to enjoy watermelon flavor without wanting to retch. 

Helping keep the soda from clinging to my teeth is the cane sugar it’s sweetened with.  While I do end up with some aftertaste I’m primarily given a clean finish with each sip.  It may take a few extra seconds, but ultimately the taste vanishes allowing for a soda that doesn’t built upon itself and overpower.

Kazouza Watermelon is alright.  I’m not going to run out and buy a ton of it because, as stated before, I don’t like watermelon.  If you like the taste of watermelon then I think you’d enjoy this soda.  Unfortunately for Kazouza my dislike of watermelon is going to come through in the rating of this soda.  Just keep that in mind, will you?

This soda was supplied to us by YOU!  Your donations allowed for us to purchase this for review. Thank you!

Route 66 Lime Soda

You can either read 500 something reviews or this next sentence to catch up.  I like lime soda.  So when I was presented the funds (from you) to buy my own sodas of course I picked a lime flavored one.  Route 66 Lime Soda to be exact.  The bottle even says “Chosen by Soda jerks Every Time”.  If that’s not some sort of sign I don’t know what is.  The ingredient list is mostly chemical, but this is sweetened with “real” cane sugar so it has that going for it.  Above the ingredients is what I assume to be a “stopping point” on Route 66.  Today’s stopping point is the Chain of Rocks Bridge.  It’s over 5353 feet long and was constructed in 1929.  I’d tell you more about it, but I don’t want to spoil the ending.  What I do want to do is taste this anti-freeze green soda.

Route 66 Lime Soda smells of lime candy with a hint of cleaning product.  Preferably it will taste like lime candy and the cleaning product aroma will just add a needed kick to the mouth feel.  Bottoms up!

There’s more of a bitter taste to this soda than I anticipated.  Needless to say it cuts down on the potential to be candy sweet, but in doing so keeps the flavor more in the natural realm.  With that said, this is definitely not lime juice soda.  The sugar just takes a moment to get up and running before it can chase the mild bitterness away.  A bit of a syrupy texture is left on my teeth as I continue to consume this soda.  It’s not all that bothersome, but I’d rather do without it.  All in all I’m finding Route 66 Lime Soda to be rather average.  It tastes alright, but even as a lime lover I’d rather an average [insert fruit here] soda over this one. 

Caught somewhere between trying to be candy and trying to taste like lime, Route 66 Lime Soda just ends up being forgettably good.  If you just want a lime soda and you see this, then grab a bottle.  If you want a fruit flavored soda then just go for what looks best in your cup holder.

~A

This soda was brought to us by YOU!  The donations you supplied were used to purchase it!

R-Pep

Anything mainstream has a knock off version of it.  Take it from the kid who was playing with Go-Bots instead of Transformers.  As I’m sure you’re aware, this especially rings true in the soda world where a multitude of “coke like colas” are out there.  Another flavor you see multitudes of is Dr Pepper.  Today’s beverage, I’m assuming, is a Dr Pepper “inspired” soda.  I’m guessing this because it’s called R-Pep.  What would you think it was?  It’s made with chemicals and cane sugar so it’s at least trying. 

My personal favorite part of this simple labeled soda is that the slogan is “Make it Yours!”   If this truly is “inspired” by Dr Pepper then those words could not ring truer.  Make this other popular flavor yours.  Who knows though?  Perhaps I’ll open this up and it won’t taste a thing like Dr Pepper.  Perhaps I’ll look like an ass because of it.  Either way, it’s time to find out.

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Twist was once a doctor in a small Midwestern town.

It smells somewhat like the Dr, but a different scent lingers as well.  A strong caramel sensation seems to be making itself noticed.  Maybe this is what will keep R-Pep from being a knock off and make me play the fool.

So I may not be playing the fool, but I’m at least his understudy.  R-Pep is good, but I could easily tell the two apart due to a couple of things that R-Pep does differently.  This is certainly creamier than Dr Pepper and the carbonation levels are lower here.  These differences allow R-Pep to be smoother than the already self-proclaimed smooth Dr.  There is also a heavier dose of vanilla used in R-Pep which just exaggerates the previously made point.  Overall it’s a pretty dang tasty beverage and even though it’s exactly what I thought it would be, it’s not.

Anyone can make a halfhearted attempt to copy someone, causing the result to taste halfhearted.  When a company makes a soda like R-Pep you at least know they were trying.  A lover of Dr Pepper had an idea of how to make it better, so they put forth the time and energy to do so.  Ultimately this created a different enough soda that it should be allowed to stand alone, but sadly will always be compared.  Just ask Pepsi how that’s worked out for them.  Dr Pepper’s only competitor is Pibb and if you ask me that’s not much of a competitor.  R-Pep is better than Pibb and sizes up well against its “inspiration”.  Sure it’s sweeter, more vanilla-y, and smoother, but that’s what makes it special.  If you find a bottle in your neck of the woods you should give it a try.

~A

This soda was given to us by YOU!  Your donations made this review possible, so THANKS!

Swamp Pop Praline Cream Soda

Well, I’ve saved what I think will be the best Swamp Pop flavor for last.  Swamp Pop Praline Cream Soda sits in front of me complete with a tiny picture of pecans (pronounced puh-konz if you care to be a friend of mine).  I’m curious as to how candy like this cream soda will be.  Will it be extra sweet with a caramel finish?  Will it have a nutty flavor with a hint of cream?  I genuinely haven’t the slightest of clues, so let’s find out shall we?

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Twist loves himself some pralines. His original recipe included crickets though.

Judging by the aroma it seems they went the caramel route.  So rich it almost has a texture, a sweet/salty scent flows easily out of the mouth of the bottle and just hangs.  By smell alone I can tell you this is a dessert beverage and I’m guessing a dang fine one. 

Son of a gun.  Chocolate, caramel, cream, coffee, pecan, and a touch of dirty livin’ made this soda.  This is a wonderful combination of all the flavors listed.  Initially the taste starts off smooth and nonchalant, but a caramel coffee sensation rolls across my tongue and does it’s best to prepare me for what’s to come.  Its delightful warning is followed by a somewhat bitter chocolate taste that rushes by with pecans in hand.  Like a streaker running past, you know you saw something, but it all happened so fast you can’t create a very accurate mental picture of the naked person.  The carbonation is fairly light, letting all of the tastes show their stuff. 

Behind all of this is the cream, because after all it is a cream soda.  This cream keeps the flavor consistent throughout its ever changing textures.  You may have noticed that I also included “dirty livin” as a flavor.  By that I just mean you can taste the work, effort, and dirty hands that it took to come up with this one.  I’m not sure I can find a weakness in this soda. 

What’s impressive to me is that with all of those flavors the beverage doesn’t feel heavy.  I’ve finished this bottle and could easily drink more.  Not something I expected after getting a scent of what I was about to drink. 

So it seems I made the right decision leaving Praline Cream Soda for last.  Overall I’m very impressed with the Swamp Pop line up as they give us familiar tastes, but with a Louisiana touch.  If you have the chance, you definitely need to pick up a bottle.

~A

This soda supplied to us by Swamp Pop

A “Twist’s Choice” Recipient

Swamp Pop Satsuma Fizz

So I put forth a poll last night on which Swamp Pop flavor to drink next.  The results were overwhelmingly in favor of Satsuma Fizz.  100% of voters picked the beverage so it must be good.  Technically the folks at Pops 66 were the only ones to vote, but doggone it they did and I’m going to listen to them.  A Satsuma, if you are unaware, is a little sweet orange.  I’m actually quite surprised I’ve never had a Satsuma soda before as I think the flavor would translate rather nicely.  There is only one somewhat odd ingredient in this soda and that is Beta Carotene.  It’s not really going to affect anything, I just thought it was interesting.  Onward!

Satsuma Fizz was Twist's name when he was hustlin' pool.  If you were scammed by a Satsuma Fizz though it was probably a different iguana.

Ooohwee, it’s a tart little orange soda judging by the scent.  Thankfully there is also a sweet aroma mixed in, but it really does seem like the citrus side of Satsuma will be the one to shine.

That is truly a realistic tasting orange soda.  The natural sweetness of the titled ingredient is quite prevalent, but not so much that you’d mistake this for sugary nonsense.  So many orange sodas are sugary nonsense making Swamp Pop the newest member of the sparsely populated “unique orange soda” clique.  Hopefully RootJack doesn’t bother him too much.

A burst of tart orange takes over my mouth just short of it feeling like I’m biting into the fruit itself.  Only once the sharp yet light carbonation gets out of the way do you experience any sort of taste resembling candy.  Well timed, this happens at the end of each sip, allowing my taste buds to go on a pleasant journey each time I draw the bottle to my mouth.  This might be the shortest review I’ve written on a soda I really enjoy.  I won’t over complicate what is a simple enjoyment with more words.  Well, maybe four more.

~A

This soda was supplied to us by Swamp Pop