Topo-Sabores Peach

Once upon a time there was a boy who wanted a soda.  Not just any soda mind you but a Topo-Sabores Peach soda to be precise.  You see a lion once told the boy that Topo-Sabores Peach soda was delicious but this lion wasn’t always to be trusted since he always seemed to regard Topo-Sabores products at the highest level.  One day a magical wizard named Abel gave the boy a bottle of the peach concoction under one condition… that he review it and put it up in the town square for all to see.  Of course the boy obliged and ran home with his bottle of Topo-Sabores Peach.  When he finally arrived at his home he gazed in wonder at the cool bottle in his hands.  Glancing over the contents of the bottle he noticed that this contained both cane sugar and some form of black magic called high fructose corn syrup.  Confused he decided he better not think about it too much or he might fall ill.    Quickly he broke the seal hoping to get a whiff of what majesty lay before him.

It was certainly peaches, or at least black magic made to taste like peaches, that populated the inside of this container.  While he hadn’t tasted this bubble nectar just yet his nose wouldn’t lie to him… would it?

Putting the lip of the bottle to his own he tilted it back to finally enjoy what the wizard had given him.  A broad smile crossed his face as the sweet peach soda raced across his tongue quickly being chased off by a horde of bubbles giving the soda a sharp contrasting after taste.  This wasn’t as smooth as he believed it would be, as this wasn’t the boys first peach soda, but he enjoyed it nonetheless.  Out of nowhere a dragon came lumbering along flicking its tongue moving closer and closer to the boy’s soda.  Panicking the boy ran off forgetting the Topo-Sabores behind him.  Looking over his shoulder he saw it was too late for him to save his soda… by the look on the dragon’s face it was to be consumed quickly.  The boy’s mood dropped as he remembered how much he enjoyed the peach flavoring, caused by black magic or not.  “Wait a minute,” the boy said allowed, “if a wizard made this for me shouldn’t it be the best soda I’ve ever had?  I mean he is a wizard and all.  This soda is enjoyable but a wizard should be able to create something out of this world.”  With that the boy walked into town square ready to post his review.  “Where is the soda the wizard gave you?  Wasn’t it most special?  Do you think he could make me one?” a passing peasant pondered.  “It was alright.”  The boy responded.  “Don’t bother asking him to make you one though.  You’re better off buying a bottle.”

Epilogue – As the years passed the boy grew and matured.  He made a lot of friends along the way and did some pretty amazing stuff.  That boy grew up to be Abraham Lincoln.

~A

To this day no one knows what happened to the dragon.  Some say he size was exaggerated, others say he still walks among us.  I guess we'll never know.

Bulldog Root Beer

Who's a good iguana? Twist's a good iguana! Who want's a tummy rub? Twist wants a tummy rub!

Bulldog Root Beer, Unleash the Taste!  That’s what the bottle in front of me reads.  When I think of unleashing something I think that I’m going to have such a hard time controlling it that I’m just gonna give up and take it off the leash.  This “thing” that I’m unleashing is going to be powerful, brash, unstoppable, unforgettable, and even dangerous.  I know that they’re probably making a dog pun in this situation but even if that were true they really need to “mean up” the dogs on the label.  These two lovable, dopey (in a good way), looking dogs are just sitting there looking at me waiting for a good tummy rub.  These puppies don’t need to be “unleashed” they need a chew toy and a nap.  Anyway… enough of that.  Bulldog Root Beer is of course a root beer and judging by the ingredients a pretty high quality one at that.  It’s sweetened with a combination of cane sugar and honey but sadly also had sodium benzoate.  I haven’t picked on sodium benzoate in a while so I thought I’d bring it back up.  One thing I notice is that they use “real vanilla”.  That’s how it’s listed on the label… “real vanilla”.  Not once have I ever seen “fake vanilla”.  I’ve seen “vanilla extract” which I what I assume they are separating themselves from by saying “real vanilla” but I found it rather silly to see.  Anywho, it’s time to open up this paw laden bottle and see what we can dig up!  Ha!  I can make dog puns too.

This has a rich creamy root beer smell.  One determining factor of a delicious root beer is when you can actually smell that it’s creamy.   That tells you it’ll probably go great with some Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream.  If you don’t have Blue Bell in your area I’m so very sorry, you’ll have to manage on whatever “Ice Cream” you can get your hands on.  Speaking of “on”… on to the tasting!

Wow that is creamy… if I do say so the creamiest root beer I’ve ever experienced.  Bulldog Root Beer almost has a cream soda finish to it.  The carbonation isn’t really a factor when compared to the flavor and mouth feel.  The mouth feel and aftertaste is so smooth it’s almost buttery.  Now I know that buttery root beer sounds gross but I don’t mean that kind of butter.  The after taste I’m getting here is very similar to that of butterscotch.  I’m a big fan of butterscotch so this ranks very high with me.  Fun fact:  The only candy I’ve ever choked on was butterscotch.  My grandfather held me upside down while my grandmother patted me on the back to dislodge it.  The butterscotch must have realized my love of it while being dissolved by my saliva and in a selfless act to save its future brethren tried to murder me.  Anywho… back to what remains of this review.  A lot of times when a soda uses honey to sweeten it’s one of the main things you taste; this is not the case for Bull Dog Root Beer.  I’m thinking the honey paired with the cane sugar is what’s cutting that honey flavor I so often find when sampling a Thomas Kemper or the like.  Here is the part where I apologize for mocking “real vanilla”.  That “real vanilla” is surely a large part of why I’m loving this so very much.  It’s adding just the right amount of “smooth” to the flavor to set it apart from other root beers.  It’s not hard to find subtle differences in root beer.  They can be made so many different ways you’re not going to find one that immolates another just right.  The real reward is when you find a root beer that has differences that could be spotted from space.  Bulldog Root Beer is one of those root beers.  As of today we’ve reviewed 30 root beers and I can’t think of one that gives you an experience like the one I have in front of me today.

A “Twist’s Choice” Recipient

Stander - Mint Soda

   “We're a German based non-alcoholic mint flavoured Premium Soda”.  Those are some of the words written to me in an e-mail by the nice people at Ständer.  Of course I had to oblige.  There isn’t much in that description that I could say no to for very long.  What I got from them was a package of Ständer soda along with a coaster and a bar napkin.  I have so many questions now!  Will I hate this?  Will I love it?  Am I hip enough to drink something from an 8 oz. black metal bottle?  Will this freshen my breath in any way?  Going back one question and speaking of the 8 oz. black metal bottle… this is some of the coolest packaging I’ve ever seen associated with a soda.  Looking at the ingredients on the side I feel even better about my soon to be consumed beverage:  Filtered Sparkling Water, Natural Beet Sugar, Natural Lemon and Spearmint Flavor, Citric Acid, Natural Caffeine, Vitamins B6, B12, B7 and B5.  The only bit of color on the black bottle is a picture of three mint leaves (in the appropriate color) with the words “mint your mind” underneath them.  I’m not really sure what “minting my mind” consists of but I’m willing to try anything once… well not ANYTHING but “soda anything”.  Ok, I can’t handle writing about what this might be like any more.  I have to try it now!

   WOW!  That is certainly filled with mint.  It smells like I just crushed up mint leaves in my hands and inhaled them.  That is THE most unique smelling soda I’ve ever encountered.  Obviously I’ve smelled mint before but never coming out of my soda bottle.  I can’t state the strength of the smell enough.  It’s a very strong, very minty, almost alcoholic (but it’s not) scent.  Enough chatter… time for the drinking.

   Ok… that’s odd.  Initially I experience a refreshing taste that’s light on carbonation.  You can definitely taste the spearmint and as of right now it may be too much for my palate.  I’ve also given a taste of this to my co-worker and he says he liked it but he’s also a huge fan of spearmint.  I’ll include his rating at the end of this review along with mine.  I’m finding that if I take larger sips/gulps it helps with the strong spearmint taste… maybe because the rest of my tongue gets to experience it instead of just a concentrated area.  If I did indeed drink alcoholic beverages this seems like it would mix amazingly with some of them.  Sorry, I haven’t taken you through the drink gamut yet.  Hold on, here we go!  As soon as you drink Ständer you are greeted with that spearmint flavor that I’ve now mentioned too many times.  That washes away leaving a cleaner aftertaste but not letting you forget about the unique flavor you just consumed.  At no point in this process do you ever forget that you’re drinking mint soda and for that they should be applauded.  I’ve reviewed Lavender and Juniper Berry  flavored soda both of which tasted more like somewhat flavored sparkling water.  Ständer on the other hand is not backing off the flavor listed on their label in the slightest.  You take your awesome looking black metal bottle; you beat off the hipsters in the club groping as said bottle trying to look cooler to their respective peers.  Then you open said bottle and inhale what is obviously spearmint.  Drinking it you try not to look too surprised at what you taste, although you are, because if you look surprised you lose the look of “that cool guy with the hip metal bottle.”  Then flocks of hipster chicks/guys make their way toward you so that they too can experience mint soda.  Now… were my questions answered?

Will I hate this?  - No, not at all.  The spearmint flavoring was off putting at first but I got used to it.

Will I love it?  - No, I don’t love it either but I do like it.

Am I hip enough to drink something from an 8 oz. black metal bottle?  - I’m pretty sure this 8 oz. bottle would at least make me feel like I had more cred at a club.

Will this freshen my breath in any way? – As far as I can tell… no, not really.

Were my questions answered? – Well, yes.  You just read them.

(Note: This soda was given to us by Ständer)

The only being in the universe that is scientifically cooler than a Ständer bottle... is Twist

Double Cola

As usual the drink sitting in front of me has yet to be experienced by my taste buds.  Today’s installment shall be titled “Double Cola”.  Double Cola, according to the bottle, has “Double Measure” and “Double Pleasure”.  I find it kind of odd that the word “double” (which is looking less like a word every time I type it) is prominently displayed on this bottle three times.  Double Cola, according to Wikipedia, comes from the Ski line of beverages… none of which I have personally tasted but some of which I’ve been told to.  With that said I fully expect a super strong cola with this one.  Shouldn’t I?  I mean it’s double cola which I assume means double the cola flavor.  Let’s find out shall we?

So far so good!  The force is strong in this one, the cola aroma smacks me in the nose for even trying to work in a Star Wars reference.  C’mon Double Cola, I haven’t had a good cola in a while.  Let YOU be that next great cola I try

This isn’t what I expected at all.  Where’s the bite?  I expected a very strong bite to assault my throat like a hot Coke.  What I got was one of the smoother colas I’ve consumed which I would normally associate with weakness in flavor.  Not here.  Double Cola lives up to its name though, unlike "hilarious reference here", with a strong almost magical cola flavor.  The more I drink this the more I like it.  The deep cola flavor soaks into my mouth making sure I get the most out of each sip.  The cane sugar sweetening this cola makes sure it never feels syrupy during the consumption process.  I know I just said it wasn’t syrupy but the cola flavoring compares closest to cola flavored sno-cone syrup.  Not the sno-cone itself but the highest of rewards that awaits you in the bottom of your sno-cone.  You just thought a sno-cone was a dessert.  No, sir.  The dessert is the 35 milliliters of syrup that sit at the bottom of your Styrofoam cup.  Sorry to all you folks that only had sno-cones in actual paper cones.  Styrofoam cups are where it’s at in the world of sno-cone.  With all that said Double Cola delivered today.  I will now list this as one of the best colas I’ve ever had.  Try it and you will too!

~A

Twist's pleasure was actually tripled.  He knows how to work the system.

Deerfield Concord Grape

   The other day I was frequenting Walgreens because I dislike other pharmacies… not sure why but that’s for another time.  Anyway, I was wandering around Walgreens and checked their soda selection as I so often do.  Normally Walgreens is where I get my Jelly Belly Soda but this time I noticed they had a new flavor of Deerfield Soda… Concord Grape!  Since I hadn’t had a good grape soda in a while I figured Deerfield Concord Grape would fit that bill rather well, being that they tend to make excellent products!  I’ll warn you who haven’t experienced Deerfield Sodas… don’t scoff at this Walgreen’s made soda!  It uses cane sugar and is normally quite the treat!  Let’s open her up!

   Grape just came out of the bottle and smacked me across the face.  I didn’t even get a chance to put my nose near the mouth and I was assaulted with grape aroma.  Taking a now pointless whiff I am once again clearly reminded of what flavor of beverage I’m about to partake in.  This is definitely a top 10 in scent strength of all the sodas I’ve ever tested.  Let’s see if the taste is just as strong.

   The flavor is of course grape and not a weak grape by any means.  It’s more of a smooth grape soda which is a bit off putting to me because I prefer my grape soda with some bite to it.  Drinking this reminds me of the TV show Firefly.  It was a fantastic show and most anyone who sees it will agree with that statement.  Another thing most everyone agrees with is that it was cut short in its run.  That’s the feeling I’m getting with this Deerfield Concord Grape it lacks a solid finish but unlike Firefly it’s actually the fault of the soda not the fault of the show.  Firefly couldn’t help that it was cancelled robbing us of seasons of potential happiness.  Deerfield could have strengthened their soda by adding a bit more carbonation to it… or some sort of finish.  This isn’t to say that it’s not an ok soda… it is but it could have been so much more… so much more… shiny.

~A

Twist ate only grapes from ages 57-102

Thomas Kemper Root Beer

   Hooray for Thomas Kemper sodas!  Cane sugar sweetened with a touch of honey for extra goodness usually spells fantasticness!  Today I have the Root Beer version of Thomas Kemper in front of me and I’m sure I won’t be disappointed.  Here’s a bit of history about Thomas Kemper Root Beer from the side of the bottle.

“One honey of a Root Beer.  This wonderfully rich and complex Root Beer was first brewed for our company Oktoberfest back in 1990.  It quickly became such a hit that we invented Novemberfest.”

   There you have it… the full, 100% complete history of Thomas Kemper Root Beer.  Nothing else can be learned about this soda.  Nothing.  It is all covered in the extensive history written above.  With that said let’s take a whiff.

   Ahh the rich smell of Root Beer is usually a pleasant aroma and this is no exception.  From the smell alone I can hope you taste a very creamy root beer.  Closer to the mouth feel of A&W than of Barq’s but I’m sure tasting better than both… hopefully.

   Hey look at that, I’m right… it’s like I’ve tasted hundreds of sodas.  I haven’t but the cumulative amount of different sodas reviewed by Soda Jerks is over 200.  Once you become a Soda Jerk you enter a state of one consciousness allowing you to experience the taste of all sodas reviewed… but enough of that boring chatter.  This does lean toward the smoother mouth feel of some root beer but not as much as I thought it would.  In fact it seems to live at the corner of Smooth Street and Bite Lane.  I’m sure it’s a nice neighborhood because it’s such a nice taste.  The actual bite of the root beer isn’t incredibly strong but it’s easily noticeable upon each sip.  I go on about how nice the flavor is but there’s nothing ground breaking here.  It’s just a good root beer with some great ingredients.  I’ve had better and I’ve had worse but I’d be happy to drink another Thomas Kemper Root Beer if one was available to me on a menu somewhere.  With that said.

~A

Faux Fact: Twist is heir to the Kemper fortune

Barrilitos Tropical Punch

   I haven’t had a lot of tropical/fruit punch flavored sodas which is one reason I’m happy to have this bottle of Barrilitos Tropical Punch flavored soda in front of me.  Another more obvious reason is the fact that it is of course made with cane sugar since it’s from Mexico.  This is my first Barrilitos soda so I really have no idea what to expect.  Hopefully it’ll be close to an experience with a bottle of Jarritos than one of Caballitos.  I don’t really know what the logo is for Barrilitos but I do know that I like it.  It’s a green circle with a nifty design inside of it comprised of white ovals.  It looks very 1960’s space age if you ask me… which you did since you’re reading this.  Other than a nifty green logo and a textured neck this bottle of Barriltios is rather plain but that’s ok because it looks great with its simplistic design.  Time for a breather.

   I’d assume that tropical punch is a mixture of all sorts of flavors and smells but the one that I can smell the most easily is that of tangerine.  There’s an obvious mixture of fruit coming out of the bottle so this should be an interesting taste sensation.

   The flavor isn’t shy, I’ll tell you that much.  While I can’t discern a particular fruit from the taste I can tell you it seems to be a mixture of citrus and something of the plums/nectarines/peaches variety.  This is a very juicy soda… almost like you’re biting into a nicely ripened plum.  Your tongue immediately feels the punch that is listed on the label as soon as you take your first sip.  As long as the soda is in your mouth you are also aware of the carbonation.  It doesn’t so much attack your mouth as it makes its presence known.  Every holiday you have that one uncle that usually comes over and drinks way too much. (I don’t actually have this person in my family myself but stick with me here… pretend we’re a movie family and the analogy will work so much better.)  Anyway they usually drink way too much and make a huge scene.  Telling the kids inappropriate jokes for example.  Insulting the chair, apologizing to the chair, and eventually hugging the chair because he thinks it’s his father.  Putting lipstick on everything in the house that has lips… a mouth… or even just a face (clocks included).   You get the picture.  The carbonation isn’t that version of your movie uncle, the carbonation is that same uncle the year after he sobers up.  You keep your eyes trained on him waiting for him to make a scene but he doesn’t.  Throughout the night you can’t remove your gaze for the fear that you’ll be attacked with lipstick but still nothing happens.  Your uncle has made you very aware of himself but never making the scene he could be capable of making.  THAT is what the carbonation in this drink compares to.  You are very aware of it but not to the point where it’s apologizing to furniture.  With that said this is an above average drink but barely.  It has a nice flavor, a nice fizz, and decent ingredients… go on and treat yourself.

~A

Twist IS that drunk uncle.

Sioux City Cream Sod

Yee haw, Buckaroos!  What I got here is the rootin-ist, tootin-ist bottle of cream soda this side of the Mississip!  Sioux City Cream Soda!  Of course anything associated with the old west is gonna be made with cane sugar!  Good, simple, old fashioned cane sugar… and sodium benzoate like mom used to make!  Gracing the label art of this cool clear bottle is a real deal cowboy riding his horse to the west… or east… or north… or south… well it really just depends on how you hold the bottle.  Personally I think they missed an opportunity to call this Cowboy Cream Soda because I’d have bought a pack of it off the name alone.  Anywho, I’m powerful thirsty so let’s get this going.

Ahh the sweet smell of cream soda!  While cream soda isn’t my favorite beverage to consume I will argue with just about anyone that it has one of the best aromas out there and Sioux City doesn’t disappoint.   If someone disagrees with me I just might have to hobble your lip.  With that said, it’s time to bend an elbow!

The initial taste of Sioux City Cream Soda isn’t as sweet as I thought it might be but it doesn’t let you down either.  For just a split second I taste what seems like a diet drink only to be quickly covered up by the smooth texture/taste of what should be expected of a cream soda.  The diet flavoring really dry gulches you before giving way to its smoother brethren.  It’s as if you’re watching a magician get ready to pull something out of his hat and you see what you think is a rabbit tucked down in there.  You’re disappointed of course but you still feel the need to see the trick through.  Blammo the Magician then reaches into his hat and pulls out an iguana.  You’re not stunned but you’re left surprised by the outcome.  The smooth mouth feel of Sioux City Cream Soda is nice but it’s not as fine as cream gravy… I’ve had better.  The carbonation level is right where it should be but I find myself not caring that much about it anyway for some reason.  I really thought that since this was made with cane sugar and overall good ingredients I’d be a bit more impressed.  When it comes to figuring out why it didn’t quite do that… well, I’m at sea.  I’m not saying this is shoddy by any means but as far as cream sodas go this one is between hay and grass.

~A

Twist is wanted in over 2 dozen counties.

Caballitos Mandarin

   “Little Horses”.  That’s what Caballitos translates into and that’s the name of the beverage I’m about to consume.  To be technical its mandarin flavored Caballitos.  If I was a more learned man I would know why Mexican sodas seem to popularly end in “itos”.  Jarritos, Barralitos, and now Caballitos.  Hopefully in the next 13.5 fluid ounces (that’s 400 ml for my metric friends) I’ll be a little closer to that answer but probably not.  Since this soda is Mexican I don’t even have to worry about finding HFCS on the ingredients label.  Nope!  Good old sugar is what sweetens this drink!  The bottle art for Caballitos seems to be a horse exploding from underneath a bottle cap.  The explosion caused by said horse apparently disrupted the Universe of Orange as orange pieces are flying hither and thither.  Let’s open ‘er up shall we?

   Huff as I might I only get the slightest of scents from the mouth of the bottle.  The mandarin scent is so very, very faint but we still must press on!  Drink up!

   This is the tamest orange soda I think I’ve had to date.  There is very little carbonation, very little bite, and the flavor is just so very average.  This tastes as if you took Sunkist Orange soda and added 3 parts water but then somehow took away the sensation of “watered down”.  Caballitos Mandarin doesn’t taste like watered down orange soda… it just weakly sits there.  The horse on the side art must be trying to leave the bottle as he is much too powerful of a mascot to be left upon such a mundane bottle of soda.  (Spoilers from The NeverEnding Story are coming up next, so beware Ralph ”The only guy who hasn’t seen The NeverEnding Story” Stevens.)  Sadly, much like Artax from the NeverEnding Story he must sit there and slowly meet his demise.  “Artax, you're sinking! Come on, turn around, you have to, now! Come on! Artax! Fight against the sadness, Artax.”  That scene hurt me so very much as a child.  I was very attached to Artax since we’d been through so much together in that movie.  Then as an adult I watched the movie again.  The horse dies like 10 minutes after you first meet him… TEN MINUTES!  They jarred my fragile child psyche with the death of a horse I met ten minutes ago!  On a higher note… wasn’t that luck dragon creepy/cool?  Where was I… oh yeah (Spoilers End).  Caballitos is very average orange, sorry, mandarin soda.  It doesn’t taste bad but it does absolutely nothing to set it apart from the pack… well except re-injure my childhood’s emotional scars.

~A

Twist was rooting for the Nothing the entire time... he's heartless like that.

Jarritos Strawberry

For my review today I picked something I know will probably be good… because it’s Jarritos.  Jarritos has one of the strongest lines of soda I’ve come across.  Who would have known that when I was a teenager my choice of picking the “alternative soda” was actually a great idea?  You see my best friend and I would stay at each other’s house overnight on some weekends and to make sure that we stayed up late we’d have to hit up the corner store for some soda.  How could you possibly play Golden Eye/Resident Evil/Rampage for 18 hours straight without it?  We picked Jarritos not because it was made with cane sugar, had a great taste, or had amazing flavors.  We picked it because it was weird to us.  Mexican soda?  WHAT?!  That’s crazy!  It’s funny and sad how “other worldly” Jarritos seemed at the time but I’m very happy to be drinking it now, hopefully appreciating it to its fullest extent.  Oh… by the way.  Today’s drink is Jarritos Strawberry!  You know the drill.

This smells like a syrupy strawberry soda.  My nostrils can taste the sweetness that will soon be on my tongue.  I’d go on but my drink is warming up… I do actually drink and write these at the same time you know. 

Wow… that’s a much lighter mouth feel that I was expecting.  Here I was thinking it was going to be heavy and syrupy but once again I’ve been surprised by Jarritos.  It starts off as a somewhat light and bubbly strawberry soda and finishes with a heavier feel.  My tongue can still feel the bubbles well after it’s gone down my gullet adding to the pleasurable experience.  You get most of the sweetness about 3/4ths through your gulp.  It’s like the sweet strawberry flavoring is waiting in the shadows ready to pounce but then jumps a bit earlier than it wanted too.  Your tongue is attacked by the carnivorous strawberry but fights it off only to walk away with a few battle scars in its remembrance.  Wave after wave of tiny, vicious strawberry attacks doing its best to thwart your tongue but no… your tongue is a warrior.  Your tongue has taken on envelope glue, 9 volt batteries, and even Malta Hatuey.  These tiny delicious strawberries are no match and show as such when they burst into tiny fizzy bubbles upon their death.  At the end of the battle your tongue is stained red with their blood.  Suddenly a warm strawberry scented breeze blows from the south.  Your tongue now knows that its job is done and lays dormant until the next meeting.  One more thing...

~A

(This bottle was given to us by Jarritos)

Faux Fact:  All sensations feel bubbly to iguanas.

Jelly Belly Crushed Pineapple

   Hey everybody, it’s time for another Jelly Belly soda review!  I’m not sure why I started this review out with such fanfare.  It’s not like everyone waits with great anticipation for me to write another Jelly Belly soda review… especially since I’ve only reviewed Jelly Belly Juicy Pear.  Anyway, today we’ve got Jelly Belly Crushed Pineapple to try and I’m raring to give it a go.  Of course like the last Jelly Belly soda it’s made with 100% Cane Sugar and naturally flavored.  Sadly it still houses the demon known as Sodium Benzoate.  Well enough chatter, let’s open up the bottle imprisoning the yellow sugar water and give it a go.

   Wow… this doesn’t smell like pineapple as much as it smells like pineapple cake.  I wasn’t really expecting that but it’s a welcome surprise.  I’m a big fan of pineapple upside down cake so hopefully this drink is a liquefied version of such.  Although assuming that may just lead me down heartbreak road.  You know what happens when you assume don’t you?  It makes an ass of you… the reader… not me… but you.  Time to drink!

   Aaaand here comes the positive review.  This is the best pineapple soda I’ve ever had.  It does taste a bit like pineapple upside down cake but it mostly reminds me of a Dole-Whip.  For those of you who are unaware of the magic that is a Dole-Whip let me explain.  A Dole-whip is soft serve pineapple ice cream.  You can even put said pineapple ice cream into pineapple juice making it a Dole-Whip Float.  There are only three places that you can consume just magical splendor:  The Dole Plantation in Hawaii, In Disneyland right outside of the Enchanted Tiki Room, at WDW in Adventureland and also in the Polynesian Resort, and finally at some place called Jumpin' Jack's Drive-In in Scotia, NY.  I used to work at WDW and even sold a Dole Whip or 8 billion at one time so I’m fairly familiar with them.  Needless to say even though I’m not wacky for pineapples I’m a colossal fan of Dole-Whips.  Seriously… next chance you get you should try one.  No, no… I’ll just wait for you all to try one.  Go on, save up your money.  I’ll wait.

(Read this next part in a few years.  Take your time, I’m in no rush.)

   We all caught up now?  Good, it was worth it wasn’t it?  So now that it’s several years in the future from when you started this article go ahead and stop in your local SodaJerks Poppery and have a cold Jelly Belly Crush Pineapple to compare.  It should be rather easy to do as we’re on every corner.  As you now know, Jelly Belly Pineapple soda isn’t as sweet as a Dole-Whip though and of course it doesn’t have the cream flavoring either but it’s a very good soda.  The carbonation level is low allowing more of the pineapple flavoring to penetrate your palate.  I really don’t think that this would be a beverage you’d have with a meal though either.  Jelly Belly Crushed Pineapple seems more like a dessert drink or something you’d enjoy while sitting in the shade on a hot day.  With all that said I should probably just rate it.  I mean you’ve waited this long, there’s no need to leave you waiting any more.

Aaron Manahan

CEO of SodaJerks Enterprises

Twist is head of sercurity now... just mind your S's and J's and no one will get hurt.

Zuberfizz Cola

My experience with Zuberfizz has been well documented.  The short story is this… when the batch isn’t watery it tastes great!  The only problem is that I’ve come across more watery batches than I thought I ever would.  With that said let’s reach into the Ice Box and pull out a Zuberfizz Cola.  Same simplistic art on the bottle that I enjoy so much coupled with one of my favorite bottle caps to date.  Glad to see that the art never gets watered down… now let’s find out about the drink.

The odor wafting from the bottle is one rich in cola flavor.  I’d like to point out that those flavors turned odor are all natural as well!  Zuberfizz always has top notch ingredients and in part usually has a great aroma.  Smell is one thing to be excited about but it won’t tell us if this batch is watery.  For that we need to drink!

While I’m not sure if this is the actual achieved flavor I taste.  The flavor could be much stronger… and it could be much weaker, so there’s no telling.  The mouth feel of Zuberfizz Cola is very neutral but that’s ok because it works.  It has about as much fizz as a 2 liter that was opened the day before, so don’t think going into this you’re not going to experience any carbonation.  The flavor I’m greeted with is no doubt cola but it doesn’t find any similarity to Coke, Pepsi, or RC.  I didn’t realize how sweet this tasted until I didn’t drink it for a bit.  My mouth has a slight sugary film coating it much like a veil on a bride.  That was just an overly romantic way of saying that the film isn’t bad at all… it just exists and that’s ok.  Unlike the veil you can never remove the film which I’m sure after a while might get annoying.  “How many foggy days in a row has it been now, Dave?”  “It hasn’t been foggy all week Jane… you’re veil, remember?”  “Oh yes, how silly of me!   I don’t know why I don’t ever take my veil off?”  “I think you’re trying to strengthen some lame analogy in a soda review.”  “What?” “Never mind.”  Leaving Dave and Jane alone I leave you, the reader, with this.  Zuberfizz Cola is good.  Its ingredients are good.  Its bottle art is good but it just doesn’t stand out to me amongst a cola heavy market.

~A

(This Soda was supplied to us by Zuberfizz)

That's not a pineapple behind Twist... it's an Iguana Fruit ready to bloom.

Olde Brooklyn Orange Soda

   It’s been a while since I’ve done a review but thankfully a few citizens of the Carbonation have produced some outstanding reviews in my absence.  The site has a new look which I hope you like and I’m about to reference one of our newest sections!  The soda I’m pulling out of the Ice Box today is Olde Brooklyn Orange Soda.  The bottle art is what I assume to be the Brooklyn Bridge.  There’s also a nifty orange explosion happening on the neck of the bottle as well.  Other than those two things the bottle is fairly undecorated.  Looking at the ingredients shows us an assortment of interesting facts.  It’s sweetened with cane sugar which is always a positive but the thing that catches my attention even more is the nutrition label.  Apparently one bottle of this contains 2% of the calcium and 15% of the iron you need in a day.  I’m not sure if I’ve ever had an orange soda that had any iron in it at all, points to Olde Brooklyn Orange Soda for having this.  Enough with the chatter, let’s open this up.

   While the orange scent isn’t the strongest example I’ve ever encountered it’s still prevalent.  I’d say the majority of other orange sodas smell smell more sweetly of this .  Hopefully this will be a unique experience.  Time to find out.

   Well I can honestly say that I’ve never tasted an orange soda like this before.   It’s not nearly as tart as I thought it would be but I was correct in guessing that it wouldn’t be as sweet either.  The carbonation level is also fairly low.  It’s like you took a standard orange soda (Sunkist, Crush, etc) and muted the experience just a little bit.  “Oh no!” you say, “Guess we should just chalk this up as a loss.”  Wait, wait, wait, you random person that always seems to find their way into my house.  The muted orange flavoring actually works pretty well for Olde Brooklyn Orange Soda.  Many orange sodas are rather harsh on the throat not fully quenching your thirst.  Olde Brooklyn Orange Soda’s muted experience allows for more thirst quenching.  Just as the sharp mouth feel a soda brings can be a positive attribute for a soda the lack thereof helps set Olde Brooklyn Orange Soda apart from some of the other brands it might be competing against.  With that said…

Make sure when you enjoy your Olde Brooklyn Orange soda you do so with an iguana and a glass pineapple

Jarritos Mexican Cola

   Jarritos does such a great job making sodas that we’ve reviewed every one of them so far… except Strawberry.  Our bottle of strawberry was lost to some goblins in a fan’s house.  One day… one day.  Any who, imagine my joy when a fan of ours, “AX2”, brought me a bottle of Jarritos Mexican Cola.  I wasn’t even aware Jarritos sold a cola in the United States so I had to research.  What I found was that Jarritos Mexican Cola had run an ad campaign with the sentence “It Crossed!” as the slogan.  I can only assume that this means it has only recently found a home here across the border.  Doesn’t matter though because I’m raring to try it! 

   After tracking down my bottle opener  for this twist proof cap I am welcomed by a robust soda aroma wafting from the lip of the bottle.  It’s a stronger cola smell than Coke produces so hopefully we’re looking at a strong contender in the best cola category.  Time for some drinkin’.

   Very nice!  Just the right amount of carbonation and a great cola taste.  It’s not as strong or acidic feeling on the throat as Coke is but Jarritos Mexican Cola definitely gets the point across.  There’s something a little different with the cola flavor in this soda than in others and I can’t quite put my finger on it.  It’s almost as if they put more syrup in it than you would think they would be able to.  This doesn’t weigh down the beverage, in fact it’s almost like they made the cola flavor more efficient.  I could find a mathematical formula to represent this but that would be boring and very inaccurate.  Oh heck here’s  one anyway:

   It’s almost as if they condensed the cola flavoring so that you get more than you would think per sip.  Like I said… I can’t put my finger on it.  Cinnamon maybe?  I dunno.  The big question is, “Is it better than Coke/Pepsi/RC?”  The answer is yes.  Jarritos of course uses sugar so that already gives it a leg up on the competition.  With that said, and sugar aside, the flavor/mouth feel from Jarritos Mexican Cola is better than that of the big boys.  I would choose this every time over “Red” or “Blue”.  If you can get some Jarritos Mexican Cola in your area do so, in fact…

~A

Twist needs a Mexican brother named Disparar for cases like this

Black Lemonade

   Keeping with the nautical theme I decided to grab a bottle out of my fridge that has skull and crossbones on it.  It’s a short, stout bottle, a somewhat unique shape I rather like to hold when drinking a soda.  Adorned above the skull and crossbones are the words “Black Lemonade”.  That appears to be the name of the beverage and the coloring is indeed black, so let’s look a bit more closely shall we?  Around the skull there are humorous sayings like, “Animal testing was consentual”, “This may be your only way out”, “We want you for life”, and “Without a face, you’re just a bonehead”.  The bottle cap is definitely a keeper.  It’s a skeleton drinking a red soda but the soda is just pouring through his face.  Silly skeleton… soda is for the skin covered.  So from the label and bottle cap we can tell that the folks who make this have a sense of humor.  Hopefully they like good ingredients as well.  Oh neat they put the ingredients right on the bottle!  Who’d have thought!  Cane sugar, citric acid, lemon concentrate, lemon oil, some coloring, a bunch of crazy Ginseng, African Capsicum, Brazilian Guarana, Kola Nut, Skull Cap, and of course Sodium Benzoate.  Well aside from that last ingredient they seem to take their stuff pretty seriously.  Hopefully the taste reflects it.  Of course you know we can’t taste it until we smell it.

   Smells like lemonade… so no real surprise there.  I guess it doesn’t taste like fresh brewed lemonade but I’m ok with that since you can’t really expect anything  in a bottle to be freshly brewed.

   This tastes like liquid lemon/lime Twang to me.  For those who don’t know, Twang is a flavored salt that you can usually buy little packets of at your local gas station counter.  You definitely get the lemon flavoring you’d expect paired with an unexpectedly sour burst of flavor.  It’s not overly sour but you do get a nice(?) burn in the stomach from it.  Black Lemonade is not really that refreshing of a beverage, so there’s no need to replace all of your regular lemonade with this.  I know you were looking for a reason to replace all of your normal lemonade… sorry to get your hopes up.  It definitely leaves a lasting impression on your mouth as no portion of this drink is smooth.  Picture yourself driving a 1977 Gremlin without any shocks (I used a Gremlin in this example because the word itself is awesome.)  Now your yellow Gremlin is cruising down a cobblestone road… that’s when you first take a sip.  As your mouth takes note of what you just ingested your Gremlin is now reaching the end of the cobblestone road only to slide down a very rocky mountain… perhaps one of the Rocky Mountains.  Just as you think this rough ride is over you complete your sip of Black Lemonade.  With this completed sip your mouth and throat receive a harsh “Gremlin driving over landmines during an earthquake” feel.  Of course those are all exaggerated examples but truly this is one of the harshest beverages I’ve ever had the pleasure of tasting.  With that said I’m not sure I’d want to consume one everyday but that’s ok.  Soda isn’t meant for normal consumption… it’s a treat.  In this case though, the treat tricks you just a bit.  Oh joy I worked in a Halloween reference during the month of January. Topical!

~A

Twist has stared death in the face countless times.  Guess who keeps looking away.

Capt'n Eli's Root Beer

   I love good bottle art.  Bottle art is what I initially grade a soda on so it always confuses me when companies seem like they don’t care about it.  I’m not saying everything has to be “Wizard mural on the side of a van” epic but it at least needs to stand out amongst the others.  When I opened my fridge today to pick out a soda to review I wasn’t quite sure what to choose until I saw the bottle art on my current review.  Capt’n Eli’s Root Beer has a label that tells a story… not many other root beers can say that.   Actually I don’t believe that root beer can talk but that’s a debate for another time.

   What you see when you look at the label of Capt’n Eli’s Root Beer is a young child, which I will assume is Eli, rowing a boat out at sea.  The waves seem a bit choppy for such a young kid but don’t fear too much for him as a house is in sight over his right shoulder and growing ever closer.  Upon his left shoulder sits a parrot that I am now naming Murphy.  Murphy and Eli have been together about 2 years, and since parrots live such long lives you’ll be sure to see Murphy on Eli’s shoulder for several decades more.  Within the boat Eli is rowing sit 3 barrels.  I can only imagine that these barrels are filled with root beer.  I guess it could be rum, or oil, or tar, or unicorn blood, or even cream soda but since this is a bottle of root beer let’s stick with that.  So the story here to me is that Capt’n Eli (which I suspect is a title he gave himself) has a root beer route.  A root beer route is much like a paper route but the people on your route like you more since your product is delicious.  About two years ago on this root beer route Eli noticed that one of his barrels was leaking. He did all he could to plug up the hole but failed.  Shortly after he gave up a Scarlet Macaw flew down from a nearby tree and began drinking the spilled root beer.  Well it turns out that this bird took to liking the bubbly concoction and Eli.  Ever since that fateful day Murphy the parrot has ridden with Eli on his root beer route, always looking to sneak a sip whenever he can.  Oh the adventure they went on… but that’s for another day.

   Enough about those two, they have a business to run.  Let’s see what else we can find on this label.  Hey look ingredients and good ones at that.  Let’s see what we got here:  Water, Cane Sugar, Caramel Coloring, Natural & Artificial Flavors including Wintergreen Oil, Anise, Vanilla, Spices, Herbs, Citric Acid, and sadly Sodium Benzoate.  Wow, we were almost 100% great with those ingredients until we came upon ol’ Sodium Benzoate.  That list of ingredients reminded me a little bit of the ingredients you’d find in a Virgil’s Root Beer.  If they’re lucky then their flavor will be something close to it as well.  Let’s take a whiff.

   The first thing I notice is that you can really smell the wintergreen.  Capt’n Eli’s Root Beer has a very strong root beer aroma as well.  I think the word I’m trying to think of here is “rooty”.  Time to drink!

   Very nice, this ranks up there as one of the smoothest root beers I’ve ever tasted.  The carbonation is faint as far as root beer is concerned and the flavor mellows out a lot in its finish.  The middle portion of this beverage reminds me a little bit of root beer barrels candy.  Now normally I’d try and tell you which of the three main stream root beers this tasted like… Barq’s, A&W, or Mug.  For the first time ever I have to compare the flavor to that of Virgil’s.  Now I’m not saying it’s better than Virgil’s but I am saying that it should at least share a flavor comparison.  This shouldn’t come to you as a shock since they share a handful of ingredients that other root beers do not.  I do find it odd that I’m ending up with a bit of film in my mouth after each sip.  I didn’t think I would have this since it’s sweetened with cane sugar but there it is.  At least the film isn’t unpleasant.  With each lick of the top of my mouth I’m reminded of the root beer barrel candy flavoring again, although now it’s much fainter.  I’m noticing that as I reach the bottom of the bottle the wintergreen flavor increases.  This is a good thing in my opinion since it allows those of you who couldn’t taste the wintergreen another more obvious chance at it.  Overall this is a very good root beer.  It has a nice line up of ingredients, sans the Sodium Benzoate.  The flavor is above average and the labeling is fun.  I can only hope that other companies take notice of labels like this and begin to rethink their designs as well. 

~A

Twist's favorite flavor is parrot.

Jelly Belly Juicy Pear

   Jelly Belly Jelly Bean Co. makes soda!  Who knew?  Apparently lots of people since this is sold at Walgreens.  As you might have guessed by the title of this article and the previous sentence, I have a Jelly Belly soda in front of me.  The particular flavor that’s gracing my palate today is Juicy Pear.  Now I don’t believe I’ve ever had a pear soda before so this could get rather dicey.  Ok, I’m not sure if “dicey” is the correct word but it was typed and I don’t feel like hitting the Backspace key that many times to correct my mistake.  The label is fairly simple in the fact that they use what looks like a clip-art pear combined with actual pictures of the Jelly Belly Juicy Pear jelly beans so that you won’t get confused as to what this flavor is based on.  The color is a vibrant pear-esque green which is very pleasing to the eye.  Time to take a whiff.

   Personally I can’t get a strong smell out of the top of this bottle but today I have enlisted the help of Ma Bla XL in reviewing this beverage.  I chose him to help for two reasons.   The first reason is that he’s here next to me so I figured I might as well get his opinion.  Reason number two is that he’s a candy affectionado.  The man knows his candy, making this seem like the perfect soda for him to help with.   Ma Bla XL is drinking his ration out of a styro-foam cup so he has a bit more surface area to work with when it comes to smell.  He believes that it smells exactly like Jelly Belly Juicy Pear jelly beans.  I’ll have to take his word on it.  Let’s move on.

   Yeesh.  The first thing I taste is a very chemically flavored pear.  It’s not the chemicals in the soda that produce this artificial taste, I really think that’s the flavor that they were going for and it’s just not agreeing with my taste buds.  It takes a while to meander your way through the chemical pear flavoring but once you do you’re not greeted with anything worth your journey.  There’s an appropriate amount of fizz but that’s not enough to save this soda in my opinion.  Ma Bla XL, on the other hand, says this tastes exactly like Jelly Belly Juicy Pear with a slight hint of burning.

~A

Ma Bla XL's take on Twist since he was not on hand

Henry Weinhard's Orange Cream

   Good ol’ Henry Weinhard is back in my grasp, except this time he’s the flavor of dreams…icles.  That’s right the same Henry Weinhard that makes Henry Weinhard’s Black Cherry Cream Soda also makes Henry Weinhard’s Orange Cream.  Who’d have guessed?!  The ingredients on the side say that this beverage has a “blend of select oranges, mandarins, and real vanilla”.  Well that’s good enough for me… oh wait.  The added “complexity and character” comes from “a blend of lemon, lime, Chinese ginger, nutmeg, lemon grass, and angelica root”.  This is some pretty fancy-dancy orange cream soda.  Way to many words, not enough drinking.  It’s time to move on

   The orange cream aroma is not a shy one.  Once I opened the bottle my nostrils were treated with a barrage of orange and vanilla.  Pretend its April Fools’ Day but you’re heading off to bed.  You’ve manage to go all day without getting tricked.  Sure enough before you head up the stairs your doorbell rings.  “Well who could that be?” you ask aloud, only to be answered by the meow of your cat.  You cry a little inside thinking of what might have happened if, JUST IF, you had talked to the girl at the gas pump.  Maybe you wouldn’t be so lonely.  Maybe Snugglepuff would like her new mommy for once.  Maybe you’re going a little crazy.  Opening the door you look around for who might have come calling for you.  The black night sky greets you, and nothing more.  “Heh,” you chuckle to yourself, “I guess I did get fooled after all.”  Before you can turn around you hear a rustling in your bushes.  You squint your eyes making out the faint outline of a man.  POW! A peeled orange hits you square on the nose; your nostrils now filled with the scurvy fighting juice.  Before you can react to the citrus onslaught, the guy that didn’t bring oranges runs up to you and rubs vanilla scented potpourri all over your face.  “THAT’S NOT EVEN A TRICK!” you yell into the night upon uncaring ears. 

   That is what I imagined when I first opened this bottle.  I never do my pointless rants during the smell portion of the review, so I figured I’d mix it up a little.  Anyway, I should probably drink this now.

   This, my fellow jerks, is excellent orange cream soda.  The orange has the citrus tart you want to find in an orange soda but there’s a bonus this time that your normal orange soda doesn’t have.  As long as you swish this around you don’t lose the great orange flavor, which would be a good flavor for a soda all by itself.  The moment you stop the smooth vanilla begins to dissipate the once tart orange.  Eventually the orange is overtaken by the vanilla giving Henry Weinhard’s Orange Cream a delightfully smooth finish.  The mouth feel changes so much from initial sip to finish I’m a little bit amazed.  The aftertaste you’re left with is that of the smooth vanilla, the orange is almost nowhere to be found until you burp.  I know that’s a bit crass, but the duality of this beverage is very unique.  To be honest with you I was a little hesitant to try this because I was slightly let down by the black cherry cream soda.  Henry Weinhard did not disappoint this go around though.  This is honestly the best orange cream soda I’ve had to date.

~A

You can almost see the resemblance

Jarritos Toronja

   Again we dip from the Jarritos well of flavors, this time pulling out Toronja (which is Spanish for grapefruit).  Now early on in my soda reviewing timeline I thought I didn’t like grapefruit soda thanks to childhood memories I had of Fresca.  Thankfully the fine folks at Oogave made a delicious grapefruit soda that removed any thought in my brain that grapefruit couldn’t be good.  I don’t know if grapefruit is a newer flavor with Jarritos but the bottle art on the side seems much more modern and eye catching than their normal bottle art.  I like it!  Enough of the jibbering and the jabbering… let’s open this up.

   As you might think upon smelling this beverage you get the scent of citrus… a centrus if you will.  Grapefruit isn’t really known for its powerful aroma so I’m not too worried about the light amount of centrus.  We could huff this all day and not really find anything else out, so let’s try drinking it instead.

   These are literally the first words that popped in my head after the first drink:  Sprite. No, not Sprite.  Grapefruit.  Nice. Fizzy.    Now I normally have more complicated thoughts than that, but for some reason my brain decided to simplify the review process.  Just think, you now have an insider’s look into what this article is being built around.  I guess I could break down the words for you so that it doesn’t seem like I have no ability to elaborate.  “Sprite,” means just that.  My initial reaction was “wow this tastes a lot like Sprite when you first drink it.  “No, not Sprite,” was my brain pulling back the first thought and telling me “wait… this isn’t what you thought it was.”  “Grapefruit,” is obviously what I began to taste as this point in the consumption.  “Nice,” was how pleasant the grapefruit flavor was to my palette.  “Fizzy,” was the barrage of bubble I received on my tongue after I had completed the first sip.  Now all of that happened in about 3 seconds time, so if you feel like doing the math to figure out how long each thought lasted more power to you.  Jarritos Toronja is a very light beverage which allows it to be refreshing as well as tasty.  You could make a friend easily by giving this to someone who’s working outside, sweating, and looking generally miserable.  With that said you’d need more than one so that you could enjoy it as well.

~A

Note: This soda was given to us by Jarritos.

Twist was triple dog dared to lick this ice cold bottle.

Jarritos Fruit Punch

   Who doesn’t like fruit punch?  Raise your hand.  Ok… the three of you in the world that don’t enjoy some aspect of fruit punch may leave.  The rest of you get to watch The Muppet Movie!  Sadly no, I tricked you.  The rest of you get to now read my review of Jarritos Fruit Punch!  I expect great things from this soda as Jarritos really hasn’t let me down yet, and the fruit punch “flavor” has a very liberal taste definition amongst other drinks.  My initial gaze at the bottle immediately notices its healthy red color which pops (HA!) nicely to the eye.  Enough chatter, let’s get started.

   The initial scent reminded me of what I might smell if I was eating a fruit punch sno-cone.  It’s definitely a sweet smell but not overly sweet if my nose is indeed telling the truth.  I really thought the scent would be a bit more powerful but I really have to inhale at the lip of the bottle to really get any scent at all.  You’re never going to accidentally smell this.  Ok, on to the fun part.

   The first thing my mouth feels when I take a swig is a barrage of tiny carbonation bubbles, so much that the initial flavor is masked by them.  They quickly give way to what I can best describe as a strawberry/cherry/slight citrusy flavor.  Honestly, I can’t identify every fruit in this particular fruit punch.  It’s sweet but as I assumed by its smell not overly so.  You could drink this with a meal and not be worried about spoiling dessert.  As quickly as the flavor hits your tongue it begins to leave.  Sure there are remnants of it left within the walls of your mouth but the real memory comes from the bubbly burning sensation left on your tongue.  It’s like world history in your mouth.  Your tongue is a new country and the carbonation bubbles show up to live there.  They’re happy, they’re cool, and they have families, and carbo-dogs and such.  Meanwhile the fruit punch flavoring is getting a big jealous so it decides to show up and crush the carbonation with delicious flavors.  Being frail, the bubbles succumb to this attack and vanish for the time being.  Happy in its victory, the flavor continues on into your body looking for other things to conquer.  Little does the flavor know that it’s all downhill from here.  Meanwhile, a few bubbles have survived the onslaught and begin to rebuild on your tongue.  “What an enjoyable sensation!” you say.  Your words cause tremendous earthquakes amongst the bubble population causing mass hysteria, and eventually the bubbles are no more.  After both the bubbles and flavor have left your mouth the indigenous taste buds come out and cheer… for they are the true victors in this story. 

~A

Note: This soda was given to us by Jarritos.

Twist's favorite Muppet is Rowlf.