Brain Wash

Picture a skull and crossbones staring at you from the label of your potential beverage.  Now picture the top of the skull cracked open exposing the oddly fresh brain inside of it.  That my friend is what is currently staring into my soul on this label of Brain Wash.  Brain Wash is made from the same fine folks that brought us Black Lemonade, one of the harshest beverages my throat ever dealt with.  Just like Black Lemonade, Brain Wash has amusing blurbs on its label like “This may be your only way out!” and “May cause special effects”.  Navy blue isn’t a color you usually associate with soda, but they’ve put enough Blue Dye #1 in this bad boy to reach that level.  It has a lot of the same ingredients that Black Lemonade has with a few exceptions.  Brain Wash sadly uses HFCS instead of Cane Sugar, but on the plus side also uses Sage and Jalapeno Oil.  I’m not sure how the sage will play a role in this performance, but I’m hoping the jalapeno oil is at least noticeable.  Since Brain Wash isn’t exactly a flavor I’m a little curious as to what this will most taste like in the realm of real tastes.  My initial guess is going to be a fruity ginger beverage that’s about to scald the back of my throat through the act of chemical warfare.  Let’s find out, shall we?

The initial odor I’m getting is that of green NyQuil which isn’t what you want to smell when you first open anything… except NyQuil of course.  I will say that the bubbles forming in the neck of the bottle look rather nice when contrasted against the dark blue soda.  Will they keep this from tasting like carbonated NyQuil?  No, but hopefully something else does.

A barrage of pain shoots through my sinuses as the spice/carbonation combination reaches my nose with ease.  With my mouth a bit more acclimated the second sip is much more tame allowing me to properly review this beverage known as Brain Wash.  Right off the bat I can tell you that the jalapeno oil is indeed noticeable as the back of my throat now has a (nice?) continuous burn going.  The flavor of the drink itself is rather vague, honestly it tastes like a generic blueberry soda you might find anywhere.  My brain may have just associated this vague taste with blueberry due to the hue, but it’s all I’ve got to go on right now.  Even though the base flavor itself is vague and unspectacular the experience of drinking Brain Wash is so far one I’ll remember for a long time.  Each sip assaults my mouth in every way possible.  The ginger/jalapeno/capsicum combination proves volatile at first, but calms down a bit once you’re throat learns how to cope.  The strongest of these, as mentioned before, is what I assume to be the jalapeno oil as my throat feels like it would after enjoying a spicy plate of nachos.  While this is very similar to the mouth feel of Black Lemonade I find that Black Lemonade at least had a purpose.  It was a harsh lemonade unlike anything you’d had before.  Brain Wash is a harsh… fruity… blue… drink that in my opinion the gimmick of destroying your mouth becomes nothing more than just that… a gimmick.  It’s not original because Black Lemonade exists.  It’s almost like they said “hey, Black Lemonade is doing ok… how else might we ruin someone’s vocal chords (which of course it does not do)” so they invented Brain Wash because they could.  I need more of a reason than the one I just made up for them to promote this beverage.  If you want a throat conquering soda then purchase Black Lemonade, as for Brain Wash...

~A

Twist mocks you're extreme label with his own extreme...ness?