JOIA Lime Hibiscus and Clove

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One of Twist's middle names is "Poppin"

Oh JOIA, how your flavors challenge me.  It seems to always be three flavors with one of them being normal, one being different, and a final one that’s just odd.  Today’s feature is JOIA Lime Hibiscus and Clove.  Lime, good old lime.  I like lime soda it’s usually pretty tasty.  Clove is in here too?  Ok, I’ve had a couple of clove flavored items in my life.  I also used to push them into apples for Christmas decorations.  What’s this?  Hibiscus?  That’s a flower.  While I’ve had a few sodas with hibiscus included, that’s still not enough for my mind to make this a regular flavor of soda...natural ingredients or not.

What am I supposed to do, take a sip and say “oh man the hibiscus in this is poppin’?”  Perhaps if my tastebuds were smarter.  I like to think I still have the common man’s taste buds.  I don’t use words like “node” when describing a scent.  Then again I could probably improve at my descriptions, but that’s for another time.  For now my job is to drink JOIA Lime Hibiscus and Clove.

For being a lime soda it does have somewhat of a flowery aroma.  The clove is also easily identified with each sniff I take.  In fact the lime seems to be riding in the middle of back seat on the hump with his sisters to either side of him.

OH MAN THAT HIBISCUS IS POPPIN’!  It’s not, but I can at least discern the hibiscus flavor from the clove and lime.   While the lime gave off the lightest scent it has taken full command of the taste.  He might be riding in the middle of the back seat, but he’s got control of the radio.  After the initial burst of lime the sweet hibiscus and clove briefly swing by and make a polite appearance.  Quickly saying their goodbyes the girls saunter off allowing their brash younger brother to continue talking.  It’s quite the delicate flavor experience, but their story is told particularly well.

The carbonation is only strong enough to keep this soda from seeming flat.  Microscopically small bubbles rush down the back of my throat with each gulp; just creating a friendly reminder of their existence.

So there you have it.  JOIA Lime Hibiscus and Clove is really a lime soda plus.  The added flavors sweeten the experience and briefly refreshed my palate.  Even though I’m a huge fan of most any lime soda it was nice to have a bit of intermission built in to each sip.  

~A

JOIA Ginger Apricot and Allspice

How’s the old saying go?  JOIA, JOIA everywhere, and lots of flavors to drink?  I’m pretty sure that’s accurate.  Once again I have a bottle of JOIA in front of me.  This time it’s flavor is listed as Ginger, Apricot, and Allspice.  Three ingredients I enjoy, but never even thought about combining.  As with all JOIA beverages the flavors listed in the title are easily found in the ingredient list along with a host of other natural tastes.  You see, JOIA is an all natural soda with nothing artificial.  This allows me to expect every flavor combination to be at least above average, hopefully this bottle will meet those expectations.

The allspice and ginger are the strongest scents out of the mouth of the bottle.  It’s an aroma that I wouldn’t mind filling up my house.  Perhaps JOIA should start a candle business on the side.  I’d buy one.

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Twist actually won Wrestlemania XII, but was disqualified and had to give up the belt.

Son of a gun, that first impression is a delightful one.  Immediately I see why ginger and allspice were the two scents greeting me from the get go.  Each sip I take is like watching them wrestle for dominance.  

Ginger punches Allspice in the throat, but Allspice recovers and jumps onto Ginger from the ropes.  Rolling out of the way, Ginger connects with Allspices kidney.  Allspice hits the mat and Ginger goes on top for the pin.  ONE, TWO, THR… Allspice is able to kick out of it, but rolls out of the ring in a daze.  Ginger charges after knowing that Allspice is weakened, but what’s this?  A chair clocks Ginger across the face.  HE’S NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT!  HE’S NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT! Ginger hits the mat unconscious and Allspice pins him down.  ONE, TWO, TH… a bottle is thrown from an unknown location knocking Allspice out.  The two spices are still in the middle of the ring.  Who threw the bottle?  It was Apricot.

That’s pretty much what my experience is like.  It’s a lot of spice fighting amongst the bubbles and I kind of forgot that there is even supposed to be an apricot flavor.  Then somewhere in the aftertaste I remembered.  While the spices were nice change of pace at first now they are starting to tire out my taste buds.  I want more of the fruit and less of the spice.  It’s no longer a refreshing beverage because of these uneven levels.  Perhaps if Apricot had been given the chance at the title he would have brought his A game.

~A

Kazouza Watermelon

I ate some insane hot sauce today, 357 Mad Dog if you’re curious.  It was a rather painful experience, but I knew I had a soda review that needed to be written as well.  Sadly I had to wait until the hot sauce heat had worn off because I didn’t want to grant extra points for relieving pain.  So here we are, me a little bit smarter and you waiting for a review.  Today’s soda was purchased by you with your donations, I thank you.  What you bought me was Kazouza Watermelon Soda.  Checking out the ingredients I see this was made in Lebanon and contains 5% juice.  It also contains the “Esters of Wood Rosins”, so I got that to look forward to.  Let’s just get to it.

Watermelon scent slyly finds its way out of the bottle, hardly noticeable unless you’re looking for it.  There’s something off putting about the aroma as well, sort of a sickly scent.  I’m hoping that doesn’t translate its way into the taste.

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Watermelon was the first currency used among iguanas.  Twist at one point controlled 6% of all watermelons. 

There is a light fizz to this refreshing watermelon soda.  It’s a fairly natural taste with a differing sweetness than you’d find in an actual fruit.  Watermelons are actually nauseating to me due to their cloyingly sweet taste, yet Kazouza Watermelon allows me to enjoy watermelon flavor without wanting to retch. 

Helping keep the soda from clinging to my teeth is the cane sugar it’s sweetened with.  While I do end up with some aftertaste I’m primarily given a clean finish with each sip.  It may take a few extra seconds, but ultimately the taste vanishes allowing for a soda that doesn’t built upon itself and overpower.

Kazouza Watermelon is alright.  I’m not going to run out and buy a ton of it because, as stated before, I don’t like watermelon.  If you like the taste of watermelon then I think you’d enjoy this soda.  Unfortunately for Kazouza my dislike of watermelon is going to come through in the rating of this soda.  Just keep that in mind, will you?

This soda was supplied to us by YOU!  Your donations allowed for us to purchase this for review. Thank you!

Route 66 Lime Soda

You can either read 500 something reviews or this next sentence to catch up.  I like lime soda.  So when I was presented the funds (from you) to buy my own sodas of course I picked a lime flavored one.  Route 66 Lime Soda to be exact.  The bottle even says “Chosen by Soda jerks Every Time”.  If that’s not some sort of sign I don’t know what is.  The ingredient list is mostly chemical, but this is sweetened with “real” cane sugar so it has that going for it.  Above the ingredients is what I assume to be a “stopping point” on Route 66.  Today’s stopping point is the Chain of Rocks Bridge.  It’s over 5353 feet long and was constructed in 1929.  I’d tell you more about it, but I don’t want to spoil the ending.  What I do want to do is taste this anti-freeze green soda.

Route 66 Lime Soda smells of lime candy with a hint of cleaning product.  Preferably it will taste like lime candy and the cleaning product aroma will just add a needed kick to the mouth feel.  Bottoms up!

There’s more of a bitter taste to this soda than I anticipated.  Needless to say it cuts down on the potential to be candy sweet, but in doing so keeps the flavor more in the natural realm.  With that said, this is definitely not lime juice soda.  The sugar just takes a moment to get up and running before it can chase the mild bitterness away.  A bit of a syrupy texture is left on my teeth as I continue to consume this soda.  It’s not all that bothersome, but I’d rather do without it.  All in all I’m finding Route 66 Lime Soda to be rather average.  It tastes alright, but even as a lime lover I’d rather an average [insert fruit here] soda over this one. 

Caught somewhere between trying to be candy and trying to taste like lime, Route 66 Lime Soda just ends up being forgettably good.  If you just want a lime soda and you see this, then grab a bottle.  If you want a fruit flavored soda then just go for what looks best in your cup holder.

~A

This soda was brought to us by YOU!  The donations you supplied were used to purchase it!

R-Pep

Anything mainstream has a knock off version of it.  Take it from the kid who was playing with Go-Bots instead of Transformers.  As I’m sure you’re aware, this especially rings true in the soda world where a multitude of “coke like colas” are out there.  Another flavor you see multitudes of is Dr Pepper.  Today’s beverage, I’m assuming, is a Dr Pepper “inspired” soda.  I’m guessing this because it’s called R-Pep.  What would you think it was?  It’s made with chemicals and cane sugar so it’s at least trying. 

My personal favorite part of this simple labeled soda is that the slogan is “Make it Yours!”   If this truly is “inspired” by Dr Pepper then those words could not ring truer.  Make this other popular flavor yours.  Who knows though?  Perhaps I’ll open this up and it won’t taste a thing like Dr Pepper.  Perhaps I’ll look like an ass because of it.  Either way, it’s time to find out.

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Twist was once a doctor in a small Midwestern town.

It smells somewhat like the Dr, but a different scent lingers as well.  A strong caramel sensation seems to be making itself noticed.  Maybe this is what will keep R-Pep from being a knock off and make me play the fool.

So I may not be playing the fool, but I’m at least his understudy.  R-Pep is good, but I could easily tell the two apart due to a couple of things that R-Pep does differently.  This is certainly creamier than Dr Pepper and the carbonation levels are lower here.  These differences allow R-Pep to be smoother than the already self-proclaimed smooth Dr.  There is also a heavier dose of vanilla used in R-Pep which just exaggerates the previously made point.  Overall it’s a pretty dang tasty beverage and even though it’s exactly what I thought it would be, it’s not.

Anyone can make a halfhearted attempt to copy someone, causing the result to taste halfhearted.  When a company makes a soda like R-Pep you at least know they were trying.  A lover of Dr Pepper had an idea of how to make it better, so they put forth the time and energy to do so.  Ultimately this created a different enough soda that it should be allowed to stand alone, but sadly will always be compared.  Just ask Pepsi how that’s worked out for them.  Dr Pepper’s only competitor is Pibb and if you ask me that’s not much of a competitor.  R-Pep is better than Pibb and sizes up well against its “inspiration”.  Sure it’s sweeter, more vanilla-y, and smoother, but that’s what makes it special.  If you find a bottle in your neck of the woods you should give it a try.

~A

This soda was given to us by YOU!  Your donations made this review possible, so THANKS!

Swamp Pop Praline Cream Soda

Well, I’ve saved what I think will be the best Swamp Pop flavor for last.  Swamp Pop Praline Cream Soda sits in front of me complete with a tiny picture of pecans (pronounced puh-konz if you care to be a friend of mine).  I’m curious as to how candy like this cream soda will be.  Will it be extra sweet with a caramel finish?  Will it have a nutty flavor with a hint of cream?  I genuinely haven’t the slightest of clues, so let’s find out shall we?

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Twist loves himself some pralines. His original recipe included crickets though.

Judging by the aroma it seems they went the caramel route.  So rich it almost has a texture, a sweet/salty scent flows easily out of the mouth of the bottle and just hangs.  By smell alone I can tell you this is a dessert beverage and I’m guessing a dang fine one. 

Son of a gun.  Chocolate, caramel, cream, coffee, pecan, and a touch of dirty livin’ made this soda.  This is a wonderful combination of all the flavors listed.  Initially the taste starts off smooth and nonchalant, but a caramel coffee sensation rolls across my tongue and does it’s best to prepare me for what’s to come.  Its delightful warning is followed by a somewhat bitter chocolate taste that rushes by with pecans in hand.  Like a streaker running past, you know you saw something, but it all happened so fast you can’t create a very accurate mental picture of the naked person.  The carbonation is fairly light, letting all of the tastes show their stuff. 

Behind all of this is the cream, because after all it is a cream soda.  This cream keeps the flavor consistent throughout its ever changing textures.  You may have noticed that I also included “dirty livin” as a flavor.  By that I just mean you can taste the work, effort, and dirty hands that it took to come up with this one.  I’m not sure I can find a weakness in this soda. 

What’s impressive to me is that with all of those flavors the beverage doesn’t feel heavy.  I’ve finished this bottle and could easily drink more.  Not something I expected after getting a scent of what I was about to drink. 

So it seems I made the right decision leaving Praline Cream Soda for last.  Overall I’m very impressed with the Swamp Pop line up as they give us familiar tastes, but with a Louisiana touch.  If you have the chance, you definitely need to pick up a bottle.

~A

This soda supplied to us by Swamp Pop

A “Twist’s Choice” Recipient

Swamp Pop Satsuma Fizz

So I put forth a poll last night on which Swamp Pop flavor to drink next.  The results were overwhelmingly in favor of Satsuma Fizz.  100% of voters picked the beverage so it must be good.  Technically the folks at Pops 66 were the only ones to vote, but doggone it they did and I’m going to listen to them.  A Satsuma, if you are unaware, is a little sweet orange.  I’m actually quite surprised I’ve never had a Satsuma soda before as I think the flavor would translate rather nicely.  There is only one somewhat odd ingredient in this soda and that is Beta Carotene.  It’s not really going to affect anything, I just thought it was interesting.  Onward!

Satsuma Fizz was Twist's name when he was hustlin' pool.  If you were scammed by a Satsuma Fizz though it was probably a different iguana.

Ooohwee, it’s a tart little orange soda judging by the scent.  Thankfully there is also a sweet aroma mixed in, but it really does seem like the citrus side of Satsuma will be the one to shine.

That is truly a realistic tasting orange soda.  The natural sweetness of the titled ingredient is quite prevalent, but not so much that you’d mistake this for sugary nonsense.  So many orange sodas are sugary nonsense making Swamp Pop the newest member of the sparsely populated “unique orange soda” clique.  Hopefully RootJack doesn’t bother him too much.

A burst of tart orange takes over my mouth just short of it feeling like I’m biting into the fruit itself.  Only once the sharp yet light carbonation gets out of the way do you experience any sort of taste resembling candy.  Well timed, this happens at the end of each sip, allowing my taste buds to go on a pleasant journey each time I draw the bottle to my mouth.  This might be the shortest review I’ve written on a soda I really enjoy.  I won’t over complicate what is a simple enjoyment with more words.  Well, maybe four more.

~A

This soda was supplied to us by Swamp Pop

Swamp Pop Jean Lafitte Ginger Ale

Ever had a soda named after a French Pirate?  Me either.  If that’s some sort of goal you hold than today’s review may interest you.   Swamp Pop’s Jean Lafitte Ginger Ale is what’s on the table today and the name alone excites me.  The ingredient list is still pretty vague, but their Noble Cane Cola was of a high enough quality I trust their ginger ale will follow suit.  Time to crack open this pale golden beverage and get to typing.

For being a ginger ale this smells fairly citrusy.  Of course the spiced aroma you’d expect is there, but the hint of citrus seems a bit out of place.  Perhaps my smeller has gone awry.  No matter as it’s my tongues turn to test.

Ok, so there’s a picture of what I can assume is an ingredient on the label.  I don’t know what I assumed it was, but after tasting this I can tell you that it displays slices of cucumber.  This was abundantly brought to my attention with my first taste.  As someone who is not fond of cucumber the distinct flavor hit my palate like a ton of bricks, but was quickly followed up with the fiery sensation of ginger root. 

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Twist is actually fathered the iguana that traveled with Jean Lafitte.  Small world.

Now having enjoyed cucumber sodas before, I was taken aback by the inclusion of the vegetable.  That said, this combination works quite well together.  The crisp taste of cucumber (a word I really didn’t expect to use at all in this review) is a bit muddled by the star of the show known as ginger, but that’s to be expected when “ginger” is on the bottle.  I am amused that not a single label mentions that this has a cucumber flavor.  You are to rely on its portrait and if I was a smarter man I’d have seen it coming from a mile away.  Why else would you put such a nonsensical picture on the bottle? 

The carbonation knows its role as it intensifies the heat given off by the ginger, but doesn’t get in the way of the flavors.  Once again I’m finding a Swamp Pop soda a little bit clingy in its aftertaste.  Thankfully this taste isn’t a bad one; it just lingers a bit longer than I’d care for it to.  That coupled with my dislike of cucumber will keep this from being rated crazy high.  It’s clearly an above average soda though and I’d recommend it to anyone that loves soda, cucumber, or ginger ales in general.

I really like Swamp Pop as a company.  They’re taking every day flavors found in sodas and truly making them their own.  Do my taste buds love every second of every sip?  No, but I can still appreciate the work put into this.  I haven’t tried the remaining two flavors yet, but I’m genuinely excited to do so.

~A

This soda supplied to us by Swamp Pop

Swamp Pop Noble Cane Cola

As a Texan there are two states we primarily make fun of, Oklahoma and Louisiana.  Now don’t get your feathers in a ruffle if you’re from one of those states as I’m sure you make fun plenty of Texas, heck the entire country does at some time or another.  Today’s soda is Louisiana based and in different circumstances I’d probably poke fun, but in the case of Swamp Pop Noble Cane Cola I think I’ll play nice.  My primary reason for playing nice is that the makers of Swamp Pop are showing state pride in the naming of their beverage.  The swamps of Louisiana are a well-known property of the state and I just can’t fault anyone for loving their state so much they worked it into the name of their product.  Since they’re practically putting their state on the label I can only hope they take the same pride and put it into their soda.

Swamp Pop Noble Cane Cola has a very retro label.  When I say “retro” in this case I mean it looks like something you’d see in a general store of years past.  At least one of the ingredients is from years past as well.  Obviously as a “cane cola” Swamp Pop is sweetened with Louisiana cane sugar.  A few other ingredients that make up this soda include sodium benzoate, Quillaja extract, and “natural flavors”.  So you see Swamp Pop isn’t an all-natural soda, but they’re certainly not run of the mill either.  Hopefully that will translate into the taste.

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Twist on his porch enjoying a cool bottle of Swamp Pop

Well they’ve already found favor with me in using the pop-top method rather than twist off.  Cola sno-cone is the aroma I’m getting when I place my nostril to the mouth of the bottle.  It’s an interesting scent with a hint of spearmint.  My excitement is rising to try this potentially unique cola.

Well that’s kind of fun.  The Quillaja extract, something I’ve never run into before, is giving Noble Cane Cola a taste that is uncommon to any cola I’ve had.  While a cola at heart, I’m getting a rather dirty, rooty taste as well.  Don’t take “dirty” as a negative; it’s just a rather raw earthy taste with the smallest hints of a licorice twist at the end.  Thankfully the carbonation is a background player in this performance, keeping the mouth-feel rather smooth for a cola.  This allows me to easily take in the flavors presented before me.

My mouth is left with a bit of a flavored coating, but since it mirrors the original taste I have no qualms with that.  It really is a strange cola, but it gets me excited to try more of their line up as it shows they really want to have a different product on the market.  So many colas are just knock-offs that are trying to get into an already over populated taste type.  Swamp Pop Noble Cane Cola didn’t even try to taste like the other guys and took a risk in doing so.  Personally I think the risk was worth it.  Sure, it’s a little syrupy and the flavor might not agree with all cola enthusiasts, but all in all this is a pretty solid soda.

~A

Edit:  The flavor was FIGS!  I went to their website to double check something and found out that this cola is flavored with figs.  Wow, I'm happy I went into this blind, but I feel like I led you astray.  Ah well, now you know...well those of you who read reviews twice.

This soda was supplied to us by Swamp Pop

Gross Gus's Pimple Pop

I’ve never met Alice and Diane, but if I did I’d cautiously hug them.  I’d hug them because they’ve been so very kind to purchase sodas for me to review just on the knowledge that I enjoy doing so.  I’d hug them cautiously because even though they seem to be kind ladies they always present me with an “interesting” soda to try.  Take today’s soda for example.  I’m about to drink a soda called Pimple Pop by Gross Gus and somewhere Alice and Diane are laughing at me.  That’s ok; it’s the best kind of soda… free.  Now of course Pimple Pop isn’t puss flavored soda, it’s marshmallow.  Why does a marshmallow soda need to exist?  Let’s find out together shall we, but before that one thing.  I know of zero people that pronounce it marshMALLOW.  Everyone I know says marshMELLO.  How do you pronounce it and where are you from?  Send your answers to the Nickelodeon Studios and you could win a trip to Orlando, Florida!

Hnnnggg, that’s a sweet smelling soda.  I mean it’s a sugar sweetened soda, but jeez.  Marshmallow essence (chemicals) have certainly been liquefied and poured into this bottle.  Going by smell alone I’m not really sure if I’m ready to experience this.  Curse you Alice and Diane.  Curse you and your kindness.

Twist is dismayed by what's before him

Surprise!  I don’t particularly like liquid chemical marshmallows.  In other news, Gross Gus (an Indian Wells Brewing Co. brand) makes a fairly realistic marshmallow soda.  The carbonation is at the proper level to keep this soda from being too syrupy while allowing to it to bite the back of your throat.  Truthfully, this could be confused as a cream soda that just went a bit heavy on the cream and then decided to pour nonsense into the ingredient vat.  One aspect I did not expect to find is the “diet” taste that greets me at the beginning of each sip.  I assume that’s a result of the ingredients used. 

An almost fuzzy curtain of syrup sits within all the crevasses of my teeth after my mouth is empty of soda.  It is now in my best interest to take another sip just to remove this feeling from my mouth.  Sadly this takes me on the same ride I just got off.  Take a sip, diet taste, marshmallow cream, fuzzy teeth.  Sip, diet, cream, teeth. Sidicreeth.  I want off, now.  I don’t like Gross Gus’s Pimple Pop .  It doesn’t taste horribly, but it’s certainly not good either.  At the beginning of this review I would have said “buy a bottle”, but the flavor wears on itself in a detrimental fashion thus lowering its overall quality.

~A

Blenheim Ginger Ale Old #3 Hot

So this soda was given to me by you.  Your donations purchased this soda and I’m eternally grateful.  Perhaps “eternally” is a bit of a reach as I’ll probably forget you gave me this soda three years down the road, but I’m still very grateful to have such wonderful readers.  What you purchased for me was Blenheim Ginger Ale and since the label is red it’s the “hot” version.  It doesn’t say that it’s spicy anywhere on the bottle, but where I purchased this from has a “hot” version with a red top and a “not so hot” version with a gold top.  A quick look at the official Blenheim webpage tells me what I’m about to consume the “Old #3 Hot” version of their ginger ale.  Here’s the listed description:

Our boldest flavor that tantalizes and tingles the taste buds, and goes down as smoothly as a firecracker exploding in your throat. Some say its sinus clearing heat snatches their breath away for a bit, while others thrive on the explosion of spicy ginger essence.

Well that’s something I always wanted to experience, a firecracker exploding in my throat.  Here’s another fun fact:  Blenheim has been around since 1903 and are one of the earliest independent makers of soda.  I’m simultaneously intrigued and terrified of this recent development.  Smell test!

Yay a pop top!  I always feel a bit manlier when the cap doesn’t screw off for some reason.  Speaking of manly, the scent of this ginger ale is strong and fiery.  I think my years of experience has prepared me for whatever this soda is about to dish out in terms of heat, so let’s do this.

Well I was mistaken.  This is the hottest ginger burn I’ve ever experienced.  I let out three audible “woo’s” after my first sip.  For this next drink I’m going to time out how long the burn lasts.  Here we go…

Twist is slowly backing away

A full minute later the sizzle in the back of my throat has calmed down to a simmer.  The 15 seconds that begin and end that minute of pain are what I would expect out of a strong ginger beer.  In between those 15 second book ends is 30 seconds of uncomfortable fire.

If you can look past the mouth flame, the flavor of Blenheim Ginger Ale is quite nice and smooth.  It’s not too sugary, but sweet enough to feel like a treat.  The carbonation levels could be brought down a smidge to lessen the burn and improve the overall mouth feel.  So this is a better than average ginger ale if you can look past the obvious.

Sadly with each sip I take those qualities quickly vanish as Blenheim become less of a ginger ale and more of a gag gift.  The caustic feeling at the back of my throat is not pleasant.  Years ago I couldn’t finish a ginger beer because of the burn it produced.  Gradually, in all my soda reviews I’ve come to enjoy the feeling and experience that a good ginger beer gives.  Blenheim Ginger Ale is only something you drink to remind yourself that you’re alive.  I cannot suggest anyone try this, but I will say that I’d really like to try their “not so hot” version.  I bet Blenheim makes a great ginger ale, this one is just too much for me.

~A

Chocolate-Covered Maple Smoked Bacon Soda

I’m looking at the title of this article and sighing.  Chocolate-Covered Maple Smoked Bacon Soda will henceforth be known as Choc-Bacon Soda.  Now I’ve had bacon soda and I’ve had chocolate soda, but if my records are correct I’ve never had the c-c-c-combo.  Part of me thinks that this is trying a bit too hard to be “fun”.  On the flip side, another part of me is saying “that’s what soda is all about, fun!”  The fact that it’s specifically “Maple Smoked” makes me happy.  They could have made chocolate bacon flavored soda and called it a day, but they did not.  This is specifically flavored to taste like it was smoked with maple.  A quick look at the ingredients tells me that the flavor created is purely by chemicals, with the sweetening agent being cane sugar.  Oh wait… there’s also salt listed.  Goody.

Putting my nose to the mouth of the bottle I’m happy to experience a mostly chocolate aroma.  There is hardly a scent of bacon to be found.  In fact if I were to take a blind scent test I would believe chocolate was running solo with this delicious smell.

Twist abhors chocolate covered anything

Well I’m happy to say that the taste mirrors the aroma.  It seems the makers of Choc-Bacon Soda knew they might have more repeat buyers if the soda inside was tasty and not just “wacky”.  The immediate taste is that of chocolate syrup mixed with cola.  A sensation you must try if you haven’t already.  Next in line to the ride known as my taste buds is the maple.  Maple merely whispers to my taste buds, adding more of a syrup taste that I feel on the back end of each sip.  Next up would naturally be the bacon, but I honestly can’t taste it.  Perhaps the bacon flavor is breaking up what would be an overload of sugar given off by the chocolate and maple.  Maybe that’s the function, to make this beverage palatable.

The carbonation levels are excellent with enough fizz to make each sip seem lively.  So there you have it, this is a pretty tasty concoction, but I’m put at an odd place.  Do I rank this highly because it tastes good or do I knock off points because the label tells me I’d be tasting a Choc-Bacon Soda.  I’m thrilled to find another delicious soda on the market, but I do not taste the premier flavor on the label.  In this case I feel it still deserves a good ranking, but not what its potential could have driven it to.  What’s interesting is that if the bacon flavor were more powerful I’d probably rank this on the sad end of our scale.  Curious soda, this Choc-Bacon Soda.

~A

Gross Gus's Pirate Piss

Well those two lovely ladies, Alice and Diane, have saddled me with a bevy of terribly named sodas once again.  The first and least repulsive sounding of the four is a bottle of Pirate Piss.  How this is the least disgusting of the group will only be revealed in time.  For now I find it important to tell you that the actual flavor of this beverage is not Pirate Piss.  I’m sure several of you are taken aback that this bottle isn’t full of scurvy urine.  Thankfully the side of the bottle lets me know that this is indeed banana soda sweetened with sugar and a host of chemicals.  For realism purposes though they really did a great job on getting a dark urine color for the soda.  Moving on.

Twist will never know the satisfaction of an empty bladder

Pirate Piss has a banana scent that is fainter than I originally expected.  I assumed that if you’re going to have an outrageous name it would be backed up by an outrageous experience.  Honestly, they shouldn’t be faulted too much as banana doesn’t carry a strong aroma in the wild either.  Perhaps the taste will be the difference maker.

The carbonation within Gross Gus’s Pirate Piss is powerful.  Stinging bubbles rush at my lips and tongue, diverting my attention from the flavor with their abundance.  Bananas, to me, illicit a smooth sensation in the flavor department.  I never think of a banana flavored anything giving me reason for recoil due to mouth feel alone.  Once the over the top fizz goes away I’m left with a banana flavor that favors candy and not fruit.  This does not surprise me in the slightest.  Thankfully this candy banana taste isn’t overly sweet which allows me to go back for repeat swigs without being overpowered by sugar, something I do not think would be possible if this was sweetened with HFCS.  If you like banana sweets you’ll probably like Pirate Piss.  On the other hand, if you’re not on the banana train then you should probably steer clear of this soda.

Gross Gus’s Pirate Piss is a banana soda that is ultimately average in its delivery.  The good portions of this soda are buried so far within a carbonated curtain that they never truly have the chance to shine.

~A

Empire Bottling Works Spruce Beer

Spruce Beer, would you try it?  I’m about to, but I’m quite uncertain what it will taste like.  Empire Bottling Works makes this particular Spruce Beer although I’ve never seen another on the market.  A look at the ingredients isn’t much help either.  Carbonated natural artesian spring water (really?), 100% cane sugar, extract flavor, citric acid, and sodium benzoate (yum yum) are what make up Spruce Beer.  You know what might have been helpful?  They could make the listing of “extract flavor” more than just a legal requirement if they told us exactly what it was an extract of.  Personally, I hope the extract is spruce.  I hope I’m about to enjoy a tree soda.

The stains on the label are sadly not part of the art.  In shipping a root beer was lost to the pressures of claustrophobia. 

This smells like tree soda, manly candles, and Vicks VapoRub.  I don’t want to drink it.  My hesitation is due to the fact that I never want to stop smelling it.  Granted I could just grab some Vicks out of my medicine cabinet, but it wouldn’t be the same.  Sigh… no use in stalling.  Time to try this truly uniquely scented soda.

As putrid as this tastes I’m laughing.  All of those aromas listed in the previous paragraph… this is liquid THAT.  Each sip is like a loved one rubbing Vicks VapoRub on my chest then on my tongue.  If you’re unfamiliar with Vicks (which needs to be remedied if true) then just replace every instance of Vicks with PineSol… minus the lemon scent.  The initial taste of Empire Bottling Works isn’t that bad, but it rapidly falls into a “Do Not Buy” spiral of taste. 

I don’t want any more of this.  It’s like this soda answered some unasked question of what would tree soda taste like.  Some pinesap, needles, and carbonated water would do in a pinch to replicate the sensation.  As unusual as this is I can’t suggest you try it.  I’m happy Spruce Beer exists in the world I live in because it truly shows innovention, but dear me it is terrible.

~A

Sodafruit Pashun Froot Soda

If a bottle of soda could talk then this bottle in front of me would have an epic tale.  It started in New Zealand and boarded a wooden box with three of its friends.  This wooden box toured the world for about a month and a half before arriving at my doorstep.  Who knows what adventures it had out on the open seas, gallivanting with pirates and the like.  Upon opening said wooden box I was happy to see my new friend, a bottle of Sodafruit Pashun Froot Soda.  A particularly fun name that allows you to say the words in reverse order and still have the same beverage.  Exciting to try this new (not on the market yet) soda from Sodafruit I has no hesitation that I’d love it.  Then I saw the seeds. 

The seeds of a passion fruit are obvious especially when they reside in a delightful orange soda.  They look like a smaller version of a watermelon seed measuring about ¼ of an inch in length.  I asked the CEO of Sodafruit about this off putting look and he assured me that the best flavor he can make with a passion fruit involves the seeds.  Not being a soda maker I must trust this judgment, but I still researched it.  Passion fruit seeds are incredibly good for you, so while my tentativeness still lingers my fear of death has quelled. 

Why should I worry?  Why should I care?  This is from Sodafruit, one of my favorite makers of soda products.  They’ve never steered me wrong before, why would it now?  The ingredients listed are Carbonated Water, Cane Sugar, Passion Fruit Pulp, Lemon Juice, Spices, and a preservative that keeps it from fermenting.  See, nothing to worry about.

Interestingly enough I have no personal knowledge of the singled out flavor of a passion fruit.  A quick look into our database shows me I’ve never even had a passion fruit soda.  I’ve had sodas that use passion fruit in combination, but never just a passion fruit.  The time is ripe to try one.

Since there is a fair amount of pulp and seeds involved with this beverage I’m going to upend it prior to opening.  WOW, it’s like the tropics punched me in the nose.  An overwhelming aroma of passion fruit charges from the mouth of the bottle.  Immediately inviting my taste buds to the party it’s holding inside.  There’s no reason that I should show up fashionably late to this soiree.

Oddly enough, Twist isn't the seediest character in this picture

It’s like I’m biting into a fruit.  Since I’ve never had a passion fruit I can only assume this is what one tastes like.  When “passion fruit pulp” pulp is your third ingredient it’s a safe bet your soda tastes like passion fruit.  Flavor aside, it’s the reaction this has with my mouth and the feel of the beverage that is reminding me of enjoying a tropical fruit.  A dash of carbonation adds to the citrusy punch of the added lemon juice.  This zesty sensation keeps the soda from feeling too heavy or syrupy, allowing you to go back for more without it feeling overly heavy.

 As far as the seeds are concerned, the majority of them are content to sit plainly at the bottom of the bottle.  Occasionally one swims up to go on its last hurrah and it’s at this point I’m not sure if I could chew them or just swallow them whole.   Swallowing them whole seems to be the best bet for me, but if you decided to chew that wouldn’t create an issue for you either.  Now that I’m nearing the bottom of the bottle the seed to liquid ratio is tilting toward heavy seed.  This caused the mouth feel of my last sip to be a bit bumpy, which I could definitely see being off putting for some.

Now here’s where I ask myself would I rather a lower quality passion fruit soda if it meant taking out the seeds?  No, I wouldn’t.  Sodafruit Pashun Froot Soda may be a bit off putting to look at, but it’s excellent in all aspects.  Perhaps a few less seeds would bump up the score to perfection, but like I said earlier… it’s a work in progress.

~A

This soda provided to us by Sodafruit

Pure Sodaworks Hibiscus Lemon

I’ve never been one to drink flowers.  This is why I’ve saved the Pure Sodaworks Hibiscus Lemon for last.  Honestly I’m afraid I’ll hate.  Let’s see if I can guess what’s in it before I look at the ingredients.

The Soda Jerk’s Guess:  Sparkling Water, Pure Cane Sugar, Hibiscus, Lemon Juice.

Actual Ingredients:  Sparkling Water, Pure Cane Sugar, Hibiscus Flowers, Lemon Peel.

I feel I did pretty well, but I’m surprised to see this only contains lemon peel.  Perhaps the hibiscus flavor that I am so very unsure of will finally win me over in this form.  The soda is a pleasant rose color and WOW there is a bonkers amount of sediment in this bottle.  Ah well, when in Houston.

This smells not unlike a fruity tea with a squeeze of lemon.  With a deep inhalation I also get a flowery scent that while pleasant to the nose worries the mouth.  A little worry never did me any favors, so I feel it’s time to drink.

Now if it were dandelion lime...

It’s like I’m drinking an all-natural ginger ale while walking through a rose garden.  The sweet aroma coming from the pedals mixes with the flavors within my mouth.  A second sip reveals that Hibiscus Lemon starts to stack on itself quickly.  Another visit sweetens the taste and brings out the hibiscus even more.  It still reminds me of a ginger ale, but that memory is quickly fading… fading… gone.  The confusing sensation of consuming the scent of a flower is now at the forefront.  I don’t exactly enjoy the taste I’m living, but I’m happy to see a legitimate hibiscus soda.

Each time I stop drinking to write my lips develop the flavor of a fruit tea.  It seems the scent I initially identified was also present in the flavor.  The lemon peel is hardly noticed and if I didn’t see the words on the label I wouldn’t even know it was there. 

Sigh.  I can tell this was masterfully made, but hibiscus flavored soda just isn’t for me.  Fruit flavored teas are a favorite of mine, but that’s only a sliver of the flavors I’m experiencing.  I’m afraid my writing skills have failed me in trying to describe this sensation, but I don’t hesitate to tell you that I think you should try it for yourself.  Perhaps just a bottle to start.

~A

This soda was provided to us by Pure Sodaworks

Pure Sodaworks Cafe Cola

Today's use of "sapid" brought to you by Thesaurus.com

Pure Sodaworks Strawberry Jalapeno has both strawberries and jalapenos in the ingredients.  Pure Sodaworks Honey Lime has both honey and lime in the ingredients.  This begs the question, what does Pure Sodaworks Café Cola have in it?  We know they’ll be using 100% natural ingredients, but what are they?  Why aren’t I reading the ingredients right now since the bottle simply sits inches away?  Ok, I’ve tortured myself enough.  Here is what makes up a bottle of Pure Sodaworks Café Cola:  Sparkling Water, Pure Cane Sugar, Orange Juice, Lemon Juice, Lime Juice, Herbs and Spices, Caramel Color (from cane sugar), Espresso, and Citric Acid.  So while that may be a bit more complicated than “Honey + Lime = Soda”, you can’t deny that doesn’t include anything you couldn’t easily find at your local grocer.  Perhaps some of the “herbs and spices” would be difficult, but for the sake of this review let’s pretend they’re there too and move on.

Something that struck me as odd is that this is cola seems overly dark in color, so dark that when I shine a flashlight up from the bottom of the bottle the light doesn’t make it all the way to the top.  You haven’t heard of this time tested test of soda color?  This isn’t something I’m going to start doing “on the reg”, but I figured in this case it’d be kinda fun.  Sorry to have wasted your time, I guess I’ll just open it now.

Wow, the spices used are quite pungent.  It’s like I have a basket of cola potpourri and next to me and why wouldn’t I?  I like the finer things in life too.  Cola potpourri, Dr Pepper Febreeze, root beer candles… you know, the norm.  Time for a drink.

I’m somewhat thankful that the spice isn’t as noticed in the taste as it is the smell.  My tongue is greeted with a strong cola flavor that lacks the bite that so many of us are used too in our Coca-Cola brand Cokes.  What fills this void of harshness is the smooth sensation of cola made sharp only by the carbonation that dances around it.  It’s not so sweet that you couldn’t enjoy it with a meal, but it does seem a touch more sugary than what you might be expecting.

If this were the end of the experience I’d say Pure Sodaworks Café Cola was an above average cola that I was happy to try, then I’d go about my day.  Thankfully this is not the case.  The espresso included sets Café Cola even further ahead of the pack by giving the final moments of each sip as well as the aftertaste a roasted coffee flavor.  I personally hate the taste of coffee, but I absolutely love the way it smells.  Pure Sodaworks Café Cola transmogrifies the scent of coffee into a taste and lets it run slightly behind the lead horse named Cola.  This roasted bean makes all the difference in the world making this beverage quite sapid.  Drink this cola if you like colas.  Drink this cola if you like coffee.  Drink this cola if you like sodas.  Drink this cola.

~A  

This beverage supplied to us by Pure Sodaworks

A “Twist’s Choice” Recipient

Pure Sodaworks Honey Lime

Honey Lime was Twist's stripper name

So, Pure Sodaworks seems to be on a winning streak here with their soda creations.  Root beer started off strong before developing a tea flavor.  Strawberry Jalapeno and Apple Pie where both fantastically awesome!  Today I’ve got a bottle of Honey Lime in front of me and I can only assume it too will be delightful.  By now I’m sure you can guess the ingredients, but it’s so much fun to write them out so here we go:  Sparkling water, Honey, Pure Cane Sugar, Lime Juice, Citric Acid.  I don’t think I’ll ever tire of listing great ingredients.  I’m particularly excited about the sediment in this bottle.  I can only hope that it’s bits of lime, but whatever it might be I trust they made a great soda.  Let’s find out for sure though, shall we?

Honey is used in a lot of the craft sodas I’ve tasted, but I’ve never been able to so easily identify its use by smell alone.  The aroma is sweet with a lime chaser.  Quite the opposite of what I figured would be wafting out of the mouth of this bottle.  Curse you, Pure Sodaworks!  Why must you constantly impress me?  Making these reviews seem like walking advertisements!

That is honey. That is lime.  The immediate flavor that hits my tongue is the sweet, velvety, greatness of honey.  The scene that follows is a lot like a photographer dealing with a star’s body guard.  Honey is quickly escorted to safety by Lime.  Out of the reaches of my taste buds… I mean Bud the photographer.  After Honey is safely hidden away Lime punches Bud in the face, creating a burst of flavor and a broken nose.  Seeing that her bodyguard Lime is attacking Bud (and not wanting a bad PR storm), Honey springs from the car and attempts to pull Lime away.  What ends up happening is that the three of them fall to the ground in a heap.  Bud is still being attacked by Lime, but Honey’s presence has certainly softened the situation up a bit.  Now the harsh hits of Lime don’t seem so bad.  Slowly the camera pulls away from the scene revealing the bitter Lime and the inviting Honey tussled upon the ground.

That’s an overly fancy way of saying that while the real deal honey flavor is immediately what you experience, lime quickly takes over for a brief moment.  Eventually the two flavors come together, complementing one another with their differences. 

I must say that while I love everything about this beverage, I’m not blown away by the taste.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s great.  I just don’t see myself wanting to come back for more as often as I would with the Strawberry Jalapeno or the Apple Pie… oh goodness the Apple Pie.  With that said this should definitely be tried, so get to it.

~A

This soda was provided to us by Pure Sodaworks

Pure Sodaworks Apple Pie

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Sweet, sweet, sediment.

One of the first sodas that truly amazed me was Reeds Spiced Apple Brew.  My fragile mind could not fathom that a soda could have the aftertaste of apple pie.  It was only until I tasted Soda Fruit Apple Crumble did I realize this fantastic flavor could even be replicated.  With those two companies excelling in the accomplishment of apple pie flavored sodas, I must say that Pure Sodaworks has their work cut out for them.  Pure Sodaworks Apple Pie is only going against two sodas, but those two sodas are both in my all-time top 5.  Best of luck guys, but your ingredient list of sparkling water, apple cider, pure cane sugar, cinnamon and vanilla allows me to think you’ve got a chance.

That smells like apple pie.  It doesn’t smell like apple pie soda, it smells like apple pie.  At this point I’m almost positive that I’m in for another treat.  Apple Pie soda is a rarity.  Technically Reeds Spiced Apple Brew is not one, but I consider it one due to its aftertaste.  I think the trifecta of apple pie soda is about to complete with my first sip.  Please don’t make a liar out of my imagination Pure Sodaworks.  Please don’t disappoint me.

I love you Pure Sodaworks.  I love your apple pie soda… at least that’s my initial reaction.  What impresses me the most is how true the apple flavor is to what you’d find in an apple pie.  The caramel apples buried beneath the crust are mirrored in taste within this bottle.  Light carbonation dances about in the background as it’s pleased to be playing second fiddle to the taste at hand.  A finale features the initial players of Apple, Cinnamon, and Sugar, but another actor has appeared on the stage.  Vanilla.  She hadn’t been present before, but now you can’t take your eyes off of her.  Gracefully she blends in to the rest of the company and it’s like she was there the whole time.  They all take a bow and you’re mouth is left empty.  Yet, you still have the memories of the performance and they’re not syrupy sweet.  They’re honest memories and you’ll tell your friends all about them.

That’s perhaps the “artsiest” review I’ve ever written, but who cares.  Pure Sodaworks Apple Pie is amazing and easily fills out the third spot in my Apple Pie Soda Trifecta.

~A

This soda supplied to us by Pure Sodaworks

A “Twist’s Choice” Recipient

Pure Sodaworks Strawberry Jalapeno

The last soda I will drink in 2013 needs to be memorable.  It needs to be unique.  It needs to be flavored with strawberry AND jalapeno.  Luckily my oddly specific requirements have been met in Pure Sodaworks Strawberry Jalapeno soda.  Hey, you wanna know what’s in this soda?  Sparkling water, Pure Cane Sugar, Strawberries, and Jalapenos.  That’s beautiful.  The soda itself looks like you left your lucky red hat on the dashboard of your car for about 10 years; pink, but just barely.  I’m just too excited to type any longer.  This experience needs to begin right now.

Ok, I cheated a little bit, but it wasn’t my fault.  I gently upended the soda to get the sediment mixed and upon opening I had to stop the flow of fizz from going everywhere.  I got a bit of a taste, but it was just the foam.  Let’s just pretend it never happened, ok?  The smell is primarily that of the strawberry and it smells like a scratch and sniff sticker.  So light and inviting I can’t wait to actually test out the beverage.

Just as the scent lead me to believe the strawberry taste is great!  It’s not sugary nonsense (as so many strawberry sodas are) and the carbonation levels that accompany it are quite effervescent.  With each sip I take the jalapeno grows more confident as the flavor takes hold of my mouth.  The actual taste of jalapeno seems to be missing, but the heat you’d feel from one is certainly present.  I compare it to the burn of a ginger beer, but this heat lingers quite a bit longer. 

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Twist wants me to find a new background.  I can't say I disagree with him.

The further down the bottle I go the more the flavor tilts in favor of the jalapeno.  Our friendly, funny, fizzy strawberry friend waves goodbye as he walks back home.  Meanwhile jalapeno starts to show his true personality as if he was afraid to be himself around strawberry.  Perhaps he has a crush on strawberry’s sister and didn’t want any negative word to travel her way.  Sadly, like most cases he really just should have been himself the whole time.  That way we could have seen exactly how well strawberry and jalapeno worked with one another.

It’s clear to me that when they made this soda they really had to complete a balancing act to get them just right.  Too little strawberry and you’d just end up with a weird tasting soda that burns your mouth.  Too little jalapeno and you reach a point why you’re adding it at all.  I think the folks at Pure Sodaworks did an excellent job with the balance of this soda.  It’s sweet, light enough to be quite refreshing, and overall a very unique experience to be had in the soda world. 

~A

This soda supplied to us by Pure Sodaworks