Fentimans Rose Lemonade

Ever been caught serving your guests lemonade WITHOUT roses?  Well never be embarrassed again with Fentimans Traditional Rose Lemonade.  Frentimans Traditional Rose Lemonade comes in the classically stylish standard Fentimans bottle, multiple dog heads included!  Each and every bottle of Fentimans is jam-packed, not with jam silly, but with the following ingredients:  Carbonated water, lemon juice concentrate, cane sugar, glucose syrup, fermented ginger root extracts, pear juice concentrate, lemon flavoring, citric acid, tantaric acid, natural color, and rose oil!  Wait there’s more!  If you like sediment then Fentimans Rose Lemonade is for you!  There’s so much sediment in there I’m getting SEDI-MENTAL!  Seriously folks you need to be aware of this product.  Let’s take a call and see what they think of Fentimans Rose Lemonade.  Caller, go ahead!

Justin Casey Falls - “After I done opened it I stuck my schnozz down in that bottle hole and smelled up something mighty powerful.  I reckon if I had to describe it like one of them high paid reviewers I’d say that it was like a lemon that been mixed with them thar chemicals you use to clean yer house.”

Thank you caller.  Well folks it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for… the taste test.  We’ve selected seven children to tell us what they think of Fentimans Rose Lemonade.  Take it away kids!

Morton – My tongue feels all sour after drinking it.

Larry – The little bubbles tickled my mouth… I wish it tickled my mouth more.  Why are you laughing?

Roy – I thought this drink would be all chewy but I haven’t chewed a bit.

Lemmy – The more I drink it the better it gets!

Wendy – Are you sure this isn’t a drink for adults?

Ludwig – I like no-rose lemonade better.

Iggy - While the initial sour blast takes over your mouth it quickly allows the other flavors to make their presence known.  Each sip allows your palate to become more accustomed to the tartness this lemonade brings, and while it is most certainly different from normal lemonade I really wouldn’t mind trying this again.  It’s quite unique.

There you have it folks the kids have spoken!  If I’d just heard testimonials like that I think I’d pick up the phone and…

~A

Faux Fact - Twist used to the operator of a 1-900 number

Mello Yello

As many of you know I’m from Texas, and I’m just mad about Saffron.  This is an important fact to consider for the review today.  You see, I’m reviewing Mello Yello.  Mello Yello is a very mainstream brand and many of you may be wondering why I’m just now picking up a can to review.  So why have I, Aaron the Texan, decided that Mello Yello was important enough to review?  For whatever reason, Mello Yello has been nearly impossible to find in Texas for several years now.  It’s almost like Coke just kind of gave up on ever taking the market back from Mountain Dew.  I’m sure bringing it “back” to Texas was just a move that was fueled by money, but part of me thinks that SunDrop’s rise to national distribution might have had to do something with it as well.  For those of you not in the “kno”, Mello Yello is Coke’s version of Mountain Dew.  That’s the easiest way to explain what they were trying to go for when Coke created it.  It’s made with chemicals, orange juice concentrate, and now sits in a snazzy looking retro can in front of me.  I do love the can art by the way.  If there is one thing that Mello Yello has already beaten Mountain Dew and SunDrop on… it’s the can art.  So very simple, so very classic in styling, so very yello.  I mean, yellow.  I think it’s time to get this review started… quite rightly.

At first whiff Mello Yello puts off a scent more akin to Sprite than that of Mountain Dew.  However when I give it the old college try and breathe in a bit more the familiar scent of mixed citrus is what prevails.  Let’s see how well they compare in flavor.

Oh this will be easy!  Mello Yello is watered down Mountain Dew.  See ya next week folks!

~A

Ok, so maybe I should expound on this statement a little first.  If SunDrop or Mountain Dew didn’t exist then Mello Yello would be fantastic.  The fact that they do though makes you immediately compare each to another allowing us to not settle for a lesser soda which in this case is Mello Yello.  With each sip of Mello Yello you experience a rather flavorless journey until you near the end of it.  It’s almost as if they tried too hard to be refreshing and in doing so lost anything unique and fun about their beverage.  Only at the end of each gulp/sip/drink do you get the hit of citrus you probably expected since the beginning.  In the “Points For” category, I can identify several of the citrus flavors they used in making this, but the flavor overall is still a disappointment.  The carbonation works well with the flavor it’s given, but I honestly don’t care at this point. 

If any of you think I’m being too harsh on Mello Yello then know it’s with great sorrow that I do so.  One of my favorite advertising campaigns was that of Mello Yello.  Jim Varney, better known as Ernest P. Worrell, is still to this day only one of three celebrity deaths I’ve actually been saddened by in my time on Earth.  Sure the Ernest movies became overly stupid as they continued on, but the man made me laugh as a child and now as an adult.  During that time that he was making people laugh he was a spokesman for the “Make the Mello Yello Move” campaign.  To this day I can watch these commercials and enjoy them to the same degree I did as a child, if not more so.  I want to like this drink.  Ernest liked this drink, or was at least paid to.  I’m going to watch a couple of these ads, three of them actually, and see if it doesn’t improve upon my opinion of Mello Yello.  Be right back! 

Sigh….not even the great Jim Varney could sway my vote, and now  I’m more depressed than ever.  Back to the review.

Like I noted earlier the can art is awesome.  The can art hands down beats the competitors.  Let’s me focus on the can art for a moment and hopefully that will get me out of this funk.  The design on this Mello Yello can seems to harken back to simpler times.  Simpler Times, when a Peanut Farmer was President, when a stamp cost you 15 cents, and when a gallon of gas was under a dollar.  Guess what?  I wasn’t alive back then so the retro can is unable to work its magics on me.  Mello Yello is watered down Mountain Dew.  KnowwhatImean?

~A

I'll probably be snuffed out for telling you this, but it's too important not to.  Twist. Is. Vern.

MTN Dew Voltage

At the time I bought this bottle of Mtn Dew Voltage I was running out of drinks… I still am but that’s beside the point.  I’ve never really been into the whole crazy Mtn Dew flavors thing, but I respect what they’re doing.  What caught my attention to this bottle of Mtn Dew Voltage (which this point on will be called simply “Voltage”) was the fact that it contains Ginseng.  Voltage immediately starts to slide down the grading scale with the words “Charged with Raspberry Citrus Flavor…” on the side.  First off this drink is blue and a primary flavor is Raspberry.  I dislike the idea of blue raspberry anything.  Secondly what is a “Raspberry Citrus” flavor?  To find that out I guess I actually have to consume it.  Alright then.  Here we go!

Voltage smells as if you crushed up a bunch of blue raspberry SweeTarts and mixed it with the appropriate ratio of water.  Needless to say I’m not impressed.  I will say that the lightning bolt on the side of the bottle keeps catching my eye though.  So much power.  So much responsibility.  Let’s see if this will live up to its responsibility like Spiderman or fail miserably like Spiderman 3.

Rushed Venom, Emo-Peter Parker, and Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane… that’s what ran through my head as I finished taking that sip.  So much disappointment.  Voltage hit’s your mouth with a small shock of carbonation leading up to a taste that can only be described as chemical.  I’m sure there are other descriptive terms I could have used but I had to say there wasn’t for dramatic effect.  The blue raspberry fights with the ginseng on who will be the most prominent flavor while Citrus sits in the corner shouting.  Ultimately my mouth declares them all losers and tries to drink its problems away only finding that the nearest drink is more Voltage.  Such a vicious cycle.  This is the first Mtn Dew beverage that tastes like a mediocre to bad energy drink.  I like original Mtn Dew (although Sun Drop is better), I like Code Red, and I like Pitch Black, but this is not worth finishing.  The only reason I’m not going to rate this Do Not Buy is because I could actually finish it if I wanted to.  WHY DID I JUST TAKE ANOTHER SIP?!  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

~A

Oddly enough if Twist puts his tongue to it, the bottle will be shocked.

Kickapoo Joy Juice

Another beverage given to me by the MMAgician and hailing from Singapore is Kickapoo Joy Juice.  Judging by the green and yellow coloration of the can I’m going to assume this is similar to a Mountain Dew (or MTN DEW) product.  Now on the can and this where it gets weird, are two characters from the now defunct comic strip Li’l Abner.  Character number one is “Lonesome Polecat”.  Lonesome Polecat is drawn how you would think a Native American would be drawn back when Li’l Abner was a comic strip.  That would be from 1934-1977 for reference.  The second character in charge of making this Kickapoo Joy Juice is “Hairless Joe”.  Hairless Joe is a caveman that lives in modern times.  He’s got a giant club, a leopard skin outfit, and even though his name suggests it he is most certainly not hairless.  Now that you know the cast of characters let me tell you what they’re doing on this logo.  Lonesome Polecat and Hairless Joe seem to be sitting in a tub of Kickapoo Joy Juice that has created an explosion so large (a mushroom cloud is visible) that they have rocketed themselves out of Earth’s orbit.  Underneath said picture read the words “Original USA Joy Juice Recipe”.  So at least we know we’re getting the real deal here.  The ingredients are as follows, Carbonated Water, Sucrose, Citric Acid, Sodium Citrate, Stabilizers (what?), Flavouring, Preservative, Colour E102, and Caffeine.  With all that said, let’s try out some of Lonesome Polecat and Hairless Joe’s mixture… which according to the Li’l Aber Wiki page is made in a cave.

As I assumed this is certainly a Mountain Dew-esque beverage, or at least the smell would have me believe that.  If I had to pick a scent which stands out over the other citrus aromas that are escaping the can I’d go with lemon.  Time to hopefully enjoy my 10.9 fluid ounces of Kickapoo Joy Juice!

The top of this can reads “Get That Kick!” and I certainly would have loved to have “Gotten it” but it’s not in the cards for Kickapoo Joy Juice.  Kickapoo Joy Juice, which I enjoy typing out, tastes like a diluted Mountain Dew.  If it were just a diluted Mountain Dew I could probably sign off on it fairly easily but there’s more.  With every drink there’s another flavor, sorry, flavour that sits on your tongue like a fat cat sits on a warm windowsill.  While this flavour isn’t horrible it is unmoving and very noticeable to me.  The rest of your mouth becomes a moderately fun party with each sip and your tongue is the grouchy neighbor downstairs who keeps ruining it through various means… and begin scene using characters from Zelda.

Link - “Hey guys!  Ummmm, no one could really make it to the party today, so I’m glad you came.  Want to drag out the old pop-o-matic bubble for a rousing game of Trouble?”

**knock knock knock** 

“Oh hi officer, what can I do for you?” 

Officer Armos - “We got a call from the Old Man downstairs saying that you were making far too much noise up here.”

Link – “But we were just about to play a bo….”

Officer Armos – “I don’t really care; just keep it down would you?”

Link – “Ok, sorry [closes door].  So where were we?

Zelda – “Actually Link I think Ganon and I are gonna head out.

Link – “…but he’s going to kidna… nevermind.  Just make sure he doesn’t get all feely with your triforce.”

Aaaand scene!  Ok, that example that went on for too long was more enjoyable than the flavor that is still sitting on my tongue.  I guess the best way to describe Kickapoo Joy Juice is this.  Kickapoo Joy Juice is a soda.  It’s nothing special in the slightest but still consumable.

~A

Twist actually starred in Li'l Abner between the years 1943-1945.

Maine Root Lemon Lime

Ok, I may discredit myself as a soda review by saying this but… lemon lime soda is boring.  Wait, wait, wait!  Don’t leave just yet; let me explain.  A good lime soda isn’t boring, in fact it’s one of my most coveted sodas.  A good lemon soda… well I haven’t really had one to write home about yet, but it’d be unique.  Lemon Lime soda though… well in my opinion has the biggest chance to be a very boring soda.  It’s so overdone and the flavor is never anything spectacular.  Sure I love 7up, but I’m not going to shove a bottle into your hand unless I find out you’re sick.  Sure I tolerate Sierra Mist, but I’m not going to force you to drink it unless you want the clear carbonated liquid from Taco Bell.  Sure I don’t really like Sprite.  Wait for it… nothing.  So today I’m giving Maine Root (a highly ranked soda company by our standards) a chance with their Maine Root Lemon Lime Soda.  Already looking through the bottle I can tell you that this has a ridiculous amount of sediment.  I’m looking at pieces so large I could literally chew them.  Already Maine Root Lemon Lime Soda has taken a turn for the unique, a place few lemon lime sodas ever go.  Let’s smell it shall we?

My nostrils greet a familiar smell.  This smells like lemon lime Twang.  Now I’m sure I’ve mentioned Twang in a past review but I’m feeling far too lazy to search for it at this moment.  If the word “integer” is a link in this sentence then you’ll know I became un-lazy and found it.  As I was saying the scent coming from this bottle is a very sharp and sour lemon lime aroma.  Honestly I’m excited!  Hopefully here goes something!

Wow this does taste a little like Twang, but without the instant throat fire.  It’s like a super lemon lime soda that allows you to taste the individual lemon and lime flavors.  The carbonation factor works well with the taste and burns you just a little bit more after you’re done with your sip.  I really thought I’d be able to feel the sediment drifting down my gullet on each sip much like I would experience in a Boba tea… or the ill-fated Orbitz.  Since I wrote that last sentence you should easily deduce that I can’t feel the sediment at all.  Hooray for no icky sediment feeling!  All in all this is a great lemon lime soda, and while I wouldn’t say it completely makes my “lemon lime is boring” argument null and void it does a lot for its own cause.

~A

Lemon Lime Iguana Goodness!

Retro 7Up

How happy I was when I saw that I could finally enjoy a 7up made with sugar.  You see 7Up was my mother’s healing elixir of choice and I’m pretty sure that you could cure the world’s ails if you just gave everyone enough 7Up and Premium saltine crackers.  If this belief is what my love of 7up hinges on… I honestly don’t know.  I do know that it’s the best tasting mainstream lemon lime brand out there.  Sprite has too “smacky” an aftertaste and Sierra Mist is almost void of any good flavor.  7up sits there in the happy middle ready to quench my thirst and balance my humors.  This Retro 7Up comes in a fantastically 70’s style bottle and begs for me to try it.  I’m so very happy I didn’t get one of the gaudy cans this beverage also comes in as I’m pretty sure half of my experience would be ruined.  Sniff test!

This should be short.  Guess what?  It smells like 7Up!  For those of you who’ve never had 7up and are old enough to read… here goes.  The light scent of lemon and lime caress my inner nostril, dancing upon my nose as if you tease the connected throat of its existence.  Voila!  Time to drink!

This is exactly what I expected it to be which is good.  I can’t imagine if I tried this Retro 7Up and it tasted like Marshmallow Fluff thus destroying both my perception of 7Up and my mind in general.  No, this tastes like a refreshing 7Up with the added perk that its taste is crisper than a normal 7Up.  There’s not a doubt in my mind that this is due to the fact this is sweetened with sugar instead of Mean Ol’ Mister High Fructose Corn Syrup.  Faux Fact:  That’s the original name of it I promise!  MOMHFCS never caught on so they shortened it to HFCS.  The drink experience itself goes down something like this.  Once this beverage hits your tongue your taste buds are immediately shown that you are drinking a citrus soda.  Just sitting on top of your ‘buds (slang for taste buds, ya like that?) Retro 7Up sizzles and bubbles awaiting the next stage of ingestion. I don’t have a regular 7Up to compare this too but Retro 7Up seems to have lighter bubbles causing a miniscule shock as it races around your mouth, something regular 7Up didn’t have.   As you move the 7Up around your mouth you’re greeted with more fizzing carbonation and the familiar taste of both lemon and lime.  The aftertaste is where things get a little hairy.  You see all is going well in the land of 7Up until I reach the aftertaste.  Let me preface all that I’m about to say (probably three whole sentences) with that I do not dislike this aftertaste… there’s just something a bit off-putting with it.  Regular 7Up with its MOMHFCS… sorry HFCS… sticks to your mouth since it’s a bit more syrupy.  On the other hand Retro 7Up ends like the movie Magnolia… unexpected.  It has a bit of a chemical feel there at the end almost tasting diet.  I’m not quite sure why this is but it’s a disappointing end to what should have been a solid ride.  I just got on the roller coaster of my dreams and it took off thrilling me.  My hat has flown off my head and I’m laughing with my best gal by my side.  Suddenly I’m stabbed in the face with the tiniest of daggers… and then another… and again.  It’s raining!  Thousands of drops of needle rain hit my laughing face contorting it with pain.  Finally the experience ends and I’m not sure whether to cheer or sigh.  That’s Retro 7Up… except I’m sure of which to do.  Sigh.

~A

but it looks so cooooooooool!

Sun Drop

   I saw Sun Drop a few months back in my local grocery store and thought that it was some old timey soda that had now finally made it to Texas.  Turns out I was right!  Sun Drop or Sundrop, has been around in some from since the 1930’s but thanks to the Dr. Pepper/Snapple company now has seen a nationwide release as of this year.  I must say they are promoting the heck out of it too.  I’ve seen it sponsored on boxers (fighters not underwear), billboards, and big trucks… just to name a few of the “B” ones.  Figuring that I might as well try this “new” beverage I purchased a pack guessing that I knew what I was getting into.  It’s in a fun green can and it’s labeled as a citrus soda.   This is the Dr. Pepper version of Mountain Dew… AMIRIGHT?  Sadly this means it also uses HFCS and other chemicals to flavor… wait… this has orange juice in the ingredients.  To quote the 9th Doctor, “Fantastic!”  Ok, so maybe it could be a bit different than the Dew.  Enough of the pleasantries.

   Sun Drop smells a lot like Mountain Dew but has a bit more of a citrus bite to its aroma.  While it’s a generically citrus smell my nostrils are still able to pick out hints of lemon and lime.  Like I said before, this is Dr. Pepper’s version of Mountain Dew… CANIGETAWITNESS?

   Upon drinking it my tongue is touched by a bevy of citrus flavors.  I can pick out the lemon and lime I whiffed earlier and most impressively I can also taste the orange juice that is listed on the side of the can.  None of these are dominant flavors mind you but if you take the time to try and sort it out in your mouth you can identify them all.  This is a little bit sweeter to me than Mountain Dew and a little less harsh on the throat.  Obviously Mountain Dew is not as caustic as Coke or Pepsi but it does have room to be muted a bit.  Personally I like the taste of Sun Drop more than Mountain Dew to the point where if I’m given the choice I’d pick Sun Drop every time if it was made with sugar.  As it currently stands I’ll only pick Sun Drop every time over regular Dew… throwback still gets my vote.  You get almost the same flavor that you would with Dew except for a few subtle improvements like the slight orange flavoring, the smoother mouth feel, and (in my opinion) the not INYOURFACE marketing.  Sun Drop to me embodies a sit on the porch after a sweltering hot day watching the sun set kind of drink.  The drink feels much more laid-back than its competition and in such makes me enjoy it that much more.  With all that said I think Dr. Pepper/Snapple picked a winner in Sun Drop and in doing so have the strongest lineup of soda out of the big three.  Obviously Coke and Pepsi are going to make more money at the end of the year but give me Dr. Pepper/RC Cola/7up/Sun Drop over the Red and Blue equivalents any day.

~A

Which one is the can and which one is the iguana?!  The world may never know.