MTN Dew Pitch Black

   So apparently being a soda reviewer I’m supposed to review this limited edition Mountain Dew Pitch Black.  As I understand this beverage has quite the following and it seems that it’s high time that I jump on the bandwagon.  Back in 2005 I tried to jump on the pseudo-bandwagon when Pitch Black 2 came out.  I feigned all of the excitement one might have seen since I never got the chance to try the original.  Pitch Black 2 was alright but nothing cult worthy to me so I figured that the original must have been heads and tails above its sequel.  If only I had some sort of way I could travel back to 2004 and give the original a try.  Well looky here!  Thanks to Mountain Dew… or should I say Mtn Dew (I will never say “Mtn Dew” again in this review because it’s asinine) I can now experience what I originally missed all without the help of a Delorian… which of course is points against.  The label is a very extreme purple matching the color of the beverage itself.  I really wish I had a black light to see if this bottle could truly be fantastical.  Ah well, time for a whiff.

   Ok… so that’s not quite what I was expecting.  The scent I was greeted with was that of citrus and grape… heavy on the grape fortunately.  Based on scent alone this is Mountain Dew with grape flavoring, oddly enough the label clearly states that this is Pitch Black with a BLAST of BLACK GRAPE.  I figured this was Mountain Dew with a blast of black grape but what do I know.  I’m kind of curious what Pitch Black would taste like without its blast of black grape but we’re not here for that today.   What we’re here for is transporting me back to 2004 so that I may experience the apparent amazement that is Mountain Dew Pitch Black… and so we shall.

   Interesting.  This isn’t nearly as EXTREME as I thought it would be but I find that’s working out for the experience thus far.  Instantly I can rank this as a Top 2 Dew for me.  I’m not sure what would come first but this and Code Red are now neck and neck.  Upon the first sip your tongue is immediately met with the knives of a thousand citrus flavored carbonation bubbles.  After the bubbles lay down their arms the grape, apparently black grape, flavor shows itself.  It doesn’t show in an extreme way like your uncle (it’s always a creepy uncle isn’t it?) at the last family gathering though.  Instead, Mountain Dew Pitch Black raises its hand, gets called upon, and casually states that “Yes I’m a Mountain Dew with grape flavoring”.  I realize that Mountain Dew tries to cater to an extreme/gamer/youthful audience but their flavors don’t bring that out in me.  Maybe…maybe I’m old now and just “don’t get it” anymore.  Ah well, if I “don’t get” Mountain Dew’s marketing I’m probably over thinking it.  Why did I go off on that mini-tangent?  Must be time for my old people pills.  Back to the beverage at hand. 

   I’m finding myself really enjoying Pitch Black and wish that I’d been on this train when my love of Mountain Dew was at its peak.  Like I said earlier it’s up there with Code Red in my opinion and I used to be a fiend for Code Red.  One of the strengths of the Mountain Dew brand is that they aren’t afraid to try and create Frankensteinesque sodas that combine the already popular Dew flavor with that of grape, orange, white stuff, etc.  This of course results in the occasional monstrosity but gives people even more reason to buy Dew products.  Pitch Black is good.  I’m good with this.  Of course it’s full of chemicals and that will hurt the score a bit but I can tell you that I’ll be looking for Mountain Dew Pitch Black again next year.  Now… who do I talk to about Surge, Crystal Pepsi, and the original Sprite Re-mix?

~A

Twist, of course, is the only one extreme enough to be that close to the label.

Topo-Sabores Peach

Once upon a time there was a boy who wanted a soda.  Not just any soda mind you but a Topo-Sabores Peach soda to be precise.  You see a lion once told the boy that Topo-Sabores Peach soda was delicious but this lion wasn’t always to be trusted since he always seemed to regard Topo-Sabores products at the highest level.  One day a magical wizard named Abel gave the boy a bottle of the peach concoction under one condition… that he review it and put it up in the town square for all to see.  Of course the boy obliged and ran home with his bottle of Topo-Sabores Peach.  When he finally arrived at his home he gazed in wonder at the cool bottle in his hands.  Glancing over the contents of the bottle he noticed that this contained both cane sugar and some form of black magic called high fructose corn syrup.  Confused he decided he better not think about it too much or he might fall ill.    Quickly he broke the seal hoping to get a whiff of what majesty lay before him.

It was certainly peaches, or at least black magic made to taste like peaches, that populated the inside of this container.  While he hadn’t tasted this bubble nectar just yet his nose wouldn’t lie to him… would it?

Putting the lip of the bottle to his own he tilted it back to finally enjoy what the wizard had given him.  A broad smile crossed his face as the sweet peach soda raced across his tongue quickly being chased off by a horde of bubbles giving the soda a sharp contrasting after taste.  This wasn’t as smooth as he believed it would be, as this wasn’t the boys first peach soda, but he enjoyed it nonetheless.  Out of nowhere a dragon came lumbering along flicking its tongue moving closer and closer to the boy’s soda.  Panicking the boy ran off forgetting the Topo-Sabores behind him.  Looking over his shoulder he saw it was too late for him to save his soda… by the look on the dragon’s face it was to be consumed quickly.  The boy’s mood dropped as he remembered how much he enjoyed the peach flavoring, caused by black magic or not.  “Wait a minute,” the boy said allowed, “if a wizard made this for me shouldn’t it be the best soda I’ve ever had?  I mean he is a wizard and all.  This soda is enjoyable but a wizard should be able to create something out of this world.”  With that the boy walked into town square ready to post his review.  “Where is the soda the wizard gave you?  Wasn’t it most special?  Do you think he could make me one?” a passing peasant pondered.  “It was alright.”  The boy responded.  “Don’t bother asking him to make you one though.  You’re better off buying a bottle.”

Epilogue – As the years passed the boy grew and matured.  He made a lot of friends along the way and did some pretty amazing stuff.  That boy grew up to be Abraham Lincoln.

~A

To this day no one knows what happened to the dragon.  Some say he size was exaggerated, others say he still walks among us.  I guess we'll never know.

Bulldog Root Beer

Who's a good iguana? Twist's a good iguana! Who want's a tummy rub? Twist wants a tummy rub!

Bulldog Root Beer, Unleash the Taste!  That’s what the bottle in front of me reads.  When I think of unleashing something I think that I’m going to have such a hard time controlling it that I’m just gonna give up and take it off the leash.  This “thing” that I’m unleashing is going to be powerful, brash, unstoppable, unforgettable, and even dangerous.  I know that they’re probably making a dog pun in this situation but even if that were true they really need to “mean up” the dogs on the label.  These two lovable, dopey (in a good way), looking dogs are just sitting there looking at me waiting for a good tummy rub.  These puppies don’t need to be “unleashed” they need a chew toy and a nap.  Anyway… enough of that.  Bulldog Root Beer is of course a root beer and judging by the ingredients a pretty high quality one at that.  It’s sweetened with a combination of cane sugar and honey but sadly also had sodium benzoate.  I haven’t picked on sodium benzoate in a while so I thought I’d bring it back up.  One thing I notice is that they use “real vanilla”.  That’s how it’s listed on the label… “real vanilla”.  Not once have I ever seen “fake vanilla”.  I’ve seen “vanilla extract” which I what I assume they are separating themselves from by saying “real vanilla” but I found it rather silly to see.  Anywho, it’s time to open up this paw laden bottle and see what we can dig up!  Ha!  I can make dog puns too.

This has a rich creamy root beer smell.  One determining factor of a delicious root beer is when you can actually smell that it’s creamy.   That tells you it’ll probably go great with some Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream.  If you don’t have Blue Bell in your area I’m so very sorry, you’ll have to manage on whatever “Ice Cream” you can get your hands on.  Speaking of “on”… on to the tasting!

Wow that is creamy… if I do say so the creamiest root beer I’ve ever experienced.  Bulldog Root Beer almost has a cream soda finish to it.  The carbonation isn’t really a factor when compared to the flavor and mouth feel.  The mouth feel and aftertaste is so smooth it’s almost buttery.  Now I know that buttery root beer sounds gross but I don’t mean that kind of butter.  The after taste I’m getting here is very similar to that of butterscotch.  I’m a big fan of butterscotch so this ranks very high with me.  Fun fact:  The only candy I’ve ever choked on was butterscotch.  My grandfather held me upside down while my grandmother patted me on the back to dislodge it.  The butterscotch must have realized my love of it while being dissolved by my saliva and in a selfless act to save its future brethren tried to murder me.  Anywho… back to what remains of this review.  A lot of times when a soda uses honey to sweeten it’s one of the main things you taste; this is not the case for Bull Dog Root Beer.  I’m thinking the honey paired with the cane sugar is what’s cutting that honey flavor I so often find when sampling a Thomas Kemper or the like.  Here is the part where I apologize for mocking “real vanilla”.  That “real vanilla” is surely a large part of why I’m loving this so very much.  It’s adding just the right amount of “smooth” to the flavor to set it apart from other root beers.  It’s not hard to find subtle differences in root beer.  They can be made so many different ways you’re not going to find one that immolates another just right.  The real reward is when you find a root beer that has differences that could be spotted from space.  Bulldog Root Beer is one of those root beers.  As of today we’ve reviewed 30 root beers and I can’t think of one that gives you an experience like the one I have in front of me today.

A “Twist’s Choice” Recipient

Stander - Mint Soda

   “We're a German based non-alcoholic mint flavoured Premium Soda”.  Those are some of the words written to me in an e-mail by the nice people at Ständer.  Of course I had to oblige.  There isn’t much in that description that I could say no to for very long.  What I got from them was a package of Ständer soda along with a coaster and a bar napkin.  I have so many questions now!  Will I hate this?  Will I love it?  Am I hip enough to drink something from an 8 oz. black metal bottle?  Will this freshen my breath in any way?  Going back one question and speaking of the 8 oz. black metal bottle… this is some of the coolest packaging I’ve ever seen associated with a soda.  Looking at the ingredients on the side I feel even better about my soon to be consumed beverage:  Filtered Sparkling Water, Natural Beet Sugar, Natural Lemon and Spearmint Flavor, Citric Acid, Natural Caffeine, Vitamins B6, B12, B7 and B5.  The only bit of color on the black bottle is a picture of three mint leaves (in the appropriate color) with the words “mint your mind” underneath them.  I’m not really sure what “minting my mind” consists of but I’m willing to try anything once… well not ANYTHING but “soda anything”.  Ok, I can’t handle writing about what this might be like any more.  I have to try it now!

   WOW!  That is certainly filled with mint.  It smells like I just crushed up mint leaves in my hands and inhaled them.  That is THE most unique smelling soda I’ve ever encountered.  Obviously I’ve smelled mint before but never coming out of my soda bottle.  I can’t state the strength of the smell enough.  It’s a very strong, very minty, almost alcoholic (but it’s not) scent.  Enough chatter… time for the drinking.

   Ok… that’s odd.  Initially I experience a refreshing taste that’s light on carbonation.  You can definitely taste the spearmint and as of right now it may be too much for my palate.  I’ve also given a taste of this to my co-worker and he says he liked it but he’s also a huge fan of spearmint.  I’ll include his rating at the end of this review along with mine.  I’m finding that if I take larger sips/gulps it helps with the strong spearmint taste… maybe because the rest of my tongue gets to experience it instead of just a concentrated area.  If I did indeed drink alcoholic beverages this seems like it would mix amazingly with some of them.  Sorry, I haven’t taken you through the drink gamut yet.  Hold on, here we go!  As soon as you drink Ständer you are greeted with that spearmint flavor that I’ve now mentioned too many times.  That washes away leaving a cleaner aftertaste but not letting you forget about the unique flavor you just consumed.  At no point in this process do you ever forget that you’re drinking mint soda and for that they should be applauded.  I’ve reviewed Lavender and Juniper Berry  flavored soda both of which tasted more like somewhat flavored sparkling water.  Ständer on the other hand is not backing off the flavor listed on their label in the slightest.  You take your awesome looking black metal bottle; you beat off the hipsters in the club groping as said bottle trying to look cooler to their respective peers.  Then you open said bottle and inhale what is obviously spearmint.  Drinking it you try not to look too surprised at what you taste, although you are, because if you look surprised you lose the look of “that cool guy with the hip metal bottle.”  Then flocks of hipster chicks/guys make their way toward you so that they too can experience mint soda.  Now… were my questions answered?

Will I hate this?  - No, not at all.  The spearmint flavoring was off putting at first but I got used to it.

Will I love it?  - No, I don’t love it either but I do like it.

Am I hip enough to drink something from an 8 oz. black metal bottle?  - I’m pretty sure this 8 oz. bottle would at least make me feel like I had more cred at a club.

Will this freshen my breath in any way? – As far as I can tell… no, not really.

Were my questions answered? – Well, yes.  You just read them.

(Note: This soda was given to us by Ständer)

The only being in the universe that is scientifically cooler than a Ständer bottle... is Twist

Zevia Cream Soda

Zevia.  They don’t use sugar.  They use the stevia leaf to sweeten.  They’re all natural.  They have zero calories.  They have simple but enjoyable can art.  Most every flavor we’ve tried has had a horrible aftertaste completely negating the awesomeness of the previous sentences.  With that said I’m going to try Zevia Cream Soda and hope, hope, hope, that it doesn’t follow the formula of its bretheren.

The scent is that of a cream soda so my mind has already partially forgotten about the aftertaste that I will more than likely find at the end of each sip.  If I could just enjoy this by smelling it then I’d be a happy camper up to this point.

So close.  The cream soda flavor held on for as long as it possibly could until giving way to the ogre that is the aftertaste.  As the old saying goes “once you let an ogre in your hut there’s an ogre in your hut.”  That’s not an old saying or even a saying for that matter but it still rings true in the case of any Zevia soda.  Once you taste the slightest bit of that aftertaste it just builds upon itself until it has ruined the entire experience.  The first half of each sip tastes like a decent cream soda… nothing special but nothing I’d turn down.  The amount of carbonation you experience is light but that’s to be expected with any cream soda.  I will say that the aftertaste is more muted in Zevia Cream Soda than it has been in any of the previous flavors I’ve tried.  That’s not to say that it isn’t there but that it’s much more bearable.  “Oh!  He said it was bearable!  That must mean it’s going to get a better review than the other flavors!”  Nope.  I don’t look for drinks that are bearable.  I look for drinks that are good… drinks that I can recommend to others without being chastised later.  If you can’t have sugar or you’re on a diet of some sort then this is the cream soda for you!  I agree with that statement 100% because I don’t want you to think that there isn’t a place in the market for Zevia brand sodas.  They are very healthy sodas (as sodas go) and shouldn’t be ignored just because I’m not a fan of them.  On the flip side… even though there’s a place in the market for them there is not such a place in my fridge.

~A

That's the closest Twist could bare to bring his tongue to the can for fear of aftertaste

Zevia Ginger Ale

As you may have noticed we’ve gotten an influx of Zevia reviews in the past few weeks.  This is because the kind folks at Zevia sent us a sample of all their flavors.  One of the two I’ve chosen to review is Zevia Ginger Ale.  Zevia of course is sweetened with the stevia leaf, a natural sugar alternative that has zero caloric value.  Zevia soda is also 100% all natural… something we can all get behind.  Adorning the side of the can I’m about to open are the words “It’s what soda should always have been.”  Hold up there Zevia, let’s just see about that.  I’ve had stevia sweetened drinks before and while initially the taste is good the aftertaste always ruins the party.  This is one reason I chose ginger ale as one of my two flavors to review.  I believe that ginger ale should have a muted enough aftertaste to hopefully knock out any trace of stevia.  Let’s find out!

Upon sniffing said all natural soda I find a light ginger scent wafting out of the drink hole.  Putting my face this close to the can makes me realize that I never mentioned the can art itself.  I like it.  It’s a simple olive/forest green background with the bubbly Zevia logo floating along with the bubbles.  It’s not flashy but it’s unique enough to catch the eye.  I’ll have to find out if they make shirts.  Time for a taste.

Ok, well my initial fear is somewhat quelled.  Zevia Ginger Ale is one of the lighter flavored ginger ales I’ve tasted to this point.  The taste that you experience throughout the Zevia Ginger Ale drinking process never changes.  It’s a lightly flavored ginger soda that tastes a little chemically due to what I can only imagine is the stevia.  Since the drink itself tastes oddly chemically there is no chemical aftertaste… because the taste never changes enough for me to consider it an aftertaste.  I really wish I could like this soda but I probably won’t drink it ever again.  I can finish this can and at the end of the review I’ll suggest that you do the same.  (*Note* I tried to finish the can and got to the point where I didn’t want to try anymore.  Ultimately this is what dropped the score. *End Note*) The stevia aftertaste, which in this case is the actual taste, isn’t for everyone which means it’s also for someone.  I’m just one of those people that isn’t a fan of it.  I like the concept behind stevia sweetened sodas but the delivery always falls short.  I will say that we’ve reviewed a beverage that was half sugar, half stevia sweetened and that it was fantastic!  Maybe that’s what needs to happen here.  Is zero calories so much better than half the calories of a normal soda when the taste is put into jeopardy?  It’d still be all natural but the aftertaste that many of my reviewers have noted would probably be gone.  As a diet soda it’s a great alternative!  I mean it’s an all-natural diet soda… that’s wonderful but at the end of the day I have to judge this on a normal soda scale.  If you were reading then the upcoming verdict should be of no shock.  Great ingredients, good can art, meh flavor that gets worse the more you drink it.

~A

(note:  This beverage was supplied to us by Zevia)

So refreshing... the iguana not the drink

Double Cola

As usual the drink sitting in front of me has yet to be experienced by my taste buds.  Today’s installment shall be titled “Double Cola”.  Double Cola, according to the bottle, has “Double Measure” and “Double Pleasure”.  I find it kind of odd that the word “double” (which is looking less like a word every time I type it) is prominently displayed on this bottle three times.  Double Cola, according to Wikipedia, comes from the Ski line of beverages… none of which I have personally tasted but some of which I’ve been told to.  With that said I fully expect a super strong cola with this one.  Shouldn’t I?  I mean it’s double cola which I assume means double the cola flavor.  Let’s find out shall we?

So far so good!  The force is strong in this one, the cola aroma smacks me in the nose for even trying to work in a Star Wars reference.  C’mon Double Cola, I haven’t had a good cola in a while.  Let YOU be that next great cola I try

This isn’t what I expected at all.  Where’s the bite?  I expected a very strong bite to assault my throat like a hot Coke.  What I got was one of the smoother colas I’ve consumed which I would normally associate with weakness in flavor.  Not here.  Double Cola lives up to its name though, unlike "hilarious reference here", with a strong almost magical cola flavor.  The more I drink this the more I like it.  The deep cola flavor soaks into my mouth making sure I get the most out of each sip.  The cane sugar sweetening this cola makes sure it never feels syrupy during the consumption process.  I know I just said it wasn’t syrupy but the cola flavoring compares closest to cola flavored sno-cone syrup.  Not the sno-cone itself but the highest of rewards that awaits you in the bottom of your sno-cone.  You just thought a sno-cone was a dessert.  No, sir.  The dessert is the 35 milliliters of syrup that sit at the bottom of your Styrofoam cup.  Sorry to all you folks that only had sno-cones in actual paper cones.  Styrofoam cups are where it’s at in the world of sno-cone.  With all that said Double Cola delivered today.  I will now list this as one of the best colas I’ve ever had.  Try it and you will too!

~A

Twist's pleasure was actually tripled.  He knows how to work the system.

Sun Drop

   I saw Sun Drop a few months back in my local grocery store and thought that it was some old timey soda that had now finally made it to Texas.  Turns out I was right!  Sun Drop or Sundrop, has been around in some from since the 1930’s but thanks to the Dr. Pepper/Snapple company now has seen a nationwide release as of this year.  I must say they are promoting the heck out of it too.  I’ve seen it sponsored on boxers (fighters not underwear), billboards, and big trucks… just to name a few of the “B” ones.  Figuring that I might as well try this “new” beverage I purchased a pack guessing that I knew what I was getting into.  It’s in a fun green can and it’s labeled as a citrus soda.   This is the Dr. Pepper version of Mountain Dew… AMIRIGHT?  Sadly this means it also uses HFCS and other chemicals to flavor… wait… this has orange juice in the ingredients.  To quote the 9th Doctor, “Fantastic!”  Ok, so maybe it could be a bit different than the Dew.  Enough of the pleasantries.

   Sun Drop smells a lot like Mountain Dew but has a bit more of a citrus bite to its aroma.  While it’s a generically citrus smell my nostrils are still able to pick out hints of lemon and lime.  Like I said before, this is Dr. Pepper’s version of Mountain Dew… CANIGETAWITNESS?

   Upon drinking it my tongue is touched by a bevy of citrus flavors.  I can pick out the lemon and lime I whiffed earlier and most impressively I can also taste the orange juice that is listed on the side of the can.  None of these are dominant flavors mind you but if you take the time to try and sort it out in your mouth you can identify them all.  This is a little bit sweeter to me than Mountain Dew and a little less harsh on the throat.  Obviously Mountain Dew is not as caustic as Coke or Pepsi but it does have room to be muted a bit.  Personally I like the taste of Sun Drop more than Mountain Dew to the point where if I’m given the choice I’d pick Sun Drop every time if it was made with sugar.  As it currently stands I’ll only pick Sun Drop every time over regular Dew… throwback still gets my vote.  You get almost the same flavor that you would with Dew except for a few subtle improvements like the slight orange flavoring, the smoother mouth feel, and (in my opinion) the not INYOURFACE marketing.  Sun Drop to me embodies a sit on the porch after a sweltering hot day watching the sun set kind of drink.  The drink feels much more laid-back than its competition and in such makes me enjoy it that much more.  With all that said I think Dr. Pepper/Snapple picked a winner in Sun Drop and in doing so have the strongest lineup of soda out of the big three.  Obviously Coke and Pepsi are going to make more money at the end of the year but give me Dr. Pepper/RC Cola/7up/Sun Drop over the Red and Blue equivalents any day.

~A

Which one is the can and which one is the iguana?!  The world may never know.

Deerfield Concord Grape

   The other day I was frequenting Walgreens because I dislike other pharmacies… not sure why but that’s for another time.  Anyway, I was wandering around Walgreens and checked their soda selection as I so often do.  Normally Walgreens is where I get my Jelly Belly Soda but this time I noticed they had a new flavor of Deerfield Soda… Concord Grape!  Since I hadn’t had a good grape soda in a while I figured Deerfield Concord Grape would fit that bill rather well, being that they tend to make excellent products!  I’ll warn you who haven’t experienced Deerfield Sodas… don’t scoff at this Walgreen’s made soda!  It uses cane sugar and is normally quite the treat!  Let’s open her up!

   Grape just came out of the bottle and smacked me across the face.  I didn’t even get a chance to put my nose near the mouth and I was assaulted with grape aroma.  Taking a now pointless whiff I am once again clearly reminded of what flavor of beverage I’m about to partake in.  This is definitely a top 10 in scent strength of all the sodas I’ve ever tested.  Let’s see if the taste is just as strong.

   The flavor is of course grape and not a weak grape by any means.  It’s more of a smooth grape soda which is a bit off putting to me because I prefer my grape soda with some bite to it.  Drinking this reminds me of the TV show Firefly.  It was a fantastic show and most anyone who sees it will agree with that statement.  Another thing most everyone agrees with is that it was cut short in its run.  That’s the feeling I’m getting with this Deerfield Concord Grape it lacks a solid finish but unlike Firefly it’s actually the fault of the soda not the fault of the show.  Firefly couldn’t help that it was cancelled robbing us of seasons of potential happiness.  Deerfield could have strengthened their soda by adding a bit more carbonation to it… or some sort of finish.  This isn’t to say that it’s not an ok soda… it is but it could have been so much more… so much more… shiny.

~A

Twist ate only grapes from ages 57-102

Thomas Kemper Root Beer

   Hooray for Thomas Kemper sodas!  Cane sugar sweetened with a touch of honey for extra goodness usually spells fantasticness!  Today I have the Root Beer version of Thomas Kemper in front of me and I’m sure I won’t be disappointed.  Here’s a bit of history about Thomas Kemper Root Beer from the side of the bottle.

“One honey of a Root Beer.  This wonderfully rich and complex Root Beer was first brewed for our company Oktoberfest back in 1990.  It quickly became such a hit that we invented Novemberfest.”

   There you have it… the full, 100% complete history of Thomas Kemper Root Beer.  Nothing else can be learned about this soda.  Nothing.  It is all covered in the extensive history written above.  With that said let’s take a whiff.

   Ahh the rich smell of Root Beer is usually a pleasant aroma and this is no exception.  From the smell alone I can hope you taste a very creamy root beer.  Closer to the mouth feel of A&W than of Barq’s but I’m sure tasting better than both… hopefully.

   Hey look at that, I’m right… it’s like I’ve tasted hundreds of sodas.  I haven’t but the cumulative amount of different sodas reviewed by Soda Jerks is over 200.  Once you become a Soda Jerk you enter a state of one consciousness allowing you to experience the taste of all sodas reviewed… but enough of that boring chatter.  This does lean toward the smoother mouth feel of some root beer but not as much as I thought it would.  In fact it seems to live at the corner of Smooth Street and Bite Lane.  I’m sure it’s a nice neighborhood because it’s such a nice taste.  The actual bite of the root beer isn’t incredibly strong but it’s easily noticeable upon each sip.  I go on about how nice the flavor is but there’s nothing ground breaking here.  It’s just a good root beer with some great ingredients.  I’ve had better and I’ve had worse but I’d be happy to drink another Thomas Kemper Root Beer if one was available to me on a menu somewhere.  With that said.

~A

Faux Fact: Twist is heir to the Kemper fortune

Barrilitos Tropical Punch

   I haven’t had a lot of tropical/fruit punch flavored sodas which is one reason I’m happy to have this bottle of Barrilitos Tropical Punch flavored soda in front of me.  Another more obvious reason is the fact that it is of course made with cane sugar since it’s from Mexico.  This is my first Barrilitos soda so I really have no idea what to expect.  Hopefully it’ll be close to an experience with a bottle of Jarritos than one of Caballitos.  I don’t really know what the logo is for Barrilitos but I do know that I like it.  It’s a green circle with a nifty design inside of it comprised of white ovals.  It looks very 1960’s space age if you ask me… which you did since you’re reading this.  Other than a nifty green logo and a textured neck this bottle of Barriltios is rather plain but that’s ok because it looks great with its simplistic design.  Time for a breather.

   I’d assume that tropical punch is a mixture of all sorts of flavors and smells but the one that I can smell the most easily is that of tangerine.  There’s an obvious mixture of fruit coming out of the bottle so this should be an interesting taste sensation.

   The flavor isn’t shy, I’ll tell you that much.  While I can’t discern a particular fruit from the taste I can tell you it seems to be a mixture of citrus and something of the plums/nectarines/peaches variety.  This is a very juicy soda… almost like you’re biting into a nicely ripened plum.  Your tongue immediately feels the punch that is listed on the label as soon as you take your first sip.  As long as the soda is in your mouth you are also aware of the carbonation.  It doesn’t so much attack your mouth as it makes its presence known.  Every holiday you have that one uncle that usually comes over and drinks way too much. (I don’t actually have this person in my family myself but stick with me here… pretend we’re a movie family and the analogy will work so much better.)  Anyway they usually drink way too much and make a huge scene.  Telling the kids inappropriate jokes for example.  Insulting the chair, apologizing to the chair, and eventually hugging the chair because he thinks it’s his father.  Putting lipstick on everything in the house that has lips… a mouth… or even just a face (clocks included).   You get the picture.  The carbonation isn’t that version of your movie uncle, the carbonation is that same uncle the year after he sobers up.  You keep your eyes trained on him waiting for him to make a scene but he doesn’t.  Throughout the night you can’t remove your gaze for the fear that you’ll be attacked with lipstick but still nothing happens.  Your uncle has made you very aware of himself but never making the scene he could be capable of making.  THAT is what the carbonation in this drink compares to.  You are very aware of it but not to the point where it’s apologizing to furniture.  With that said this is an above average drink but barely.  It has a nice flavor, a nice fizz, and decent ingredients… go on and treat yourself.

~A

Twist IS that drunk uncle.

Sioux City Cream Sod

Yee haw, Buckaroos!  What I got here is the rootin-ist, tootin-ist bottle of cream soda this side of the Mississip!  Sioux City Cream Soda!  Of course anything associated with the old west is gonna be made with cane sugar!  Good, simple, old fashioned cane sugar… and sodium benzoate like mom used to make!  Gracing the label art of this cool clear bottle is a real deal cowboy riding his horse to the west… or east… or north… or south… well it really just depends on how you hold the bottle.  Personally I think they missed an opportunity to call this Cowboy Cream Soda because I’d have bought a pack of it off the name alone.  Anywho, I’m powerful thirsty so let’s get this going.

Ahh the sweet smell of cream soda!  While cream soda isn’t my favorite beverage to consume I will argue with just about anyone that it has one of the best aromas out there and Sioux City doesn’t disappoint.   If someone disagrees with me I just might have to hobble your lip.  With that said, it’s time to bend an elbow!

The initial taste of Sioux City Cream Soda isn’t as sweet as I thought it might be but it doesn’t let you down either.  For just a split second I taste what seems like a diet drink only to be quickly covered up by the smooth texture/taste of what should be expected of a cream soda.  The diet flavoring really dry gulches you before giving way to its smoother brethren.  It’s as if you’re watching a magician get ready to pull something out of his hat and you see what you think is a rabbit tucked down in there.  You’re disappointed of course but you still feel the need to see the trick through.  Blammo the Magician then reaches into his hat and pulls out an iguana.  You’re not stunned but you’re left surprised by the outcome.  The smooth mouth feel of Sioux City Cream Soda is nice but it’s not as fine as cream gravy… I’ve had better.  The carbonation level is right where it should be but I find myself not caring that much about it anyway for some reason.  I really thought that since this was made with cane sugar and overall good ingredients I’d be a bit more impressed.  When it comes to figuring out why it didn’t quite do that… well, I’m at sea.  I’m not saying this is shoddy by any means but as far as cream sodas go this one is between hay and grass.

~A

Twist is wanted in over 2 dozen counties.

Sprecher Ravin' Red

   I’ve been saving this soda.  I’ve been saving this soda because I think it’s going to be amazing and I want the review to do it justice.  What I have in front of me is a Sprecher’s Ravin’ Red.  Allow me to translate what flavor Ravin’ Red is.  Ravin’ Red is a cran-cherry soda with ginseng.  There is not one thing wrong with the list of flavors I typed up in that last sentence and that’s what excites me.  Sure Sprecher’s uses HFCS but they’ve shown in the past that they plug past that and create fantastic products.  The ingredient listed before HFCS is Door County Cherry Juice and later on down the label you find Wisconsin Rapids Cranberry Juice with some raw Wisconsin honey.  There are so many other sweeteners in here besides HFCS thus negating my care of their usage.  The label is also adorned with red raven flying through the air carrying a bag of cranberries and two cherries.  How I wish I could get a shirt with this amusing character on it.  Enough chatter.

   The scent that escapes the neck of the bottle is that of a slight cranberry.  I can’t smell the cherry at all but that’s not saying it isn’t there.   I’m not enticed by the scent but of course I will push on for the greater cause.

   Very nice.  All three listed flavors are present in each sip.  You are initially hit with the cranberry for a short period of time allowing the cherry to peek it’s head around the corner.  It’s not quite time for the cherry to go on stage yet because the ginseng pushes him back behind the curtain and makes his own appearance.  When the ginseng is done trying to be the star of the show the cherry reappears with one of the most delicious subtle finishes I’ve had in a long time.  Your mouth is left with a delightful cherry taste that you know is juice and not flavoring.  The mouth feel of this beverage ranges from the sharp feel of the cranberry on the back of your throat to the ever so smooth feel of cherry afterward.  Nothing about this beverage is overly sweet but I can’t figure out what I would pair it with if I was eating.  Honestly I guess it could be a good buddy to a burger or something along those lines.  The only downside I can find to this beverage is that its flavor builds up in your mouth.  Each sip becomes richer and richer until you’re not sure you want anymore.  The bottle I’m drinking from is 16 oz but I’d be perfectly happy with 12.  I’m going to stop here before I ruin my experience by over indulging myself on Sprecher’s Ravin’ Red.  Moderation my friend, moderation.

~A

Twist says he knows the raven on this bottle and that he's "good people".

Caballitos Mandarin

   “Little Horses”.  That’s what Caballitos translates into and that’s the name of the beverage I’m about to consume.  To be technical its mandarin flavored Caballitos.  If I was a more learned man I would know why Mexican sodas seem to popularly end in “itos”.  Jarritos, Barralitos, and now Caballitos.  Hopefully in the next 13.5 fluid ounces (that’s 400 ml for my metric friends) I’ll be a little closer to that answer but probably not.  Since this soda is Mexican I don’t even have to worry about finding HFCS on the ingredients label.  Nope!  Good old sugar is what sweetens this drink!  The bottle art for Caballitos seems to be a horse exploding from underneath a bottle cap.  The explosion caused by said horse apparently disrupted the Universe of Orange as orange pieces are flying hither and thither.  Let’s open ‘er up shall we?

   Huff as I might I only get the slightest of scents from the mouth of the bottle.  The mandarin scent is so very, very faint but we still must press on!  Drink up!

   This is the tamest orange soda I think I’ve had to date.  There is very little carbonation, very little bite, and the flavor is just so very average.  This tastes as if you took Sunkist Orange soda and added 3 parts water but then somehow took away the sensation of “watered down”.  Caballitos Mandarin doesn’t taste like watered down orange soda… it just weakly sits there.  The horse on the side art must be trying to leave the bottle as he is much too powerful of a mascot to be left upon such a mundane bottle of soda.  (Spoilers from The NeverEnding Story are coming up next, so beware Ralph ”The only guy who hasn’t seen The NeverEnding Story” Stevens.)  Sadly, much like Artax from the NeverEnding Story he must sit there and slowly meet his demise.  “Artax, you're sinking! Come on, turn around, you have to, now! Come on! Artax! Fight against the sadness, Artax.”  That scene hurt me so very much as a child.  I was very attached to Artax since we’d been through so much together in that movie.  Then as an adult I watched the movie again.  The horse dies like 10 minutes after you first meet him… TEN MINUTES!  They jarred my fragile child psyche with the death of a horse I met ten minutes ago!  On a higher note… wasn’t that luck dragon creepy/cool?  Where was I… oh yeah (Spoilers End).  Caballitos is very average orange, sorry, mandarin soda.  It doesn’t taste bad but it does absolutely nothing to set it apart from the pack… well except re-injure my childhood’s emotional scars.

~A

Twist was rooting for the Nothing the entire time... he's heartless like that.

Henry Weinhard's Root Beer

   Since You’ve Been Gone somebody told me that Henry Weinhard’s Root Beer was the best root beer hands down.  I of course was doubtful because I don’t trust people that use the phrase “hands down”.  Nonetheless I still started seeking out said root beer, asking various store Clerks, but found other Henry Wienhard products instead both of which were delicious!  Now with Henry Weinhard Root Beer in hand I can either validate or nullify the statement that was made to me so long ago.  On a side note it’s really hard for me to remember the name Henry Weinhard. 

   Now I just got through walking my Dogma so I’m pretty thirsty.  Upon opening the bottle I’m greeted by the meek aroma of root beer.  Now had this review been written 40 Days and 40 Nights ago I would have been wary about this weak smell.  Not anymore though.  So many times I’ve thought that the smell was the Master and Commander of the drink… setting the tone to what was to follow.  So many times this has proven to be false.  Time to drink and think.

   Let’s just get the initial question out of the way.  Sorry, this is not the greatest root beer “hands down”.  That’s just Sex, Lies, and Video Tape.  This is a good root beer though and should not be overlooked.  If you’re at Muriel’s Wedding in Chicago and the Priest offers you this is I highly suggest you try it.  You start off with a rather unique flavor that is still unmistakably root beer.  You can tell they didn’t try to Mimic any of the other root beers on the market.  What follows is a smooth root beer flavor followed by a quick snap of bubbles.  You could chug this and be just fine.  In fact you could drink this from Dusk Till Dawn.  The smooth mouth feel of this root beer is very nice; it reminds you that Life is Beautiful.  Your mouth doesn’t feel syrupy after drinking it (which is surprising since they use HFCS as a sweetener) and the unique flavor stays with you throughout.  Holy Smoke, I forgot to look at the ingredients.  I’m Wide Awake and I forgot to look... I’m losing my edge.  Well now that I’m looking I see that they use honey in the making of this beverage.  That is definitely one of the attributing factors to this unique sub-taste.  I make up the word sub-taste because it’s not the flavor that holds dominance in your mouth that I’m talking about but the one that hides in the shadows and peeks out afterwards.  Your Henry Weinhard’s Root Beer experience is capped off with a fairly clean ending, leaving a pleasant aftertaste.  Even though this is a great beverage and I suggest you enjoy it I leave you with this advice.  Don’t be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Root Beer in the Hood.  Anywho… time for me to Bounce.

~The Tall Guy from Happy, TX

P.S. - Princess Mononoke

Twist's favorite Miramax movie?  Godzilla vs Biollante of course.

Jarritos Strawberry

For my review today I picked something I know will probably be good… because it’s Jarritos.  Jarritos has one of the strongest lines of soda I’ve come across.  Who would have known that when I was a teenager my choice of picking the “alternative soda” was actually a great idea?  You see my best friend and I would stay at each other’s house overnight on some weekends and to make sure that we stayed up late we’d have to hit up the corner store for some soda.  How could you possibly play Golden Eye/Resident Evil/Rampage for 18 hours straight without it?  We picked Jarritos not because it was made with cane sugar, had a great taste, or had amazing flavors.  We picked it because it was weird to us.  Mexican soda?  WHAT?!  That’s crazy!  It’s funny and sad how “other worldly” Jarritos seemed at the time but I’m very happy to be drinking it now, hopefully appreciating it to its fullest extent.  Oh… by the way.  Today’s drink is Jarritos Strawberry!  You know the drill.

This smells like a syrupy strawberry soda.  My nostrils can taste the sweetness that will soon be on my tongue.  I’d go on but my drink is warming up… I do actually drink and write these at the same time you know. 

Wow… that’s a much lighter mouth feel that I was expecting.  Here I was thinking it was going to be heavy and syrupy but once again I’ve been surprised by Jarritos.  It starts off as a somewhat light and bubbly strawberry soda and finishes with a heavier feel.  My tongue can still feel the bubbles well after it’s gone down my gullet adding to the pleasurable experience.  You get most of the sweetness about 3/4ths through your gulp.  It’s like the sweet strawberry flavoring is waiting in the shadows ready to pounce but then jumps a bit earlier than it wanted too.  Your tongue is attacked by the carnivorous strawberry but fights it off only to walk away with a few battle scars in its remembrance.  Wave after wave of tiny, vicious strawberry attacks doing its best to thwart your tongue but no… your tongue is a warrior.  Your tongue has taken on envelope glue, 9 volt batteries, and even Malta Hatuey.  These tiny delicious strawberries are no match and show as such when they burst into tiny fizzy bubbles upon their death.  At the end of the battle your tongue is stained red with their blood.  Suddenly a warm strawberry scented breeze blows from the south.  Your tongue now knows that its job is done and lays dormant until the next meeting.  One more thing...

~A

(This bottle was given to us by Jarritos)

Faux Fact:  All sensations feel bubbly to iguanas.

Rat Bastard Root Beer

   Rat Bastard Root Beer.  That’s the name of the beverage in front of me today.  The letters that form the name of this beverage are scrawled in white upon a plain grey background.  I’d say it was boring if it wasn’t for the other “witty” words adorning the bottle.  Phrases such as “It’s us against them”, “What you’ll be drinking”, and my particular favorite “Quit being a dick.  Drink it.”  Rat Bastard Root Beer uses HFCS for sweetener but then comes out of nowhere with several odd herbs for flavoring.  There’s a few ginsengs in there, some jasmine, clove, skullcap, capsicum, kava kava, and so many other strange herbs I wouldn’t think to add to a beverage.  Well I pride myself in being a Jerk but I will not be called a dick without just cause.  Let’s just open this already. 

   It has a great rooty aroma that comes right out and hits you in the face.  Even though this may not be sweetened with sugar I’m still looking forward to this first gulp.

   The smell, as it so often seems to be, is much stronger than the taste and this disappoints me.  I expected something called Rat Bastard Root Beer to take me by the throat and shake me until I enjoyed their product.  For goodness sake they used peer pressure to get me to drink it… who wants to be a dick?  The insane herbal blend they use is only slightly noticeable but it does make your tongue tingle in an interesting way.  The flavor most resembles that of Barq’s if I must compare it to one of the big mainstream three.  Barq’s has more bite… which once again makes me sad that I let my mind rev this beverage up based on its name alone.  I will say that it has a relatively clean finish… so… good for you Rat Bastard Root Beer.  Shame on you for having such an extreme name for such a tamely flavored soda.  “Nice Guy Root Beer” would have worked better for the flavor I just ingested but you’d still get the same rating.

~A

Don't worry, Twist punished this bottle for calling him a dick.

Jelly Belly Crushed Pineapple

   Hey everybody, it’s time for another Jelly Belly soda review!  I’m not sure why I started this review out with such fanfare.  It’s not like everyone waits with great anticipation for me to write another Jelly Belly soda review… especially since I’ve only reviewed Jelly Belly Juicy Pear.  Anyway, today we’ve got Jelly Belly Crushed Pineapple to try and I’m raring to give it a go.  Of course like the last Jelly Belly soda it’s made with 100% Cane Sugar and naturally flavored.  Sadly it still houses the demon known as Sodium Benzoate.  Well enough chatter, let’s open up the bottle imprisoning the yellow sugar water and give it a go.

   Wow… this doesn’t smell like pineapple as much as it smells like pineapple cake.  I wasn’t really expecting that but it’s a welcome surprise.  I’m a big fan of pineapple upside down cake so hopefully this drink is a liquefied version of such.  Although assuming that may just lead me down heartbreak road.  You know what happens when you assume don’t you?  It makes an ass of you… the reader… not me… but you.  Time to drink!

   Aaaand here comes the positive review.  This is the best pineapple soda I’ve ever had.  It does taste a bit like pineapple upside down cake but it mostly reminds me of a Dole-Whip.  For those of you who are unaware of the magic that is a Dole-Whip let me explain.  A Dole-whip is soft serve pineapple ice cream.  You can even put said pineapple ice cream into pineapple juice making it a Dole-Whip Float.  There are only three places that you can consume just magical splendor:  The Dole Plantation in Hawaii, In Disneyland right outside of the Enchanted Tiki Room, at WDW in Adventureland and also in the Polynesian Resort, and finally at some place called Jumpin' Jack's Drive-In in Scotia, NY.  I used to work at WDW and even sold a Dole Whip or 8 billion at one time so I’m fairly familiar with them.  Needless to say even though I’m not wacky for pineapples I’m a colossal fan of Dole-Whips.  Seriously… next chance you get you should try one.  No, no… I’ll just wait for you all to try one.  Go on, save up your money.  I’ll wait.

(Read this next part in a few years.  Take your time, I’m in no rush.)

   We all caught up now?  Good, it was worth it wasn’t it?  So now that it’s several years in the future from when you started this article go ahead and stop in your local SodaJerks Poppery and have a cold Jelly Belly Crush Pineapple to compare.  It should be rather easy to do as we’re on every corner.  As you now know, Jelly Belly Pineapple soda isn’t as sweet as a Dole-Whip though and of course it doesn’t have the cream flavoring either but it’s a very good soda.  The carbonation level is low allowing more of the pineapple flavoring to penetrate your palate.  I really don’t think that this would be a beverage you’d have with a meal though either.  Jelly Belly Crushed Pineapple seems more like a dessert drink or something you’d enjoy while sitting in the shade on a hot day.  With all that said I should probably just rate it.  I mean you’ve waited this long, there’s no need to leave you waiting any more.

Aaron Manahan

CEO of SodaJerks Enterprises

Twist is head of sercurity now... just mind your S's and J's and no one will get hurt.

XAPP

   When I was approached (i.e. e-mailed) by the folks as XAPP asking if I wouldn’t mind reviewing their soda I was a bit skeptical.  You see XAPP soda isn’t your normal soda… it’s a workout soda.  What I mean by this is that it has 25g of protein in it to help you recover from your strenuous workings out.  The reason I was skeptical (going back to my initial sentence) was because I’ve never known a “workout” product to taste good.  Normally when I see the word “protein” slapped on a label I associate it with all those weight gain powder drinks that I tried to force myself to drink back when my family called me “Stick Boy”.  Needless to say I took XAPP up on their challenge with the stipulation that I only review the flavor aspect of XAPP soda… which by the way is fruit punch.  So this review will have nothing to do with how well it helps me recover from my work out.  XAPP comes with caffeine and without caffeine.  The caffeine version is what you’re supposed to drink pre-workout to help energize you.  Since I’d like to get some sleep relatively soon I’ve opted for the caffeine-free version.  Let’s open ‘er up and… wait… the ingredients of this include milk.  Skepticism level raised.  Any who, let’s open ‘er up and take a whiff. 

   Well it certainly smells like fruit punch so that’s a plus.  Skepticism level lowered (slightly).  It’s not the strongest fruit punch aroma I’ve ever encountered but it’s enough to make me think this might actually taste pretty decent.  There’s only one way to find out.

   Well the initial chug of the beverage is kind of pleasant.  It tastes like a light and fruity punch much like the listed flavor says.  The finish is what’s going to hurt XAPP soda but we’ll get to that.  It’s very lightly carbonated so you’re not going to be burping up a lot of this stuff when you’re done chugging it down.  I only say chugging because that to me is extreme drinking.  I figure you have to be extreme to drink this because the can is decorated with the look of carbon fiber.  If you’re drinking out of a “carbon fiber” can then you must be pretty extreme.  You won’t be “Smug looking guy I can’t stand wearing too tight a t-shirt/necklace with slicked back hair and sprayed on confidence… I mean tan” extreme, this is an acceptable level of extreme but I digress.  Back to when I said “the finish is what’s going to hurt XAPP soda…”  The finish is what’s going to hurt XAPP soda.  I say this because that’s when this begins to taste like a “workout” beverage.  The mouth feel isn’t gritty but it’s not a pleasant one either.  Texture wise it’s like the most liquidy mud you’ve ever seen.  No actual granules mind you but not something you want to keep ingesting for pleasure.  The more you drink it the more you mouth suffers from the buildup of this beverage.  It’s almost as if XAPP soda has a mouth drying effect the more you drink it.  With all that said it’s not the worst soda I’ve ever had and as far as “workout” products go I’d say it has one of the better flavors out there.   TheSodaJerks don’t review products based on how well they taste in their category though.  I’m not going to rank this because it tastes better than Hyper-Choco-Bo 9000.  In the end, which is nearing, the ranking is primarily based on how well its taste holds up in the soda world.  The initial taste really is kinda nice and if they could have held onto that flavor we’d be talking in cheerful tones right now.  Sadly though the initial flavor dissipates relatively quickly into the saddest finish since Crystal Skull. 

~A

(This drink provided to us by XAPP)

We didn't allow Twist to try this because we were afraid he'd become too powerful to control

Zuberfizz Cola

My experience with Zuberfizz has been well documented.  The short story is this… when the batch isn’t watery it tastes great!  The only problem is that I’ve come across more watery batches than I thought I ever would.  With that said let’s reach into the Ice Box and pull out a Zuberfizz Cola.  Same simplistic art on the bottle that I enjoy so much coupled with one of my favorite bottle caps to date.  Glad to see that the art never gets watered down… now let’s find out about the drink.

The odor wafting from the bottle is one rich in cola flavor.  I’d like to point out that those flavors turned odor are all natural as well!  Zuberfizz always has top notch ingredients and in part usually has a great aroma.  Smell is one thing to be excited about but it won’t tell us if this batch is watery.  For that we need to drink!

While I’m not sure if this is the actual achieved flavor I taste.  The flavor could be much stronger… and it could be much weaker, so there’s no telling.  The mouth feel of Zuberfizz Cola is very neutral but that’s ok because it works.  It has about as much fizz as a 2 liter that was opened the day before, so don’t think going into this you’re not going to experience any carbonation.  The flavor I’m greeted with is no doubt cola but it doesn’t find any similarity to Coke, Pepsi, or RC.  I didn’t realize how sweet this tasted until I didn’t drink it for a bit.  My mouth has a slight sugary film coating it much like a veil on a bride.  That was just an overly romantic way of saying that the film isn’t bad at all… it just exists and that’s ok.  Unlike the veil you can never remove the film which I’m sure after a while might get annoying.  “How many foggy days in a row has it been now, Dave?”  “It hasn’t been foggy all week Jane… you’re veil, remember?”  “Oh yes, how silly of me!   I don’t know why I don’t ever take my veil off?”  “I think you’re trying to strengthen some lame analogy in a soda review.”  “What?” “Never mind.”  Leaving Dave and Jane alone I leave you, the reader, with this.  Zuberfizz Cola is good.  Its ingredients are good.  Its bottle art is good but it just doesn’t stand out to me amongst a cola heavy market.

~A

(This Soda was supplied to us by Zuberfizz)

That's not a pineapple behind Twist... it's an Iguana Fruit ready to bloom.