Rat Bastard Root Beer

   Rat Bastard Root Beer.  That’s the name of the beverage in front of me today.  The letters that form the name of this beverage are scrawled in white upon a plain grey background.  I’d say it was boring if it wasn’t for the other “witty” words adorning the bottle.  Phrases such as “It’s us against them”, “What you’ll be drinking”, and my particular favorite “Quit being a dick.  Drink it.”  Rat Bastard Root Beer uses HFCS for sweetener but then comes out of nowhere with several odd herbs for flavoring.  There’s a few ginsengs in there, some jasmine, clove, skullcap, capsicum, kava kava, and so many other strange herbs I wouldn’t think to add to a beverage.  Well I pride myself in being a Jerk but I will not be called a dick without just cause.  Let’s just open this already. 

   It has a great rooty aroma that comes right out and hits you in the face.  Even though this may not be sweetened with sugar I’m still looking forward to this first gulp.

   The smell, as it so often seems to be, is much stronger than the taste and this disappoints me.  I expected something called Rat Bastard Root Beer to take me by the throat and shake me until I enjoyed their product.  For goodness sake they used peer pressure to get me to drink it… who wants to be a dick?  The insane herbal blend they use is only slightly noticeable but it does make your tongue tingle in an interesting way.  The flavor most resembles that of Barq’s if I must compare it to one of the big mainstream three.  Barq’s has more bite… which once again makes me sad that I let my mind rev this beverage up based on its name alone.  I will say that it has a relatively clean finish… so… good for you Rat Bastard Root Beer.  Shame on you for having such an extreme name for such a tamely flavored soda.  “Nice Guy Root Beer” would have worked better for the flavor I just ingested but you’d still get the same rating.

~A

Don't worry, Twist punished this bottle for calling him a dick.