MASH Ripe Mango Blood Orange

I feel like writing a short review today, so just go with me on this one.  MASH Ripe Mango Blood Orange is the third MASH drink up for review.  The other two were pretty good, but not spectacular.  MASH is pretty much two steps above fruity carbonated water.  If this is anything like the other two flavors then one flavor will dominate as the other sits quietly in a corner.  My guess is that the mango will play the role of the dom.  Onward!

I seem to be on the right track thus far as the most noticeable aroma that escapes is… bum bada buuuum… the mango.  I bet each of you 1,000th of a cent that the flavor will match the scent.  Cent for scent… I’ve mildly amused myself.

Well I owe you a collective cent.  While the mango jumps in at the end of this taste test, the blood orange is featured first.  This marks the first time the two flavors have both been represented equally, but I’m not overly thrilled with it.  For whatever reason the two flavors clash a bit with my tongue.  Instead of a fresh citrus flavor it’s somewhat bitter.  Maybe I got a bad batch or something, but this isn’t my style.  The bitterness sits there throughout not allowing me to fully enjoy either of the two flavors I normally would.  With that said it also takes away how refreshing the drink should be, which is sad since the previous two drinks were quenchers of thirst.  MASH Ripe Mango Blood Orange is very…yeah.

~A

Faux fact:  Twist isn't ripe yet, that's why he's green.

Virgil's Clementine

The review you’re about to read is an act of pure selfishness.  A few weeks back C.W. (popular fan reviewer) sent me a review for Virgil’s Clementine and I was jealous.  “I can get you a bottle,” he kindly offered… which of course I was thrilled to accept.  When it came time to post his Virgil’s Clementine review I balked and used one of the other fan reviews I have stored up in my storage facility.  I just couldn’t bring myself to read his review and have the Virgil’s Clementine experience ruined, not in even the tiniest of ways.  So now I sit here about to review Virgil’s Clementine while C.W. review sits in the fireproof vault I keep the other fan reviews.  The bottle sits atop my desk looking so very fresh and vibrant.  The bottle art is just a clementine sliced in half, but it looks good enough to eat.  I saved this out of envy and now I must hope that same envy doesn’t change what could be a magical experience.

The clementine aroma escapes, but has more in common with airport orange juice than with the freshly squeezed citrus.  Is this the jealousy rearing its ugly head, not allowing me to enjoy this beverage to the fullest?  Only one way to find out.

The carbonation slams against the back of my tongue, creating a stage for the following fruit juices to dance upon.  Sadly I can taste a hefty amount of apple and pear (two of the listed ingredients) more than I can the sweet clementines I expected.  To me Virgil’s Clementine almost tastes like an apple juice/orange juice hybrid.  This is truly a soda that allows you to compare apples to oranges in a single sip.  In the early stages of each gulp I’m greeted with a flavor that reminds me of fermented fruit.  I’m fully aware that this drink isn’t fermented at all, but the flavor still exists and takes away from my experience.  I thought this would taste a bit smoother and sweeter than what I’m currently experiencing.  That may be a problem I’m creating for myself though as I may want the flavor of clementine candy, but instead get the real thing in liquid form.  As always the ingredients listed are top notch and that should be rewarded, but today taste rules.  As amazing as it should be Virgil’s Clementine is just “alright” for me.  Now maybe that’s the curse of betraying a fellow soda reviewer, but until  can prove that I’ll just have to stick by my guns.

~A

Twist was even green with... nope, can't do it.

MASH Grapefruit Citrus Zing

At the time I’m writing this review I’m supposed to be asleep.  Why am I not asleep you probably didn’t ask.  I’m hot.  There are several miserable ways to wake up that don’t involve emergencies of some sort and being hot is at the top of my list.  Your body just sort of develops this thin layer of sweat that tries its darndest to cool you off to no avail.  Fortunately I recently reviewed a soda, MASH Lemon Peel Ginger Root, which was incredibly refreshing.  Even more fortunately I have three more flavors in my fridge.  So after I decided that continuing to sleep wasn’t going to happen I walked to my refrigerator and pulled out the most thirst quenching name… MASH Grapefruit Citrus Zing.  As many grapefruit drinks are this one is a light pink color with label art to match.  Since I’ve already reviewed what goes into a MASH beverage I’ll go ahead and quench my thirst now.

Wow, my allergies are kicking and I can still smell the pungent grapefruit aroma that this large mouth bottle allows.  From scent alone I’m starting to wonder if this beverage is going to be “too grapefruity” for my liking.

Meh.  The flavor doesn’t hold the same strength as the scent, but it’s still clearly a grapefruit flavored beverage.  Once again the carbonation is light and actually a little stronger than the Lemon Peel Ginger Root Flavor.  You mouth is greeted by a quick wash of grapefruit flavoring that grows watery by the second while the tiny bubbles try their hardest to tickle your tongue.  Fortunately the taste doesn’t stay in your mouth long enough to reach a negative level of watery…ness...ness.  The “Citrus Zing” is only felt at the beginning of each sip as a shock of generic citrus flavor.  This flavor sets the table for the rest of your MASH Grapefruit Citrus Zing experience.  On a slightly different note, I’ll be happy when I’m done reviewing these MASH beverages because they have obscenely long names.  Sadly this flavor of MASH isn’t quite as thirst quenching (I don’t think there’s a better way to say “thirst quenching”) as the previous version I tried, but it’s getting the job done.  Remember when you were asked to make the bed as a kid and instead of neatly completing the task you just through the comforter over and smoothed it out?  Yeah… like that.  While I’m ok with this bottle of MASH Grapefruit Citrus Zing it’s just not living up to the level I expected it to.  In fact it’s about a notch below and will be rated as such.

~A

MASH Lemon Peel Ginger Root

I ran out of sodas last week so I plodded on down to my local grocer to see if they had anything I might be able to consume.  When all seemed lost I noticed a refrigerated case at the front of the store with all sorts of energy drinks in them… all of which had been reviewed or are in line to be.  Saddened I made like Tom Dooley and hung down my head and cried.  Apparently the folks at Boylan Bottling Co. didn’t want me to meet the same fate as the aforementioned Dooley because my eyes fell upon a bottle of Mash.  Technically there were four different flavors of Mash at my fingertips, but I guess there could be more somewhere out there.  This particular flavor of Mash, Lemon Peel Ginger Root, is like all the other flavors in the way that they’re all defined as Low Calorie Water Drinks.  I quickly checked the ingredients, searching for carbonation.  Check.  Upon doing this I also noticed that Lemon Peel Ginger Root Mash only has 10 grams of sugar per 8 oz.  Curious about how many oz. this stubby little bottle held I checked the side and was surprised to see 20 fl oz.  I like this shorter, chunkier, 20 oz. bottle… not sure why I just do.  Glancing at the ingredients once again I’m not sure how much flavor this beverage is going to pack.  There isn’t even any ginger listed as an ingredient of any kind.  I take that back; I guess it could be covered under the very vague “natural flavors”.  It should be interesting to see how they incorporate a listed flavor without said listed ingredient.  I guess there’s only one way to tell.

Before I even get the cap completely off a ginger/lemon scent comes wafting out of the mouth.  The aroma coming from this is very enticing to me.  There is something about it that makes me thing my thirst is about to be quenched to a very high degree.  Let’s find out.

This pleases me greatly.  The flavor is definitely more lemon peel than ginger root, but the two paragraphs before this should have told you it was going to be.  The carbonation level is almost non-existent, but needed to keep this from falling flat in your mouth.  Much like I anticipated this is a very refreshing beverage.  I’d happily have this by my side while out in any Texas heat.  While Mash is probably more watery than your standard soda, that doesn’t hinder its taste at all.  The lemon juice’s flavor comes through perfectly clear.  Minute Maid lemonade doesn’t have this level of lemon strength, but they are probably my least favorite lemonade out there so maybe I’m just throwing daggers.  My stomach feels the hints of a burn that would be caused by ginger and I guess you could imagine the flavor has those same hints, but it’s so little I wouldn’t even have listed it on the bottle.  Over all Mash Lemon Peel Ginger Root is a very long name and a pretty good soda; it’s low in sugar, low in calories (40), and refreshing.  This particular flavor isn’t amazing enough to warrant you going out and buying large quantities of it, but I look forward to the other three bottles that rest in my fridge.

~A

Twist was disappointed in the lack of bangers

Virgil's Blueberry Pomegranate

Ok, so I’ve got good news and bad news.  Bad news first?  I’m not going to sugar coat it… just gonna say it…I’m out of soda… my stock pile has run dry.  I do have a few on the way, but this ultimately means I must go out and scour the earth for new things to drink.  Actually I enjoy searching for new things to drink so this is sort of a happy time for all of us.  The much anticipated good news is that today’s soda up for review is Virgil’s Blueberry Pomegranate!  You may remember a few months ago a member of the Carbo-Nation reviewed this for us (C.W.) and loved it.  Well fortunately for me he gave me a bottle that I can call my very own.  Virgil’s Blueberry Pomegranate is all natural, 90% fruit juice, and that’s about it.  There are no preservatives, caffeine, or gluten in this bottle… it’s pretty much 100% good stuff.  That doesn’t mean it’s a health drink, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess it’s healthier than your ordinary soda.  Virgil’s Blueberry Pomegranate is a lovely rose color and dons the traditional Virgil’s bottle cap that sits atop the rest of their beverages.  I must admit the typical Virgil’s bottle cap looks a bit odd on this because I’ve always associated it with cola’s, root beer, cream sodas, and the like.  Maybe that’s just a bit off putting to me, but I’m crazy like that.  Drink on!

While the scent escaping form the bottle is light I can sense a whole host of fruity aromas.  Apple is the strongest to me, followed by pear.  Those two seem to barge ahead of any other potential fruit smells and hog most of my attention.  The other scents sit quietly in the back waiting, hopefully, for their time to shine when consumed.

There they are.  Hi guys!  Virgil’s Blueberry Pomegranate has a crisp and fizzy mouth-feel.  The pomegranate really gets to shine throughout the entire duration of the consumption process.  I’m struggling to taste the blueberry as Big Apple and Humungo Pear keep blocking him from my taste buds.  This tastes a little fermented to me, but I know it’s not.  That would normally be a huge turn off to me, but that aspect of the drink isn’t noticeable enough to sway me in a negative direction.  The more I drink this the more I like it.  The flavor never sits idle upon your tongue it feels like the 2nd sip every time.  Obviously it can’t feel like the first sip every time or it would be as addictive as those addictive things kids are always taking as they ruin the blah blah blah and that’s why shoelaces cost so dang much.  Virgil’s Blueberry Pomegranate is an “Anytime Soda”, meaning that this would go well with a meal or drinking is solo.  Ingredient wise this should receive a perfect score, but the lack of blueberry takes it down a notch for me.  I wanted so very desperately for blueberry to have the stage at some point, but the comically large hook keeps pulling him off.  Other than this this was a fantastic drinking experience that I highly recommend to you.  Thanks, Virgil’s.  Thirgil’s.

~A

Twist is also 90% Fruit Juice

IVI Carbonated Orangeade

I honestly couldn’t tell you what I’m reviewing today.  It’s sitting here right in front of me, but I can’t pronounce it even if I tried.  You see, today’s drink is from Greece and it’s called hbh Carbonated Orangeade.  The only reason I know it’s carbonated orangeade is because the “English” side of the bottle tells me that, but those are the only words in English I can spot.  The label, other than being 98% Greek displays numerous fun images like an MP3 player and a guitar in an orange tint.  Using a Google Translation I check out their website and see that hbh Carbonated Orangeade is sweetened with sugar and also includes 20% orange juice.  I also found out that it can be called IVI Carbonated Orangeade as well.  I’m going to use that from here on out just to help out the search engines.  Thanks website!  Heck they even have a Youtube video on here showing you how it’s made.  Maybe I’ll check that out after this review.  As for now, I have a somewhat less mysterious soda to drink.

I’m not sure how carbonated this is supposed to be, but it has little to none.  I’m going to go ahead and attribute this to the long distance it travelled being shaken all the way.  Hopefully the taste will still be delightful enough for a good review, but I will definitely factor in that it might actually have carbonation if consumed directly from the store.

Ok, so there is the slightest touch of carbonation, which tells me that IVI Carbonated Orangeade usually has more.  As for the taste, I really like it.  The orange juice and orange soda mixture is done perfectly combining the best of both drinks beautifully.  The sweetness of the orange soda leaves your mouth very pleased with what it’s consuming, but the orange juice almost tricks your brain into thinking what you’re consuming is healthy.  As I was trying to figure out how many grams of sugar are in this (39g btw) I found that IVI Carbonated Orangeade is a Pepsi-Co product.  I thought that website looked pretty fancy for it not to be attached to one of the big two.  I’ve tasted carbonated orange juice before when I reviewed Orangina and I must say that IVI Carbonated Orangeade is the better of the two.  Now you’ll probably find Orangina a bit more easily in the states, but if for some reason you travel to a place that has them both, maybe Santa Paula, California Citrus or Ganzhou, Jiangxi, China… you should probably chose the IVI.  While I truly enjoy this beverage I’m going to stop drinking it because I’m not really sure when, or if, it has expired.  If it hasn’t expired then it’s a fantastic beverage that will fulfill any want or need for oranges you might have… minus vitamin C of course.  Now if this bottle of IVI Carbonated Orangeade has indeed expired then I’m not sure my tongue could stand to see what it tasted like “fresh”.  For now though I’m going to grade it on the flavor and mouth feel I just experienced.  Know that this rating is probably lower than it deserves, but until I crack open a brand new bottle it’ll have to work.

~A

Nothing is Greek to Twist.

Capt'n Eli's Blueberry Pop

It’s back to the world of awesome bottle art with today’s soda review!  Earlier in this sites history we reviewed Capt’n Eli’s Root Beer and while the root beer itself was tasty the art on the bottle is still one of my favorite scenes.  With that said I’m very happy to see that Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop has incredibly similar bottle art with the exception that young Capt’n Eli is surrounded by blueberries.  In fact even his root beer barrels have been replaced by heaping barrels of blueberries, so many that I fear for the buoyancy of his boat.  Now join me as I review one of my favorite flavors of soda made by a pretty darn good brand.  Put on your life jacket, give Murphy the Parrot a sip of your root beer, and shove off!

I can already tell that it’s going to be a good day sailing these waters with Eli.  The scent that floats out of the mouth of this bottle is unmistakably blueberry and why shouldn’t it be?  Blueberry juice is the third ingredient listed, right after water and cane sugar, so you know this is about to be a fantastic experience.  The aroma is deliciously sweet and not so much tart.  So here’s where I give up on typing any more words that might describe the fragrance so that I may now drink.

Blueberry soda is one of the biggest gifts starting this site ever gave me.  As TheSodaJerk.net historians know, and I have to believe they exist to feed my own hungry ego, I’m not keen on blueberry.  Blueberry never did it for me as a fruit, but as a soda… more please.  Honestly I’m not sure I’ve run into a legit blueberry soda that I didn’t like and Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop is no exception either.  Upon my first sip my mouth is awash with blueberry tastes, almost to the point where I expect the skins to come floating to the top with each drink.  Nothing about the taste of this tastes artificial to me at all which should make sense since none of the ingredients are artificial.  Ferocious, tiny bubbles attack the back of my throat reminding me at this is indeed blueberry POP and not something of a safer nature.  Grape juice is also used in the making of Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop and it is noticeable, but still takes a back seat to the blueberries as it should.  I can’t imagine someone titling something “Blueberry” but having grape be the main attraction.  It’d be like watching a Muppet special with a bunch of celebrity guests, but instead of Kermit hosting you get 90 minutes of Bronson Pinchot.  While amused you’d still feel slighted at the sight of this perfect stranger.  Do I care that the last analogy was forced?  Not really. 

Any who, while very tasty Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop does have its weak points and they’re all at the end of your soda journey.  As I mentioned before the blueberry flavoring is fantastic, but its finish could be improved upon greatly.  The strength you experience at the beginning of each sip wilts away into sadness right before it descends into your stomach.  If the flavor could maintain throughout then this would be an all-around amazing soda.  Right after you experience this flavor funeral you’re greeted with a boring aftertaste as well.  Is it probable that the weak flavor preceding it is the cause?  Yes, I’d say so, but that’s just another reason to have a strong flavor throughout.  Even with these weak points Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop is still something you should try, preferably before Murphy consumes it all.

~A

Faux Fact: A Parrot a day keeps Twist at bay

Jones Soda Lime

I tried to get my dog to pick out todays soda.  All I wanted him to do was sniff a bottle and that would be the one I reviewed.  Oddly enough he seemed much more interested in the thin mint cookie I was consuming and cared nothing for helping out the site.  Since I didn’t have the help of my canine friend I had to brave the choice myself… hopefully picking something satisfactory for you all to read.  In a perfect world the previous sentences written would be a build up to the flavor reveal which is Jones Soda Lime.  Because of the helpfulness of titling articles I’ve never been able to do a proper build up.  Ah well, I’m about to drink a lime soda and that is usually one of the things in life that makes me happy.  Currently my favorite lime soda is Jarritos Lime; let’s see if Jones can compete with the boys from across the border.

The scent my nostrils receive is more sweet than tart, so I’m wondering if this will be closer to Key Lime than plain old lime.  Jones Soda Lime even smells a bit creamy, another warning that this may not be the lime soda I’m looking for.  I can go about my business.  Move along.

Ok, so it’s not as smooth as I thought it might be, but it definitely leans towards key lime in terms of flavor.  The carbonation level is powerful and compact.  My throat feels like it has been exposed to a lime flavored sleet storm for a brief moment as the soda passes by.  The lime flavoring, while candy-esque, isn’t overly sweet making it more likely I’d consume Jones Soda Lime with a meal.    There’s also a good level of sour/tart in the works here.  There’s nothing that agitates me more than a weak lime soda.  Well, there are several things, probably hundreds, that agitate me more than weak lime soda, but I’m trying to really hammer this home.  With that said drinking Jones Soda Lime will give you a terrific balance in taste, mouth feel, and overall experience.  Is it better than Jarritos Lime?  Short answer, no.  Long answer, noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, but I’ll definitely mention it from here on out every time I’m asked to give a commencement speech with the subject of lime sodas.  Honestly all of the commencement speeches I’ve been to could have been about lime sodas, I don’t remember a single word from any of them.

~A

Twist used to be lime flavored, now if you were to lick him you'd see through time.

Taylor's Tonics Cranberry Dream

For the last few Christmas’s my best friend Dustin has purchased a basket of sodas for me to review.  We don’t usually exchange gifts until middle to late January and I don’t usually start reviewing them until February.  I tell you this seemingly pointless information because I’m about to review several Christmas themed sodas and I didn’t want you to think that I was slow to the draw.  Today’s soda is Taylor’s Tonics Cranberry Dream.  We’ve reviewed Taylor’s Tonics before and they’re always both unique and powerful.  The flavors aren’t always my favorite, but I always appreciate the amount of effort they put into each one.  Seeing Cranberry Dream in my fridge I figured I’d be consuming a cranberry soda and nothing more.  Looking at the ingredients label I found that I couldn’t be further from the truth.  The ingredients are as follows:

Sparking Water (Infused with Wildcrafted Balsam Fir Needles, Ginger, & Allspice), Evaporated Cane Juice, Coconut Water, Cherry Juice, Cranberry Juice, Natural Douglas Fir & French Vanilla Flavors, Extract of Orange, and Citric Acid.

The usually talkative Twist was even at a loss for words.

I immediately notice two things after reading those ingredients.  The first is that there are an insane amount of flavors in what I thought was just cranberry soda.  The second thing I notice is that this is also flavored with CHRISTMAS TREES!  Honestly I have no idea how tree translates into soda, but I’m excited to find out.  Holding the bottle up to the light I glance at the peach colored soda and remove the festive green bottle cap.

The smell is fantastic.  It smells like a candle store during the holiday season.  The sweet aroma hits your nostrils with such a mixture of scents that you’re nose isn’t even sure where to start.  The ginger, allspice, and vanilla are the most discernible fragrances coming out of the bottle.  I do find it odd that I can’t even smell the titular berry, but honestly this smells so good I don’t even care.  I’m not sure how a scent this interesting will translate to taste… I guess we’ll find out together.

Good news everybody, it doesn’t taste like a tree.  Taylor’s Tonics Cranberry Dream has now surprised me in all three sections of this review.  At first taste the ginger and allspice hit my tongue for what I thought was going to be a harsh ride.  Wrong.  While the two spices made themselves at home on my palate they both gently went to sleep upon arriving.  The cranberry is noticeable, but again not tart in the slightest.  I’m guessing the cranberries are muted by the amount of vanilla in the beverage, which by the way works fantastically well in this soda.  The last few sips I’ve taken did have hints of tree and I must say that I liked it.  Picture yourself outside in the forest… the Piney Woods if you will.  The air is crisp and quiet, the only thing around you are pine trees and that one bird that you can’t quite identify.  After you come to the realization that you’re never going to figure out what kind of bird that is, disappointing your Ornithologist dad once again in the process, you take a deep breath.  The crisp air combined with the surrounding trees coats your mouth with a distinctive taste.  That taste is nature and it makes you feel alive.  That is what the tree taste of Taylor’s Tonics Cranberry Dream likens to.  Even though the orange extract is one of the last ingredients its flavor still reaches your mouth.  In fact I can taste every single ingredient on this label, like identifying instruments in an orchestra… you just have to sit down and really listen.  Well I’m listening and I love what I’m hearing.  Cranberry Dream is one of the most impressive sodas I’ve had since I’ve started this site.  If you see a bottle you should pick it up and listen to what it has to say.

~A

*One addition.  By the time I was finished writing this review I had only one gulp left in the bottle.  I posted the review and then took said gulp.  This gulp had a lot of sediment in it and was not pleasant.  I'm not changing the rating of the soda based on this, but if you do try it you might want to skip out on that last taste.*

A “Twist’s Choice” Recipient

Grand Teton Brewing Company - Black Cherry

I turned 30 yesterday and today I finish the line of sodas from Grand Teton Brewing Company.  I’m sure if I were a wiser man I could make witty comparisons about the two journeys and you would be tickled pink upon reading it.  Instead, on this day after my 30th birthday, I’ve hurt my back to the point of not wanting to be witty.  I just want to be grumpy, and old (which I know I’m not), and cantankerous.  So here is the final Grant Teton Brewing Company review… Black Cherry.  Overall I’ve been quite pleased with this line of beverages, saving black cherry for last because I know how potentially awesome it might be.  So join me won’t you?  As I toss my 20’s behind me and dive mouth first into a bottle of soda.

I mistakenly thought this might be black cherry cola, had my reading comprehension level been above that of a first grader then I could have clearly seen that the word “cola” is nowhere to be found on the label.  This, my friends, is just black cherry soda, and the aroma is so very rich and sweet that it reminds me of sno-cone syrup.  Sadly I have no crushed sno-esque ice to pour this on.  Grand Teton Black Cherry will have to be judged as it stands without the help of the sno-cone fairies.  By the way, if you ever seen a sno-cone fairy kill it as fast as possible, they’re terribly evil.  I’ve had a few run-ins with them… not good times.  They will CUT YOU!  Onward.

The most consistent thing I’ve noticed about Grand Teton sodas is their carbonation.  Grand Teton has the most unique carbonation levels, style, and mouth feel  that I’ve witnessed in any line of beverage.  In the case of black cherry I’m met with a raucous amount of fizz attacking all the nooks and crannies of my mouth.  It splashes against the back of my throat and delightfully stings like a cherry Icee.  The flavor, while just a bit overly syrupy, is very robust and well defined.  There is no doubt in my mind what this is at any point of the journey.  From opening the bottle to the last few drops you are slapped in the face with a very strong black cherry soda.  It tastes as if it has more sugar in it than listed on its label.  That’s not to say it has very little sugar, 39 grams, but to say that it seems like it should have closer to 50.  I like this… a lot.  This is the most in your face black cherry soda I’ve ever tasted, I guess they’re all “in my face” as I consume them, but you get the idea.  Grand Teton Black Cherry… drink it and love it!

~A

(This beverage was supplied to us by Grand Teton Brewing Company)

I literally had to wrestle this out of his hands... 4 hours.

Refreshe - Cherry Cola

It’s time to re-visit the Safeway brand “refreshe” in all its un-capitalized glory.  Today’s flavor of choice is refreshe Cherry Cola, which contains 0% juice.  You know how I know this?  Well it’s stated on the can silly, if that wasn’t printed on here I bet I’d be wondering all day if there was real cherry juice in here.  Sigh… I wish sarcasm had a font because I’d use the heck out of it.  How’s about we use Comic Sans as the official “Sarcasm Font”?   People would like it more if it were used for the benefit of sarcasm wouldn’t they?  I understand that some use Comic Sans ironically, but let’s take it back from the Hipsters and use it for the sarcastic!  Surely a large portion of Hipsters are sarcastic so the lash-back won’t be that great.  So yet another trend is decided on this site.  TheSodaJerks.net:  Setters of trends, and nothing more!  Wait… we also review sodas.  Speaking of… this refreshe Cherry Cola has a very mysterious ingredients list as Natural Flavors are listed alongside HFCS, Coloring agents, and acids.  Let’s just open it up and see what we get.

The scent test proves refreshe Cherry Cola to be more cola than cherry, which is perfectly understandable.  I can discern the cherry scent mind you, but it wasn’t the first thing my nose noticed.  Then again my allergies are kicked up today so there’s that.  DRINK ON!

The first sip is a major disappointment.  The cola taste immediately falls flat and the cherry gets crushed underneath it.  Swishing it around in my mouth I can feel the cola trying with all its might to intrigue me with bursts of carbonation.  “Like me! Like me!” it screams, but once you stop swishing… it quiets down to a whisper.  Every sip I take allows the flavor to build on itself which you might think would help its case.  No, Ma’am.  No, Sir.  While the flavor is becoming more pungent it’s just revealing how weak of a Cherry Cola this really is.  You can almost taste the chemicals, assuming they are since Natural Flavors are all we’re given.  Honestly I hope they are chemicals because if you use real deal ingredients and you make it taste this underwhelming then shame on you.  Fortunately the aftertaste vanishes fairly quickly but you’re left with the caustic feel of refreshe Cherry Cola on your teeth.  It’s holding on to my enamel for dear life, making my teeth more easily grind when I close my mouth.  That’s it.  I’m done.  I could finish this can, but I see no reason to do so.  This is one of the worst attempts at a Cherry Cola, something that should be a treat in any definition, which I have seen in a very long time.

~A

Twist doesn't even realize it's there... that's how flavorless it is.

Grand Teton Brewing Company - Mountain Berry

I’ve had a relatively rough day.  It’s been much more stressful than a lazy Sunday ever should be.  I wasn’t even sure I was going to do a review today, but since I flaked out last week and relied solely on the Carbo-Nation I figured I should post one.  Looking into my refrigerator I picked up the calmest named beverage I had on hand, Grand Teton Brewing Company – Mountain Berry.  The label is a serene purple and blue which pairs nicely with the dark pink soda.  Being as thirsty as I am I’m skimping on this first paragraph and drinking now.

My soda smells like a blueberry muffin.  This makes some sense because the listed berries on the front are huckleberry, blueberry, and blackberry.  Apparently the blueberry wins the aroma battle in that particular cage match; let’s find out if he wins the flavor battle royale.

I chugged a fairly large portion of the bottle wanting to quench my thirst.  Immediately I was greeted by the blueberry flavoring quickly followed by blackberry and what I assume is huckleberry.  I’ve never had a huckleberry before.  I’ve read Huckleberry Finn.  I’ve watched Huckleberry Hound.  Heck, I’m your Huckleberry, but I’ve never eaten one.  It’s probably about time I get around to that.  The carbonation is sharp, but dissipates quickly allowing for the robust flavor of the berries to emanate in your mouth.  Grant Teton Mountain Berry is a bit on the sweet side (but most berry sodas are actually sweeter), and your mouth is left with a syrupy feel, but overall I’m pleased with it.  It’s a different kind of berry soda that I would be happy consuming at most any occasion.  My apologies for the short review, but I do believe it’s time for a nap.

~A

(This beverage was supplied to us by Grand Teton Brewing Company)

The top of a dog house is the closest thing to a mountain for nearly 700 miles.

Zenify

With the holiday season wrapped up and all the orange soda consumed the stress level among the human population is now steadily declining.  If only there was some way to hurry up this stress relief, some sort of… soda.  Thanks to the fine folks at Zenify there just might be!  Zenify calls itself “the live stress free drink”, and says this no less than 4 times on each can.  This is apparently due to the active ingredient L-theanine which “increases serotonin and dopamine levels, promoting relaxation and concentration.”  This ingredient is followed up with the 2nd active ingredient Gaba which is “a natural calming agent that enhances relaxation and memory support.”  Something that amuses me about this “if the 90’s were still the future” can design is the fact that there are no capital letters in the primary design or explanation of the drink.  I was also told by the Zenify PR firm (this was given to us by them, btw) that it was sweetened with Stevia.  Now if you’ve read any review I’ve written about an only Stevia sweetened beverage you know I haven’t liked any of them.  Here’s the e-mail conversation that always happens between me and whoever is peddling the Stevia sweetened beverage.

Company X: Would you like to review this drink?  It’s sweetened with Stevia.

Totally Awesome Me:  Thanks!  I’d love to, but I’ve never liked a soda sweetened only with Stevia.

Company X: Yeah, me either, but ours is completely different and I actually like it.

T.A.M.:  Ok, can’t say I didn’t warn you.

Then I usually drink the beverage and dislike it, thus completing the Stevia cycle.  The folks at Zenify said that the citrus taste of Zenify should mask the terrible parts of the Stevia it’s sweetened with.  I think I’ve babbled long enough about it; it’s time to see if they’re correct.  Off we go!

I will say that Zenify smells a bit like grapefruit juice mixed with mango so they’re already off on the right foot with the old nose.  C’mon Zenify… wow me.

Thank you for not lying to me Zenify, the citrus flavor does indeed cover any terrible Stevia aftertaste that I might have experienced otherwise.  It’s light, fruity, and one of the more enjoyable “lifestyle beverages” I’ve had to date.  The primary taste to me is that of grapefruit, but I can’t seem to shake the mango off of my palate either.  I can’t tell if either of these fruits were used in making it because the ingredients list the ever vague “natural flavors”.  What I can do is tell you that this has a ridiculous amount of Vitamin C, B6, B12 and only 13 grams of sugar. 

Looking at the tiny print I noticed that Crystalline Fructose is also included in the ingredients.  According to Old Man Internet, Crystalline Fructose is 98% fructose and the rest are trace minerals and water.  It’s also apparently 20% sweeter than table sugar and 5% (not sure how you measure that) sweeter than HFCS.  However sweet it is I’m sure it’s helping cut into this Stevia aftertaste as well.  We once had a 50/50 drink sweetened with Stevia and Sugar and it was fantastic.  I really wish more companies would use Stevia like that instead of relying on it solely to sweeten their drink. 

Zenify isn’t a very sweet drink at all, relying more on the flavor of the fruit to carry the drink.  I don’t know if it’s due to the drink but I do feel more relaxed now that I’ve finished the can.  We don’t usually review the “affects” of a beverage, just the taste.  I’ll let you decide for yourselves if Zenify actually calms your body.  As for me, I’ll be drinking this again.

~A

(This beverage was supplied to us by Zenify)

Why is there an adorable monkey in this swag picture?  That's the kind of power Twist yields.

Chubby Orango Tango

As you may have noticed this year, primarily… well only from this site, the newest trend going on is that orange sodas now represent the feeling of winter.  Put it up there with crisp cool air, family, and ice skating.  Today’s festivities allow us to open another bottle of Chubby, this one with the interestingly named flavor of Orango Tango.  Today the mascot on the label, who I assume is named Chubby, just seems to be standing there smiling at me.  He’s a rather friendly looking fellow.  If you don’t feel like reading previous Chubby reviews I’ll give you a quick rundown.  Chubby is a drink from Mexico sweetened with sugar and tends to be very average in taste while being overly sweet.  Let’s find out if Orango Tango walks along this same path.

Chubby Orango Tango smells like a fun fizzy orange as the bubbles jump up to grab my nose.  Hopefully they’re welcoming me to the drinking experience and not trying to warn me of my impending doom.  That might be a Twilight Zone episode, but I’m going to chalk it up as an original idea.

Bleh.  Chubby Orango Tango has very little carbonation so I’m now in fear of whatever was jumping up at my nose making me think it was fun bubbles, or fubbles.  There is an orange taste thankfully, but it’s one masked in the shroud of cardboard as so many mediocre to bad orange sodas are.  When I say something tastes like cardboard I’m not using that as a blanket statement that it tastes badly.  This actually tastes of cardboard, like you licked a packing box of some sort.  The only thing Chubby Orango Tango has going for it is that the aftertaste reminds me of generic orange candy that you might find in a Piñata.  I can’t recommend this to anyone.  You could go to the store and pick up a Sunkist, chemicals and all, and it would taste much better than Chubby Orango Tango.  I’m going to throw an artistic fit now and claim that this soda has brought me such banal flavoring that I’m too distraught to continue this review.

~A

Twist is ashamed to be this close to mediocrity.

HEB Orange Burst

Video Review from Apr. 29, 2020. Written review (below) from Dec. 19, 2011.

Nothing says “It’s Winter” quite like an orange soda.  Actually several things purvey that it’s winter much better than an orange soda, but that doesn’t work very well as an introduction.  Who knows, maybe this review will inspire so many citizens of the Carbo-Nation that orange soda sales will skyrocket through the roof, setting a new trend in the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/ Ramadan/Holiday market.  The soda I’ll be reviewing today is from Sarzec, that’s not the company that’s the name of the gentleman who gave it to me.  He handed me a bottle of HEB Orange Burst Soda and said “have at it!”  What he really said was “I left you an orange soda in the break room fridge”, but “have at it!” seems so much more adventurous and free.  HEB as you may remember from earlier reviews is a grocery store chain in Texas.  They have their own soda brand, as so many stores do, but theirs is of a higher grade using “Pure Cane Sugar” instead of our old nemesis HFCS.  With that said let us now dive into HEB Orange Burst Soda and winter simultaneously.

Sweet, sweet orange.  The aroma this gives off when inhaled is that of a juicy orange combined with a glass of Tang.  It’s not a 100% natural smell by any means, but it still got my mouth to salivate.  I guess it’s the anticipation of that first orange soda to signify that winter has arrived. 

HEB Orange Burst is a very gentle orange soda.  When you first take a sip the orange flavoring is fairly weak and has hints of tangerine.  You can obviously taste that it’s an orange soda, but the BURST is definitely missing at this point.  It’s a fairly smooth soda with the carbonation level being a few strong attacks of tiny bubbled magic... like the kind reindeer use to fly.  Only after you finish consuming your sip does the orange really go to work.  As soon as the swallowing process begins the carbonation kick in and tickles the back of your throat disappearing as quickly as they arrived… like elves.  Then your mouth is left with nothing for a brief moment before a fantastic orange aftertaste takes over.  The aftertaste reminds me of a candy I had when I was a kid, but I haven’t be able to remember the name of it as of yet.  Let me just tell you that it’s a wonderful note to end a soda experience on… like carolers on a snowy night.  HEB Orange Burst soda is tasty, but some might feel the weak intro hurts it.  As for me I enjoyed the experience and leave you by saying, “HEB Orange Burst to all, and to all a good night!”

~A

P.S.

There are a few things that I never got from Santa growing up that I’m going to go ahead and put on my list here at the bottom.  Some of these might be a bit dated, so bear with me.

Crossfire – (You’ll get caught up in the Crossfire, Crossfire, CROSSFIRE! YEAH! YEAH!)

Power Wheels Jeep – I’m a bit large for this now, so I’ll take the adult version

Super Mario Bros. 2 – America’s fake version, not Japan’s real version

Baseball cards – Only the valuable ones though, thanks.

Grubby – of Teddy Ruxpin fame

Boglins and Blurp Balls – I had both of these, but I lost ‘em.  Promise I’ll take better care of them this time!

Thanks!

Aaron

Merry Twistmas!

Fentimans Cherrytree Cola

Everyday I’m shuffin’… through the bottles in my fridge to figure out which one to review.  I wish one would just jump out at me.  LMFAO!  I can’t believe Old 52 sent us a bottle of Fentimans Cherrytree Cola!  For your information Fentimans Cherrytree Cola is a Fermented Botanical Cherry Drink with Ginger and Herbal Extracts.  That’s what the label says anyway.  This isn’t a level of fermentation though that would keep anyone of any age from purchasing it legally.  I’ve always liked the look of Fentimans bottles and the use of the Cherrytree Records logo (the two companies are linked by this drink) is a great addition.  It’s like the bottle is sexy and it knows it.  Fun fact from Wikipedia:  Cherrytree Records was founded by a Martin Kierszenbaum.  Funner fact from Wikipedia: Kierszenbaum (Kirs zen baum) is German for Cherry Tree.  This beverage in front of me is certainly a higher end soda as it uses cane sugar and ginger root as two of its ingredients.  Let’s see if it’s just as fun to drink as it is to look at.  Everybody just have a good time!

It’s not the strongest aroma you’ll smell, but a good whiff of Fentimans Cherrytree Cola will tell you they aren’t lying about the flavor.  The scent is more of a rich aroma than it is a pungent one.  I can tell there’s a lot going into the soda I’m about to upend into my mouth.  So come to my table, and take a sip.

Unique, I’ll give it that.  I don’t initially think of cherry cola when I’m drinking it which is odd.  The ginger is more overpowering than I thought it would be, but it doesn’t mask the cherry flavor to the point of vanishing.  This shares in the cherry flavoring better than Reed’s Cherry Ginger Brew and that was primarily a cherry beverage where this is a cherry cola.  This certainly tastes fermented a bit, and I’m not positive that’s working too well with the cola.  The cola base is very strong, but is held back by the constant reminder that you have two other flavors to deal with.  Fentimans Cherrytree Cola is like a dance battle in your mouth.  First you have Cola who steps up and reminds you why you joined this crowd of people to watch these random dancers.  He’s good, but not amazing, still worth your time though.  Then Fermented Cherry, or FC, jumps in and kicks Cola in the leg… breaking it.  You immediately don’t like him because he’s already a bit of a jerk (not the good kind), but you still watch in hopes that he’ll be entertaining.  Just as FC starts to grow on you his partner Ginger jumps in and makes the whole scene annoying.  She’s up in your face, screaming at you to “Take it to the Hole”, trying to get you to cheer more for her boy FC, but you’re just not having it.  All you really want is Cola to come back alone and dance or maybe just partner with FC.  Like many dance battles there’s just one too many players here for it to be completely enjoyable.  Remove one and you’d have either a smooth cherry cola, or a fun ginger cola.  Ok, I need to stop.  Hatin’ is bad.  I’m still going to suggest you buy a bottle as it’s a unique soda that I feel should be tried at least once, but I’m not promising it’ll be a night you won’t forget.  As for me… well I just kinda wish I had a Hot Dog.

~A (I work out)

Twist is NOT sorry for party rockin'

Howdy - Lemon Lime

Howdy!  Not hello, hi, how are you, ‘sup, or anything else.  I’ve greeted people this way for years now.  Heck I said it so much it was my nickname for a while.  Some might say it’s because I’m a Texan, but a lot of Texan’s don’t say “Howdy”.  I guess it sounds just a bit too country for them.  My grandfather used to say “Howdy Do”, which of course is short for “How do you do?”  I’ve always felt that “Howdy” sounded friendlier than other greetings and my time at Texas A&M proved that to me.  People would greet one another on campus with a friendly “Howdy” even if the recipient was a stranger.  So you see, whenever you label something with the word “Howdy” you’re already in my good graces.  Today’s soda, once again supplied to us by Old 52, is Howdy Lemon Lime.  From the research I’ve done I learned that Howdy Lemon Lime is the original 7up formula.  The bottle even says “The Taste that made Lemon Lime Famous”.  Frequent or observant readers of the site may remember that 7up is my favorite lemon-lime soda of the big 3.  So now we have a soda with one of my all-time favorite words that’s also the original formula for one of my favorite mainstream lemon lime sodas.  Howdy has been around since 1920 and of course is made with pure cane sugar.  Enough chatter, this green glass bottle is starting to sweat out of nervousness that I’m not going to drink it.

Howdy Lemon Lime has a strong citrusy aroma.  My nose can sense that this may be sourer than I originally thought.  The sweetness lilts in my nose after the sour has dissipated.  Congratulations Howdy, your scent has made me thirsty. 

There is certainly more lime in here than I bargained for and I love it.  So often when a soda is labeled with being flavored lemon-lime you get a generic citrus taste where each flavor can’t be discerned.  Howdy Lemon Lime breaks that mold and allows you to taste both the lemon and the lime individually.  I’m sure using lime juice and lime oil help this cause tremendously as it’s the lemon that’s usually too overpowering for its green brethren.  Carbonation wise it fizzes just enough to tickle the tonsils (or back of the throat if you’re tonsil free) on its way down.  Lime steps out first shocking your senses, making you wonder about lemon.  As lime drifts away lemon steps up and socks you in the face leaving you licking your lips tasting the sour fruit.  Howdy Lemon Lime both improves my mood and makes me sad.  I’m happy for all of the reasons listed above.  I’m saddened because this is what 7up could have been today.  With all that said color me pleased to have tasted Howdy Lemon Lime.

~A

Twist says "Howdy", do you?

Rocket Fizz - Green Apple Jalapeno

Oh hi, didn’t see you there!  This is Aaron… you know, the Soda Jerk.  Today I have the great fortune of drinking a soda from our old buddies at Old 52.  They aren’t called Old 52 because they’re our old buddies; life is just funny like that sometimes.  Any-doodle, Old 52 has sent us this delicious bottle of Rocket Fizz Green Apple Soda!  Mmmm MMMM!  Being our old buddies, Old 52 knows how much I love green apple soda, especially when it's sweetened with cane sugar.  This is apparently some sort of Mexican green apple soda because it has some sort of funny word after the flavor “Green Apple”.  The funny word printed on the bottle is Jalapeno.  Have you ever heard of anything so crazy?  I haven’t.  Crazy!  Any-scoot, I took German in High School like the good little Texan I am, so you and I can experience this crazy ride called Rocket Fizz Green Apple Jalapeno (tee hee, it still makes me giggle) together.  Bottoms up!

Yowza!  That certainly smells like our old friend Green Apple!  It’s like picking a green apple off the tree and slicing it open like a red delicious apple.  Something spooky is going on here though.  Every time I smell it the inside of my nose parts feel a little burning sensation.  Ah well, that must be the fresh mountain air that was used to grow these delicious green creatures.  Time for drinkin!

What the French, toast!   It seems our “old friends” at Old 52 have pulled the wool over our eyes!  Rocket Fizz Green Apple Jalapeno does have the delicious, delicious taste of fresh grown green apples, but after that it goes straight to heck… literally!  After I felt my thirst was quenched the back of my throat burst into flames causing enough pain to really cheese me off!  I guess this is what Jalapeno means in Spanish… trick soda!  As much as it hurts me I still go back to it so that I might enjoy the green apple flavoring they nailed down so well you’d swear it was glued.  RASPBERRIES, THAT STINGS!  Each flipping sip is followed up by the fires of Mordor, and just when I think I’m getting used to it the flames flare up once again making me regret my last decision.  I thought that the carbonation bubbles were also my old friends, but they don’t seem be on my side either.  The bubbles just kind of add more sizzle to the flame.  Is no one on my side?  Oh yeah, the green apple is!  One second while I go use the internet then double check my information on the encyclopedia, one can never be too safe, on what a Jalapeno is.

Well shoot me in the face with a sling shot of mud.  Did you know a Jalapeno is a pepper?  Now that I think about it every time they talked about them in the show Gargoyles they were in a rather “spicy” situation.  It just goes to show you that you can never doubt Goliath.  With that said who would ruin a perfectly good soda with a pepper… especially when you can’t even taste the pepper itself, just the heat.  I think if I were to make this soda again I’d probably add more jalapeno flavoring to it and not worry so much about the burn factor, but what do I know… I’m just a bear.

~A

You'll never find something more fiery than Twist.

Lemmy Sparkling Lemonade

I didn’t feel like thinking today so the soda I picked should make for a simple review.  Again we dip into the stash sent to us by Old 52 General Store.  From said stash I have pulled out Lemmy Sparkling Lemonade.  This should be easy, right?  Lemmy has been around since 1939, and judging by the art style their creepy lemon mascot has made that journey right along with them.  A couple of notes about the ingredients, it is noted that Lemmy is both made with cane sugar and real lemon juice.  So perhaps the drop of drool coming out of the creepy mascot lemon’s mouth is warranted.  I may make several more mentions of this creepy mascot, who I can only assume is Lemmy, but I’d still happily tote some merchandise with him on it.  The side of the bottle reads as such:  Since 1939 Lemmy is the original sparkling lemonade drink.  For the taste of fresh squeezed lemons, just say “Lemme have a Lemmy”.  Now that the bottle has told us what to expect flavor wise I think it’s time to find out if Lemmy is a liar.

Lemmy Sparkling Lemonade both looks and smells like lemonade.  That’s an insanely boring sentence, but it is what it is.  I will say that it’s a rather fresh burst of lemon that you get when you smell the bottle opening; hopefully the flavor is equally enjoyable.

They should call this “Shimmering Lemonade” instead of “Sparkling Lemonade” as the carbonation level is very low.  I’m not even sure most would realize this was carbonated at all if it didn’t say so on the bottle.  Only at the end of each swig do the carbonation bubbles make an appearance, lightly dancing on my molars.  The lemonade flavor is just that.  I wouldn’t say that this tastes like fresh squeezed lemons, as that would be much tarter than Lemmy tastes.  Then again I’ve never understood why any beverage would say that it tasted like fresh squeezed lemons… oranges maybe, but lemons?  You’d be drinking straight lemon juice, and that’d be pretty terrible after a while for most.  Thankfully Lemmy tastes like above average lemonade.  Lemmy’s tart to sweet ratio is right on the money, neither one outdoing the other.  Overall Lemmy gets the job done.  It’s nice to drink on a warm November day like today (82 degrees btw), or a cool November night like tonight (low of 48).  I like Lemmy more than I initially thought I would.  I wasn’t expecting lemonade of this quality, and even though the bubbles are few and far between they do just enough to set this apart from normal lemonade.  Way to go Lemmy!  Now stop looking at me like that.

~A

One guess where Lemmy got that pose.

Jic Jac - Blue Raspberry

Today’s drink is a vibrant blue color, and everyone knows that if it’s blue it MUST be raspberry flavored.  I’ve ranted about my hatred of blue raspberry before so for the sake of Old 52, who supplied us with this soda, I’ll refrain.  Jic Jac Blue Raspberry is the official name of the soda at hand, but according to the label all I need to do is “Just Say” Jic Jac.  It’s a nice simple slogan on an even easier logo.  It’s very retro looking and coupled with a fun name like Jic Jac it moves it into the top 5 for me… logo wise.  Of course Jic Jack Blue Raspberry is made with cane sugar, but what I didn’t expect to see in the ingredients was raspberry extracts.  It’s rare that I actually see the word “raspberry” on anything raspberry flavored anymore.  So maybe my initial judging was a bit too harsh.  Let’s find out, shall we?

Ok, so the smell makes me a little more excited as well.  The aroma alone from the drink portrays that it’s both sweet and sour.  It also tells me that what I’m about to taste is similar to raspberries.  I know, I know, a raspberry soda should smell like raspberries… sadly that is not the case most times.  Usually a raspberry soda smells more like random candies than raspberries.  While Jic Jac does smell of candy the raspberry smell is what first catches and holds onto your olfactory glands.  Taste time!

There’s the sour, and there’s… the… sweet.  The sweet took a little longer than I thought to reach my taste buds.  Jic Jac Blue Raspberry soda is fairly average.  Initially you’re greeted with candy raspberry flavoring touched with sour.  As you move the soda around in your mouth the sour intensifies up until it makes its way down your gullet.  After the soda leaves your mouth the sour sensation dissipates into sweetness, that while slight, reminds me of cotton candy.  My favorite part of this journey is when Jic Jac is residing upon your tongue getting more intense by the second.  It sits in there like an angry hive of bees, rasp-bee-ries if you will.  These rasp-bee-ries don’t like to be shaken, but who does?  With each swish of your mouth they begin to sting your tongue.  Fed up with having your tongue stung you swallow, only to have them scrape the back of your throat as they perish.  Such is the life of a rasp-bee-ry.  Only with a burp do the haunting spirits of the rasp-bee-ries get to give their final farewell.  Even though I just likened Jic Jac Blue Raspberry to having a mouth haunted with magical ghost bees I stick by my original assessment that it’s average.  Nothing about it blew me away, but I wouldn’t mind trying other Jic Jac flavors.  I could be biased due to the fact that we’re talking about a blue raspberry soda, then again I could be spot on.  I guess the only way you’ll know is if you… (see what I’m doing here)

~A

Twist always questions his own mortality when put next to something blue