Rocket Fizz - Banana Nut

I’m trying to alternate between “odd” and “normal” flavors of the sodas sent to me by Old 52.  Looking at what I have in stock I realized that I’m going to run out of the “normals” fairly soon.  Therefore today’s soda shall be placed in the “odd” category.  Rocket Fizz Banana Nut is what’s on the plate…erm… in the bottle today!  You may remember our first Rocket Fizz review, and it would make sense if you did since it was only three reviews ago.  Rocket Fizz uses cane sugar… oh sorry, PURE cane sugar, to sweeten and a variety of chemicals and natural flavors to flavor.  Rocket Fizz Banana Nut has an American beer like color, or something similar to mixing orange soda with lemonade.  I’m most interested in seeing if I can taste the nut in this banana nut soda.  For my 29 and younger readers here’s where you make a joke about nut soda… I know I have.

The smell is impressive.  The aroma reminds me of banana nut bread and the auto shop where I get my oil changed.  That’s not to say it smells like a garage just that my auto shop smells rather pleasant and more like banana nut bread than I originally thought.  I wish it smelled of warm banana nut bread, but I can see how that might be difficult to replicate with a cold beverage.  On with the tasting!

Rocket Fizz is really good at what they do.  They put out these flavors like S’more and Banana Nut which you wouldn’t think would work as a soda… yet they do.  This tastes like banana nut bread, and yes youthful readers I can really taste the nuts.  The carbonation level here is very strong as thousands of tiny bubbles explode on the surface of your tongue, screaming in the process as if they’re trying to get the most out of their fleeting lives before they die.  The aftertaste of Rocket Fizz Banana Nut is very similar to those orange foamy candy circus peanuts you might find in your stocking if you’re my step-mother.  She loves them so very much.  This means that the after taste hints a little of how paint smells, but nothing so terrible I wouldn’t recommend consuming this beverage.  Over all Rocket Fizz did a fantastic job replicating banana nut bread with the flavors of all three coming through in the perfect ratio.  Could I drink a bunch of these in a row?  No, but I would like to have multiple on hand.

~A

Twist first invented banana nut bread as a way to stave off the flu.

Johnnie Ryan - Cherry

Dipping into the Old 52 vault I find myself staring at a very red soda.  It’s called Johnnie Ryan, and the front of the bottle doesn’t even hint what flavor this might be.  Along with the words “Johnnie Ryan” adorning the neck I see that it’s a “Cane Sugar Soda” and a “Delicious Ryan Beverage”.  Heck even their slogan “First for Thirst” (written in fancy script) can be found, but no flavor.  Looking at the back of the bottle I once again see that I’m going to consume a Johnnie Ryan soda, this time their logo large enough to show you the cane and top hat that are synonymous with Johnnie Ryan I suppose.  This time the neck reads “’A Real Refresher’ Since 1935”.  It’s not until I look at the bottle cap that the words “Ryan Cherry” are able to solve my simple mystery.  Part of me likes the fact that the flavor is only on the bottle cap and part of me is annoyed.  I’m annoyed because I wanted to easily identify the flavor.  Is it red soda, cherry, cranberry, raspberry, punch… who knows?  I think I’m going to tip my hat, and cane, to the fact that the flavor is only on the bottle cap.  There’s something about this bottle of Johnnie Ryan soda that says “class”.  This is one of the classiest bottles I think I’ve ever put my hands one.  It has a great look to it that sets it apart from other bottled beverages.  Heck even the shape of the bottle is different enough to catch ones eye.  This isn’t an art lesson though, this is a soda review.  Now I’m burdened with the task of tasting this cherry soda.  Oh, how will I survive?

Johnnie Ryan Cherry soda greets you with a delightful cherry scent.  It’s light enough that I know this won’t be a paltry cherry drink jammed with chemicals until I can’t enjoy the other aspects it has.  It’s also heavy enough that I know I’m about to enjoy a terrific cherry soda… or so I think.

Wonderful.  Johnnie Ryan Cherry  Soda washes over your tongue with a great amount of cherry flavoring.  The amount of carbonation is perfect!  It seems to start off with fewer larger bubble and quickly dissipates into many tiny bubbles which tickle your palate with a wonderful sensation.  Jonnie Ryan Cherry has a thicker mouth feel during the aftertaste portion, but since the flavor sits so well I don’t think you’d mind it.  This compares to a good cherry candy with the sweetness level lowered just a skosh.  Jonnie Ryan is a tremendous dessert beverage, or I could even see it being consumed on a hot summer day in the shade of your favorite tree.  I never had a favorite tree growing up, in fact no one I knew did.  Did you ever read The Giving Tree?  That story made me mad the first time I ever read it and every time since.  ‘Thanks Tree for all this stuff you’ve given me.  I’ve given you nothing in return, unless you’re just super into mutilation.  For sticking with me for all these years I’m going to murder you and sit on your carcass.’  Sad.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Shel Silverstein.  I just never could get behind that story.  Where was I?  Oh yes!  Jonnie Ryan Cherry is a fantastic drink.  Its simple flavor made me happy.  It’s rare that a drink has the ability to improve my mood, but Jonnie Ryan did just that.

~A

Oddly enough Twist was actually the "First for Thirst" but was disqualified for using his powers.

Chubby Tutti Frutti

It seems like just last week when I first tried Chubby brand beverages.  Oh yeah, it was!  Today’s 250 ml. bottle is full of Tutti Frutti flavored Chubby brand soda.  I have higher hopes for the Tutti Frutti (already annoying to spell) flavor soda because it’s has a wider spectrum of what it should taste like than say blueberry.  The little chubby mascot on the front of the bottle is playing either tennis or racquetball.  I’m not sure if either have anything to do with Tutti Frutti, but I’ll still give it a shot.  Remember Chubby brand sodas use cane sugar for sweetening so we’re already starting off on the right foot.  Let’s proceed, shall we?

Mmmmm, that smells like delicious cherry, orange, strawberry, sweet, sugary goodness.  So in short, it smells like red kool-aid.  I’m literally salivating at the prospect of trying this beverage in front of me that could taste like red kool-aid.  Enough with the smells.

I feverishly chugged half the bottle down with the anticipation that it would be a carbonated red kool-aid soda.  While I wasn’t disappointed in the flavor it is not red kool-aid soda.  Chubby Tutti Frutti gives you the initial cherry/strawberry flavoring you’d expect with just a touch of carbonation.  While this is all fine and dandy like sour candy the finish is where this beverage falls short of what it could be.  The mid-taste to aftertaste portion of this particular type of Chubby tastes like a cherry cough drop.  It’s not sorta like a cherry cough drop, it doesn’t remind me of a cherry cough drop, it tastes exactly like a cherry cough drop (Halls to be exact) without the medicinal qualities.  So in short here’s what you get.  You get a red kool-aidesque slightly carbonated beverage that tastes like a cough drop 50% of the time you’re consuming it.  Is it terrible?  No, not at all, in fact I finished the bottle just fine.  Is it better than Chubby BlueBerry?  Yes, yes it is.  While Chubby Tutti Frutti might not be the best example of a fruit punch soda, it does have enough positive qualities to warrant its rating.

~A

Faux Fact: Twist founded Wimbledon

Chubby BlueBerry Blast

I’ve got a Chubby.  Now that the name of the drink has been said and the most obvious joke in my arsenal has been played, we can move on like the intellectual citizens we are.  Today’s drink was supplied to me by Double Abeyta and its full name is Chubby BlueBerry Blast Soda.  Chubby beverages apparently come in a short 8.45 Fl. Oz. (250 ml.) bottle adorned with a chubby cartoon character.  There is no “story of chubby”, or “facts about chubby”, or even a name for the chubby cartoon character… although I’m assuming his name is Chubby.  This is a product of Trinidad & Tobago so this is fortunately sweetened with sugar.  The rest of the ingredients are chemicals, but at least we can rely on good ol’ trust worthy sugar.  I’m a fan of blueberry soda so let’s move this review in the appropriate direction.

Chubby BlueBerry Blast smells like shampoo.  It’s a fruity smell, but it’s a shampooey smell as well.  If I use my imagination I can pretend to smell the scent of blueberry candy… this calms my thoughts.  On to the drink!

While it does taste a bit like a fruity shampoo might, I’m happy to announce that shampoo is not the dominating flavor.  This subtly carbonated beverage also tastes like chemicals flavored to resemble blueberries.  Herein lies the problem with Chubby BlueBerry Blast… it doesn’t taste like blueberries at all.  This tastes like a hodgepodge of blue candies blended together with little care what the end result was.  I’m also sad(?) to say that the more I drink it the more this does indeed taste like I’m drinking shampoo.   Maybe if Chubby BlueBerry Blast was marketed as a drinkable shampoo I’d give it more “props” as the kids say.  Who am I kidding the kids don’t say that anymore, nor am I old enough to use the phrase “as the kids say”.  With its impossible to ignore soapy flavor I wonder what would happen if I combined Chubby with bland boringness of Neurogasm.  Someone with a lower brow than I can write that joke… I’ll just sit back and laugh at it.

~A

Twist used to have hair until he willed it away.

Neurogasm

While in a scholarly bookstore looking for wares so that I might promote my alma mater, I stumbled upon a section of sodas whose flavors all started with the word “Neuro”.  Quickly looking over them I picked up the most humorously named for review purposes and went on my way.  That particular bottle was called Neurogasm.  Neurogasm comes in a maroon lava lamp shaped bottle with all sorts of words and phrases on it that inform you what you’re about to experience with this particular flavor of Neuro.  According to the bottle Neurogasm has “passion in every bottle”, “only 35 calories”, and a warning not to give it to anyone under the age of 12.  We’re not to the amusing stuff yet though.  The back of the bottle reads as follows.

Neurogasm

-          Supports healthy circulation

-          Helps support the pleasure response

-          Provides playful energy

-          Promotes healthy aging.

 The word Neurogasm means different things to different people and it all leads to something great… gasm.  Neurogasm provides nutrients including L-citrulline to support health blood flow and circulation offering you the opportunity for more enjoyment.  Whether it’s day or night or even later at night who would want that?

Ok… so there you have it.  Basically I just bought a sex drink out of a college bookstore, but it has Neuro in the title so it’s not trashy.  Oh no, if anything it’s a “smart choice”.  Of course I’ll be reviewing this on taste alone unless you want to start paying $9.99 a month for this site.  I’m a bit worried that I’ll have a similar experience to Mike when he reviewed Extenze Soda.  Let’s cautiously begin this review.

After removing the oddly shaped plastic lid I’m greeted with a mixture of odd fruit flavors.  It almost smells like a blueberry pomegranate V8 fusion… which I enjoy, but something is off about the smell of Neurogasm.  The sentence “something is off about the smell of Neurogasm” is going to make me laugh every time I read it.  Moving on.  I’m worried that I’m about to dive into a mixture of energy drink (due to the ridiculous amounts of B vitamins) and vegetable juice (due to the fact that they use vegetable juice).  A vegetable/fruit juice energy drink sounds like a good idea, but let’s take a sip and find out if Neurogasm (must I keep typing that) is worth its weight in anything.

No, no it’s not.  Neurogasm has a lot less flavor than I expected.  Want to make some Neurogasm at home without all the blood circulation side effects?  Grab a can of V8 fusion and mix it with some almost flat seltzer water.  Ta da!  You now have a Neurogasm without all that gasm getting in your way.  This is a lightly carbonated soda with hints of flavor dancing around a very neutral base.  Yes you can taste the fruit juice.  Yes you can taste the vegetable juice.  Yes it’s a drinkable concoction, but as far as flavored-non-alcoholic-carbonated-beverages go… meh.  I’m sorry for what I’m about to say, please forgive me for any unintentional puns.  When I saw the words Neurogasm on the side of a bottle I expected an explosion of flavor.  You don’t make a drink with a provocative name and then give it a weak flavor, shame on you Neuro for teasing us with promises of “passion in every bottle”.  PASSION IN EVERY BOTTLE!  What about that sentence would you associate with a poorly flavored soda that doesn’t start off or finish strong?  So much of what is written on this bottle makes you think of the pleasure you’re going to enjoy while drinking it, and the pleasure of whatever may happen afterwards.  To use a baseball analogy, if I’m about to get to first base and I get shot in the leg along the way, do I really care that I made it to first base?  Sure a triple would make me forget a little more about what just happened, and maybe a home run would make me not care at all, but I don’t see anyone who uses a drink called Neurogasm getting past first in even their best attempts.

~A

Twist has more passion in his soulless eyes.

Big Shot - Pineapple Blue Bayou

I just finished serving on a jury.  This is why the reviews haven’t been happening quite as often, there I’ve made my excuse.  While most would think that Jury Duty might be a miserable experience mine was quite the opposite.  I was fortunate enough to spend time with 11 other people who I would consider genuinely great people.  Yes I only spent 4 days with them, but I was impressed by them all… especially the one that gave me the soda I’m reviewing today.  “Juror Number Cool” is what I’ll call her and I must thank her now for giving me this bottle of soda called Big Shot.  The full name of this particular flavor is Big Shot – Pineapple Blue Bayou, so we might be in for some surprise. 

Big Shot is apparently a popular brand in New Orleans, Nawlins, The Big Easy, Crescent City, The City that Care Forgot, Hollywood South, and many other nicknames I didn’t see looking at Wikipedia.  It appears, after doing a bit of research, that their slogan is “Even if you don’t have a million bucks, let’em know you’re a big shot!”  Saddly this is not on the label.  To offset this sadness is the face of Big Shot… insert name here if he actually had one.  The face of Big Shot looks like a combination of W.C. Fields and Charlie Chaplin.  I immediately want merchandise with The Face of Big Shot on it.  Along with said face and name of drink are the flavors of Pineapple Blue Bayou.  I’m about to consume this blue liquid that is the flavor combination of oranges, pineapple, and coconut.  I’m not going to bother listing the ingredients for you as it’s just a bunch of chemicals.  With that said I think I’ve given a somewhat flushed out description of the 24oz bottle at hand.  If my description confused you… well then just look at the picture below, silly goose.  On with the review!

This impossibly blue liquid smells like a combo of fruit stripe gum and orange cream soda.  I’m now happily anticipating my first drink and happy that all the chemicals they put in this bottle didn’t just singe all three of my chest hairs.  On with the fun.

Big Shot – Pineapple Blue Bayou is certainly an assortment of flavors.  The first thing I taste is what seems to be a glimpse into the flavor of orange; this is followed by the sweet tang of pineapple with coconut being your eventual aftertaste.  The coconut flavor hits your palate so very late in the game that if you were to drink this and not write sentences in between each swig I’m not sure you’d get to experience it.  Coconut is the guy in the race that crosses the finish line after everyone else.  No one is looking for him except his parents, and they’re even averting their eyes somewhat due to his failure at running.  All of these flavors are held together with sweet, sweet, chemicals.  Ok, I’ve made mention of the chemicals three or four times now.  I’m going to redeem this bottle of Big Shot just a smidge by telling you two of the non-chemical ingredients.  Orange juice concentrate, and pineapple juice… there I said it.  While Big Shot – Pineapple Blue Bayou is exactly what your grandparents are referring to when they use the term “sugar water”, it’s not completely full of chemicals.  While I enjoyed this bottle of BS-PBB (I got tired of typing the full name out so I wrote this even longer sentence explaining the abbreviation, thus making it pointless) it’s not a flavor I have to have.  If I was on my way somewhere, NOLA maybe, and I stopped at a gas station… sure I’d pick up a bottle for the road.  I’m not going to stock my fridge with it though.  That doesn’t mean I’m giving up on the Big Shot line, in fact I’m going to make it a point to try all of their flavors.  Thanks Juror Number Cool!

~A

Faux Fact:  Twist was once a Deputy in New Orleans.

Hotlips Cranberry Soda

Sparkling water, cranberry juice, pear juice.  Boom, soda.  Those are the only ingredients in this bottle of HOTLIPS Cranberry Soda.  HOTLIPS is a soda company from the Northwest that I respect more than I could put into words.  Their soda is all natural, and you can usually count the ingredients they use on one hand.  Oh, the ingredient label looks a little different than what I wrote.  Here’s the official ingredient list.  Sparkling water, Stevens + Yellow River Cranberries grown by Seaview Cranberries in Sixes, OR, NW grown pears, concentrated.  There you have it… it’s basically what I said just a bit fancier.  Sadly it doesn’t say “Boom, soda!” afterwards; I really think that would drive the point home.    Once I told my wife what was in this soda she immediately wanted to try it, and she is very much NOT a soda person.    Enough of this chatter, I want to try this post haste.

Guess what I smell when I opened it… cranberries and pear.  I’m guessing they use the pear as the sweetening agent since cranberries aren’t particularly known for being sugary.  I smell the pear a bit more than I thought I would, but I think the strength of the cranberry’s flavor will compensate just fine.  I think I’ll hand the bottle to Wife so that she might give her own shortened review.  Here it is.

Wife:  “It punches me in the face with a cranberry fist, and the soda art is unimpressive.  It tastes like fermented cranberry wine.  DISLIKE!”

Well with her disliking it I’m kind of curious as to how this will taste to me.  Here goes something… probably a paragraph on how I think it tastes.

There is no way to mistake this flavor.   You are most certainly drinking a cranberry soda as the pear has all but vanished, muting the would-be super-tartness of the cranberry.  I want to take this time to say that when I typed the word “super-tartness” I thought of a Super Tart, perhaps some sort of promiscuous English Super Heroine.  I will say that the initial flavor my mouth is welcomed to isn’t my favorite, but once the ingestion process furthers my taste buds become awash with cranberry goodness.  HOTLIPS Cranberry Soda is something I could see serving this with the family meal.  I’m sure it’s a natural connection but I’d really like to try this with my Thanksgiving Dinner… sadly I can’t purchase HOTLIPS in my area.  I’m not tasting the fermented flavor Wife did, but that’s not to say it’s not there.  She could have been speaking about that initial taste that I noted my dislike for earlier.  Overall I’m impressed once again with HOTLIPS and what they’re able to do with so few ingredients.  The only flavor of theirs I have left to try is Cherry, and I dream for the day I get to.  This is a tasty soda, but may not be for everyone due to the strength of the cranberry flavoring (a good thing in my opinion).  Bring some over to your family/friend’s house next time you’re having a real deal sit down meal.

~A

Faux Fact: The lips used for their logo are actually Twist's.

Jones Soda Orange & Cream

Another Jones flavor I probably should have tasted years ago is the victim today, to be more specific the flavor at hand is Orange & Cream Soda.  Orange & Cream is a flavor I’ve liked in the past so I can only assume that I’ll like it in this instance as well.  For those of you wondering who can’t see the picture under the article, which should be none of you, this label of Jones Soda has one of those merry-go-rounds you’d find on a playground.  I was that kid who liked the effects of getting dizzy a bit too much, so naturally I loved these whirl-a-ma-gigs.  Hopefully this Jones Orange & Cream Soda won’t make me as nauseous as a spin-a-ka-doodle in the park, but there’s only one way to find out.

It certainly does smell both orange and creamy so I guess we can say the flavor is truth up to this point.  The orange aroma is slightly stronger than the creamy, but I think the flavor will prove otherwise… or at least I hope it does.  Another odd flavor wafts from the top of this bottle, and maybe it’s just me here, but it smells a bit like stewed baby carrots.  I’ve had this “problem” before in sodas where I could taste cooked baby carrots (something I’m not fond of) so this may just be a mental issue of some sort.  Nevertheless, I must truck on regardless!

First off, upon drinking Jones Orange & Cream soda I do get a slight baby carrot taste.  This taste is nothing compared to the one I first tasted in Blue Sky’s Dr. Becker, so it won’t be considered the lone downfall of this beverage.  Secondly, this is one of the least creamy sodas I’ve had that included the words “CREAM SODA” in its flavor description.  This mostly tastes of orange which I understand since it’s the primary flavor of the soda, but it could be improved so very much if it were considerably smoother.  Each sip I take in leaves me with an aftertaste I’m not thrilled with as well.  The carbonation plays a larger role than I’d like, taking away from even initially taking away from what could be a decent orange flavor.  This is the point in the review where I tell you how surprised I am at how little this is blowing me away.  Where Jones Green Apple is a torrential hurricane, Jones Orange & Cream would sadden a kite flyer of any age.  I thought about giving this a lower rating, but my opinion of Jones Orange & Cream at this point is very much “meh”.  Not negative mind you, just… meh.

~A

Twist is creamier than this.

IZZE Sparkling Peach

Video Review from February 28, 2020.

Original written review below from September 19, 2011

I think we’ve reviewed threepeachsodas on this website over the last 3 years.  That puts our peach soda drinking rate at about one year.  Friend, that’s just too darn long in between peach sodas.  Hopefully this bottle of IZZE Sparkling Peach will be worth the break in custom and satisfy my thirst.  You see our air conditioner is on the fritz and I could really use a good soda right about now.  Here’s hoping IZZE, which is a brand we’ve tested before, will help me out in my time of need.  Drink on!

Peach is one of those flavors that surprises and delights me every time I smell it coming out the top of a bottle.  I guess it surprises me because I just don’t immediately think of “peach” as being a soda flavor.  Grape, orange, and cherry… sure, but peach?  IZZE Sparkling Peach produces a very peach-ful aroma that fills your nostrils with ease.  Wonder why they never used that in the ad campaign?  IZZE Peach – The Aroma that Fills Your Nostrils!

Upon tasting the peach flavor goes through three stages.  Your mouth’s initial affair with IZZE Peach never really reaches its full peach-tential.  The white grape and apple juices used to help flavor the beverage are what stand out at first.  Stage 2 of this journey is where Apple and Grape meet Peach at a crossroads.  I don’t know if you’ve ever played the game Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom, but I picture that meeting to be in the art styling of said NES game.  Look it up, I DARE YOU!  You don’t have to play it, I didn’t… for long.  Never was an RPG’er sad to say.  I’ve beaten ChronoTrigger, FFVII, and Suikoden 2, but that was because I felt I owed it to myself, and my wife to do so.  Where were we?  Oh yeah… PART THREE, Three, three.  AS the flavor sets in your mouth for a while the actual peach juice they used to flavor this makes itself known.  It honestly tastes like you just had a bite of peach until stage 3 fades away forever allowing your mouth to enjoy other tasty food/drink items.  The carbonation isn’t all that strong, but it does add to the minimal bite that IZZE Sparkling Peach produces.  With all that said I wish there was more of a pronounced peach flavor throughout the beverage.  The natural ingredients help boost the rating a notch, but I’m still on the lookout for a top notch peach soda.

~A

Twist is both "peachy" and "keen"

Vignette Wine Country Soda - Pinot Noir

Wine soda.  That’s what this is, and I’m not scared to admit that I’m very skeptical about this review.  I don’t like wine, or most alcoholic drinks for that matter.  This bottle of Vignette Wine Country Soda – Pinot Noir assures me that it is in fact non-alcoholic.  Something tells me that even though this is non-alcoholic the chances of me liking it are slim to nil.  I will say that it does have a lovely color, and a very simple woodsy label that any wine aficionado would be pleased to see.  The ingredients are another high point of this soda, listing filtered carbonated water, Pinot Noir grape juice concentrate, citric acid, and natural flavor as the culprits creating this soda.  With all that said, let’s pop the cork (sadly there is no cork) and see what kind of bouquet Vignette Pinot Noir has to offer.

Ah, it’s a twist cap… how refined.  With my one good nostril (I’m a bit stuffed up at the moment) I get the scent of grape juice.  I’m pleased with this smell as I’m a fan of grape juice.  If Vignette could have any redeeming value it would be that it tastes like a fun grape juice soda.  Still though, I’m doubtful that they made this to be “fun” as the bottle takes itself way too seriously.  It’s now time to take the drink for the thirst that is yet to come.

Alright, I’m good with this.  The easiest way to put it is to say that it’s sparkling grape juice.  I’m sure if I had a more refined palate I could tell you how strong the flavor of the Pinot Noir grapes were… but they just taste like grapes to me.  This isn’t an overly sweet soda as I didn’t see any additional sugars added to the grape juice they used to make it.  It starts off a little bitter as wine might, but where that flavor might linger in your mouth a while with wine it escapes quite cleanly with Vignette Pinot Noir.  The carbonation is obviously there but it’s not distracting in any way.  I don’t know if it’s because I figured I’d hate this when I first bought it but I’ve been pleasantly surprised by Vignette Pinot Noir.  This isn’t something I’d keep my fridge stocked full of, but I might buy some for a party and see how people like it.  The overly simplified bottom line is this, if you like grape juice and bubbles you’ll probably like Vignette Wine Country Soda – Pinot Noir. 

~A

Twist is the originator of ANYTHING you've heard on the grapevine.

Jones Soda Fufu Berry

I ask this question a lot, or at least a version of this question.  “Why don’t we review more *insert soda brand here*?”  Today the soda brand in question is Jones soda.  Why don’t we review more Jones soda when they’ve proven time and time again that they make a solid product.  Well it’s actually a liquid, but a Jones Popsicle would be most delicious. The flavor of Jones I have in front of me is titled Fufu Berry Soda.  I’ve looked all over the bottle to see if there was any kind of hint as to what Fufu Berry might taste like.  The back of the bottle just told me “artificial flavors” while the front of the bottle sported a humorous picture of a dog sitting halfway off a chair.  The color is a warm and rosy pink, also alluding to the fact that numerous berry flavors will be experienced.  You know about Jones the company so I won’t go into that.  If you do need more info I’m always good for an e-mailed question… 70% of the time.  Open says me!

Upon opening I immediately want my wife to start wearing Jones Fufu Berry as a fragrance.  So if you could please get on that Jones Soda Co.  This smells wonderful!  I get hints of raspberry, strawberry, maybe some lavender in there.  Seriously this is a very versatile aroma… I want to bathe in this.  Before I spend waaaaay to much money on bath water I should find out if it tastes good enough to drink instead.

I like it!  I said that in such a simple way because Jones Fufu Berry seems to be about on par with a simple pleasure.  This is a fun drink that tastes like a wonderful candy but isn’t overly sweet.  Oddly enough if you just pour it in your mouth with no swishes at all the flavor seems to hold back, waiting on your mouth to make the first move.  Your tongue is tickled with a generous amount of light carbonation, as your taste buds begin to truly explore the Fufu Berry flavor.  Once again I taste the raspberry most of all with what I can only imagine is the strawberry following close behind.  I’ll be honest though, it’s rather difficult for me to separate all the different berry flavors they may have used, artificial flavors or not.  During the middle of its performance the Fufu Berry gives your mouth a kick like you might expect out of a fruit punch.  As much as I enjoyed it Jones Fufu Berry Soda isn’t something I see myself drinking a lot of.  This is a party drink to me for those of your friends that don’t drink alcohol, or who just prefer fun soda.  The fragrance I first experienced did indeed win out over the taste which is a shame, but I honestly don’t know how the taste could have beaten that amazing bouquet.  With all that said, written actually, this is a really fun drink to have/serve/enjoy.  I do suggest you find some Fufu Berry and share it with your friends.

~A

The dog on the label was initially facing forward, but Twist intimidated him too much.

IZZE Sparkling Clementine

As much as we liked the IZZE brand when we first started this site, we sure haven’t reviewed many of their flavors.  I’m going to correct this action by reviewing on right this second.  IZZE Sparkling Clementine is up to bat and I have a feeling it’ll do just fine.  You see, IZZE is an all-natural soda composed of fruit juice (apple, white grape, orange, and clementine) and sparkling water.  In this case they also have some Citric Acid, Gum Arabic, and Beta Carotene (for color), but something tells me the flavor is still going to be fantastic.  I love clementine oranges due to their flavor, tiny size, and easy peel-ability.  With all that said, I think it’s about time to open the bottle.

This smells a lot like orange juice which shouldn’t be surprising as orange juice is one of the ingredients.  I just figured I would have the sweeter clementine aroma greet my olfactory glands when I opened this bottle.  Hopefully this won’t taste like carbonated OJ as I’ve had that before and I’m looking for something a little different.

The initial flavor attacked my tongue in such a way that I wasn’t sure what to think.  It reminds me a lot of what orange punch would taste like.  I think I’m mostly tasting the orange and white grape juice here and that’s confusing my mouth just a bit.  The carbonation level of IZZE Sparkling Clementine is fairly low, comprised of tiny bursts of tingle that last throughout the drinking experience.  Tingle(s) are actually measured in bursts, I’m not sure if you knew that so I figured now would be the best time to tell you.  I really wanted this drink to be sweeter… like a clementine.  The orange/white grape juice is too overpowering for the clementine juice to be fully appreciated.  Looking back at the label I see that this bottle of IZZE is equal to two servings of fruit based on the USDA’s Dietary Guidelines, impressive!  While I like everything IZZE is about I feel they missed the boat a little on their Sparkling Clementine beverage.  If they could mute the citrusy orange flavor a bit and raise the sweet clementine flavor this would be an outstanding soda.  Until that happens (and unless they read my reviews and take my advice like I actually know something… which I doubt they will) I’m going to have rate this lower than I’d like. 

~A

Faux Fact:  The IZZE logo is based off of Twist's inner child.

Fentimans Rose Lemonade

Ever been caught serving your guests lemonade WITHOUT roses?  Well never be embarrassed again with Fentimans Traditional Rose Lemonade.  Frentimans Traditional Rose Lemonade comes in the classically stylish standard Fentimans bottle, multiple dog heads included!  Each and every bottle of Fentimans is jam-packed, not with jam silly, but with the following ingredients:  Carbonated water, lemon juice concentrate, cane sugar, glucose syrup, fermented ginger root extracts, pear juice concentrate, lemon flavoring, citric acid, tantaric acid, natural color, and rose oil!  Wait there’s more!  If you like sediment then Fentimans Rose Lemonade is for you!  There’s so much sediment in there I’m getting SEDI-MENTAL!  Seriously folks you need to be aware of this product.  Let’s take a call and see what they think of Fentimans Rose Lemonade.  Caller, go ahead!

Justin Casey Falls - “After I done opened it I stuck my schnozz down in that bottle hole and smelled up something mighty powerful.  I reckon if I had to describe it like one of them high paid reviewers I’d say that it was like a lemon that been mixed with them thar chemicals you use to clean yer house.”

Thank you caller.  Well folks it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for… the taste test.  We’ve selected seven children to tell us what they think of Fentimans Rose Lemonade.  Take it away kids!

Morton – My tongue feels all sour after drinking it.

Larry – The little bubbles tickled my mouth… I wish it tickled my mouth more.  Why are you laughing?

Roy – I thought this drink would be all chewy but I haven’t chewed a bit.

Lemmy – The more I drink it the better it gets!

Wendy – Are you sure this isn’t a drink for adults?

Ludwig – I like no-rose lemonade better.

Iggy - While the initial sour blast takes over your mouth it quickly allows the other flavors to make their presence known.  Each sip allows your palate to become more accustomed to the tartness this lemonade brings, and while it is most certainly different from normal lemonade I really wouldn’t mind trying this again.  It’s quite unique.

There you have it folks the kids have spoken!  If I’d just heard testimonials like that I think I’d pick up the phone and…

~A

Faux Fact - Twist used to the operator of a 1-900 number

Mello Yello

As many of you know I’m from Texas, and I’m just mad about Saffron.  This is an important fact to consider for the review today.  You see, I’m reviewing Mello Yello.  Mello Yello is a very mainstream brand and many of you may be wondering why I’m just now picking up a can to review.  So why have I, Aaron the Texan, decided that Mello Yello was important enough to review?  For whatever reason, Mello Yello has been nearly impossible to find in Texas for several years now.  It’s almost like Coke just kind of gave up on ever taking the market back from Mountain Dew.  I’m sure bringing it “back” to Texas was just a move that was fueled by money, but part of me thinks that SunDrop’s rise to national distribution might have had to do something with it as well.  For those of you not in the “kno”, Mello Yello is Coke’s version of Mountain Dew.  That’s the easiest way to explain what they were trying to go for when Coke created it.  It’s made with chemicals, orange juice concentrate, and now sits in a snazzy looking retro can in front of me.  I do love the can art by the way.  If there is one thing that Mello Yello has already beaten Mountain Dew and SunDrop on… it’s the can art.  So very simple, so very classic in styling, so very yello.  I mean, yellow.  I think it’s time to get this review started… quite rightly.

At first whiff Mello Yello puts off a scent more akin to Sprite than that of Mountain Dew.  However when I give it the old college try and breathe in a bit more the familiar scent of mixed citrus is what prevails.  Let’s see how well they compare in flavor.

Oh this will be easy!  Mello Yello is watered down Mountain Dew.  See ya next week folks!

~A

Ok, so maybe I should expound on this statement a little first.  If SunDrop or Mountain Dew didn’t exist then Mello Yello would be fantastic.  The fact that they do though makes you immediately compare each to another allowing us to not settle for a lesser soda which in this case is Mello Yello.  With each sip of Mello Yello you experience a rather flavorless journey until you near the end of it.  It’s almost as if they tried too hard to be refreshing and in doing so lost anything unique and fun about their beverage.  Only at the end of each gulp/sip/drink do you get the hit of citrus you probably expected since the beginning.  In the “Points For” category, I can identify several of the citrus flavors they used in making this, but the flavor overall is still a disappointment.  The carbonation works well with the flavor it’s given, but I honestly don’t care at this point. 

If any of you think I’m being too harsh on Mello Yello then know it’s with great sorrow that I do so.  One of my favorite advertising campaigns was that of Mello Yello.  Jim Varney, better known as Ernest P. Worrell, is still to this day only one of three celebrity deaths I’ve actually been saddened by in my time on Earth.  Sure the Ernest movies became overly stupid as they continued on, but the man made me laugh as a child and now as an adult.  During that time that he was making people laugh he was a spokesman for the “Make the Mello Yello Move” campaign.  To this day I can watch these commercials and enjoy them to the same degree I did as a child, if not more so.  I want to like this drink.  Ernest liked this drink, or was at least paid to.  I’m going to watch a couple of these ads, three of them actually, and see if it doesn’t improve upon my opinion of Mello Yello.  Be right back! 

Sigh….not even the great Jim Varney could sway my vote, and now  I’m more depressed than ever.  Back to the review.

Like I noted earlier the can art is awesome.  The can art hands down beats the competitors.  Let’s me focus on the can art for a moment and hopefully that will get me out of this funk.  The design on this Mello Yello can seems to harken back to simpler times.  Simpler Times, when a Peanut Farmer was President, when a stamp cost you 15 cents, and when a gallon of gas was under a dollar.  Guess what?  I wasn’t alive back then so the retro can is unable to work its magics on me.  Mello Yello is watered down Mountain Dew.  KnowwhatImean?

~A

I'll probably be snuffed out for telling you this, but it's too important not to.  Twist. Is. Vern.

MTN Dew Voltage

At the time I bought this bottle of Mtn Dew Voltage I was running out of drinks… I still am but that’s beside the point.  I’ve never really been into the whole crazy Mtn Dew flavors thing, but I respect what they’re doing.  What caught my attention to this bottle of Mtn Dew Voltage (which this point on will be called simply “Voltage”) was the fact that it contains Ginseng.  Voltage immediately starts to slide down the grading scale with the words “Charged with Raspberry Citrus Flavor…” on the side.  First off this drink is blue and a primary flavor is Raspberry.  I dislike the idea of blue raspberry anything.  Secondly what is a “Raspberry Citrus” flavor?  To find that out I guess I actually have to consume it.  Alright then.  Here we go!

Voltage smells as if you crushed up a bunch of blue raspberry SweeTarts and mixed it with the appropriate ratio of water.  Needless to say I’m not impressed.  I will say that the lightning bolt on the side of the bottle keeps catching my eye though.  So much power.  So much responsibility.  Let’s see if this will live up to its responsibility like Spiderman or fail miserably like Spiderman 3.

Rushed Venom, Emo-Peter Parker, and Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane… that’s what ran through my head as I finished taking that sip.  So much disappointment.  Voltage hit’s your mouth with a small shock of carbonation leading up to a taste that can only be described as chemical.  I’m sure there are other descriptive terms I could have used but I had to say there wasn’t for dramatic effect.  The blue raspberry fights with the ginseng on who will be the most prominent flavor while Citrus sits in the corner shouting.  Ultimately my mouth declares them all losers and tries to drink its problems away only finding that the nearest drink is more Voltage.  Such a vicious cycle.  This is the first Mtn Dew beverage that tastes like a mediocre to bad energy drink.  I like original Mtn Dew (although Sun Drop is better), I like Code Red, and I like Pitch Black, but this is not worth finishing.  The only reason I’m not going to rate this Do Not Buy is because I could actually finish it if I wanted to.  WHY DID I JUST TAKE ANOTHER SIP?!  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

~A

Oddly enough if Twist puts his tongue to it, the bottle will be shocked.

Fresh Choices Grape Soda

Gas station soda.  That’s pretty much what you can call Fresh Choices Grape Soda since the Fresh Choices brand is made for Valero Gas Stations.  As you may already know I love cheap grape sodas.  I feel that the cheaper the soda the better chance that it will be absolutely delicious, therefore I couldn’t pass this bottle up.  Its chock full of chemicals and has a logo that would make any design firm in the early 90’s swoon with excitement.  Let’s take it out for a spin.

Oh man, that is some cheap smelling grape soda.  It has such an artificial aroma that I can hardly wait to try it.  It has a very similar smell to Dimetapp which could either excite you even more about trying it, or keep you far, far away.  For me it’s the former.  Time to take my medicine.

Aaaaand disappointment.  One of the reasons I usually like cheap grape soda is the fact that it has such a strong bite.  For all practical purposes I just chugged a good amount of Fresh Choices Grape Soda and not even the hint of a burn crept into my mouth.  This tastes exactly like you would expect it… a generic grape soda.  It has approximately the same amount of sweetness that any sort of grape flavored candy might have, so it’s fairly sweet.  The grape flavoring is very, very artificial in flavor, but why wouldn’t it be when it says “artificial flavor” right on the side of the bottle.  I do kind of wish that grapes tasted like this, or at least a particular strand of grapes.  The mouth feel is somewhat syrupy, and building on itself,  since they went the chemical route in their production.   Overall it’s a very average beverage and shall be rated accordingly.  On another note, Average Beverage seems like a good name for a band.

~A

Nothing says delicious grape soda like... Grape Soda.

Topo Sabores Apple

Who doesn’t love apple soda… well besides Johnny Appleseed of course?  I always figured being around all those apples would eventually make him sick of them.  Sure he helped shape America with all he did involving apples, but I bet he only ate them to keep up his image.  Fortunately Johnny “Appleseed” Chapman isn’t here to review this Topo Sabores Apple soda.  Also fortunately… is not a proper way to start a sentence but… also fortunately I am here to review this bottle of Topo Sabores Apple Soda.  As you might be able to tell by the name, Topo Sabores hails from Mexico and uses delicious cane sugar as a sweetener as well as HFCS just to confuse us.  We’ve done a few of their drinks before so I’ll just add a link here… and maybe here.  Let’s all read about me smelling this soda now. Pop Pop!

The scent coming out of the neck of this bottle is definitely that of an apple, but I will say that it’s also a bit more subtle than I expected.  At first it smells like apple juice only to have the scent change to sweet soda at the last second, almost fooling you into thinking it was healthy.  Drink time.

Very nice.  Very nice indeed.  This apple soda even tastes a bit like apple juice even though the bottle lists no such ingredient.  With each sip I’m greeted with a touch of spice, much like you would experience in eggnog.  Before my mind gets a chance to think too hard on eggnog soda the spice quickly dissipates into a mildly carbonated apple juice flavored soda.  The aftertaste reminds me of a red apple/green apple hybrid.  It is sweet and tart at the same time and lasts considerably longer than any of the other tastes you’ll experience.  As much as I like Topo Sabores Apple Soda it doesn’t actually “wow” me.  This is an above average soda, and I will suggest you buy multiples, but it’s lacking a special something that would set it apart from being slightly above average.

~A

One day Twist will be on a bottle of soda.

Thomas Kemper Black Cherry

Not too long ago my mother and step-father gave me a bottle of Thomas Kemper Black Cherry Soda.  Apparently they bought it from a nifty little shop in Rockwall, TX (near Dallas) called The Candy Jar Malt Shop which I have now conveniently linked.  We all know Thomas Kemper makes great stuff... well if you read the site for any amount of time you know that.  If you didn’t know that then you should probably read more of the site and tell all of your friends to do the same.  Your friends will then tell all of their friends and eventually we’ll become the only multi-billion dollar soda review site in the world.  To make a non-existent story short I’m happy I’m about to review a Thomas Kemper product!  I’m thirsty so I think I’m just going to go to the review portion now.

Thomas Kemper Black Cherry does indeed smell like black cherry soda… flavored cough syrup.  While cough syrups sometimes have a wonderful taste I’m still a bit worried about the story my ol’ nose just told.  Drinky drink time!

Cough syrup this is not.  Thomas Kemper Black Cherry soda has a robust flavor all the way through your drinking experience.  The initial taste is crisp and hits your tongue screaming “BLACK CHERRY!” at the top of its imaginary lungs.  After the initial crisp hit of black cherry the flavor doesn’t even back down for a second.  For the entirety of its duration in your mouth you are made very aware of the fact that you are consuming a black cherry soda.  The flavor could be more powerful, but it would honestly be too much for most people to enjoy if it was.  So far the only downside I’ve noticed is that the aftertaste is a little syrupy but I’m sure that has to do with their use of honey.  The carbonation is fairly high but once again works very well with the whole experience.  I’ve now finished my bottle before finishing my review… that’s both a good sign and something that rarely ever happens.  Overall, Thomas Kemper Black Cherry is a very fizzy black cherry soda with the slightest taste of honey.  You should be able to open a bottle of black cherry soda and pretty much predict what you’re about to taste.  Thomas Kemper Black Cherry doesn’t disappoint in the slightest putting IBC Black Cherry now at 2nd place on my black cherry soda list.

~A

Twist can make black cherries appear at will.

Maine Root Lemon Lime

Ok, I may discredit myself as a soda review by saying this but… lemon lime soda is boring.  Wait, wait, wait!  Don’t leave just yet; let me explain.  A good lime soda isn’t boring, in fact it’s one of my most coveted sodas.  A good lemon soda… well I haven’t really had one to write home about yet, but it’d be unique.  Lemon Lime soda though… well in my opinion has the biggest chance to be a very boring soda.  It’s so overdone and the flavor is never anything spectacular.  Sure I love 7up, but I’m not going to shove a bottle into your hand unless I find out you’re sick.  Sure I tolerate Sierra Mist, but I’m not going to force you to drink it unless you want the clear carbonated liquid from Taco Bell.  Sure I don’t really like Sprite.  Wait for it… nothing.  So today I’m giving Maine Root (a highly ranked soda company by our standards) a chance with their Maine Root Lemon Lime Soda.  Already looking through the bottle I can tell you that this has a ridiculous amount of sediment.  I’m looking at pieces so large I could literally chew them.  Already Maine Root Lemon Lime Soda has taken a turn for the unique, a place few lemon lime sodas ever go.  Let’s smell it shall we?

My nostrils greet a familiar smell.  This smells like lemon lime Twang.  Now I’m sure I’ve mentioned Twang in a past review but I’m feeling far too lazy to search for it at this moment.  If the word “integer” is a link in this sentence then you’ll know I became un-lazy and found it.  As I was saying the scent coming from this bottle is a very sharp and sour lemon lime aroma.  Honestly I’m excited!  Hopefully here goes something!

Wow this does taste a little like Twang, but without the instant throat fire.  It’s like a super lemon lime soda that allows you to taste the individual lemon and lime flavors.  The carbonation factor works well with the taste and burns you just a little bit more after you’re done with your sip.  I really thought I’d be able to feel the sediment drifting down my gullet on each sip much like I would experience in a Boba tea… or the ill-fated Orbitz.  Since I wrote that last sentence you should easily deduce that I can’t feel the sediment at all.  Hooray for no icky sediment feeling!  All in all this is a great lemon lime soda, and while I wouldn’t say it completely makes my “lemon lime is boring” argument null and void it does a lot for its own cause.

~A

Lemon Lime Iguana Goodness!