Gross Gus's Pirate Piss

Well those two lovely ladies, Alice and Diane, have saddled me with a bevy of terribly named sodas once again.  The first and least repulsive sounding of the four is a bottle of Pirate Piss.  How this is the least disgusting of the group will only be revealed in time.  For now I find it important to tell you that the actual flavor of this beverage is not Pirate Piss.  I’m sure several of you are taken aback that this bottle isn’t full of scurvy urine.  Thankfully the side of the bottle lets me know that this is indeed banana soda sweetened with sugar and a host of chemicals.  For realism purposes though they really did a great job on getting a dark urine color for the soda.  Moving on.

Twist will never know the satisfaction of an empty bladder

Pirate Piss has a banana scent that is fainter than I originally expected.  I assumed that if you’re going to have an outrageous name it would be backed up by an outrageous experience.  Honestly, they shouldn’t be faulted too much as banana doesn’t carry a strong aroma in the wild either.  Perhaps the taste will be the difference maker.

The carbonation within Gross Gus’s Pirate Piss is powerful.  Stinging bubbles rush at my lips and tongue, diverting my attention from the flavor with their abundance.  Bananas, to me, illicit a smooth sensation in the flavor department.  I never think of a banana flavored anything giving me reason for recoil due to mouth feel alone.  Once the over the top fizz goes away I’m left with a banana flavor that favors candy and not fruit.  This does not surprise me in the slightest.  Thankfully this candy banana taste isn’t overly sweet which allows me to go back for repeat swigs without being overpowered by sugar, something I do not think would be possible if this was sweetened with HFCS.  If you like banana sweets you’ll probably like Pirate Piss.  On the other hand, if you’re not on the banana train then you should probably steer clear of this soda.

Gross Gus’s Pirate Piss is a banana soda that is ultimately average in its delivery.  The good portions of this soda are buried so far within a carbonated curtain that they never truly have the chance to shine.

~A