Grand Teton Brewing Company - Black Cherry

I turned 30 yesterday and today I finish the line of sodas from Grand Teton Brewing Company.  I’m sure if I were a wiser man I could make witty comparisons about the two journeys and you would be tickled pink upon reading it.  Instead, on this day after my 30th birthday, I’ve hurt my back to the point of not wanting to be witty.  I just want to be grumpy, and old (which I know I’m not), and cantankerous.  So here is the final Grant Teton Brewing Company review… Black Cherry.  Overall I’ve been quite pleased with this line of beverages, saving black cherry for last because I know how potentially awesome it might be.  So join me won’t you?  As I toss my 20’s behind me and dive mouth first into a bottle of soda.

I mistakenly thought this might be black cherry cola, had my reading comprehension level been above that of a first grader then I could have clearly seen that the word “cola” is nowhere to be found on the label.  This, my friends, is just black cherry soda, and the aroma is so very rich and sweet that it reminds me of sno-cone syrup.  Sadly I have no crushed sno-esque ice to pour this on.  Grand Teton Black Cherry will have to be judged as it stands without the help of the sno-cone fairies.  By the way, if you ever seen a sno-cone fairy kill it as fast as possible, they’re terribly evil.  I’ve had a few run-ins with them… not good times.  They will CUT YOU!  Onward.

The most consistent thing I’ve noticed about Grand Teton sodas is their carbonation.  Grand Teton has the most unique carbonation levels, style, and mouth feel  that I’ve witnessed in any line of beverage.  In the case of black cherry I’m met with a raucous amount of fizz attacking all the nooks and crannies of my mouth.  It splashes against the back of my throat and delightfully stings like a cherry Icee.  The flavor, while just a bit overly syrupy, is very robust and well defined.  There is no doubt in my mind what this is at any point of the journey.  From opening the bottle to the last few drops you are slapped in the face with a very strong black cherry soda.  It tastes as if it has more sugar in it than listed on its label.  That’s not to say it has very little sugar, 39 grams, but to say that it seems like it should have closer to 50.  I like this… a lot.  This is the most in your face black cherry soda I’ve ever tasted, I guess they’re all “in my face” as I consume them, but you get the idea.  Grand Teton Black Cherry… drink it and love it!

~A

(This beverage was supplied to us by Grand Teton Brewing Company)

I literally had to wrestle this out of his hands... 4 hours.

Big K Root Beer

Quickly… think of your favorite Root Beer.  Did you?  Is it Big K Root Beer?  For those of you who said “yes” then you can refute whatever I’m about to write.  For those of you who answered the negative then just sit back and find out what category I’m about to fall into.  Big K Root Beer is Kroger brand root beer.  For those of you not familiar with Kroger, it’s a super market.  So yes, Big K Root Beer probably won’t be my favorite as very few stores actually try to make a good soda.  I’m pretty sure this won’t be my new favorite root beer, but hopefully this chemical concoction will at least please my taste buds somewhat.  The label even says that they “promise” my whole family will enjoy this or my money back… or a replacement.  I’m kind of curious as to what a proper replacement is of Big K Root Beer.  My imagination is shot for the day so I think I’ll just continue the review.

Big K Root Beer does indeed smell somewhat like a root beer… so… that’s a plus, although there is also something odd about this aroma.  After smelling the somewhat obvious root beer scent the smell just kind of vanishes.  The fragrance (I’m running out of words for ‘smell’) doesn’t seem to be strong enough to maintain a simple inhalation thus frightening me just a bit as to what this will taste like.

Not terrible, not good.  Big K Root Beer is most similar to Barq’s, but without the bite that makes Barq’s slogan so memorable.  The initial mouth fell is very watery and a bit off putting.  As you might expect this is a very generic tasting root beer.  It does have a bit of a licorice flavor to it and just a whisper of wintergreen as well.  Did they actually use these ingredients?  No idea, but the artificial/natural flavors they used somewhat replicate them.  There’s not much else to be said about Big K Root Beer except this.  If you have an extra dollar just buy the Barq’s instead.  While there are better root beers out there than Barq’s at least you’re not rewarding a grocery store for making a less than stellar product… instead you are rewarding the Coca Cola company.  If you want to take a few steps up from that then look no further than these two.

~A

This is Twist's "meh" face

Grand Teton Brewing Company - Cream Soda

We rush back to the mountains to review Grand Teton Brewing Company Cream Soda today.  We’ve already reviewed, and enjoyed, their Mountain Berry Soda and root beer so hopefully the cream soda will stand equally as tall as its brothers.  As I’m writing this review I’m realizing that I have very little opinion when it comes to cream soda.  Cream soda is something I enjoy as it reminds me of my childhood for some reason, but I’m just not very passionate about it.  Maybe I just haven’t had a terrible enough cream soda to be disappointed to the point of passion.  I’m a very opinionated person when it comes to very trivial things like Pizza Hut commercials, the pronunciation of particular tree nuts, and the state of Texas A&M football… therefore it’s not like me to just let cream soda slide.  I’ve probably bored most of you out there so I’m going to drop this and continue on with the review of Grand Teton Cream Soda.  DRINK ON… but seriously when’s the last time Pizza Hut had a good commercial?

That is a sugar filled scent attaching itself to the inner workings of my nose.  The scent itself is smooth, buttery, and very enticing.  Maybe, just maybe, today will be the day I become passionate about the taste of my cream sodas.  If today is indeed that day please believe me when I tell you that the first paragraph was not a “lead in” for the rest of this review that I wrote after consuming this beverage.  All of my reviews are consumed in the same order the reviews are written, from staring at the label, to opening, to consumption.  I’m over explaining a lot today, hopefully I just need a good cream soda to shut me up. 

This, my friends, is a good cream soda.  It doesn’t invoke passion in me, but that bridge may never be crossed.  That said, Grand Teton Cream Soda is a solid entry into the cream soda market.  The aroma inhaled earlier is an honest representation of the taste I’m experiencing now.  It has a very smooth, creamy mouth feel that any cream soda enthusiast would enjoy.  The carbonation adds a fleeting bite to the back of my throat upon each gulp which is something I’m not quite used to in a cream soda, but it’s only worth noting not complaint.  One small thing irks me though, the finish.  Completing each sip I’m left with an aftertaste that starts off just fine but ends on an artificial note.  It’d be like having a delicious sundae in front of you, but instead of a cherry on top you have a cherry made of wax.  Sure you can take it off, but you aren’t going to be as happy as you would be with an actual cherry.  With that said, Grand Teton Cream Soda is good enough to purchase multiples and my rating will say the same.

~A

(This beverage was supplied to us by Grand Teton Brewing Company)

Twist was just spotted peeping over the fence.  Stay cool, stay cool.

Refreshe - Cherry Cola

It’s time to re-visit the Safeway brand “refreshe” in all its un-capitalized glory.  Today’s flavor of choice is refreshe Cherry Cola, which contains 0% juice.  You know how I know this?  Well it’s stated on the can silly, if that wasn’t printed on here I bet I’d be wondering all day if there was real cherry juice in here.  Sigh… I wish sarcasm had a font because I’d use the heck out of it.  How’s about we use Comic Sans as the official “Sarcasm Font”?   People would like it more if it were used for the benefit of sarcasm wouldn’t they?  I understand that some use Comic Sans ironically, but let’s take it back from the Hipsters and use it for the sarcastic!  Surely a large portion of Hipsters are sarcastic so the lash-back won’t be that great.  So yet another trend is decided on this site.  TheSodaJerks.net:  Setters of trends, and nothing more!  Wait… we also review sodas.  Speaking of… this refreshe Cherry Cola has a very mysterious ingredients list as Natural Flavors are listed alongside HFCS, Coloring agents, and acids.  Let’s just open it up and see what we get.

The scent test proves refreshe Cherry Cola to be more cola than cherry, which is perfectly understandable.  I can discern the cherry scent mind you, but it wasn’t the first thing my nose noticed.  Then again my allergies are kicked up today so there’s that.  DRINK ON!

The first sip is a major disappointment.  The cola taste immediately falls flat and the cherry gets crushed underneath it.  Swishing it around in my mouth I can feel the cola trying with all its might to intrigue me with bursts of carbonation.  “Like me! Like me!” it screams, but once you stop swishing… it quiets down to a whisper.  Every sip I take allows the flavor to build on itself which you might think would help its case.  No, Ma’am.  No, Sir.  While the flavor is becoming more pungent it’s just revealing how weak of a Cherry Cola this really is.  You can almost taste the chemicals, assuming they are since Natural Flavors are all we’re given.  Honestly I hope they are chemicals because if you use real deal ingredients and you make it taste this underwhelming then shame on you.  Fortunately the aftertaste vanishes fairly quickly but you’re left with the caustic feel of refreshe Cherry Cola on your teeth.  It’s holding on to my enamel for dear life, making my teeth more easily grind when I close my mouth.  That’s it.  I’m done.  I could finish this can, but I see no reason to do so.  This is one of the worst attempts at a Cherry Cola, something that should be a treat in any definition, which I have seen in a very long time.

~A

Twist doesn't even realize it's there... that's how flavorless it is.

Grand Teton Brewing Company - Mountain Berry

I’ve had a relatively rough day.  It’s been much more stressful than a lazy Sunday ever should be.  I wasn’t even sure I was going to do a review today, but since I flaked out last week and relied solely on the Carbo-Nation I figured I should post one.  Looking into my refrigerator I picked up the calmest named beverage I had on hand, Grand Teton Brewing Company – Mountain Berry.  The label is a serene purple and blue which pairs nicely with the dark pink soda.  Being as thirsty as I am I’m skimping on this first paragraph and drinking now.

My soda smells like a blueberry muffin.  This makes some sense because the listed berries on the front are huckleberry, blueberry, and blackberry.  Apparently the blueberry wins the aroma battle in that particular cage match; let’s find out if he wins the flavor battle royale.

I chugged a fairly large portion of the bottle wanting to quench my thirst.  Immediately I was greeted by the blueberry flavoring quickly followed by blackberry and what I assume is huckleberry.  I’ve never had a huckleberry before.  I’ve read Huckleberry Finn.  I’ve watched Huckleberry Hound.  Heck, I’m your Huckleberry, but I’ve never eaten one.  It’s probably about time I get around to that.  The carbonation is sharp, but dissipates quickly allowing for the robust flavor of the berries to emanate in your mouth.  Grant Teton Mountain Berry is a bit on the sweet side (but most berry sodas are actually sweeter), and your mouth is left with a syrupy feel, but overall I’m pleased with it.  It’s a different kind of berry soda that I would be happy consuming at most any occasion.  My apologies for the short review, but I do believe it’s time for a nap.

~A

(This beverage was supplied to us by Grand Teton Brewing Company)

The top of a dog house is the closest thing to a mountain for nearly 700 miles.

Grand Teton Brewing Company - Root Beer

I was approached by the fine people at Grand Teton Brewing Company to review their line of sodas.  There were four flavors in all, thus giving me the difficult decision on what to try first.  Thankfully they have a root beer as I feel you can almost always judge a company on how serious they take their root beer.  You see root beer is a beverage that can be made unique with effort, and with even more effort it can stand away from the crowd.  The use of interesting ingredients often sets one apart from the other.  That said I don’t know if Grand Teton has used any of those ingredients because they’ve chosen to list them as “Natural and Artificial Flavors”.  Fortunately it does say that it’s made with Sugar and Spring Water, two ingredients that should help this experience. 

The label itself is brown with their logo on it.  The logo consists of what a quick Google search confirms are the Grand Tetons.  How embarrassing would that have been if it was Old Smokey… awkward.  There is also a river running from said Grand Tetons that a moose has wandered next to.  Here is where you might insert a Monty Python and the Holy Grail joke.  Grand Teton Brewing Company’s bottle also mentions that it’s a Kettle Brewed Soda.  I’m not sure how that factors into the taste, but I do know that kettle chips are delicious versions of chips so maybe the same is true for soda.  Don’t quote me on that… unless it’s on a very popular website that will get us thousands upon thousands of hits, thrusting us into the upper echelon of internet stardom.  Enough babble, time for drinking.

Grand Teton Root Beer has a very rooty aroma that reminds me a bit of Moxie.  I’m sure, without even tasting it, that Grand Teton Root Beer will not taste like Moxie though.  Huzzah!  With that said the scent that flows from the top of this bottle is faint and doesn’t give me much of a clue as to what this will taste like.  Only one way to find out!

Wow, that has more carbonation than I’m used to root beer having.  The root beer itself isn’t that rich or creamy, but I’m not saddened by this.  The strong carbonation gives it a coke like kick to the back of your throat, setting it apart from most other root beer experiences.  The flavor you initially experience is root beer barrel candy, but not as strong.  The finish to Grand Teton Root Beer is most certainly licorice.  This will keep it from being a lot of folks beverage of choice, but fortunately for me I like licorice.  Is this out of this world amazing root beer?  No, not really, but it is better than your average fare.  Grand Teton Root Beer gives you a mouth feel that is unique to its type and a flavor that any licorice lover will like.  I really wish I knew that benefit kettle brewing had on this soda, but I guess that’s going to have to be a life lesson for another day.

~A

(This beverage was supplied to us by the Grand Teton Brewing Company)

Twist enjoyed this so much he licked part of the label off.

Zenify

With the holiday season wrapped up and all the orange soda consumed the stress level among the human population is now steadily declining.  If only there was some way to hurry up this stress relief, some sort of… soda.  Thanks to the fine folks at Zenify there just might be!  Zenify calls itself “the live stress free drink”, and says this no less than 4 times on each can.  This is apparently due to the active ingredient L-theanine which “increases serotonin and dopamine levels, promoting relaxation and concentration.”  This ingredient is followed up with the 2nd active ingredient Gaba which is “a natural calming agent that enhances relaxation and memory support.”  Something that amuses me about this “if the 90’s were still the future” can design is the fact that there are no capital letters in the primary design or explanation of the drink.  I was also told by the Zenify PR firm (this was given to us by them, btw) that it was sweetened with Stevia.  Now if you’ve read any review I’ve written about an only Stevia sweetened beverage you know I haven’t liked any of them.  Here’s the e-mail conversation that always happens between me and whoever is peddling the Stevia sweetened beverage.

Company X: Would you like to review this drink?  It’s sweetened with Stevia.

Totally Awesome Me:  Thanks!  I’d love to, but I’ve never liked a soda sweetened only with Stevia.

Company X: Yeah, me either, but ours is completely different and I actually like it.

T.A.M.:  Ok, can’t say I didn’t warn you.

Then I usually drink the beverage and dislike it, thus completing the Stevia cycle.  The folks at Zenify said that the citrus taste of Zenify should mask the terrible parts of the Stevia it’s sweetened with.  I think I’ve babbled long enough about it; it’s time to see if they’re correct.  Off we go!

I will say that Zenify smells a bit like grapefruit juice mixed with mango so they’re already off on the right foot with the old nose.  C’mon Zenify… wow me.

Thank you for not lying to me Zenify, the citrus flavor does indeed cover any terrible Stevia aftertaste that I might have experienced otherwise.  It’s light, fruity, and one of the more enjoyable “lifestyle beverages” I’ve had to date.  The primary taste to me is that of grapefruit, but I can’t seem to shake the mango off of my palate either.  I can’t tell if either of these fruits were used in making it because the ingredients list the ever vague “natural flavors”.  What I can do is tell you that this has a ridiculous amount of Vitamin C, B6, B12 and only 13 grams of sugar. 

Looking at the tiny print I noticed that Crystalline Fructose is also included in the ingredients.  According to Old Man Internet, Crystalline Fructose is 98% fructose and the rest are trace minerals and water.  It’s also apparently 20% sweeter than table sugar and 5% (not sure how you measure that) sweeter than HFCS.  However sweet it is I’m sure it’s helping cut into this Stevia aftertaste as well.  We once had a 50/50 drink sweetened with Stevia and Sugar and it was fantastic.  I really wish more companies would use Stevia like that instead of relying on it solely to sweeten their drink. 

Zenify isn’t a very sweet drink at all, relying more on the flavor of the fruit to carry the drink.  I don’t know if it’s due to the drink but I do feel more relaxed now that I’ve finished the can.  We don’t usually review the “affects” of a beverage, just the taste.  I’ll let you decide for yourselves if Zenify actually calms your body.  As for me, I’ll be drinking this again.

~A

(This beverage was supplied to us by Zenify)

Why is there an adorable monkey in this swag picture?  That's the kind of power Twist yields.

Refreshe - Lemon Lime

I like generic store brand soda… well, I like the idea of them.  Here’s this soda that a grocery store chain is putting out there.  They are doing this for one of two reasons.  They either want the generic soda at hand to compete and be favored over the mainstream counterpart, or they just want to make a quick buck in the soda game.  Today I’m giving Safeway store brand soda a try once again, but this time around they seem to be a bit more fancy.  Before the can would just say the flavor with a fun graphic now I’m greeted with the word “refreshe”.  I’m pretty sure they used the word “refreshe” (in all lowercase letters mind you… because that’s more hip) to look the part of a snazzy soda.  The flavor, Lemon Lime, is titled on the lower portion of the can in a pop-art blob.  The can itself is green with equally retro looking designs as well.  Just look at the picture.  The tale here is that they’re trying to at least look like an upscale soda while maintaining the price of a generic one.  This refreshe Lemon Lime is sweetened with HFCS and filled with an assortment of other chemicals.  I feel as if I’ve already dedicated too many words to refreshe Lemon Lime, but hopefully it’s about to prove me wrong.

It has about ¾ of the scent 7up does, but I will note that the carbonation is so prevalent that I can easily hear it.  Putting my ear closer I can even hear some larger bubbles getting into the mix.  Drinking time!

Better than expected, but nothing to write home about.  It has a smoother mouth feel than 7up does which makes it kind of forgettable after each sip is finished.  The aftertaste is a bit stickier much like Sprite.  I’ll tell you right now “those of you who haven’t read all 300+ articles” that I dislike Sprite BECAUSE of that very aftertaste.  The flavor itself differs slightly from both as I feel you can taste more of the lime in this than you can in any of the big 3 Lemon/Lime sodas.  It’s not so strong that it sets refreshe Lemon Lime apart from anyone, but I felt it was worth noting so that’s something.  Going back to the first couple of sentences that are written in this review, I’d have to say that this is just Safeway trying to make a buck in the soda biz while trying to look like they’re making a unique beverage at the same time.  If you like Sprite or 7up and don’t want to spend as much on soda then refreshe Lemon Lime is for you.  If you’re looking for a whole ‘nother experience when it comes to the Lemon Lime soda genre, then be prepared for a can full of “meh”.

~A

The extra "e" is for "extra e"

Chubby Orango Tango

As you may have noticed this year, primarily… well only from this site, the newest trend going on is that orange sodas now represent the feeling of winter.  Put it up there with crisp cool air, family, and ice skating.  Today’s festivities allow us to open another bottle of Chubby, this one with the interestingly named flavor of Orango Tango.  Today the mascot on the label, who I assume is named Chubby, just seems to be standing there smiling at me.  He’s a rather friendly looking fellow.  If you don’t feel like reading previous Chubby reviews I’ll give you a quick rundown.  Chubby is a drink from Mexico sweetened with sugar and tends to be very average in taste while being overly sweet.  Let’s find out if Orango Tango walks along this same path.

Chubby Orango Tango smells like a fun fizzy orange as the bubbles jump up to grab my nose.  Hopefully they’re welcoming me to the drinking experience and not trying to warn me of my impending doom.  That might be a Twilight Zone episode, but I’m going to chalk it up as an original idea.

Bleh.  Chubby Orango Tango has very little carbonation so I’m now in fear of whatever was jumping up at my nose making me think it was fun bubbles, or fubbles.  There is an orange taste thankfully, but it’s one masked in the shroud of cardboard as so many mediocre to bad orange sodas are.  When I say something tastes like cardboard I’m not using that as a blanket statement that it tastes badly.  This actually tastes of cardboard, like you licked a packing box of some sort.  The only thing Chubby Orango Tango has going for it is that the aftertaste reminds me of generic orange candy that you might find in a Piñata.  I can’t recommend this to anyone.  You could go to the store and pick up a Sunkist, chemicals and all, and it would taste much better than Chubby Orango Tango.  I’m going to throw an artistic fit now and claim that this soda has brought me such banal flavoring that I’m too distraught to continue this review.

~A

Twist is ashamed to be this close to mediocrity.

HEB Orange Burst

Video Review from Apr. 29, 2020. Written review (below) from Dec. 19, 2011.

Nothing says “It’s Winter” quite like an orange soda.  Actually several things purvey that it’s winter much better than an orange soda, but that doesn’t work very well as an introduction.  Who knows, maybe this review will inspire so many citizens of the Carbo-Nation that orange soda sales will skyrocket through the roof, setting a new trend in the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/ Ramadan/Holiday market.  The soda I’ll be reviewing today is from Sarzec, that’s not the company that’s the name of the gentleman who gave it to me.  He handed me a bottle of HEB Orange Burst Soda and said “have at it!”  What he really said was “I left you an orange soda in the break room fridge”, but “have at it!” seems so much more adventurous and free.  HEB as you may remember from earlier reviews is a grocery store chain in Texas.  They have their own soda brand, as so many stores do, but theirs is of a higher grade using “Pure Cane Sugar” instead of our old nemesis HFCS.  With that said let us now dive into HEB Orange Burst Soda and winter simultaneously.

Sweet, sweet orange.  The aroma this gives off when inhaled is that of a juicy orange combined with a glass of Tang.  It’s not a 100% natural smell by any means, but it still got my mouth to salivate.  I guess it’s the anticipation of that first orange soda to signify that winter has arrived. 

HEB Orange Burst is a very gentle orange soda.  When you first take a sip the orange flavoring is fairly weak and has hints of tangerine.  You can obviously taste that it’s an orange soda, but the BURST is definitely missing at this point.  It’s a fairly smooth soda with the carbonation level being a few strong attacks of tiny bubbled magic... like the kind reindeer use to fly.  Only after you finish consuming your sip does the orange really go to work.  As soon as the swallowing process begins the carbonation kick in and tickles the back of your throat disappearing as quickly as they arrived… like elves.  Then your mouth is left with nothing for a brief moment before a fantastic orange aftertaste takes over.  The aftertaste reminds me of a candy I had when I was a kid, but I haven’t be able to remember the name of it as of yet.  Let me just tell you that it’s a wonderful note to end a soda experience on… like carolers on a snowy night.  HEB Orange Burst soda is tasty, but some might feel the weak intro hurts it.  As for me I enjoyed the experience and leave you by saying, “HEB Orange Burst to all, and to all a good night!”

~A

P.S.

There are a few things that I never got from Santa growing up that I’m going to go ahead and put on my list here at the bottom.  Some of these might be a bit dated, so bear with me.

Crossfire – (You’ll get caught up in the Crossfire, Crossfire, CROSSFIRE! YEAH! YEAH!)

Power Wheels Jeep – I’m a bit large for this now, so I’ll take the adult version

Super Mario Bros. 2 – America’s fake version, not Japan’s real version

Baseball cards – Only the valuable ones though, thanks.

Grubby – of Teddy Ruxpin fame

Boglins and Blurp Balls – I had both of these, but I lost ‘em.  Promise I’ll take better care of them this time!

Thanks!

Aaron

Merry Twistmas!

Lester's Fixins - Buffalo Wing Soda

Today marks the end of my journey with Old 52, for the time being of course.  They supplied us with several bottles of soda to review and I’ve saved the most bizzare for last.  Cautiosly I stare at a bottle of Lester’s Fixins Buffalo Wing Soda remembering how accurate their Sweet Corn Soda tasted.  I know this is going to taste like liquid Buffalo wings, and I know that’s going to be interesting… and that’s as polite as I can say it.  On this bottle filled with orange liquid there is a picture of a Buffalo wing… just kinda laying there.  They aren’t trying to “fancy” it up; it’s just a Buffalo wing on a bottle of Buffalo wing soda.  They know what they’re doing, and they’re daring you to test it. Enough dawdling, let’s do this.

This.  Is.  Ridiculous.  It smells like Tony Chachere’s seasoning, which is a Cajun seasoning and a staple of many Southern foods.  If I pretend hard enough I think I can smell a bit of orange aroma in the background, but I’m pretty sure that’s just my brain trying to be nice to me.  All the while Lester just sits there on the bottle grinning at me, like he’s waiting on me to try it just so he can see my reaction for his own amusement.  As I’ve said so many times before… let’s amuse Lester.  It’s pretty much my catch phrase.

Ok, so I chickened out just a bit and took the tiniest of sips.  I could have sworn I got a granule of spice in between my teeth when I did it too.  The flavor I received wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t of this world either.  Time to dive in head first.  When it first hits your mouth it tastes a bit like orange soda and that sweetness grasps the inside of your mouth and hangs on even after you’re finished with your current gulp.  The Buffalo sauce flavoring swings in midway and finishes out the experience.  It’s almost like the orange is opening for the Buffalo.  Ever been to a concert where the opener is better than the main event… that’s Lester’s Buffalo Wing Soda.  I’m swishing it around my mouth as I type this wanting to say that it’s horrible, but it’s not.  Don’t get me wrong I’m never going to buy this for myself again, but I can actually drink it.  There’s a spicy kick at the end of each gulp that I would liken to ginger, but it’s not as over powering as ginger can be.  Originally I was going to heat this up and pour it over chicken, which I never bought, because I thought it would be so terrible I wouldn’t get past sip one.  Well I’ve almost finished half the bottle and all is going well.  My stomach is burning a bit, so the after effects (which won’t be listed here) might not be so nice.  Lester’s Buffalo Wing Soda walks that fine line between “prank soda” and “legitimate soda” but tips its hat more towards “prank”.  Of course I have to compare this to all the other sodas I’ve rated, but it’s not going to be as low as I thought it would be.  Malta Hatuey, Beverly, and even Lester’s Sweet Corn are far, far worse than this.  With that said, and my stomach burning and bubbling I leave you with this fun fact.

“Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo” is a working sentence.  Look it up!

~A

Iguana tastes nothing like Buffalo wings... the rumours are FALSE

Rocket Fizz - Gram's Cracker

In front of me I have another Rocket Fizz concoction.  The flavor is officially named Gram’s Cracker, but I think we can all assume that it’s a graham cracker flavored soda and not a cracker flavored soda made by a guy named Gram.  I knew a guy named Gram once, good guy, moving on.  I’m already a little sad to be drinking this soda because I’ve already had Rocket Fizz S’mores Soda which included what I think would be the same graham cracker finish.  Aside from that the S’mores soda also had hints of chocolate and marshmallow, leaving Gram’s Cracker with the remaining solitary flavor.  Are three flavors better than one?  Well the Party Rock themed review I wrote a few days ago would tell you that isn’t always true.   I have a task ahead of me though, so let’s get to it shall we?

Maybe I spoke too soon.  I can unequivocally, yup, went there, say that this smells very strongly of graham cracker, much more so than the S’mores soda did.  Rocket Fizz Gram’s Cracker also smells a bit like burnt cake, but this isn’t off putting by any means.  Let’s see if this would make good ol’ Reverend Graham happy as a substitute for his age old crackers.

Bizzare.  This seems like something I would end up trying at my local carnival.  The graham cracker taste is most certainly there, but I’m not sure I would identify it as such if I didn’t know the flavor I was imbibing.  This has a cream soda taste mostly with a graham cracker finish.  Oddly enough the taste reminds me of those little boxes of animal crackers you’d find at the grocery store.  No, not the bubble shaped ones where you can’t tell hippo from hawk.  I’m taking about Barnum’s Animal Crackers, the one with the actual string handle.  The carbonation level is adequate.  Hey there’s a spider crawling across my shirt.  That’s a little freaky, one sec as I peacefully remove him.  Ok, back.  As I was saying, the carbonation levels aren’t anything to write home about, they blend rather seamlessly into the soda drinking experience.  My biggest qualm is actually how sugary this soda is.  S’mores soda didn’t taste as sweet as this, and without chocolate and marshmallow I’m not sure why Gram’s Cracker reaches this level of sweetness.  There you have it.  Rocket Fizz Gram’s Cracker is somewhat graham cracker flavored, somewhat animal cracker flavored, and somewhat cream soda flavored, all while being too sweet.

~A

One of Twist's middle names is Gram.

Fentimans Cherrytree Cola

Everyday I’m shuffin’… through the bottles in my fridge to figure out which one to review.  I wish one would just jump out at me.  LMFAO!  I can’t believe Old 52 sent us a bottle of Fentimans Cherrytree Cola!  For your information Fentimans Cherrytree Cola is a Fermented Botanical Cherry Drink with Ginger and Herbal Extracts.  That’s what the label says anyway.  This isn’t a level of fermentation though that would keep anyone of any age from purchasing it legally.  I’ve always liked the look of Fentimans bottles and the use of the Cherrytree Records logo (the two companies are linked by this drink) is a great addition.  It’s like the bottle is sexy and it knows it.  Fun fact from Wikipedia:  Cherrytree Records was founded by a Martin Kierszenbaum.  Funner fact from Wikipedia: Kierszenbaum (Kirs zen baum) is German for Cherry Tree.  This beverage in front of me is certainly a higher end soda as it uses cane sugar and ginger root as two of its ingredients.  Let’s see if it’s just as fun to drink as it is to look at.  Everybody just have a good time!

It’s not the strongest aroma you’ll smell, but a good whiff of Fentimans Cherrytree Cola will tell you they aren’t lying about the flavor.  The scent is more of a rich aroma than it is a pungent one.  I can tell there’s a lot going into the soda I’m about to upend into my mouth.  So come to my table, and take a sip.

Unique, I’ll give it that.  I don’t initially think of cherry cola when I’m drinking it which is odd.  The ginger is more overpowering than I thought it would be, but it doesn’t mask the cherry flavor to the point of vanishing.  This shares in the cherry flavoring better than Reed’s Cherry Ginger Brew and that was primarily a cherry beverage where this is a cherry cola.  This certainly tastes fermented a bit, and I’m not positive that’s working too well with the cola.  The cola base is very strong, but is held back by the constant reminder that you have two other flavors to deal with.  Fentimans Cherrytree Cola is like a dance battle in your mouth.  First you have Cola who steps up and reminds you why you joined this crowd of people to watch these random dancers.  He’s good, but not amazing, still worth your time though.  Then Fermented Cherry, or FC, jumps in and kicks Cola in the leg… breaking it.  You immediately don’t like him because he’s already a bit of a jerk (not the good kind), but you still watch in hopes that he’ll be entertaining.  Just as FC starts to grow on you his partner Ginger jumps in and makes the whole scene annoying.  She’s up in your face, screaming at you to “Take it to the Hole”, trying to get you to cheer more for her boy FC, but you’re just not having it.  All you really want is Cola to come back alone and dance or maybe just partner with FC.  Like many dance battles there’s just one too many players here for it to be completely enjoyable.  Remove one and you’d have either a smooth cherry cola, or a fun ginger cola.  Ok, I need to stop.  Hatin’ is bad.  I’m still going to suggest you buy a bottle as it’s a unique soda that I feel should be tried at least once, but I’m not promising it’ll be a night you won’t forget.  As for me… well I just kinda wish I had a Hot Dog.

~A (I work out)

Twist is NOT sorry for party rockin'

Rocket Fizz - Mud Pie

When I picked up this bottle of Old 52 supplied soda I had one question.  What is a mud pie?  My wife said they were treats that composed of chocolate and marshmallows, and then showed me such a treat in the store.  “Huzzah!” I thought to myself, or I said allowed in the store… who knows depending on my mood.  Then later someone reminded me of a Mississippi Mud Pie which is a super chocolaty pie with chocolate filling and crust.  “Huzzah!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, which was rather awkward since we were at the dry cleaners.  As you may have guessed, and I’m saddened if you haven’t, today’s soda is mud pie flavored.  To be more specific the soda of the day is Rocket Fizz Mud Pie soda.  Rocket Fizz has surprised me so far in how good their oddly flavored sodas tasted.  Today they won’t be able to get the sneak attack on me as I’m ready for this to be tasty.  The soda itself is dark amber which give me hope in the amount of chocolate I’ll taste.  Older readers, those of you who have been diligent in following us not those of you over a certain age, may remember when we were on the search for a non-diet chocolate soda.  Well we eventually found one, but it was pretty hit or miss.  Hopefully Rocket Fizz Mud Pie is a more consistent contender.  Let’s find out, shall we?

I’m a little off put by the lack of chocolate scent hitting the inner workings of my nose.  I can smell it, but I really have to pull it in.  For some reason I’m getting more coffee than chocolate, but if I remember correctly that’s how S’mores soda started off as well.  So all is not lost just yet.  On with the tasting!

Whelp, I’m saddened.  Just as the scent warned this tastes more of coffee, mocha really, than it does chocolate.  This is a shame as I’m not a fan of coffee at all.  You can tell they didn’t mean for it to taste like coffee as I said it does at least have the rumblings of mocha.  If this was truly a coffee soda I wouldn’t still be drinking it for this review.  I’m pretty sure the review would say “Gross.  Coffee Soda.  Run Away”.  I’m not really sure why I capitalized every word in that fake review, but that’s a path we’ll have to wonder about later.  The carbonation I’m greeted with here is light, but noticeable.  At least they went the right route when choosing the amount of bubbly to put into this lie.  I can’t imagine a heavily carbonated coffee/chocolate soda; both of those things need a smoother mouth-feel than other sodas in my opinion.  So now I sit here contemplating what to rate Rocket Fizz Mud Pie.  On one hand I could probably finish this bottle, on the other I feel that the flavor listed is a lie.  I’m sorry Rocket Fizz, but you had the chance to really knock something out of the park this time.  Instead as I threw you the pitch you pulled out a tennis racket.

~A

Twist makes a mean mud pie.

Howdy - Lemon Lime

Howdy!  Not hello, hi, how are you, ‘sup, or anything else.  I’ve greeted people this way for years now.  Heck I said it so much it was my nickname for a while.  Some might say it’s because I’m a Texan, but a lot of Texan’s don’t say “Howdy”.  I guess it sounds just a bit too country for them.  My grandfather used to say “Howdy Do”, which of course is short for “How do you do?”  I’ve always felt that “Howdy” sounded friendlier than other greetings and my time at Texas A&M proved that to me.  People would greet one another on campus with a friendly “Howdy” even if the recipient was a stranger.  So you see, whenever you label something with the word “Howdy” you’re already in my good graces.  Today’s soda, once again supplied to us by Old 52, is Howdy Lemon Lime.  From the research I’ve done I learned that Howdy Lemon Lime is the original 7up formula.  The bottle even says “The Taste that made Lemon Lime Famous”.  Frequent or observant readers of the site may remember that 7up is my favorite lemon-lime soda of the big 3.  So now we have a soda with one of my all-time favorite words that’s also the original formula for one of my favorite mainstream lemon lime sodas.  Howdy has been around since 1920 and of course is made with pure cane sugar.  Enough chatter, this green glass bottle is starting to sweat out of nervousness that I’m not going to drink it.

Howdy Lemon Lime has a strong citrusy aroma.  My nose can sense that this may be sourer than I originally thought.  The sweetness lilts in my nose after the sour has dissipated.  Congratulations Howdy, your scent has made me thirsty. 

There is certainly more lime in here than I bargained for and I love it.  So often when a soda is labeled with being flavored lemon-lime you get a generic citrus taste where each flavor can’t be discerned.  Howdy Lemon Lime breaks that mold and allows you to taste both the lemon and the lime individually.  I’m sure using lime juice and lime oil help this cause tremendously as it’s the lemon that’s usually too overpowering for its green brethren.  Carbonation wise it fizzes just enough to tickle the tonsils (or back of the throat if you’re tonsil free) on its way down.  Lime steps out first shocking your senses, making you wonder about lemon.  As lime drifts away lemon steps up and socks you in the face leaving you licking your lips tasting the sour fruit.  Howdy Lemon Lime both improves my mood and makes me sad.  I’m happy for all of the reasons listed above.  I’m saddened because this is what 7up could have been today.  With all that said color me pleased to have tasted Howdy Lemon Lime.

~A

Twist says "Howdy", do you?

Rocket Fizz - Green Apple Jalapeno

Oh hi, didn’t see you there!  This is Aaron… you know, the Soda Jerk.  Today I have the great fortune of drinking a soda from our old buddies at Old 52.  They aren’t called Old 52 because they’re our old buddies; life is just funny like that sometimes.  Any-doodle, Old 52 has sent us this delicious bottle of Rocket Fizz Green Apple Soda!  Mmmm MMMM!  Being our old buddies, Old 52 knows how much I love green apple soda, especially when it's sweetened with cane sugar.  This is apparently some sort of Mexican green apple soda because it has some sort of funny word after the flavor “Green Apple”.  The funny word printed on the bottle is Jalapeno.  Have you ever heard of anything so crazy?  I haven’t.  Crazy!  Any-scoot, I took German in High School like the good little Texan I am, so you and I can experience this crazy ride called Rocket Fizz Green Apple Jalapeno (tee hee, it still makes me giggle) together.  Bottoms up!

Yowza!  That certainly smells like our old friend Green Apple!  It’s like picking a green apple off the tree and slicing it open like a red delicious apple.  Something spooky is going on here though.  Every time I smell it the inside of my nose parts feel a little burning sensation.  Ah well, that must be the fresh mountain air that was used to grow these delicious green creatures.  Time for drinkin!

What the French, toast!   It seems our “old friends” at Old 52 have pulled the wool over our eyes!  Rocket Fizz Green Apple Jalapeno does have the delicious, delicious taste of fresh grown green apples, but after that it goes straight to heck… literally!  After I felt my thirst was quenched the back of my throat burst into flames causing enough pain to really cheese me off!  I guess this is what Jalapeno means in Spanish… trick soda!  As much as it hurts me I still go back to it so that I might enjoy the green apple flavoring they nailed down so well you’d swear it was glued.  RASPBERRIES, THAT STINGS!  Each flipping sip is followed up by the fires of Mordor, and just when I think I’m getting used to it the flames flare up once again making me regret my last decision.  I thought that the carbonation bubbles were also my old friends, but they don’t seem be on my side either.  The bubbles just kind of add more sizzle to the flame.  Is no one on my side?  Oh yeah, the green apple is!  One second while I go use the internet then double check my information on the encyclopedia, one can never be too safe, on what a Jalapeno is.

Well shoot me in the face with a sling shot of mud.  Did you know a Jalapeno is a pepper?  Now that I think about it every time they talked about them in the show Gargoyles they were in a rather “spicy” situation.  It just goes to show you that you can never doubt Goliath.  With that said who would ruin a perfectly good soda with a pepper… especially when you can’t even taste the pepper itself, just the heat.  I think if I were to make this soda again I’d probably add more jalapeno flavoring to it and not worry so much about the burn factor, but what do I know… I’m just a bear.

~A

You'll never find something more fiery than Twist.

Lemmy Sparkling Lemonade

I didn’t feel like thinking today so the soda I picked should make for a simple review.  Again we dip into the stash sent to us by Old 52 General Store.  From said stash I have pulled out Lemmy Sparkling Lemonade.  This should be easy, right?  Lemmy has been around since 1939, and judging by the art style their creepy lemon mascot has made that journey right along with them.  A couple of notes about the ingredients, it is noted that Lemmy is both made with cane sugar and real lemon juice.  So perhaps the drop of drool coming out of the creepy mascot lemon’s mouth is warranted.  I may make several more mentions of this creepy mascot, who I can only assume is Lemmy, but I’d still happily tote some merchandise with him on it.  The side of the bottle reads as such:  Since 1939 Lemmy is the original sparkling lemonade drink.  For the taste of fresh squeezed lemons, just say “Lemme have a Lemmy”.  Now that the bottle has told us what to expect flavor wise I think it’s time to find out if Lemmy is a liar.

Lemmy Sparkling Lemonade both looks and smells like lemonade.  That’s an insanely boring sentence, but it is what it is.  I will say that it’s a rather fresh burst of lemon that you get when you smell the bottle opening; hopefully the flavor is equally enjoyable.

They should call this “Shimmering Lemonade” instead of “Sparkling Lemonade” as the carbonation level is very low.  I’m not even sure most would realize this was carbonated at all if it didn’t say so on the bottle.  Only at the end of each swig do the carbonation bubbles make an appearance, lightly dancing on my molars.  The lemonade flavor is just that.  I wouldn’t say that this tastes like fresh squeezed lemons, as that would be much tarter than Lemmy tastes.  Then again I’ve never understood why any beverage would say that it tasted like fresh squeezed lemons… oranges maybe, but lemons?  You’d be drinking straight lemon juice, and that’d be pretty terrible after a while for most.  Thankfully Lemmy tastes like above average lemonade.  Lemmy’s tart to sweet ratio is right on the money, neither one outdoing the other.  Overall Lemmy gets the job done.  It’s nice to drink on a warm November day like today (82 degrees btw), or a cool November night like tonight (low of 48).  I like Lemmy more than I initially thought I would.  I wasn’t expecting lemonade of this quality, and even though the bubbles are few and far between they do just enough to set this apart from normal lemonade.  Way to go Lemmy!  Now stop looking at me like that.

~A

One guess where Lemmy got that pose.

Jic Jac - Blue Raspberry

Today’s drink is a vibrant blue color, and everyone knows that if it’s blue it MUST be raspberry flavored.  I’ve ranted about my hatred of blue raspberry before so for the sake of Old 52, who supplied us with this soda, I’ll refrain.  Jic Jac Blue Raspberry is the official name of the soda at hand, but according to the label all I need to do is “Just Say” Jic Jac.  It’s a nice simple slogan on an even easier logo.  It’s very retro looking and coupled with a fun name like Jic Jac it moves it into the top 5 for me… logo wise.  Of course Jic Jack Blue Raspberry is made with cane sugar, but what I didn’t expect to see in the ingredients was raspberry extracts.  It’s rare that I actually see the word “raspberry” on anything raspberry flavored anymore.  So maybe my initial judging was a bit too harsh.  Let’s find out, shall we?

Ok, so the smell makes me a little more excited as well.  The aroma alone from the drink portrays that it’s both sweet and sour.  It also tells me that what I’m about to taste is similar to raspberries.  I know, I know, a raspberry soda should smell like raspberries… sadly that is not the case most times.  Usually a raspberry soda smells more like random candies than raspberries.  While Jic Jac does smell of candy the raspberry smell is what first catches and holds onto your olfactory glands.  Taste time!

There’s the sour, and there’s… the… sweet.  The sweet took a little longer than I thought to reach my taste buds.  Jic Jac Blue Raspberry soda is fairly average.  Initially you’re greeted with candy raspberry flavoring touched with sour.  As you move the soda around in your mouth the sour intensifies up until it makes its way down your gullet.  After the soda leaves your mouth the sour sensation dissipates into sweetness, that while slight, reminds me of cotton candy.  My favorite part of this journey is when Jic Jac is residing upon your tongue getting more intense by the second.  It sits in there like an angry hive of bees, rasp-bee-ries if you will.  These rasp-bee-ries don’t like to be shaken, but who does?  With each swish of your mouth they begin to sting your tongue.  Fed up with having your tongue stung you swallow, only to have them scrape the back of your throat as they perish.  Such is the life of a rasp-bee-ry.  Only with a burp do the haunting spirits of the rasp-bee-ries get to give their final farewell.  Even though I just likened Jic Jac Blue Raspberry to having a mouth haunted with magical ghost bees I stick by my original assessment that it’s average.  Nothing about it blew me away, but I wouldn’t mind trying other Jic Jac flavors.  I could be biased due to the fact that we’re talking about a blue raspberry soda, then again I could be spot on.  I guess the only way you’ll know is if you… (see what I’m doing here)

~A

Twist always questions his own mortality when put next to something blue

Rocket Fizz - Banana Nut

I’m trying to alternate between “odd” and “normal” flavors of the sodas sent to me by Old 52.  Looking at what I have in stock I realized that I’m going to run out of the “normals” fairly soon.  Therefore today’s soda shall be placed in the “odd” category.  Rocket Fizz Banana Nut is what’s on the plate…erm… in the bottle today!  You may remember our first Rocket Fizz review, and it would make sense if you did since it was only three reviews ago.  Rocket Fizz uses cane sugar… oh sorry, PURE cane sugar, to sweeten and a variety of chemicals and natural flavors to flavor.  Rocket Fizz Banana Nut has an American beer like color, or something similar to mixing orange soda with lemonade.  I’m most interested in seeing if I can taste the nut in this banana nut soda.  For my 29 and younger readers here’s where you make a joke about nut soda… I know I have.

The smell is impressive.  The aroma reminds me of banana nut bread and the auto shop where I get my oil changed.  That’s not to say it smells like a garage just that my auto shop smells rather pleasant and more like banana nut bread than I originally thought.  I wish it smelled of warm banana nut bread, but I can see how that might be difficult to replicate with a cold beverage.  On with the tasting!

Rocket Fizz is really good at what they do.  They put out these flavors like S’more and Banana Nut which you wouldn’t think would work as a soda… yet they do.  This tastes like banana nut bread, and yes youthful readers I can really taste the nuts.  The carbonation level here is very strong as thousands of tiny bubbles explode on the surface of your tongue, screaming in the process as if they’re trying to get the most out of their fleeting lives before they die.  The aftertaste of Rocket Fizz Banana Nut is very similar to those orange foamy candy circus peanuts you might find in your stocking if you’re my step-mother.  She loves them so very much.  This means that the after taste hints a little of how paint smells, but nothing so terrible I wouldn’t recommend consuming this beverage.  Over all Rocket Fizz did a fantastic job replicating banana nut bread with the flavors of all three coming through in the perfect ratio.  Could I drink a bunch of these in a row?  No, but I would like to have multiple on hand.

~A

Twist first invented banana nut bread as a way to stave off the flu.

Johnnie Ryan - Cherry

Dipping into the Old 52 vault I find myself staring at a very red soda.  It’s called Johnnie Ryan, and the front of the bottle doesn’t even hint what flavor this might be.  Along with the words “Johnnie Ryan” adorning the neck I see that it’s a “Cane Sugar Soda” and a “Delicious Ryan Beverage”.  Heck even their slogan “First for Thirst” (written in fancy script) can be found, but no flavor.  Looking at the back of the bottle I once again see that I’m going to consume a Johnnie Ryan soda, this time their logo large enough to show you the cane and top hat that are synonymous with Johnnie Ryan I suppose.  This time the neck reads “’A Real Refresher’ Since 1935”.  It’s not until I look at the bottle cap that the words “Ryan Cherry” are able to solve my simple mystery.  Part of me likes the fact that the flavor is only on the bottle cap and part of me is annoyed.  I’m annoyed because I wanted to easily identify the flavor.  Is it red soda, cherry, cranberry, raspberry, punch… who knows?  I think I’m going to tip my hat, and cane, to the fact that the flavor is only on the bottle cap.  There’s something about this bottle of Johnnie Ryan soda that says “class”.  This is one of the classiest bottles I think I’ve ever put my hands one.  It has a great look to it that sets it apart from other bottled beverages.  Heck even the shape of the bottle is different enough to catch ones eye.  This isn’t an art lesson though, this is a soda review.  Now I’m burdened with the task of tasting this cherry soda.  Oh, how will I survive?

Johnnie Ryan Cherry soda greets you with a delightful cherry scent.  It’s light enough that I know this won’t be a paltry cherry drink jammed with chemicals until I can’t enjoy the other aspects it has.  It’s also heavy enough that I know I’m about to enjoy a terrific cherry soda… or so I think.

Wonderful.  Johnnie Ryan Cherry  Soda washes over your tongue with a great amount of cherry flavoring.  The amount of carbonation is perfect!  It seems to start off with fewer larger bubble and quickly dissipates into many tiny bubbles which tickle your palate with a wonderful sensation.  Jonnie Ryan Cherry has a thicker mouth feel during the aftertaste portion, but since the flavor sits so well I don’t think you’d mind it.  This compares to a good cherry candy with the sweetness level lowered just a skosh.  Jonnie Ryan is a tremendous dessert beverage, or I could even see it being consumed on a hot summer day in the shade of your favorite tree.  I never had a favorite tree growing up, in fact no one I knew did.  Did you ever read The Giving Tree?  That story made me mad the first time I ever read it and every time since.  ‘Thanks Tree for all this stuff you’ve given me.  I’ve given you nothing in return, unless you’re just super into mutilation.  For sticking with me for all these years I’m going to murder you and sit on your carcass.’  Sad.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Shel Silverstein.  I just never could get behind that story.  Where was I?  Oh yes!  Jonnie Ryan Cherry is a fantastic drink.  Its simple flavor made me happy.  It’s rare that a drink has the ability to improve my mood, but Jonnie Ryan did just that.

~A

Oddly enough Twist was actually the "First for Thirst" but was disqualified for using his powers.