Rocket Fizz - Green Apple Jalapeno

Oh hi, didn’t see you there!  This is Aaron… you know, the Soda Jerk.  Today I have the great fortune of drinking a soda from our old buddies at Old 52.  They aren’t called Old 52 because they’re our old buddies; life is just funny like that sometimes.  Any-doodle, Old 52 has sent us this delicious bottle of Rocket Fizz Green Apple Soda!  Mmmm MMMM!  Being our old buddies, Old 52 knows how much I love green apple soda, especially when it's sweetened with cane sugar.  This is apparently some sort of Mexican green apple soda because it has some sort of funny word after the flavor “Green Apple”.  The funny word printed on the bottle is Jalapeno.  Have you ever heard of anything so crazy?  I haven’t.  Crazy!  Any-scoot, I took German in High School like the good little Texan I am, so you and I can experience this crazy ride called Rocket Fizz Green Apple Jalapeno (tee hee, it still makes me giggle) together.  Bottoms up!

Yowza!  That certainly smells like our old friend Green Apple!  It’s like picking a green apple off the tree and slicing it open like a red delicious apple.  Something spooky is going on here though.  Every time I smell it the inside of my nose parts feel a little burning sensation.  Ah well, that must be the fresh mountain air that was used to grow these delicious green creatures.  Time for drinkin!

What the French, toast!   It seems our “old friends” at Old 52 have pulled the wool over our eyes!  Rocket Fizz Green Apple Jalapeno does have the delicious, delicious taste of fresh grown green apples, but after that it goes straight to heck… literally!  After I felt my thirst was quenched the back of my throat burst into flames causing enough pain to really cheese me off!  I guess this is what Jalapeno means in Spanish… trick soda!  As much as it hurts me I still go back to it so that I might enjoy the green apple flavoring they nailed down so well you’d swear it was glued.  RASPBERRIES, THAT STINGS!  Each flipping sip is followed up by the fires of Mordor, and just when I think I’m getting used to it the flames flare up once again making me regret my last decision.  I thought that the carbonation bubbles were also my old friends, but they don’t seem be on my side either.  The bubbles just kind of add more sizzle to the flame.  Is no one on my side?  Oh yeah, the green apple is!  One second while I go use the internet then double check my information on the encyclopedia, one can never be too safe, on what a Jalapeno is.

Well shoot me in the face with a sling shot of mud.  Did you know a Jalapeno is a pepper?  Now that I think about it every time they talked about them in the show Gargoyles they were in a rather “spicy” situation.  It just goes to show you that you can never doubt Goliath.  With that said who would ruin a perfectly good soda with a pepper… especially when you can’t even taste the pepper itself, just the heat.  I think if I were to make this soda again I’d probably add more jalapeno flavoring to it and not worry so much about the burn factor, but what do I know… I’m just a bear.

~A

You'll never find something more fiery than Twist.

Lemmy Sparkling Lemonade

I didn’t feel like thinking today so the soda I picked should make for a simple review.  Again we dip into the stash sent to us by Old 52 General Store.  From said stash I have pulled out Lemmy Sparkling Lemonade.  This should be easy, right?  Lemmy has been around since 1939, and judging by the art style their creepy lemon mascot has made that journey right along with them.  A couple of notes about the ingredients, it is noted that Lemmy is both made with cane sugar and real lemon juice.  So perhaps the drop of drool coming out of the creepy mascot lemon’s mouth is warranted.  I may make several more mentions of this creepy mascot, who I can only assume is Lemmy, but I’d still happily tote some merchandise with him on it.  The side of the bottle reads as such:  Since 1939 Lemmy is the original sparkling lemonade drink.  For the taste of fresh squeezed lemons, just say “Lemme have a Lemmy”.  Now that the bottle has told us what to expect flavor wise I think it’s time to find out if Lemmy is a liar.

Lemmy Sparkling Lemonade both looks and smells like lemonade.  That’s an insanely boring sentence, but it is what it is.  I will say that it’s a rather fresh burst of lemon that you get when you smell the bottle opening; hopefully the flavor is equally enjoyable.

They should call this “Shimmering Lemonade” instead of “Sparkling Lemonade” as the carbonation level is very low.  I’m not even sure most would realize this was carbonated at all if it didn’t say so on the bottle.  Only at the end of each swig do the carbonation bubbles make an appearance, lightly dancing on my molars.  The lemonade flavor is just that.  I wouldn’t say that this tastes like fresh squeezed lemons, as that would be much tarter than Lemmy tastes.  Then again I’ve never understood why any beverage would say that it tasted like fresh squeezed lemons… oranges maybe, but lemons?  You’d be drinking straight lemon juice, and that’d be pretty terrible after a while for most.  Thankfully Lemmy tastes like above average lemonade.  Lemmy’s tart to sweet ratio is right on the money, neither one outdoing the other.  Overall Lemmy gets the job done.  It’s nice to drink on a warm November day like today (82 degrees btw), or a cool November night like tonight (low of 48).  I like Lemmy more than I initially thought I would.  I wasn’t expecting lemonade of this quality, and even though the bubbles are few and far between they do just enough to set this apart from normal lemonade.  Way to go Lemmy!  Now stop looking at me like that.

~A

One guess where Lemmy got that pose.

Jic Jac - Blue Raspberry

Today’s drink is a vibrant blue color, and everyone knows that if it’s blue it MUST be raspberry flavored.  I’ve ranted about my hatred of blue raspberry before so for the sake of Old 52, who supplied us with this soda, I’ll refrain.  Jic Jac Blue Raspberry is the official name of the soda at hand, but according to the label all I need to do is “Just Say” Jic Jac.  It’s a nice simple slogan on an even easier logo.  It’s very retro looking and coupled with a fun name like Jic Jac it moves it into the top 5 for me… logo wise.  Of course Jic Jack Blue Raspberry is made with cane sugar, but what I didn’t expect to see in the ingredients was raspberry extracts.  It’s rare that I actually see the word “raspberry” on anything raspberry flavored anymore.  So maybe my initial judging was a bit too harsh.  Let’s find out, shall we?

Ok, so the smell makes me a little more excited as well.  The aroma alone from the drink portrays that it’s both sweet and sour.  It also tells me that what I’m about to taste is similar to raspberries.  I know, I know, a raspberry soda should smell like raspberries… sadly that is not the case most times.  Usually a raspberry soda smells more like random candies than raspberries.  While Jic Jac does smell of candy the raspberry smell is what first catches and holds onto your olfactory glands.  Taste time!

There’s the sour, and there’s… the… sweet.  The sweet took a little longer than I thought to reach my taste buds.  Jic Jac Blue Raspberry soda is fairly average.  Initially you’re greeted with candy raspberry flavoring touched with sour.  As you move the soda around in your mouth the sour intensifies up until it makes its way down your gullet.  After the soda leaves your mouth the sour sensation dissipates into sweetness, that while slight, reminds me of cotton candy.  My favorite part of this journey is when Jic Jac is residing upon your tongue getting more intense by the second.  It sits in there like an angry hive of bees, rasp-bee-ries if you will.  These rasp-bee-ries don’t like to be shaken, but who does?  With each swish of your mouth they begin to sting your tongue.  Fed up with having your tongue stung you swallow, only to have them scrape the back of your throat as they perish.  Such is the life of a rasp-bee-ry.  Only with a burp do the haunting spirits of the rasp-bee-ries get to give their final farewell.  Even though I just likened Jic Jac Blue Raspberry to having a mouth haunted with magical ghost bees I stick by my original assessment that it’s average.  Nothing about it blew me away, but I wouldn’t mind trying other Jic Jac flavors.  I could be biased due to the fact that we’re talking about a blue raspberry soda, then again I could be spot on.  I guess the only way you’ll know is if you… (see what I’m doing here)

~A

Twist always questions his own mortality when put next to something blue

Rocket Fizz - Banana Nut

I’m trying to alternate between “odd” and “normal” flavors of the sodas sent to me by Old 52.  Looking at what I have in stock I realized that I’m going to run out of the “normals” fairly soon.  Therefore today’s soda shall be placed in the “odd” category.  Rocket Fizz Banana Nut is what’s on the plate…erm… in the bottle today!  You may remember our first Rocket Fizz review, and it would make sense if you did since it was only three reviews ago.  Rocket Fizz uses cane sugar… oh sorry, PURE cane sugar, to sweeten and a variety of chemicals and natural flavors to flavor.  Rocket Fizz Banana Nut has an American beer like color, or something similar to mixing orange soda with lemonade.  I’m most interested in seeing if I can taste the nut in this banana nut soda.  For my 29 and younger readers here’s where you make a joke about nut soda… I know I have.

The smell is impressive.  The aroma reminds me of banana nut bread and the auto shop where I get my oil changed.  That’s not to say it smells like a garage just that my auto shop smells rather pleasant and more like banana nut bread than I originally thought.  I wish it smelled of warm banana nut bread, but I can see how that might be difficult to replicate with a cold beverage.  On with the tasting!

Rocket Fizz is really good at what they do.  They put out these flavors like S’more and Banana Nut which you wouldn’t think would work as a soda… yet they do.  This tastes like banana nut bread, and yes youthful readers I can really taste the nuts.  The carbonation level here is very strong as thousands of tiny bubbles explode on the surface of your tongue, screaming in the process as if they’re trying to get the most out of their fleeting lives before they die.  The aftertaste of Rocket Fizz Banana Nut is very similar to those orange foamy candy circus peanuts you might find in your stocking if you’re my step-mother.  She loves them so very much.  This means that the after taste hints a little of how paint smells, but nothing so terrible I wouldn’t recommend consuming this beverage.  Over all Rocket Fizz did a fantastic job replicating banana nut bread with the flavors of all three coming through in the perfect ratio.  Could I drink a bunch of these in a row?  No, but I would like to have multiple on hand.

~A

Twist first invented banana nut bread as a way to stave off the flu.

Johnnie Ryan - Cherry

Dipping into the Old 52 vault I find myself staring at a very red soda.  It’s called Johnnie Ryan, and the front of the bottle doesn’t even hint what flavor this might be.  Along with the words “Johnnie Ryan” adorning the neck I see that it’s a “Cane Sugar Soda” and a “Delicious Ryan Beverage”.  Heck even their slogan “First for Thirst” (written in fancy script) can be found, but no flavor.  Looking at the back of the bottle I once again see that I’m going to consume a Johnnie Ryan soda, this time their logo large enough to show you the cane and top hat that are synonymous with Johnnie Ryan I suppose.  This time the neck reads “’A Real Refresher’ Since 1935”.  It’s not until I look at the bottle cap that the words “Ryan Cherry” are able to solve my simple mystery.  Part of me likes the fact that the flavor is only on the bottle cap and part of me is annoyed.  I’m annoyed because I wanted to easily identify the flavor.  Is it red soda, cherry, cranberry, raspberry, punch… who knows?  I think I’m going to tip my hat, and cane, to the fact that the flavor is only on the bottle cap.  There’s something about this bottle of Johnnie Ryan soda that says “class”.  This is one of the classiest bottles I think I’ve ever put my hands one.  It has a great look to it that sets it apart from other bottled beverages.  Heck even the shape of the bottle is different enough to catch ones eye.  This isn’t an art lesson though, this is a soda review.  Now I’m burdened with the task of tasting this cherry soda.  Oh, how will I survive?

Johnnie Ryan Cherry soda greets you with a delightful cherry scent.  It’s light enough that I know this won’t be a paltry cherry drink jammed with chemicals until I can’t enjoy the other aspects it has.  It’s also heavy enough that I know I’m about to enjoy a terrific cherry soda… or so I think.

Wonderful.  Johnnie Ryan Cherry  Soda washes over your tongue with a great amount of cherry flavoring.  The amount of carbonation is perfect!  It seems to start off with fewer larger bubble and quickly dissipates into many tiny bubbles which tickle your palate with a wonderful sensation.  Jonnie Ryan Cherry has a thicker mouth feel during the aftertaste portion, but since the flavor sits so well I don’t think you’d mind it.  This compares to a good cherry candy with the sweetness level lowered just a skosh.  Jonnie Ryan is a tremendous dessert beverage, or I could even see it being consumed on a hot summer day in the shade of your favorite tree.  I never had a favorite tree growing up, in fact no one I knew did.  Did you ever read The Giving Tree?  That story made me mad the first time I ever read it and every time since.  ‘Thanks Tree for all this stuff you’ve given me.  I’ve given you nothing in return, unless you’re just super into mutilation.  For sticking with me for all these years I’m going to murder you and sit on your carcass.’  Sad.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Shel Silverstein.  I just never could get behind that story.  Where was I?  Oh yes!  Jonnie Ryan Cherry is a fantastic drink.  Its simple flavor made me happy.  It’s rare that a drink has the ability to improve my mood, but Jonnie Ryan did just that.

~A

Oddly enough Twist was actually the "First for Thirst" but was disqualified for using his powers.

Lester's Fixins - Sweet Corn Soda

I’m not even quite sure how to introduce today’s soda up for review so I think I’m just going to blurt it out.  It’s sweet corn soda.  Well to be more accurate it’s Lester’s Fixins Sweet Corn Soda.  Before you think about this too long I believe this is indeed corn soda.  Two very large, prominent, ears of corn on the bottle tell me that if I think otherwise I’m just a fool.  The bottle label is an appropriate yellow with a small picture of who I can only assume is Lester at the top left.  Underneath the unmistakable pictures of corn reads the phrase “Y’all get yer fixins!”  For those of you not raised in the southern United States fixins are usually a component of a main meal.  Say you’re having ham for dinner; you might have corn, potatoes, and a roll as your “fixins”.  I’m not saying that I use this term on a daily basis, but I’m also not saying that I don’t have family that does.  By far the most amusing part of this bottle of Sweet Corn Soda is the fact that it’s made with pure cane sugar.  Corn soda not made with HFCS… HI-LARIOUS!  A closer look at the ingredients only proves to be incredibly vague.  There’s no telling why I’m not more nervous about drinking a bottle of Sweet Corn Soda, let’s find out if I should be.

Ok, I’m terrified now.  The scent of Lester’s Fixins Sweet Corn Soda smells exactly, EXACTLY, like sweet corn.  I’m also getting a hint of buttery popcorn with each visit my nose takes to the top of this bottle, hoping I’ll eventually smell something more forgiving.  Whelp, like I said I’m now scared silly to even try this in fear of instant vomiting.  Wish me luck Carbo-Nation.  If I do indeed die the website will go to the last man standing… or the first one willing to pay $22 a month.  Here goes…

No, I don’t want to do this anymore.  That was super weird and nauseating all in one sip.  I’m going to try and tell you as much as I can get out of that one sip before I even think about trying Sweet Corn Soda ever again.  The initial experience, and I mean it lasted milliseconds, wasn’t that bad… in fact it was just another sugary treat.  Quickly replacing the generic fizzy sugary drink was the overpowering taste of sweet corn…cold… carbonated… sweet corn.  That very distinctive sweet corn taste doesn’t let go of your tongue either, it holds on for dear life making you remember the folly you made for a few minutes more.  Happily I can’t taste the sweet corn anymore.  Sadly I must now get a refresher for your amusement and knowledge.  I think all of the sweet corn power is in the aftertaste.  I have a theory that if I just swish this around in my mouth it won’t be a terrible experience.  Wait just one second as I test this, please.  My theory is somewhat accurate.  Even though the smell of sweet corn hits your nose every time you bring the bottle up, if you just keep the soda in your mouth you aren’t hit with the sickly taste of sweet corn soda.  Of course this doesn’t allow you to ever allow the soda to vacate the premises of your mouth, making living rather unpleasant.  Each sip just builds on itself until your mouth is awash with sweet corn.  I think if I tried I could finish this bottle of soda, but I reaaaallly don’t want to.    I will say that Old Lester certainly told no falsehoods when telling me what flavor this soda would be.  They said it was sweet corn, and it was most certainly sweet corn.  If I ever run into Lester’s products in the future I’ll know good and well to believe in whatever flavor his bottle displays.

~A

Iguana is not a "fixin".

Rocket Fizz - S'mores

Old 52 recently sent us a variety of sodas to review.  It’d be an understatement to say that these are untraditional flavors.  In fact many of the flavors, brands, and ingredients I’ll be reviewing for them are downright bizarre.  So it looks like that Old 52 knows The Soda Jerks and the Carbo-Nation pretty well.  With that said, it’s time to raise our bottles and drink a S’more!  That’s right I said, nay typed, S’more.  Rocket Fizz S’mores sits on my desk today.  The label consists of a man flying around the earth whilest sitting on a rocket.  This is all done in a retro style, but at the same time looks like a 10 year old drew it… I’d wear it.  I notice right away that Rocket Fizz S’mores is made with pure cane sugar, so we’re off on the right foot… um bottle… something.  The rest of the ingredients are fairly average so it’ll be interesting to see how they capture graham cracker, chocolate, and marshmallow with them.  Time for the opening!

The scent coming out of the mouth of the bottle is a graham cracker/coffee combination.  I think I can smell a hint of burnt marshmallow (which is fine since it’d be over a fire anyway), but I’m unable to smell any discernible chocolate aroma.  At this point two of the three key ingredients are in attendance at the smell portion; hopefully the ever important chocolate will make his appearance shortly.  It’d be rather awkward to put chocolate on the side of a milk carton in hopes of finding him.  I think people would get confused.

Within the first sip you taste the missing chocolate, a small amount of coffee, graham cracker, and the hintiest of marshmallow.  Each sip following the first only builds on the foundation initially laid.  The chocolate starts to overpower the coffee taste, the graham cracker really steps up in flavor, but the marshmallow still sits quietly in the back hoping not to get noticed.  Carbonation level is not a problem in Rocket Fizz S’mores, and it shouldn’t be with the name Rocket FIZZ.  Oh can you imagine the rant I’d have gone on if Rocket Fizz soda had little fizz.  Consider yourself lucky Rocket Fizz, or just be thankful that your creators took that into account.  Onward.  The aftertaste of Rocket Fizz S’mores trades between a mocha coffee and a cream soda.  It’s a very dirty aftertaste in the fact that grabs hold of the inside of your mouth and doesn’t let go.  I’ll be honest with you, and why wouldn’t I be as I don’t get paid to lie… or tell the truth… or at all.  Rocket Fizz S’mores has surprised me greatly.  I went into this thinking I was going to be drinking a novelty soda, a one-time buy.  I could see myself drinking this again… happily.  Sure, improvements could be made.  They could increase the chocolate flavoring just a smidge, and the marshmallow should be brought up to match.  With that said, Rocket Fizz S’mores has made me excited to try more of these oddly flavored drinks.  I don’t have a closing sentence to wrap this all up with, so I wrote this one instead.

~A

Twist has improved upon the S'more but it's too delicious for human consumption

Chubby Tutti Frutti

It seems like just last week when I first tried Chubby brand beverages.  Oh yeah, it was!  Today’s 250 ml. bottle is full of Tutti Frutti flavored Chubby brand soda.  I have higher hopes for the Tutti Frutti (already annoying to spell) flavor soda because it’s has a wider spectrum of what it should taste like than say blueberry.  The little chubby mascot on the front of the bottle is playing either tennis or racquetball.  I’m not sure if either have anything to do with Tutti Frutti, but I’ll still give it a shot.  Remember Chubby brand sodas use cane sugar for sweetening so we’re already starting off on the right foot.  Let’s proceed, shall we?

Mmmmm, that smells like delicious cherry, orange, strawberry, sweet, sugary goodness.  So in short, it smells like red kool-aid.  I’m literally salivating at the prospect of trying this beverage in front of me that could taste like red kool-aid.  Enough with the smells.

I feverishly chugged half the bottle down with the anticipation that it would be a carbonated red kool-aid soda.  While I wasn’t disappointed in the flavor it is not red kool-aid soda.  Chubby Tutti Frutti gives you the initial cherry/strawberry flavoring you’d expect with just a touch of carbonation.  While this is all fine and dandy like sour candy the finish is where this beverage falls short of what it could be.  The mid-taste to aftertaste portion of this particular type of Chubby tastes like a cherry cough drop.  It’s not sorta like a cherry cough drop, it doesn’t remind me of a cherry cough drop, it tastes exactly like a cherry cough drop (Halls to be exact) without the medicinal qualities.  So in short here’s what you get.  You get a red kool-aidesque slightly carbonated beverage that tastes like a cough drop 50% of the time you’re consuming it.  Is it terrible?  No, not at all, in fact I finished the bottle just fine.  Is it better than Chubby BlueBerry?  Yes, yes it is.  While Chubby Tutti Frutti might not be the best example of a fruit punch soda, it does have enough positive qualities to warrant its rating.

~A

Faux Fact: Twist founded Wimbledon

HEB Wild Red

Today’s review puts me in a weird place.  Not “sitting-in-your-boxers-writing-a-review-on-soda-while-a-plastic-iguana-stares-at-you” kind of place, but you get the idea.  The soda up for review today combines the known excellence of an HEB Store brand soda (HEB is a grocery store chain in Texas) with my less than favorite flavor of Big Red.  HEB Wild Red – Red Soda is indeed what’s in front of me to be reviewed.  I’ve only done one other HEB soda review and it was their cola, and my love of it should be apparent since it’s currently in my fridge for consumption.  HEB brand sodas are sweetened with pure cane sugar thus immediately boosting their flavor and mouth feel.  Wild Red is no exception to this rule so at least I know it was made with some sort of thought behind the manufacturing process.  Since the flavor is called “Wild Red” I can only assume that this is their version of a Big Red type beverage.  I wouldn’t call what I feel for Big Red “hate” as that’s way too strong a word.  I would however say that it ranks just above Twizzlers in my “favorite things” department… and they are pretty far down.  Enough babbling though... let’s do this.

Oh, HEB soda… I always forget that you up your legitimacy by using non-screw caps for your bottles.  Yup, it smells like Big Red.  If you’ve never had a “red soda” then let me try my best to explain the scent.  There’s not really a fruity scent at all, just the scent of sugar, cream soda, and bubble gum.  If you disagree with my scent assessment feel free to leave a comment below.  On with the drink!

HEB Wild Red soda doesn’t pack the same punch of flavor that Big Red does.  It’s not flavorless by any means, but it’s a lot less “in your face” than Big Red.  Well technically it’s very “in your face” but that’s on a literal level only.  HEB Wild Red holds the same cotton candy/bubble gum flavor that other red sodas do, but doesn’t improve on it at all.  The fact that it’s made with pure cane sugar is a plus as the soda doesn’t appear to cling to your mouth making each sip a bit cleaner than its HFCS counterparts.  The carbonation level is just a step below tingly, but it’s not something that you’re going to notice and complain about.  Overall HEB Wild Red is an average red soda with an above average sweetener.  To be honest with you I think my apathy toward red sodas might be affecting my rating this time.  If you’re a fan of red sodas at all you should probably go out and try this.  If you are indifferent like I then just go try their cola.

~A

For some reason I wanted Twist to don a cowboy hat for this picture

Chubby BlueBerry Blast

I’ve got a Chubby.  Now that the name of the drink has been said and the most obvious joke in my arsenal has been played, we can move on like the intellectual citizens we are.  Today’s drink was supplied to me by Double Abeyta and its full name is Chubby BlueBerry Blast Soda.  Chubby beverages apparently come in a short 8.45 Fl. Oz. (250 ml.) bottle adorned with a chubby cartoon character.  There is no “story of chubby”, or “facts about chubby”, or even a name for the chubby cartoon character… although I’m assuming his name is Chubby.  This is a product of Trinidad & Tobago so this is fortunately sweetened with sugar.  The rest of the ingredients are chemicals, but at least we can rely on good ol’ trust worthy sugar.  I’m a fan of blueberry soda so let’s move this review in the appropriate direction.

Chubby BlueBerry Blast smells like shampoo.  It’s a fruity smell, but it’s a shampooey smell as well.  If I use my imagination I can pretend to smell the scent of blueberry candy… this calms my thoughts.  On to the drink!

While it does taste a bit like a fruity shampoo might, I’m happy to announce that shampoo is not the dominating flavor.  This subtly carbonated beverage also tastes like chemicals flavored to resemble blueberries.  Herein lies the problem with Chubby BlueBerry Blast… it doesn’t taste like blueberries at all.  This tastes like a hodgepodge of blue candies blended together with little care what the end result was.  I’m also sad(?) to say that the more I drink it the more this does indeed taste like I’m drinking shampoo.   Maybe if Chubby BlueBerry Blast was marketed as a drinkable shampoo I’d give it more “props” as the kids say.  Who am I kidding the kids don’t say that anymore, nor am I old enough to use the phrase “as the kids say”.  With its impossible to ignore soapy flavor I wonder what would happen if I combined Chubby with bland boringness of Neurogasm.  Someone with a lower brow than I can write that joke… I’ll just sit back and laugh at it.

~A

Twist used to have hair until he willed it away.

Schin Guarana

SCHIN!  Looks like a sound effect of some sort doesn’t it?  It’s almost a bike.  It also could be a misspelled body part.  Today though, Schin is a soda… and its full name is Schin Guarana to be more specific.  We’ve dealt with Guarana before, but just as a reminder here’s what it is.  Guarana is a climbing plant commonly found in Brazil that is especially good at producing caffeine.  The fruit of a Guarana plant produces about twice the caffeine as a coffee bean while being approximately the same size.  Now you have something to mildly impress your friends with.  Who am I kidding?  They’re gonna stop listening right after you say “Guess what I learned yesterday from this soda review site.”  Schin Guarana, from here on being called Shin, is indeed a Brazilian beverage brought to me by The Coolest Man on the Planet.  The can art that surrounds the liquid known as Schin would make Willy Wonka proud.  It’s resembles the colors you might find in a tie-dyed shirt… without the tie portion.  Schin does use real deal sugar so I’m happy to see that on the label as well.  Enough of this blibber blabber, on to the drinking!

Upon opening this 350ml can I get very little aroma at all.  Maybe if I knew what Guarana smelled like I could identify it, but I don’t so I’m sorry.  The only scent I do detect is that of bubble gum.  It’s not your pink bubble gum standard smell, but I can’t describe it in any other way.  If I practically inhale the beverage through my nostrils I can also pick out the scent of red delicious apples.  Again, maybe Guarana smells like bubble gum and apples… I have no clue.  Let’s move on to something I might be a bit better at.  Drink on.

Well that’s odd.  Schin’s carbonation level is lower than I expected it to be.  While many drinks go for the “numerous tiny bubbles to make your tongue burn” technique, Schin goes for the “less giant bubbles that just kind of fumble around” technique.  The taste I am greeted with is one of gum and apples.  It’d be crass of me to say that’s all that I can taste, but the flavor is more complicated than the words I can use.  I honestly think this is probably what Guarana tastes like.  I really need to become more familiar with Guarana (a word I’ve never typed so many times before in my life) so that I can better assess situations like this.  Schin is a tasty drink with a somewhat tasty aftertaste.  This is a bit sweeter, and fruitier than I like my sodas but I can see why it’s so successful.  I’m not sure you should pick up multiples of Schin if you saw it in a store though.  Perhaps just one and see if your love grows from that single seed.  That single Schin seed.

~A

Faux Fact:  Twist is the official everything of Brazil

Jones Soda Orange & Cream

Another Jones flavor I probably should have tasted years ago is the victim today, to be more specific the flavor at hand is Orange & Cream Soda.  Orange & Cream is a flavor I’ve liked in the past so I can only assume that I’ll like it in this instance as well.  For those of you wondering who can’t see the picture under the article, which should be none of you, this label of Jones Soda has one of those merry-go-rounds you’d find on a playground.  I was that kid who liked the effects of getting dizzy a bit too much, so naturally I loved these whirl-a-ma-gigs.  Hopefully this Jones Orange & Cream Soda won’t make me as nauseous as a spin-a-ka-doodle in the park, but there’s only one way to find out.

It certainly does smell both orange and creamy so I guess we can say the flavor is truth up to this point.  The orange aroma is slightly stronger than the creamy, but I think the flavor will prove otherwise… or at least I hope it does.  Another odd flavor wafts from the top of this bottle, and maybe it’s just me here, but it smells a bit like stewed baby carrots.  I’ve had this “problem” before in sodas where I could taste cooked baby carrots (something I’m not fond of) so this may just be a mental issue of some sort.  Nevertheless, I must truck on regardless!

First off, upon drinking Jones Orange & Cream soda I do get a slight baby carrot taste.  This taste is nothing compared to the one I first tasted in Blue Sky’s Dr. Becker, so it won’t be considered the lone downfall of this beverage.  Secondly, this is one of the least creamy sodas I’ve had that included the words “CREAM SODA” in its flavor description.  This mostly tastes of orange which I understand since it’s the primary flavor of the soda, but it could be improved so very much if it were considerably smoother.  Each sip I take in leaves me with an aftertaste I’m not thrilled with as well.  The carbonation plays a larger role than I’d like, taking away from even initially taking away from what could be a decent orange flavor.  This is the point in the review where I tell you how surprised I am at how little this is blowing me away.  Where Jones Green Apple is a torrential hurricane, Jones Orange & Cream would sadden a kite flyer of any age.  I thought about giving this a lower rating, but my opinion of Jones Orange & Cream at this point is very much “meh”.  Not negative mind you, just… meh.

~A

Twist is creamier than this.

Jones Soda Fufu Berry

I ask this question a lot, or at least a version of this question.  “Why don’t we review more *insert soda brand here*?”  Today the soda brand in question is Jones soda.  Why don’t we review more Jones soda when they’ve proven time and time again that they make a solid product.  Well it’s actually a liquid, but a Jones Popsicle would be most delicious. The flavor of Jones I have in front of me is titled Fufu Berry Soda.  I’ve looked all over the bottle to see if there was any kind of hint as to what Fufu Berry might taste like.  The back of the bottle just told me “artificial flavors” while the front of the bottle sported a humorous picture of a dog sitting halfway off a chair.  The color is a warm and rosy pink, also alluding to the fact that numerous berry flavors will be experienced.  You know about Jones the company so I won’t go into that.  If you do need more info I’m always good for an e-mailed question… 70% of the time.  Open says me!

Upon opening I immediately want my wife to start wearing Jones Fufu Berry as a fragrance.  So if you could please get on that Jones Soda Co.  This smells wonderful!  I get hints of raspberry, strawberry, maybe some lavender in there.  Seriously this is a very versatile aroma… I want to bathe in this.  Before I spend waaaaay to much money on bath water I should find out if it tastes good enough to drink instead.

I like it!  I said that in such a simple way because Jones Fufu Berry seems to be about on par with a simple pleasure.  This is a fun drink that tastes like a wonderful candy but isn’t overly sweet.  Oddly enough if you just pour it in your mouth with no swishes at all the flavor seems to hold back, waiting on your mouth to make the first move.  Your tongue is tickled with a generous amount of light carbonation, as your taste buds begin to truly explore the Fufu Berry flavor.  Once again I taste the raspberry most of all with what I can only imagine is the strawberry following close behind.  I’ll be honest though, it’s rather difficult for me to separate all the different berry flavors they may have used, artificial flavors or not.  During the middle of its performance the Fufu Berry gives your mouth a kick like you might expect out of a fruit punch.  As much as I enjoyed it Jones Fufu Berry Soda isn’t something I see myself drinking a lot of.  This is a party drink to me for those of your friends that don’t drink alcohol, or who just prefer fun soda.  The fragrance I first experienced did indeed win out over the taste which is a shame, but I honestly don’t know how the taste could have beaten that amazing bouquet.  With all that said, written actually, this is a really fun drink to have/serve/enjoy.  I do suggest you find some Fufu Berry and share it with your friends.

~A

The dog on the label was initially facing forward, but Twist intimidated him too much.

Fentimans Rose Lemonade

Ever been caught serving your guests lemonade WITHOUT roses?  Well never be embarrassed again with Fentimans Traditional Rose Lemonade.  Frentimans Traditional Rose Lemonade comes in the classically stylish standard Fentimans bottle, multiple dog heads included!  Each and every bottle of Fentimans is jam-packed, not with jam silly, but with the following ingredients:  Carbonated water, lemon juice concentrate, cane sugar, glucose syrup, fermented ginger root extracts, pear juice concentrate, lemon flavoring, citric acid, tantaric acid, natural color, and rose oil!  Wait there’s more!  If you like sediment then Fentimans Rose Lemonade is for you!  There’s so much sediment in there I’m getting SEDI-MENTAL!  Seriously folks you need to be aware of this product.  Let’s take a call and see what they think of Fentimans Rose Lemonade.  Caller, go ahead!

Justin Casey Falls - “After I done opened it I stuck my schnozz down in that bottle hole and smelled up something mighty powerful.  I reckon if I had to describe it like one of them high paid reviewers I’d say that it was like a lemon that been mixed with them thar chemicals you use to clean yer house.”

Thank you caller.  Well folks it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for… the taste test.  We’ve selected seven children to tell us what they think of Fentimans Rose Lemonade.  Take it away kids!

Morton – My tongue feels all sour after drinking it.

Larry – The little bubbles tickled my mouth… I wish it tickled my mouth more.  Why are you laughing?

Roy – I thought this drink would be all chewy but I haven’t chewed a bit.

Lemmy – The more I drink it the better it gets!

Wendy – Are you sure this isn’t a drink for adults?

Ludwig – I like no-rose lemonade better.

Iggy - While the initial sour blast takes over your mouth it quickly allows the other flavors to make their presence known.  Each sip allows your palate to become more accustomed to the tartness this lemonade brings, and while it is most certainly different from normal lemonade I really wouldn’t mind trying this again.  It’s quite unique.

There you have it folks the kids have spoken!  If I’d just heard testimonials like that I think I’d pick up the phone and…

~A

Faux Fact - Twist used to the operator of a 1-900 number

Topo Sabores Apple

Who doesn’t love apple soda… well besides Johnny Appleseed of course?  I always figured being around all those apples would eventually make him sick of them.  Sure he helped shape America with all he did involving apples, but I bet he only ate them to keep up his image.  Fortunately Johnny “Appleseed” Chapman isn’t here to review this Topo Sabores Apple soda.  Also fortunately… is not a proper way to start a sentence but… also fortunately I am here to review this bottle of Topo Sabores Apple Soda.  As you might be able to tell by the name, Topo Sabores hails from Mexico and uses delicious cane sugar as a sweetener as well as HFCS just to confuse us.  We’ve done a few of their drinks before so I’ll just add a link here… and maybe here.  Let’s all read about me smelling this soda now. Pop Pop!

The scent coming out of the neck of this bottle is definitely that of an apple, but I will say that it’s also a bit more subtle than I expected.  At first it smells like apple juice only to have the scent change to sweet soda at the last second, almost fooling you into thinking it was healthy.  Drink time.

Very nice.  Very nice indeed.  This apple soda even tastes a bit like apple juice even though the bottle lists no such ingredient.  With each sip I’m greeted with a touch of spice, much like you would experience in eggnog.  Before my mind gets a chance to think too hard on eggnog soda the spice quickly dissipates into a mildly carbonated apple juice flavored soda.  The aftertaste reminds me of a red apple/green apple hybrid.  It is sweet and tart at the same time and lasts considerably longer than any of the other tastes you’ll experience.  As much as I like Topo Sabores Apple Soda it doesn’t actually “wow” me.  This is an above average soda, and I will suggest you buy multiples, but it’s lacking a special something that would set it apart from being slightly above average.

~A

One day Twist will be on a bottle of soda.

Fever-Tree Ginger Ale

I went on a search for some new soda to review, as I’m very low at the moment, and went into what I thought would be a goldmine of sodas.  Sadly this was no goldmine, but it did have one nugget to give me to make sure I didn’t leave empty handed.  Fever-Tree Ginger Ale is the subject of today’s review… and oddly enough it is gold from head to toe.  Fever-Tree Ginger Ale is bottled in such a way you’d expect to find this in a mini-bar in a very nice hotel room.  It’s a full 6.8 oz. of light gold liquid so it has the ‘hip tiny bottle factor’ going for it as well.  I must also say that I enjoy the simple gold bottle cap with the "Fever-Tree" printed on it.  The ingredients in Fever-Tree Ginger Ale are as follows, Spring Water, Cane Sugar, Citric Acid, Natural Gingers, Natural Flavours, and Natural Caramel.  That’s a fairly simple recipe for ginger ale… let’s see if it works for them.

Silly me, I just tried to twist the cap off and found myself in need of a bottle opener.  How could I have forgotten that I’m dealing with Fever-Tree… la ti da!  Immediately upon opening I get the very recognizable scent of ginger entering my nostrils.  The aroma was so strong that I’d almost think I was about to drink a ginger beer instead of the much tamer ginger ale.  Well I guess there’s only one way to find out.

As the ingredients would have me expect, this is a very pleasant soda.  It has the initial mouth feel of a ginger beer but quickly slows down to the speed of the much calmer ale.  Pretend you’re driving a DeLorean, just cruisin’ the streets.  You pull up next to some guy riding a bicycle and act as if you’re going to drag race him.  Revving the engines a couple of times you make your intentions all the more clear.  When the light turns green you gun it, racing off for about 25 feet before you turn to the guy on the bike and laugh, then slowing down to the posted speed still enjoying the fact that you drive a DeLorean.  That’s what my first impressions of Fever-Tree Ginger Ale are, and I don’t really care if the analogy makes any sense.  I like this initial burn.  It scared me for a split second when I thought my throat was going to be toasted by the end of this review, but it’s good to be scared every now and again.  The overall flavor is fairly clean, but there’s always a reminder that you’re dealing with real deal ginger.  This isn’t really something you’d drink on a hot day, although I’m not sure there’s a ginger ale that fits that particular bill.  

While I do enjoy several aspects about this Fever-Tree Ginger Ale I do have some complaints.  First off is once you get past the burn you’re greeted with a reliable ginger taste but it doesn’t hold up for very long and becomes a bit watery.  Second the ingredients are kind of vague.  It says that there are natural gingers in the bottle but I can’t seem to find the actual measurement.  Maybe Reed’s has spoiled me in the ginger department, but if you want to be the best ginger ale then Reed’s is a name you’re going to have to trump.  By the way, I’m re-reading my review of Reed’s Original Ginger Brew to refresh my mind of how I felt about it and I noticed something odd.  That review was written about a year ago but I referenced DeLoreans in it as well.  Maybe there’s something about good ginger ale that makes me think of Back to the Future… or maybe I’m just a nerd.

~A

Twist was born in a Fever-Tree.

Deerfield Vanilla Cream Soda

Walgreen’s is capable of making great soda!  Yes it’s true, folks.  Now that the initial shock of that statement has hopefully worn off, and you’ve read the reviews I linked proving such a statement, let’s move on.  Today’s review is of Deerfield Vanilla Cream Soda brought to us by one Dan Dub.  Dan actually brought us a bottle of this a year or so ago but it got lost in the wibbly wobbly timey wimey.  So I made my way to the local Walgreens and picked up a bottle for myself.  For those who didn’t read the linked reviews let me tell you that Deerfield sodas are sweetened with sugar and not HFCS.  Nuff said?  Yes, nuff said.

Oooh.  The scent off the top is like amazing butterscotch.  As mentioned before butterscotch is a love of mine and this wafting scent is going to cut short its own description.

While not as amazingly butterscotchy as I thought it could be there are definite tones of it.  The scent portrayed an amazing level of butterscotch while the consumption gives you about half that.  Deerfield Vanilla Cream Soda starts off smooth, but then its mouth feel falls short.  About halfway through the drink experience the smooth just cuts off.  It’s like that feeling when you just got through with the main part of a roller coaster and you’re taxiing back to the load/unload part.  There you are laughing, having a good time, remembering what you just experienced and BAM the roller coaster stops abruptly waiting for the next coaster in line to be loaded.  Your harness is now digging into all the wrong regions, and for that brief moment you don’t even remember having a great time on the ride… just how uncomfortable you are.  That’s how my time with Deerfield Vanilla Cream Soda is going.  Obviously it’s not uncomfortable but the experience feels incomplete.  During the first, more enjoyable, half of this beverage it compares to A&W Cream Soda in its smooth factor… actually surpassing it.  The carbonation is quite subtle allowing for such creaminess to exist.  When that comes to a grinding halt you’re left with what tastes like the aftertaste to an inferior product.  “Well of course it’s like an aftertaste… that’s what comes after the taste right?”  Yes, Timmy… the after taste comes after the taste, but not when there is still soda in your mouth.  Even though Deerfield Vanilla Cream Soda uses sugar I can’t excuse it’s lack of a second act.  With that said know that its rating could have been higher.

~A

It's impossible for Twist to only do things half way.

Thomas Kemper Black Cherry

Not too long ago my mother and step-father gave me a bottle of Thomas Kemper Black Cherry Soda.  Apparently they bought it from a nifty little shop in Rockwall, TX (near Dallas) called The Candy Jar Malt Shop which I have now conveniently linked.  We all know Thomas Kemper makes great stuff... well if you read the site for any amount of time you know that.  If you didn’t know that then you should probably read more of the site and tell all of your friends to do the same.  Your friends will then tell all of their friends and eventually we’ll become the only multi-billion dollar soda review site in the world.  To make a non-existent story short I’m happy I’m about to review a Thomas Kemper product!  I’m thirsty so I think I’m just going to go to the review portion now.

Thomas Kemper Black Cherry does indeed smell like black cherry soda… flavored cough syrup.  While cough syrups sometimes have a wonderful taste I’m still a bit worried about the story my ol’ nose just told.  Drinky drink time!

Cough syrup this is not.  Thomas Kemper Black Cherry soda has a robust flavor all the way through your drinking experience.  The initial taste is crisp and hits your tongue screaming “BLACK CHERRY!” at the top of its imaginary lungs.  After the initial crisp hit of black cherry the flavor doesn’t even back down for a second.  For the entirety of its duration in your mouth you are made very aware of the fact that you are consuming a black cherry soda.  The flavor could be more powerful, but it would honestly be too much for most people to enjoy if it was.  So far the only downside I’ve noticed is that the aftertaste is a little syrupy but I’m sure that has to do with their use of honey.  The carbonation is fairly high but once again works very well with the whole experience.  I’ve now finished my bottle before finishing my review… that’s both a good sign and something that rarely ever happens.  Overall, Thomas Kemper Black Cherry is a very fizzy black cherry soda with the slightest taste of honey.  You should be able to open a bottle of black cherry soda and pretty much predict what you’re about to taste.  Thomas Kemper Black Cherry doesn’t disappoint in the slightest putting IBC Black Cherry now at 2nd place on my black cherry soda list.

~A

Twist can make black cherries appear at will.

F&N Sarsi

“The Original Sarsi”.  That’s what I have in front of me today.  Technically it’s F&N Sarsi but I honestly don’t know if that makes a difference.  You see this can of Sarsi is from Singapore, brought to me by the MMAgician.  F&N Sarsi is manufactured and distributed by Coca-Cola Singapore Beverages Pte. Ltd.  I’m guessing it’s a fairy mainstream drink over there.  Maybe I’ll do a little more digging on Sarsi.  If you find these next few sentences <surrounded by alligators> informative at all that means I did in fact do some digging. <Sarsi, it’s just so fun to type, is a sarsaparilla based beverage sold in South East Asia.  Ok, we’re making some sense here… Sarsi/Sarsparilla… I see what they did there.  Fun fact!  According to Wikipedia, Sarsi was the subject of a 1985 film called It’s a Drink, It’s a Bomb, where a grenade was disguised as a can of Sarsi.> Sarsi seems to have a pretty short ingredient list.  Let’s read shall we?  Carbonated Water, Sugar, Flavourings, Caramel, Citric Acid and Preservative.  They seem to hide stuff a little better over in Singapore.  I know not if the “Flavourings” are naturally or chemically spawned.  I also don’t know what the “Preservative” is.  It could be formaldehyde or Sodium Benzoate.  Fingers crossed for formaldehyde!  Seeing as I don’t know what Sarsi should even begin to taste like (since I haven’t looked it up yet as of typing this) I’m interested to open up this stumpy maroon can.

One.   That was the most difficult opening of a can I’ve ever been a part of.  Two.  This smells like dreams.  Sarsi smells of root beer, Dr. Pepper, and peppermint, COMBINED!  While intrigued even more I’m now experiencing a bit of fear as well.  Ah well, who else can say that they’re drinking a Singapore soda today?  NOT YOU!  Unless of course you’re reading this in Singapore… in that case thanks for the readership you handsome/beautiful devil you.

Whoa… that tastes nothing like Dr. Pepper or peppermint.  Sarsi tastes of carbonated black licorice with a hint of root beer.  Mike (remember Mike?) says that birch beer tastes of licorice, while I thought it tasted so similarly to root beer that they wasted time re-naming it birch beer.  There were fights abound on the subject, one eventually coming to fisticuffs.  Sarsi on the other hand tastes like they soaked a handful of black licorice jellybeans in a diluted root beer concoction.  If you remember from the research above you will understand that half of my review isn’t that far off.  Sarsi is a sarsaparilla based soda so that explains the root beer.  I guess one of the “flavourings” could be licorice but we’ll never know.  Thanks Coke!  Thoke!  Sarsi’s carbonation to flavour ratio works very well for itself, but carbonation sits on the back burner when you have such an interesting flavour as we do here.  With that said Sarsi is in fact very different from anything I’ve tried up to this point.  While my joy of drinking it has increased throughout this review, I just can’t see myself purchasing a pack of Sarsi.  Therefore.

~A

Twist's blood is actually Sarsi, but not the kind you find in stores... the life granting kind.