IVI Carbonated Orangeade

I honestly couldn’t tell you what I’m reviewing today.  It’s sitting here right in front of me, but I can’t pronounce it even if I tried.  You see, today’s drink is from Greece and it’s called hbh Carbonated Orangeade.  The only reason I know it’s carbonated orangeade is because the “English” side of the bottle tells me that, but those are the only words in English I can spot.  The label, other than being 98% Greek displays numerous fun images like an MP3 player and a guitar in an orange tint.  Using a Google Translation I check out their website and see that hbh Carbonated Orangeade is sweetened with sugar and also includes 20% orange juice.  I also found out that it can be called IVI Carbonated Orangeade as well.  I’m going to use that from here on out just to help out the search engines.  Thanks website!  Heck they even have a Youtube video on here showing you how it’s made.  Maybe I’ll check that out after this review.  As for now, I have a somewhat less mysterious soda to drink.

I’m not sure how carbonated this is supposed to be, but it has little to none.  I’m going to go ahead and attribute this to the long distance it travelled being shaken all the way.  Hopefully the taste will still be delightful enough for a good review, but I will definitely factor in that it might actually have carbonation if consumed directly from the store.

Ok, so there is the slightest touch of carbonation, which tells me that IVI Carbonated Orangeade usually has more.  As for the taste, I really like it.  The orange juice and orange soda mixture is done perfectly combining the best of both drinks beautifully.  The sweetness of the orange soda leaves your mouth very pleased with what it’s consuming, but the orange juice almost tricks your brain into thinking what you’re consuming is healthy.  As I was trying to figure out how many grams of sugar are in this (39g btw) I found that IVI Carbonated Orangeade is a Pepsi-Co product.  I thought that website looked pretty fancy for it not to be attached to one of the big two.  I’ve tasted carbonated orange juice before when I reviewed Orangina and I must say that IVI Carbonated Orangeade is the better of the two.  Now you’ll probably find Orangina a bit more easily in the states, but if for some reason you travel to a place that has them both, maybe Santa Paula, California Citrus or Ganzhou, Jiangxi, China… you should probably chose the IVI.  While I truly enjoy this beverage I’m going to stop drinking it because I’m not really sure when, or if, it has expired.  If it hasn’t expired then it’s a fantastic beverage that will fulfill any want or need for oranges you might have… minus vitamin C of course.  Now if this bottle of IVI Carbonated Orangeade has indeed expired then I’m not sure my tongue could stand to see what it tasted like “fresh”.  For now though I’m going to grade it on the flavor and mouth feel I just experienced.  Know that this rating is probably lower than it deserves, but until I crack open a brand new bottle it’ll have to work.

~A

Nothing is Greek to Twist.

Taylor's Tonics Candy Cane Shake

March always reminds me of candy canes.  The cool mint on my tongue, the red and white stripes, the way it turns down at one end.  Those are all horrible comparisons to the month of March, but then again this bottle of Taylor’s Tonics Candy Cane Shake was supposed to be consumed in December.  This is the third out of four times that I will reference the fact that I’m drinking a soda at the wrong time of year.  As you might imagine Taylors Tonics Candy Cane Shake has peppermint in the ingredients.  While I’ve had spearmint in a soda before, this might be the first time I’ve consumed liquid peppermint… aside from PeptoBismol which I do indeed like the flavor of.  According to the bottle this soda is a “Minty & Majestic Peppermint Stick Fizz”.  The words “Majestic Peppermint Stick” reminds me of the best peppermint sticks out there…King Leo Peppermint Sticks.  Truly they are amazing and you should purchase them, but we’re talking soda here. 

The scent wafting from the mouth of the bottle is an inviting sweet vanilla mint.  It does remind me of candy canes, so that seems to be on the right track.  Drink on!

Liquid candy cane, well done.  The initial sip tastes fairly minty, but the candy cane goodness doesn’t hit until about a second after.  The weakest point in each sip is the aftertaste, but I have a theory on this.  I’m not sure if my mouth just can’t wrap itself around…wait… that’s going to a terrible place.  Let’s reword shall we?  I’m not sure if my brain can comprehend “liquid candy cane” so the finish causes me to tilt my head like a confused dog.  Taylor’s Tonics Candy Cane Shake is not something you’re going to drink with a meal; this is definitely a stand-alone beverage in my opinion.  Ever eaten a candy cane with your scrambled eggs?  How about with a burrito?  Candy Canes and pickles?  Actually, let me key you in on a very odd, but surprisingly good recipe.

Take a sour pickle, movie theatre size, and cut off the very end of it.  Next take a candy cane and stuff it through the middle of the pickle… much like your hand would go in a puppet.  The curve of the candy cane is now your handle, and the pickle/mint treat on the other is oddly tasty.  Give it a shot, what have you got to lose… except all your friends and family.  Back to the review.

So as you see this soda isn’t for many occasions, but it still delivers on its promise of being liquid candy cane.  I’m still not quite sure why it’s called a “candy cane SHAKE” though.  Does the use of vanilla allow for the word “shake” to be used?  It does cut a little into the mintyness allowing you to consume said beverage with a bit more ease.  No matter!  This beverage is unique enough and tasty enough to warrant you purchasing a bottle.

~A

Twist takes his Candy Cane Shake stirred.

Kutztown Red Cream Soda

Mike used to be the one that reviewed Kutztown beverages.  Sigh, I remember Mike.  Anywho, he’s unavailable for this review so I guess the boy from Texas will have to review this northern delicacy of Kutztown Red Cream Soda.  As I’m sure we’ve mentioned before, Kutztown is indeed a town… in Pennsylvania.  It’s made at the Kutztown Soda Works, which was established in 1851.  The “go ahead and buy this” sentence on the back of the bottle reads as such.

“Sweeten your day with an old-fashioned mug of Kutztown Red Cream Soda!  So velvety smooth, it’s good for any occasion… or for just nutzin’ around!  Drink ‘til it’s all!”

Let’s avoid the obvious jokes that we might think of using “nutzin’ around” and just agree that they were using their name as a verb.  I don’t understand the last part of the paragraph, “Drink ‘til it’s all!”.  Maybe it’s some sort of Pennsylvanian colloquialism.  So if any of you could please explain this to me that’d be great.  Anywho, this is a sugar sweetened soda and I’m tired of not drinking it so we’re going to move on to that portion of the review.

Ah, the sweet smell of red cream soda.  It reminds me of a day my father and I wandered through Leonard’s Grocery Store and he picked up a bottle for the family movie night.  Of course he picked up the generic two liter bottle of red cream soda, but I still had no idea what it might taste like at that stop in my life.  The memory scent I get from this, which is much like a normal cream soda with a little more tang, will hopefully not sway me in a positive direction based on nostalgia alone.

While I wouldn’t call it velvety smooth it still has a nice mouth feel.  Kutztown Red Cream Soda has a very soft carbonation feel, almost like having a tiny kitten snuggle down upon your taste buds.  That description should really go at the end of this review as it’s the final sensation your mouth experiences when your sip of soda is complete.  I guess I should start with the negatives, but it’s a bit too late for that so here’s the point where I get to it eventually.  Initially the taste isn’t what I’d associate with a smooth cream soda, but it’s only slightly off putting and for only a split second of the drink experience.  Another thing is that the cream soda flavor isn’t all that rich, but it still might get the job done for most. 

My mind keeps going back to the words “velvety smooth” and my tongue keeps searching for said texture with no luck.  I think if the vanilla level was raised just a bit they’d have quite the beverage here.  As it stands now they have an above average red cream soda with a unique mouth feel.  Of course this is something they should be proud of, but I bet with just a tweak more it could be outstanding.  I do like the fact that the flavor doesn’t hang onto the walls of my mouth like many creams sodas would do.  While I’m not sure if I just got done “nutzin’ around” (and I’m pretty sure I would know if I had been), the bottle is now empty and I’m satisfied with what I consumed.

~A

It's only so red because he's so green.

Taylor's Tonics Eggnog Fizz

Once again I have a soda in front of me that is Holiday themed, but the holiday season has passed us so this review might seem a little out of place.  Oh well, I’d rather an out of place review than a wasted soda in my fridge.  Today’s review is Taylor’s Tonics Eggnog Fizz.  Even if you like eggnog… as I do, you probably cringe at the idea of an eggnog soda… as I do.  It’s great that it’s all natural and the ingredients include nutmeg, vanilla bean, allspice, and rum flavoring (just to name a few), but eggnog flavored anything is off-putting to me.  Even those eggnog shakes that come around your favorite or least favorite, fast fooderies don’t even come close to tempting me.  Enough stalling, time to drink!  I mean it has been almost 2 months already.

Good news?  It doesn’t really smell like eggnog.  I’d compare the aroma to a very spicy cream soda, which others might compare to eggnog, which puts us back at square one.  I’m not longer afraid of the eggnoggy taste because I don’t believe it’s going to be there.  I feel this will be a lot like Taylor’s Tonics Chai Cola just a bit smoother due to the vanilla.  Time for drinking.

My scent description was almost right on.  While there are the smallest hints of eggnog flavoring, this tastes more like an oddly flavored cream soda to me.  Sorry to say though, I’m not a fan.  Even though it’s an all-natural beverage it tastes like a concoction of chemicals.  The vanilla isn’t strong enough for my liking, but the nutmeg and allspice add a nice flavor.  It would probably help to tell you that I’m not all that big a fan of rum and this does have rum flavors in it and I think that might be where it’s losing me.  The drink contains no alcohol though.  The majority of the taste while consuming gives me negative thoughts.  There are dashes of “yay eggnog soda”, but like lightning those positive memories are removed from my brain.  Sad really, the Cranberry Dream made by the same company was one of the most deliciously unique sodas I’ve ever tried.  Eggnog Fizz tastes like its cousin that no one talks about because you don’t want to create an awkward silence in the room.  Like I said before, maybe a bit more vanilla would help mask the overall flavor of Eggnog Fizz, but I’m not even sure that would help it because of how powerful the taste that disagrees with me is.  Bleh, I’m not even going to finish this.  I can’t even get into a good rhythm to write a well worded review.

~A

Twist invented Eggnog, then un-invented eggnog, then someone came in and made a completely different product.

Capt'n Eli's Blueberry Pop

It’s back to the world of awesome bottle art with today’s soda review!  Earlier in this sites history we reviewed Capt’n Eli’s Root Beer and while the root beer itself was tasty the art on the bottle is still one of my favorite scenes.  With that said I’m very happy to see that Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop has incredibly similar bottle art with the exception that young Capt’n Eli is surrounded by blueberries.  In fact even his root beer barrels have been replaced by heaping barrels of blueberries, so many that I fear for the buoyancy of his boat.  Now join me as I review one of my favorite flavors of soda made by a pretty darn good brand.  Put on your life jacket, give Murphy the Parrot a sip of your root beer, and shove off!

I can already tell that it’s going to be a good day sailing these waters with Eli.  The scent that floats out of the mouth of this bottle is unmistakably blueberry and why shouldn’t it be?  Blueberry juice is the third ingredient listed, right after water and cane sugar, so you know this is about to be a fantastic experience.  The aroma is deliciously sweet and not so much tart.  So here’s where I give up on typing any more words that might describe the fragrance so that I may now drink.

Blueberry soda is one of the biggest gifts starting this site ever gave me.  As TheSodaJerk.net historians know, and I have to believe they exist to feed my own hungry ego, I’m not keen on blueberry.  Blueberry never did it for me as a fruit, but as a soda… more please.  Honestly I’m not sure I’ve run into a legit blueberry soda that I didn’t like and Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop is no exception either.  Upon my first sip my mouth is awash with blueberry tastes, almost to the point where I expect the skins to come floating to the top with each drink.  Nothing about the taste of this tastes artificial to me at all which should make sense since none of the ingredients are artificial.  Ferocious, tiny bubbles attack the back of my throat reminding me at this is indeed blueberry POP and not something of a safer nature.  Grape juice is also used in the making of Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop and it is noticeable, but still takes a back seat to the blueberries as it should.  I can’t imagine someone titling something “Blueberry” but having grape be the main attraction.  It’d be like watching a Muppet special with a bunch of celebrity guests, but instead of Kermit hosting you get 90 minutes of Bronson Pinchot.  While amused you’d still feel slighted at the sight of this perfect stranger.  Do I care that the last analogy was forced?  Not really. 

Any who, while very tasty Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop does have its weak points and they’re all at the end of your soda journey.  As I mentioned before the blueberry flavoring is fantastic, but its finish could be improved upon greatly.  The strength you experience at the beginning of each sip wilts away into sadness right before it descends into your stomach.  If the flavor could maintain throughout then this would be an all-around amazing soda.  Right after you experience this flavor funeral you’re greeted with a boring aftertaste as well.  Is it probable that the weak flavor preceding it is the cause?  Yes, I’d say so, but that’s just another reason to have a strong flavor throughout.  Even with these weak points Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop is still something you should try, preferably before Murphy consumes it all.

~A

Faux Fact: A Parrot a day keeps Twist at bay

Jones Soda Lime

I tried to get my dog to pick out todays soda.  All I wanted him to do was sniff a bottle and that would be the one I reviewed.  Oddly enough he seemed much more interested in the thin mint cookie I was consuming and cared nothing for helping out the site.  Since I didn’t have the help of my canine friend I had to brave the choice myself… hopefully picking something satisfactory for you all to read.  In a perfect world the previous sentences written would be a build up to the flavor reveal which is Jones Soda Lime.  Because of the helpfulness of titling articles I’ve never been able to do a proper build up.  Ah well, I’m about to drink a lime soda and that is usually one of the things in life that makes me happy.  Currently my favorite lime soda is Jarritos Lime; let’s see if Jones can compete with the boys from across the border.

The scent my nostrils receive is more sweet than tart, so I’m wondering if this will be closer to Key Lime than plain old lime.  Jones Soda Lime even smells a bit creamy, another warning that this may not be the lime soda I’m looking for.  I can go about my business.  Move along.

Ok, so it’s not as smooth as I thought it might be, but it definitely leans towards key lime in terms of flavor.  The carbonation level is powerful and compact.  My throat feels like it has been exposed to a lime flavored sleet storm for a brief moment as the soda passes by.  The lime flavoring, while candy-esque, isn’t overly sweet making it more likely I’d consume Jones Soda Lime with a meal.    There’s also a good level of sour/tart in the works here.  There’s nothing that agitates me more than a weak lime soda.  Well, there are several things, probably hundreds, that agitate me more than weak lime soda, but I’m trying to really hammer this home.  With that said drinking Jones Soda Lime will give you a terrific balance in taste, mouth feel, and overall experience.  Is it better than Jarritos Lime?  Short answer, no.  Long answer, noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, but I’ll definitely mention it from here on out every time I’m asked to give a commencement speech with the subject of lime sodas.  Honestly all of the commencement speeches I’ve been to could have been about lime sodas, I don’t remember a single word from any of them.

~A

Twist used to be lime flavored, now if you were to lick him you'd see through time.

Grand Teton Brewing Company - Black Cherry

I turned 30 yesterday and today I finish the line of sodas from Grand Teton Brewing Company.  I’m sure if I were a wiser man I could make witty comparisons about the two journeys and you would be tickled pink upon reading it.  Instead, on this day after my 30th birthday, I’ve hurt my back to the point of not wanting to be witty.  I just want to be grumpy, and old (which I know I’m not), and cantankerous.  So here is the final Grant Teton Brewing Company review… Black Cherry.  Overall I’ve been quite pleased with this line of beverages, saving black cherry for last because I know how potentially awesome it might be.  So join me won’t you?  As I toss my 20’s behind me and dive mouth first into a bottle of soda.

I mistakenly thought this might be black cherry cola, had my reading comprehension level been above that of a first grader then I could have clearly seen that the word “cola” is nowhere to be found on the label.  This, my friends, is just black cherry soda, and the aroma is so very rich and sweet that it reminds me of sno-cone syrup.  Sadly I have no crushed sno-esque ice to pour this on.  Grand Teton Black Cherry will have to be judged as it stands without the help of the sno-cone fairies.  By the way, if you ever seen a sno-cone fairy kill it as fast as possible, they’re terribly evil.  I’ve had a few run-ins with them… not good times.  They will CUT YOU!  Onward.

The most consistent thing I’ve noticed about Grand Teton sodas is their carbonation.  Grand Teton has the most unique carbonation levels, style, and mouth feel  that I’ve witnessed in any line of beverage.  In the case of black cherry I’m met with a raucous amount of fizz attacking all the nooks and crannies of my mouth.  It splashes against the back of my throat and delightfully stings like a cherry Icee.  The flavor, while just a bit overly syrupy, is very robust and well defined.  There is no doubt in my mind what this is at any point of the journey.  From opening the bottle to the last few drops you are slapped in the face with a very strong black cherry soda.  It tastes as if it has more sugar in it than listed on its label.  That’s not to say it has very little sugar, 39 grams, but to say that it seems like it should have closer to 50.  I like this… a lot.  This is the most in your face black cherry soda I’ve ever tasted, I guess they’re all “in my face” as I consume them, but you get the idea.  Grand Teton Black Cherry… drink it and love it!

~A

(This beverage was supplied to us by Grand Teton Brewing Company)

I literally had to wrestle this out of his hands... 4 hours.

Grand Teton Brewing Company - Cream Soda

We rush back to the mountains to review Grand Teton Brewing Company Cream Soda today.  We’ve already reviewed, and enjoyed, their Mountain Berry Soda and root beer so hopefully the cream soda will stand equally as tall as its brothers.  As I’m writing this review I’m realizing that I have very little opinion when it comes to cream soda.  Cream soda is something I enjoy as it reminds me of my childhood for some reason, but I’m just not very passionate about it.  Maybe I just haven’t had a terrible enough cream soda to be disappointed to the point of passion.  I’m a very opinionated person when it comes to very trivial things like Pizza Hut commercials, the pronunciation of particular tree nuts, and the state of Texas A&M football… therefore it’s not like me to just let cream soda slide.  I’ve probably bored most of you out there so I’m going to drop this and continue on with the review of Grand Teton Cream Soda.  DRINK ON… but seriously when’s the last time Pizza Hut had a good commercial?

That is a sugar filled scent attaching itself to the inner workings of my nose.  The scent itself is smooth, buttery, and very enticing.  Maybe, just maybe, today will be the day I become passionate about the taste of my cream sodas.  If today is indeed that day please believe me when I tell you that the first paragraph was not a “lead in” for the rest of this review that I wrote after consuming this beverage.  All of my reviews are consumed in the same order the reviews are written, from staring at the label, to opening, to consumption.  I’m over explaining a lot today, hopefully I just need a good cream soda to shut me up. 

This, my friends, is a good cream soda.  It doesn’t invoke passion in me, but that bridge may never be crossed.  That said, Grand Teton Cream Soda is a solid entry into the cream soda market.  The aroma inhaled earlier is an honest representation of the taste I’m experiencing now.  It has a very smooth, creamy mouth feel that any cream soda enthusiast would enjoy.  The carbonation adds a fleeting bite to the back of my throat upon each gulp which is something I’m not quite used to in a cream soda, but it’s only worth noting not complaint.  One small thing irks me though, the finish.  Completing each sip I’m left with an aftertaste that starts off just fine but ends on an artificial note.  It’d be like having a delicious sundae in front of you, but instead of a cherry on top you have a cherry made of wax.  Sure you can take it off, but you aren’t going to be as happy as you would be with an actual cherry.  With that said, Grand Teton Cream Soda is good enough to purchase multiples and my rating will say the same.

~A

(This beverage was supplied to us by Grand Teton Brewing Company)

Twist was just spotted peeping over the fence.  Stay cool, stay cool.

Grand Teton Brewing Company - Mountain Berry

I’ve had a relatively rough day.  It’s been much more stressful than a lazy Sunday ever should be.  I wasn’t even sure I was going to do a review today, but since I flaked out last week and relied solely on the Carbo-Nation I figured I should post one.  Looking into my refrigerator I picked up the calmest named beverage I had on hand, Grand Teton Brewing Company – Mountain Berry.  The label is a serene purple and blue which pairs nicely with the dark pink soda.  Being as thirsty as I am I’m skimping on this first paragraph and drinking now.

My soda smells like a blueberry muffin.  This makes some sense because the listed berries on the front are huckleberry, blueberry, and blackberry.  Apparently the blueberry wins the aroma battle in that particular cage match; let’s find out if he wins the flavor battle royale.

I chugged a fairly large portion of the bottle wanting to quench my thirst.  Immediately I was greeted by the blueberry flavoring quickly followed by blackberry and what I assume is huckleberry.  I’ve never had a huckleberry before.  I’ve read Huckleberry Finn.  I’ve watched Huckleberry Hound.  Heck, I’m your Huckleberry, but I’ve never eaten one.  It’s probably about time I get around to that.  The carbonation is sharp, but dissipates quickly allowing for the robust flavor of the berries to emanate in your mouth.  Grant Teton Mountain Berry is a bit on the sweet side (but most berry sodas are actually sweeter), and your mouth is left with a syrupy feel, but overall I’m pleased with it.  It’s a different kind of berry soda that I would be happy consuming at most any occasion.  My apologies for the short review, but I do believe it’s time for a nap.

~A

(This beverage was supplied to us by Grand Teton Brewing Company)

The top of a dog house is the closest thing to a mountain for nearly 700 miles.

Grand Teton Brewing Company - Root Beer

I was approached by the fine people at Grand Teton Brewing Company to review their line of sodas.  There were four flavors in all, thus giving me the difficult decision on what to try first.  Thankfully they have a root beer as I feel you can almost always judge a company on how serious they take their root beer.  You see root beer is a beverage that can be made unique with effort, and with even more effort it can stand away from the crowd.  The use of interesting ingredients often sets one apart from the other.  That said I don’t know if Grand Teton has used any of those ingredients because they’ve chosen to list them as “Natural and Artificial Flavors”.  Fortunately it does say that it’s made with Sugar and Spring Water, two ingredients that should help this experience. 

The label itself is brown with their logo on it.  The logo consists of what a quick Google search confirms are the Grand Tetons.  How embarrassing would that have been if it was Old Smokey… awkward.  There is also a river running from said Grand Tetons that a moose has wandered next to.  Here is where you might insert a Monty Python and the Holy Grail joke.  Grand Teton Brewing Company’s bottle also mentions that it’s a Kettle Brewed Soda.  I’m not sure how that factors into the taste, but I do know that kettle chips are delicious versions of chips so maybe the same is true for soda.  Don’t quote me on that… unless it’s on a very popular website that will get us thousands upon thousands of hits, thrusting us into the upper echelon of internet stardom.  Enough babble, time for drinking.

Grand Teton Root Beer has a very rooty aroma that reminds me a bit of Moxie.  I’m sure, without even tasting it, that Grand Teton Root Beer will not taste like Moxie though.  Huzzah!  With that said the scent that flows from the top of this bottle is faint and doesn’t give me much of a clue as to what this will taste like.  Only one way to find out!

Wow, that has more carbonation than I’m used to root beer having.  The root beer itself isn’t that rich or creamy, but I’m not saddened by this.  The strong carbonation gives it a coke like kick to the back of your throat, setting it apart from most other root beer experiences.  The flavor you initially experience is root beer barrel candy, but not as strong.  The finish to Grand Teton Root Beer is most certainly licorice.  This will keep it from being a lot of folks beverage of choice, but fortunately for me I like licorice.  Is this out of this world amazing root beer?  No, not really, but it is better than your average fare.  Grand Teton Root Beer gives you a mouth feel that is unique to its type and a flavor that any licorice lover will like.  I really wish I knew that benefit kettle brewing had on this soda, but I guess that’s going to have to be a life lesson for another day.

~A

(This beverage was supplied to us by the Grand Teton Brewing Company)

Twist enjoyed this so much he licked part of the label off.

Chubby Orango Tango

As you may have noticed this year, primarily… well only from this site, the newest trend going on is that orange sodas now represent the feeling of winter.  Put it up there with crisp cool air, family, and ice skating.  Today’s festivities allow us to open another bottle of Chubby, this one with the interestingly named flavor of Orango Tango.  Today the mascot on the label, who I assume is named Chubby, just seems to be standing there smiling at me.  He’s a rather friendly looking fellow.  If you don’t feel like reading previous Chubby reviews I’ll give you a quick rundown.  Chubby is a drink from Mexico sweetened with sugar and tends to be very average in taste while being overly sweet.  Let’s find out if Orango Tango walks along this same path.

Chubby Orango Tango smells like a fun fizzy orange as the bubbles jump up to grab my nose.  Hopefully they’re welcoming me to the drinking experience and not trying to warn me of my impending doom.  That might be a Twilight Zone episode, but I’m going to chalk it up as an original idea.

Bleh.  Chubby Orango Tango has very little carbonation so I’m now in fear of whatever was jumping up at my nose making me think it was fun bubbles, or fubbles.  There is an orange taste thankfully, but it’s one masked in the shroud of cardboard as so many mediocre to bad orange sodas are.  When I say something tastes like cardboard I’m not using that as a blanket statement that it tastes badly.  This actually tastes of cardboard, like you licked a packing box of some sort.  The only thing Chubby Orango Tango has going for it is that the aftertaste reminds me of generic orange candy that you might find in a Piñata.  I can’t recommend this to anyone.  You could go to the store and pick up a Sunkist, chemicals and all, and it would taste much better than Chubby Orango Tango.  I’m going to throw an artistic fit now and claim that this soda has brought me such banal flavoring that I’m too distraught to continue this review.

~A

Twist is ashamed to be this close to mediocrity.

HEB Orange Burst

Video Review from Apr. 29, 2020. Written review (below) from Dec. 19, 2011.

Nothing says “It’s Winter” quite like an orange soda.  Actually several things purvey that it’s winter much better than an orange soda, but that doesn’t work very well as an introduction.  Who knows, maybe this review will inspire so many citizens of the Carbo-Nation that orange soda sales will skyrocket through the roof, setting a new trend in the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/ Ramadan/Holiday market.  The soda I’ll be reviewing today is from Sarzec, that’s not the company that’s the name of the gentleman who gave it to me.  He handed me a bottle of HEB Orange Burst Soda and said “have at it!”  What he really said was “I left you an orange soda in the break room fridge”, but “have at it!” seems so much more adventurous and free.  HEB as you may remember from earlier reviews is a grocery store chain in Texas.  They have their own soda brand, as so many stores do, but theirs is of a higher grade using “Pure Cane Sugar” instead of our old nemesis HFCS.  With that said let us now dive into HEB Orange Burst Soda and winter simultaneously.

Sweet, sweet orange.  The aroma this gives off when inhaled is that of a juicy orange combined with a glass of Tang.  It’s not a 100% natural smell by any means, but it still got my mouth to salivate.  I guess it’s the anticipation of that first orange soda to signify that winter has arrived. 

HEB Orange Burst is a very gentle orange soda.  When you first take a sip the orange flavoring is fairly weak and has hints of tangerine.  You can obviously taste that it’s an orange soda, but the BURST is definitely missing at this point.  It’s a fairly smooth soda with the carbonation level being a few strong attacks of tiny bubbled magic... like the kind reindeer use to fly.  Only after you finish consuming your sip does the orange really go to work.  As soon as the swallowing process begins the carbonation kick in and tickles the back of your throat disappearing as quickly as they arrived… like elves.  Then your mouth is left with nothing for a brief moment before a fantastic orange aftertaste takes over.  The aftertaste reminds me of a candy I had when I was a kid, but I haven’t be able to remember the name of it as of yet.  Let me just tell you that it’s a wonderful note to end a soda experience on… like carolers on a snowy night.  HEB Orange Burst soda is tasty, but some might feel the weak intro hurts it.  As for me I enjoyed the experience and leave you by saying, “HEB Orange Burst to all, and to all a good night!”

~A

P.S.

There are a few things that I never got from Santa growing up that I’m going to go ahead and put on my list here at the bottom.  Some of these might be a bit dated, so bear with me.

Crossfire – (You’ll get caught up in the Crossfire, Crossfire, CROSSFIRE! YEAH! YEAH!)

Power Wheels Jeep – I’m a bit large for this now, so I’ll take the adult version

Super Mario Bros. 2 – America’s fake version, not Japan’s real version

Baseball cards – Only the valuable ones though, thanks.

Grubby – of Teddy Ruxpin fame

Boglins and Blurp Balls – I had both of these, but I lost ‘em.  Promise I’ll take better care of them this time!

Thanks!

Aaron

Merry Twistmas!

Lester's Fixins - Buffalo Wing Soda

Today marks the end of my journey with Old 52, for the time being of course.  They supplied us with several bottles of soda to review and I’ve saved the most bizzare for last.  Cautiosly I stare at a bottle of Lester’s Fixins Buffalo Wing Soda remembering how accurate their Sweet Corn Soda tasted.  I know this is going to taste like liquid Buffalo wings, and I know that’s going to be interesting… and that’s as polite as I can say it.  On this bottle filled with orange liquid there is a picture of a Buffalo wing… just kinda laying there.  They aren’t trying to “fancy” it up; it’s just a Buffalo wing on a bottle of Buffalo wing soda.  They know what they’re doing, and they’re daring you to test it. Enough dawdling, let’s do this.

This.  Is.  Ridiculous.  It smells like Tony Chachere’s seasoning, which is a Cajun seasoning and a staple of many Southern foods.  If I pretend hard enough I think I can smell a bit of orange aroma in the background, but I’m pretty sure that’s just my brain trying to be nice to me.  All the while Lester just sits there on the bottle grinning at me, like he’s waiting on me to try it just so he can see my reaction for his own amusement.  As I’ve said so many times before… let’s amuse Lester.  It’s pretty much my catch phrase.

Ok, so I chickened out just a bit and took the tiniest of sips.  I could have sworn I got a granule of spice in between my teeth when I did it too.  The flavor I received wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t of this world either.  Time to dive in head first.  When it first hits your mouth it tastes a bit like orange soda and that sweetness grasps the inside of your mouth and hangs on even after you’re finished with your current gulp.  The Buffalo sauce flavoring swings in midway and finishes out the experience.  It’s almost like the orange is opening for the Buffalo.  Ever been to a concert where the opener is better than the main event… that’s Lester’s Buffalo Wing Soda.  I’m swishing it around my mouth as I type this wanting to say that it’s horrible, but it’s not.  Don’t get me wrong I’m never going to buy this for myself again, but I can actually drink it.  There’s a spicy kick at the end of each gulp that I would liken to ginger, but it’s not as over powering as ginger can be.  Originally I was going to heat this up and pour it over chicken, which I never bought, because I thought it would be so terrible I wouldn’t get past sip one.  Well I’ve almost finished half the bottle and all is going well.  My stomach is burning a bit, so the after effects (which won’t be listed here) might not be so nice.  Lester’s Buffalo Wing Soda walks that fine line between “prank soda” and “legitimate soda” but tips its hat more towards “prank”.  Of course I have to compare this to all the other sodas I’ve rated, but it’s not going to be as low as I thought it would be.  Malta Hatuey, Beverly, and even Lester’s Sweet Corn are far, far worse than this.  With that said, and my stomach burning and bubbling I leave you with this fun fact.

“Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo” is a working sentence.  Look it up!

~A

Iguana tastes nothing like Buffalo wings... the rumours are FALSE

Rocket Fizz - Gram's Cracker

In front of me I have another Rocket Fizz concoction.  The flavor is officially named Gram’s Cracker, but I think we can all assume that it’s a graham cracker flavored soda and not a cracker flavored soda made by a guy named Gram.  I knew a guy named Gram once, good guy, moving on.  I’m already a little sad to be drinking this soda because I’ve already had Rocket Fizz S’mores Soda which included what I think would be the same graham cracker finish.  Aside from that the S’mores soda also had hints of chocolate and marshmallow, leaving Gram’s Cracker with the remaining solitary flavor.  Are three flavors better than one?  Well the Party Rock themed review I wrote a few days ago would tell you that isn’t always true.   I have a task ahead of me though, so let’s get to it shall we?

Maybe I spoke too soon.  I can unequivocally, yup, went there, say that this smells very strongly of graham cracker, much more so than the S’mores soda did.  Rocket Fizz Gram’s Cracker also smells a bit like burnt cake, but this isn’t off putting by any means.  Let’s see if this would make good ol’ Reverend Graham happy as a substitute for his age old crackers.

Bizzare.  This seems like something I would end up trying at my local carnival.  The graham cracker taste is most certainly there, but I’m not sure I would identify it as such if I didn’t know the flavor I was imbibing.  This has a cream soda taste mostly with a graham cracker finish.  Oddly enough the taste reminds me of those little boxes of animal crackers you’d find at the grocery store.  No, not the bubble shaped ones where you can’t tell hippo from hawk.  I’m taking about Barnum’s Animal Crackers, the one with the actual string handle.  The carbonation level is adequate.  Hey there’s a spider crawling across my shirt.  That’s a little freaky, one sec as I peacefully remove him.  Ok, back.  As I was saying, the carbonation levels aren’t anything to write home about, they blend rather seamlessly into the soda drinking experience.  My biggest qualm is actually how sugary this soda is.  S’mores soda didn’t taste as sweet as this, and without chocolate and marshmallow I’m not sure why Gram’s Cracker reaches this level of sweetness.  There you have it.  Rocket Fizz Gram’s Cracker is somewhat graham cracker flavored, somewhat animal cracker flavored, and somewhat cream soda flavored, all while being too sweet.

~A

One of Twist's middle names is Gram.

Fentimans Cherrytree Cola

Everyday I’m shuffin’… through the bottles in my fridge to figure out which one to review.  I wish one would just jump out at me.  LMFAO!  I can’t believe Old 52 sent us a bottle of Fentimans Cherrytree Cola!  For your information Fentimans Cherrytree Cola is a Fermented Botanical Cherry Drink with Ginger and Herbal Extracts.  That’s what the label says anyway.  This isn’t a level of fermentation though that would keep anyone of any age from purchasing it legally.  I’ve always liked the look of Fentimans bottles and the use of the Cherrytree Records logo (the two companies are linked by this drink) is a great addition.  It’s like the bottle is sexy and it knows it.  Fun fact from Wikipedia:  Cherrytree Records was founded by a Martin Kierszenbaum.  Funner fact from Wikipedia: Kierszenbaum (Kirs zen baum) is German for Cherry Tree.  This beverage in front of me is certainly a higher end soda as it uses cane sugar and ginger root as two of its ingredients.  Let’s see if it’s just as fun to drink as it is to look at.  Everybody just have a good time!

It’s not the strongest aroma you’ll smell, but a good whiff of Fentimans Cherrytree Cola will tell you they aren’t lying about the flavor.  The scent is more of a rich aroma than it is a pungent one.  I can tell there’s a lot going into the soda I’m about to upend into my mouth.  So come to my table, and take a sip.

Unique, I’ll give it that.  I don’t initially think of cherry cola when I’m drinking it which is odd.  The ginger is more overpowering than I thought it would be, but it doesn’t mask the cherry flavor to the point of vanishing.  This shares in the cherry flavoring better than Reed’s Cherry Ginger Brew and that was primarily a cherry beverage where this is a cherry cola.  This certainly tastes fermented a bit, and I’m not positive that’s working too well with the cola.  The cola base is very strong, but is held back by the constant reminder that you have two other flavors to deal with.  Fentimans Cherrytree Cola is like a dance battle in your mouth.  First you have Cola who steps up and reminds you why you joined this crowd of people to watch these random dancers.  He’s good, but not amazing, still worth your time though.  Then Fermented Cherry, or FC, jumps in and kicks Cola in the leg… breaking it.  You immediately don’t like him because he’s already a bit of a jerk (not the good kind), but you still watch in hopes that he’ll be entertaining.  Just as FC starts to grow on you his partner Ginger jumps in and makes the whole scene annoying.  She’s up in your face, screaming at you to “Take it to the Hole”, trying to get you to cheer more for her boy FC, but you’re just not having it.  All you really want is Cola to come back alone and dance or maybe just partner with FC.  Like many dance battles there’s just one too many players here for it to be completely enjoyable.  Remove one and you’d have either a smooth cherry cola, or a fun ginger cola.  Ok, I need to stop.  Hatin’ is bad.  I’m still going to suggest you buy a bottle as it’s a unique soda that I feel should be tried at least once, but I’m not promising it’ll be a night you won’t forget.  As for me… well I just kinda wish I had a Hot Dog.

~A (I work out)

Twist is NOT sorry for party rockin'

Rocket Fizz - Mud Pie

When I picked up this bottle of Old 52 supplied soda I had one question.  What is a mud pie?  My wife said they were treats that composed of chocolate and marshmallows, and then showed me such a treat in the store.  “Huzzah!” I thought to myself, or I said allowed in the store… who knows depending on my mood.  Then later someone reminded me of a Mississippi Mud Pie which is a super chocolaty pie with chocolate filling and crust.  “Huzzah!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, which was rather awkward since we were at the dry cleaners.  As you may have guessed, and I’m saddened if you haven’t, today’s soda is mud pie flavored.  To be more specific the soda of the day is Rocket Fizz Mud Pie soda.  Rocket Fizz has surprised me so far in how good their oddly flavored sodas tasted.  Today they won’t be able to get the sneak attack on me as I’m ready for this to be tasty.  The soda itself is dark amber which give me hope in the amount of chocolate I’ll taste.  Older readers, those of you who have been diligent in following us not those of you over a certain age, may remember when we were on the search for a non-diet chocolate soda.  Well we eventually found one, but it was pretty hit or miss.  Hopefully Rocket Fizz Mud Pie is a more consistent contender.  Let’s find out, shall we?

I’m a little off put by the lack of chocolate scent hitting the inner workings of my nose.  I can smell it, but I really have to pull it in.  For some reason I’m getting more coffee than chocolate, but if I remember correctly that’s how S’mores soda started off as well.  So all is not lost just yet.  On with the tasting!

Whelp, I’m saddened.  Just as the scent warned this tastes more of coffee, mocha really, than it does chocolate.  This is a shame as I’m not a fan of coffee at all.  You can tell they didn’t mean for it to taste like coffee as I said it does at least have the rumblings of mocha.  If this was truly a coffee soda I wouldn’t still be drinking it for this review.  I’m pretty sure the review would say “Gross.  Coffee Soda.  Run Away”.  I’m not really sure why I capitalized every word in that fake review, but that’s a path we’ll have to wonder about later.  The carbonation I’m greeted with here is light, but noticeable.  At least they went the right route when choosing the amount of bubbly to put into this lie.  I can’t imagine a heavily carbonated coffee/chocolate soda; both of those things need a smoother mouth-feel than other sodas in my opinion.  So now I sit here contemplating what to rate Rocket Fizz Mud Pie.  On one hand I could probably finish this bottle, on the other I feel that the flavor listed is a lie.  I’m sorry Rocket Fizz, but you had the chance to really knock something out of the park this time.  Instead as I threw you the pitch you pulled out a tennis racket.

~A

Twist makes a mean mud pie.

Howdy - Lemon Lime

Howdy!  Not hello, hi, how are you, ‘sup, or anything else.  I’ve greeted people this way for years now.  Heck I said it so much it was my nickname for a while.  Some might say it’s because I’m a Texan, but a lot of Texan’s don’t say “Howdy”.  I guess it sounds just a bit too country for them.  My grandfather used to say “Howdy Do”, which of course is short for “How do you do?”  I’ve always felt that “Howdy” sounded friendlier than other greetings and my time at Texas A&M proved that to me.  People would greet one another on campus with a friendly “Howdy” even if the recipient was a stranger.  So you see, whenever you label something with the word “Howdy” you’re already in my good graces.  Today’s soda, once again supplied to us by Old 52, is Howdy Lemon Lime.  From the research I’ve done I learned that Howdy Lemon Lime is the original 7up formula.  The bottle even says “The Taste that made Lemon Lime Famous”.  Frequent or observant readers of the site may remember that 7up is my favorite lemon-lime soda of the big 3.  So now we have a soda with one of my all-time favorite words that’s also the original formula for one of my favorite mainstream lemon lime sodas.  Howdy has been around since 1920 and of course is made with pure cane sugar.  Enough chatter, this green glass bottle is starting to sweat out of nervousness that I’m not going to drink it.

Howdy Lemon Lime has a strong citrusy aroma.  My nose can sense that this may be sourer than I originally thought.  The sweetness lilts in my nose after the sour has dissipated.  Congratulations Howdy, your scent has made me thirsty. 

There is certainly more lime in here than I bargained for and I love it.  So often when a soda is labeled with being flavored lemon-lime you get a generic citrus taste where each flavor can’t be discerned.  Howdy Lemon Lime breaks that mold and allows you to taste both the lemon and the lime individually.  I’m sure using lime juice and lime oil help this cause tremendously as it’s the lemon that’s usually too overpowering for its green brethren.  Carbonation wise it fizzes just enough to tickle the tonsils (or back of the throat if you’re tonsil free) on its way down.  Lime steps out first shocking your senses, making you wonder about lemon.  As lime drifts away lemon steps up and socks you in the face leaving you licking your lips tasting the sour fruit.  Howdy Lemon Lime both improves my mood and makes me sad.  I’m happy for all of the reasons listed above.  I’m saddened because this is what 7up could have been today.  With all that said color me pleased to have tasted Howdy Lemon Lime.

~A

Twist says "Howdy", do you?

Rocket Fizz - Green Apple Jalapeno

Oh hi, didn’t see you there!  This is Aaron… you know, the Soda Jerk.  Today I have the great fortune of drinking a soda from our old buddies at Old 52.  They aren’t called Old 52 because they’re our old buddies; life is just funny like that sometimes.  Any-doodle, Old 52 has sent us this delicious bottle of Rocket Fizz Green Apple Soda!  Mmmm MMMM!  Being our old buddies, Old 52 knows how much I love green apple soda, especially when it's sweetened with cane sugar.  This is apparently some sort of Mexican green apple soda because it has some sort of funny word after the flavor “Green Apple”.  The funny word printed on the bottle is Jalapeno.  Have you ever heard of anything so crazy?  I haven’t.  Crazy!  Any-scoot, I took German in High School like the good little Texan I am, so you and I can experience this crazy ride called Rocket Fizz Green Apple Jalapeno (tee hee, it still makes me giggle) together.  Bottoms up!

Yowza!  That certainly smells like our old friend Green Apple!  It’s like picking a green apple off the tree and slicing it open like a red delicious apple.  Something spooky is going on here though.  Every time I smell it the inside of my nose parts feel a little burning sensation.  Ah well, that must be the fresh mountain air that was used to grow these delicious green creatures.  Time for drinkin!

What the French, toast!   It seems our “old friends” at Old 52 have pulled the wool over our eyes!  Rocket Fizz Green Apple Jalapeno does have the delicious, delicious taste of fresh grown green apples, but after that it goes straight to heck… literally!  After I felt my thirst was quenched the back of my throat burst into flames causing enough pain to really cheese me off!  I guess this is what Jalapeno means in Spanish… trick soda!  As much as it hurts me I still go back to it so that I might enjoy the green apple flavoring they nailed down so well you’d swear it was glued.  RASPBERRIES, THAT STINGS!  Each flipping sip is followed up by the fires of Mordor, and just when I think I’m getting used to it the flames flare up once again making me regret my last decision.  I thought that the carbonation bubbles were also my old friends, but they don’t seem be on my side either.  The bubbles just kind of add more sizzle to the flame.  Is no one on my side?  Oh yeah, the green apple is!  One second while I go use the internet then double check my information on the encyclopedia, one can never be too safe, on what a Jalapeno is.

Well shoot me in the face with a sling shot of mud.  Did you know a Jalapeno is a pepper?  Now that I think about it every time they talked about them in the show Gargoyles they were in a rather “spicy” situation.  It just goes to show you that you can never doubt Goliath.  With that said who would ruin a perfectly good soda with a pepper… especially when you can’t even taste the pepper itself, just the heat.  I think if I were to make this soda again I’d probably add more jalapeno flavoring to it and not worry so much about the burn factor, but what do I know… I’m just a bear.

~A

You'll never find something more fiery than Twist.

Lemmy Sparkling Lemonade

I didn’t feel like thinking today so the soda I picked should make for a simple review.  Again we dip into the stash sent to us by Old 52 General Store.  From said stash I have pulled out Lemmy Sparkling Lemonade.  This should be easy, right?  Lemmy has been around since 1939, and judging by the art style their creepy lemon mascot has made that journey right along with them.  A couple of notes about the ingredients, it is noted that Lemmy is both made with cane sugar and real lemon juice.  So perhaps the drop of drool coming out of the creepy mascot lemon’s mouth is warranted.  I may make several more mentions of this creepy mascot, who I can only assume is Lemmy, but I’d still happily tote some merchandise with him on it.  The side of the bottle reads as such:  Since 1939 Lemmy is the original sparkling lemonade drink.  For the taste of fresh squeezed lemons, just say “Lemme have a Lemmy”.  Now that the bottle has told us what to expect flavor wise I think it’s time to find out if Lemmy is a liar.

Lemmy Sparkling Lemonade both looks and smells like lemonade.  That’s an insanely boring sentence, but it is what it is.  I will say that it’s a rather fresh burst of lemon that you get when you smell the bottle opening; hopefully the flavor is equally enjoyable.

They should call this “Shimmering Lemonade” instead of “Sparkling Lemonade” as the carbonation level is very low.  I’m not even sure most would realize this was carbonated at all if it didn’t say so on the bottle.  Only at the end of each swig do the carbonation bubbles make an appearance, lightly dancing on my molars.  The lemonade flavor is just that.  I wouldn’t say that this tastes like fresh squeezed lemons, as that would be much tarter than Lemmy tastes.  Then again I’ve never understood why any beverage would say that it tasted like fresh squeezed lemons… oranges maybe, but lemons?  You’d be drinking straight lemon juice, and that’d be pretty terrible after a while for most.  Thankfully Lemmy tastes like above average lemonade.  Lemmy’s tart to sweet ratio is right on the money, neither one outdoing the other.  Overall Lemmy gets the job done.  It’s nice to drink on a warm November day like today (82 degrees btw), or a cool November night like tonight (low of 48).  I like Lemmy more than I initially thought I would.  I wasn’t expecting lemonade of this quality, and even though the bubbles are few and far between they do just enough to set this apart from normal lemonade.  Way to go Lemmy!  Now stop looking at me like that.

~A

One guess where Lemmy got that pose.

Jic Jac - Blue Raspberry

Today’s drink is a vibrant blue color, and everyone knows that if it’s blue it MUST be raspberry flavored.  I’ve ranted about my hatred of blue raspberry before so for the sake of Old 52, who supplied us with this soda, I’ll refrain.  Jic Jac Blue Raspberry is the official name of the soda at hand, but according to the label all I need to do is “Just Say” Jic Jac.  It’s a nice simple slogan on an even easier logo.  It’s very retro looking and coupled with a fun name like Jic Jac it moves it into the top 5 for me… logo wise.  Of course Jic Jack Blue Raspberry is made with cane sugar, but what I didn’t expect to see in the ingredients was raspberry extracts.  It’s rare that I actually see the word “raspberry” on anything raspberry flavored anymore.  So maybe my initial judging was a bit too harsh.  Let’s find out, shall we?

Ok, so the smell makes me a little more excited as well.  The aroma alone from the drink portrays that it’s both sweet and sour.  It also tells me that what I’m about to taste is similar to raspberries.  I know, I know, a raspberry soda should smell like raspberries… sadly that is not the case most times.  Usually a raspberry soda smells more like random candies than raspberries.  While Jic Jac does smell of candy the raspberry smell is what first catches and holds onto your olfactory glands.  Taste time!

There’s the sour, and there’s… the… sweet.  The sweet took a little longer than I thought to reach my taste buds.  Jic Jac Blue Raspberry soda is fairly average.  Initially you’re greeted with candy raspberry flavoring touched with sour.  As you move the soda around in your mouth the sour intensifies up until it makes its way down your gullet.  After the soda leaves your mouth the sour sensation dissipates into sweetness, that while slight, reminds me of cotton candy.  My favorite part of this journey is when Jic Jac is residing upon your tongue getting more intense by the second.  It sits in there like an angry hive of bees, rasp-bee-ries if you will.  These rasp-bee-ries don’t like to be shaken, but who does?  With each swish of your mouth they begin to sting your tongue.  Fed up with having your tongue stung you swallow, only to have them scrape the back of your throat as they perish.  Such is the life of a rasp-bee-ry.  Only with a burp do the haunting spirits of the rasp-bee-ries get to give their final farewell.  Even though I just likened Jic Jac Blue Raspberry to having a mouth haunted with magical ghost bees I stick by my original assessment that it’s average.  Nothing about it blew me away, but I wouldn’t mind trying other Jic Jac flavors.  I could be biased due to the fact that we’re talking about a blue raspberry soda, then again I could be spot on.  I guess the only way you’ll know is if you… (see what I’m doing here)

~A

Twist always questions his own mortality when put next to something blue