IZZE Sparkling Clementine

As much as we liked the IZZE brand when we first started this site, we sure haven’t reviewed many of their flavors.  I’m going to correct this action by reviewing on right this second.  IZZE Sparkling Clementine is up to bat and I have a feeling it’ll do just fine.  You see, IZZE is an all-natural soda composed of fruit juice (apple, white grape, orange, and clementine) and sparkling water.  In this case they also have some Citric Acid, Gum Arabic, and Beta Carotene (for color), but something tells me the flavor is still going to be fantastic.  I love clementine oranges due to their flavor, tiny size, and easy peel-ability.  With all that said, I think it’s about time to open the bottle.

This smells a lot like orange juice which shouldn’t be surprising as orange juice is one of the ingredients.  I just figured I would have the sweeter clementine aroma greet my olfactory glands when I opened this bottle.  Hopefully this won’t taste like carbonated OJ as I’ve had that before and I’m looking for something a little different.

The initial flavor attacked my tongue in such a way that I wasn’t sure what to think.  It reminds me a lot of what orange punch would taste like.  I think I’m mostly tasting the orange and white grape juice here and that’s confusing my mouth just a bit.  The carbonation level of IZZE Sparkling Clementine is fairly low, comprised of tiny bursts of tingle that last throughout the drinking experience.  Tingle(s) are actually measured in bursts, I’m not sure if you knew that so I figured now would be the best time to tell you.  I really wanted this drink to be sweeter… like a clementine.  The orange/white grape juice is too overpowering for the clementine juice to be fully appreciated.  Looking back at the label I see that this bottle of IZZE is equal to two servings of fruit based on the USDA’s Dietary Guidelines, impressive!  While I like everything IZZE is about I feel they missed the boat a little on their Sparkling Clementine beverage.  If they could mute the citrusy orange flavor a bit and raise the sweet clementine flavor this would be an outstanding soda.  Until that happens (and unless they read my reviews and take my advice like I actually know something… which I doubt they will) I’m going to have rate this lower than I’d like. 

~A

Faux Fact:  The IZZE logo is based off of Twist's inner child.

Fentimans Rose Lemonade

Ever been caught serving your guests lemonade WITHOUT roses?  Well never be embarrassed again with Fentimans Traditional Rose Lemonade.  Frentimans Traditional Rose Lemonade comes in the classically stylish standard Fentimans bottle, multiple dog heads included!  Each and every bottle of Fentimans is jam-packed, not with jam silly, but with the following ingredients:  Carbonated water, lemon juice concentrate, cane sugar, glucose syrup, fermented ginger root extracts, pear juice concentrate, lemon flavoring, citric acid, tantaric acid, natural color, and rose oil!  Wait there’s more!  If you like sediment then Fentimans Rose Lemonade is for you!  There’s so much sediment in there I’m getting SEDI-MENTAL!  Seriously folks you need to be aware of this product.  Let’s take a call and see what they think of Fentimans Rose Lemonade.  Caller, go ahead!

Justin Casey Falls - “After I done opened it I stuck my schnozz down in that bottle hole and smelled up something mighty powerful.  I reckon if I had to describe it like one of them high paid reviewers I’d say that it was like a lemon that been mixed with them thar chemicals you use to clean yer house.”

Thank you caller.  Well folks it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for… the taste test.  We’ve selected seven children to tell us what they think of Fentimans Rose Lemonade.  Take it away kids!

Morton – My tongue feels all sour after drinking it.

Larry – The little bubbles tickled my mouth… I wish it tickled my mouth more.  Why are you laughing?

Roy – I thought this drink would be all chewy but I haven’t chewed a bit.

Lemmy – The more I drink it the better it gets!

Wendy – Are you sure this isn’t a drink for adults?

Ludwig – I like no-rose lemonade better.

Iggy - While the initial sour blast takes over your mouth it quickly allows the other flavors to make their presence known.  Each sip allows your palate to become more accustomed to the tartness this lemonade brings, and while it is most certainly different from normal lemonade I really wouldn’t mind trying this again.  It’s quite unique.

There you have it folks the kids have spoken!  If I’d just heard testimonials like that I think I’d pick up the phone and…

~A

Faux Fact - Twist used to the operator of a 1-900 number

IBC Root Beer

Let me start this review off by saying I’m gonna do my best not to be biased reviewing IBC Root Beer.  Much like IBC Black Cherry (which I was going to link there until I realized I’ve never reviewed it) I have an emotional tie to IBC Root Beer. 

Every time I go to visit my grandmother, about a 3 hour trip, for the ride home she always packs me an IBC Root Beer.  When I say pack I don’t mean she puts it in a bag and hands it to me, oh no; she wraps it in a paper towel for the initial layer, then wraps the bottle in foil to preserve its frosty feel, finally she places it in a plastic grocery bag and wraps that around the bottle several times until the bag is almost like a form fitting garment.  I can only imagine that this last step is for cushioning, but it doesn’t matter because it’s created a great memory for me over the last several years. 

To add onto this fond memory of IBC Root Beer I have to go back even further into my life back when I was about ten years old.  My mom used to drink Diet Sprite all the time, not like an addict or anything but enough that we were fully stocked most any day.  Since Diet Sprite isn’t exactly a “treat” for your average 10 year old she started purchasing IBC Root Beer for us as well.  I’d never seen anything like it, the bottle was so cool.  I’d never had a drink out of a glass bottle before, it was so mature, almost like a beer… but I was allowed to drink it.  I guess you could say that IBC Root Beer was my first jaunt into the world of non-mainstream sodas.  Fast forward 20 years and you have me sitting here today still excited to drink one for all the above reasons.  It’s like every bottle of IBC Root Beer is a fond memory for me, and I felt I had to tell you all that in case you saw some sort of bias.  I’m going to do my best though.  On with the review! 

IBC Root Beer is a root beer made with HFCS which already sets it back in the “Root Beer Game”.  Upon writing that sentence I immediately want to play the “Root Beer Game” whatever that may be.  To follow a negative with a positive we have the bottle design.  I’ve always enjoyed that IBC didn’t have any kind of paper label.  The logo is actually part of the brown glass bottle, as are all of the states you can return this bottle to for a refund.  This creates a unique look in a market that’s inundated with paper labels trying their best to look old fashioned.  It’s time for me to twist off that fancy red bottle cap that I’ve removed hundreds of times before.

I always enjoy the vapor that a bottle sometimes releases when you first open it.  Something about it adds to the chill factor of the beverage at hand.  Fortunately IBC Root Beer has this visible vapor and the smell that follows is most certainly that of a root beer.  IBC Root Beer doesn’t have a creamy scent like you might find with an A&W.  I’d say that licorice is the strongest scent I perceive with each whiff of the bottle.  If the smell of licorice is off putting to you then let me try this comparison instead.  If you’ve ever eaten a root beer flavored Dum Dum sucker then you’re already familiar with the aroma I’m experiencing here.  On to the drinking!

The root beer flavor of IBC is weaker than others which is surprising for me to find out since I usually drink this with such nostalgia.  Don’t get me wrong it’s not weak to the point of watery but I’ve had stronger root beers.  I will say that with each sip the flavor builds upon itself creating more and more of a root beer experience as you drink it.  Some of that can be contributed to the HFCS they use to sweeten it since the syrupy feel never completely leaves your mouth.  The carbonation level of IBC Root Beer is comparable to the slightest of buzzes on your tongue.  The HFCS starts to work against it about midway through the experience as it begins to make the fact that this isn’t an all-natural root beer more well-known with each sip.  As you reach the bottom of the bottle the carbonation kicks up a bit more as it now has further to travel with each upending.  This adds a delightful mouth feel, but the flavor isn’t improved.  For some reason the burps afterward have a better flavor than the root beer itself… no idea why.  Overall IBC Root Beer is an average root beer in a wonderful bottle.  I hope I’ve done my job in keeping my bias out of this review.  I’m going to stop now before I change my rating.

Nostalgic Verdict – HUGS!

~A

Twit's grandmother wraps it in leaves.  Iguanas have limited resources

Reed's Rx

Ever been nauseous?  The answer is yes whether you want to admit it or not.  What if I told you that there was a soda that could combat nausea.  Would you be amazed?  It’s doubtful you would be since ginger ale has been in existence for a very long time that I don’t care to look up.  Ok, so what if there was a soda that’s main purpose was to combat nausea and that it was made by our friends at Reed’s?  Guess what?  There is!  Guess what?  I’m reviewing it RIGHT NOW!  Today’s review is for Reed’s Rx.  It comes in a tiny (5.5 oz.) purple can and claims it will combat morning sickness, motion sickness, and upset stomachs.  Since ginger has been proven to help all of those listed ailments, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that they’re telling the truth as well.  I have a sensitive stomach myself, ok my stomach is a wuss, but a ginger ale will always quiet it down back to normal stomach levels.  Along with the12 grams of fresh ginger the ingredients are as follows:  Carbonated filtered water, fructose, pineapple juice from concentrate, honey, lemon juice from concentrate, lime juice from concentrate, and spices.  Reed’s Rx also has a good dose of B3, B6, and B12… so we’re working with some pretty good stuff here.  While I’m very happy that Reed’s has produced this beverage it still has to taste good.  Who wants a cure for tummy aches when the drink itself is gross?  It’s time for me to open this tiny can and see what emerges.

That’s a spicy meatball… um… soda.  Well the smell is spicy at least.  Doing a little math I can tell you that Reed’s Rx has more ginger per fluid oz. than their Original Ginger Brew, and just slightly more than their Extra Ginger Brew.  Short story short… this might be kind of intense.  Time to pretend I’m a giant as I pick up this wee little can and take a sip.

It’s a tasty ginger beverage I can say that much, but my throat immediately felt that ginger burn that I expected it would.  The burn itself it not overwhelming though, I’m not going to have a problem finishing the rest of this can thus completing the tummy ache removal process.  Taste wise I can make out the pineapple and lemon, but the lime is a bit too subtle for my palate.  Your mouth is certainly aware of Reed’s Rx’s presence but as I said earlier it’s nothing overbearing.  While I love Reed’s Ginger Brew’s I found myself only able to finish about half a bottle until the ginger burn became too much for me.  Since this can is approximately half a bottle I’d say it’s the perfect size especially for its purpose.  So if you have any kind of nausea, motion sickness, or morning sickness give Reed’s Rx a try.  According to the folks at Reed’s you can pick this particular product up at your neighborhood CVS, but there weren’t any stocked in my area.  If you can’t find any or you just don’t want to buy it then just buy some ginger ale… just make sure it’s actually made with ginger.

~A

(This beverage was provided to us by Reed's)

Faux Fact: I had to knock those cans down with a softball to win the pineapple for Twist.

Mello Yello

As many of you know I’m from Texas, and I’m just mad about Saffron.  This is an important fact to consider for the review today.  You see, I’m reviewing Mello Yello.  Mello Yello is a very mainstream brand and many of you may be wondering why I’m just now picking up a can to review.  So why have I, Aaron the Texan, decided that Mello Yello was important enough to review?  For whatever reason, Mello Yello has been nearly impossible to find in Texas for several years now.  It’s almost like Coke just kind of gave up on ever taking the market back from Mountain Dew.  I’m sure bringing it “back” to Texas was just a move that was fueled by money, but part of me thinks that SunDrop’s rise to national distribution might have had to do something with it as well.  For those of you not in the “kno”, Mello Yello is Coke’s version of Mountain Dew.  That’s the easiest way to explain what they were trying to go for when Coke created it.  It’s made with chemicals, orange juice concentrate, and now sits in a snazzy looking retro can in front of me.  I do love the can art by the way.  If there is one thing that Mello Yello has already beaten Mountain Dew and SunDrop on… it’s the can art.  So very simple, so very classic in styling, so very yello.  I mean, yellow.  I think it’s time to get this review started… quite rightly.

At first whiff Mello Yello puts off a scent more akin to Sprite than that of Mountain Dew.  However when I give it the old college try and breathe in a bit more the familiar scent of mixed citrus is what prevails.  Let’s see how well they compare in flavor.

Oh this will be easy!  Mello Yello is watered down Mountain Dew.  See ya next week folks!

~A

Ok, so maybe I should expound on this statement a little first.  If SunDrop or Mountain Dew didn’t exist then Mello Yello would be fantastic.  The fact that they do though makes you immediately compare each to another allowing us to not settle for a lesser soda which in this case is Mello Yello.  With each sip of Mello Yello you experience a rather flavorless journey until you near the end of it.  It’s almost as if they tried too hard to be refreshing and in doing so lost anything unique and fun about their beverage.  Only at the end of each gulp/sip/drink do you get the hit of citrus you probably expected since the beginning.  In the “Points For” category, I can identify several of the citrus flavors they used in making this, but the flavor overall is still a disappointment.  The carbonation works well with the flavor it’s given, but I honestly don’t care at this point. 

If any of you think I’m being too harsh on Mello Yello then know it’s with great sorrow that I do so.  One of my favorite advertising campaigns was that of Mello Yello.  Jim Varney, better known as Ernest P. Worrell, is still to this day only one of three celebrity deaths I’ve actually been saddened by in my time on Earth.  Sure the Ernest movies became overly stupid as they continued on, but the man made me laugh as a child and now as an adult.  During that time that he was making people laugh he was a spokesman for the “Make the Mello Yello Move” campaign.  To this day I can watch these commercials and enjoy them to the same degree I did as a child, if not more so.  I want to like this drink.  Ernest liked this drink, or was at least paid to.  I’m going to watch a couple of these ads, three of them actually, and see if it doesn’t improve upon my opinion of Mello Yello.  Be right back! 

Sigh….not even the great Jim Varney could sway my vote, and now  I’m more depressed than ever.  Back to the review.

Like I noted earlier the can art is awesome.  The can art hands down beats the competitors.  Let’s me focus on the can art for a moment and hopefully that will get me out of this funk.  The design on this Mello Yello can seems to harken back to simpler times.  Simpler Times, when a Peanut Farmer was President, when a stamp cost you 15 cents, and when a gallon of gas was under a dollar.  Guess what?  I wasn’t alive back then so the retro can is unable to work its magics on me.  Mello Yello is watered down Mountain Dew.  KnowwhatImean?

~A

I'll probably be snuffed out for telling you this, but it's too important not to.  Twist. Is. Vern.

MTN Dew Voltage

At the time I bought this bottle of Mtn Dew Voltage I was running out of drinks… I still am but that’s beside the point.  I’ve never really been into the whole crazy Mtn Dew flavors thing, but I respect what they’re doing.  What caught my attention to this bottle of Mtn Dew Voltage (which this point on will be called simply “Voltage”) was the fact that it contains Ginseng.  Voltage immediately starts to slide down the grading scale with the words “Charged with Raspberry Citrus Flavor…” on the side.  First off this drink is blue and a primary flavor is Raspberry.  I dislike the idea of blue raspberry anything.  Secondly what is a “Raspberry Citrus” flavor?  To find that out I guess I actually have to consume it.  Alright then.  Here we go!

Voltage smells as if you crushed up a bunch of blue raspberry SweeTarts and mixed it with the appropriate ratio of water.  Needless to say I’m not impressed.  I will say that the lightning bolt on the side of the bottle keeps catching my eye though.  So much power.  So much responsibility.  Let’s see if this will live up to its responsibility like Spiderman or fail miserably like Spiderman 3.

Rushed Venom, Emo-Peter Parker, and Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane… that’s what ran through my head as I finished taking that sip.  So much disappointment.  Voltage hit’s your mouth with a small shock of carbonation leading up to a taste that can only be described as chemical.  I’m sure there are other descriptive terms I could have used but I had to say there wasn’t for dramatic effect.  The blue raspberry fights with the ginseng on who will be the most prominent flavor while Citrus sits in the corner shouting.  Ultimately my mouth declares them all losers and tries to drink its problems away only finding that the nearest drink is more Voltage.  Such a vicious cycle.  This is the first Mtn Dew beverage that tastes like a mediocre to bad energy drink.  I like original Mtn Dew (although Sun Drop is better), I like Code Red, and I like Pitch Black, but this is not worth finishing.  The only reason I’m not going to rate this Do Not Buy is because I could actually finish it if I wanted to.  WHY DID I JUST TAKE ANOTHER SIP?!  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

~A

Oddly enough if Twist puts his tongue to it, the bottle will be shocked.

Fresh Choices Grape Soda

Gas station soda.  That’s pretty much what you can call Fresh Choices Grape Soda since the Fresh Choices brand is made for Valero Gas Stations.  As you may already know I love cheap grape sodas.  I feel that the cheaper the soda the better chance that it will be absolutely delicious, therefore I couldn’t pass this bottle up.  Its chock full of chemicals and has a logo that would make any design firm in the early 90’s swoon with excitement.  Let’s take it out for a spin.

Oh man, that is some cheap smelling grape soda.  It has such an artificial aroma that I can hardly wait to try it.  It has a very similar smell to Dimetapp which could either excite you even more about trying it, or keep you far, far away.  For me it’s the former.  Time to take my medicine.

Aaaaand disappointment.  One of the reasons I usually like cheap grape soda is the fact that it has such a strong bite.  For all practical purposes I just chugged a good amount of Fresh Choices Grape Soda and not even the hint of a burn crept into my mouth.  This tastes exactly like you would expect it… a generic grape soda.  It has approximately the same amount of sweetness that any sort of grape flavored candy might have, so it’s fairly sweet.  The grape flavoring is very, very artificial in flavor, but why wouldn’t it be when it says “artificial flavor” right on the side of the bottle.  I do kind of wish that grapes tasted like this, or at least a particular strand of grapes.  The mouth feel is somewhat syrupy, and building on itself,  since they went the chemical route in their production.   Overall it’s a very average beverage and shall be rated accordingly.  On another note, Average Beverage seems like a good name for a band.

~A

Nothing says delicious grape soda like... Grape Soda.

Topo Sabores Apple

Who doesn’t love apple soda… well besides Johnny Appleseed of course?  I always figured being around all those apples would eventually make him sick of them.  Sure he helped shape America with all he did involving apples, but I bet he only ate them to keep up his image.  Fortunately Johnny “Appleseed” Chapman isn’t here to review this Topo Sabores Apple soda.  Also fortunately… is not a proper way to start a sentence but… also fortunately I am here to review this bottle of Topo Sabores Apple Soda.  As you might be able to tell by the name, Topo Sabores hails from Mexico and uses delicious cane sugar as a sweetener as well as HFCS just to confuse us.  We’ve done a few of their drinks before so I’ll just add a link here… and maybe here.  Let’s all read about me smelling this soda now. Pop Pop!

The scent coming out of the neck of this bottle is definitely that of an apple, but I will say that it’s also a bit more subtle than I expected.  At first it smells like apple juice only to have the scent change to sweet soda at the last second, almost fooling you into thinking it was healthy.  Drink time.

Very nice.  Very nice indeed.  This apple soda even tastes a bit like apple juice even though the bottle lists no such ingredient.  With each sip I’m greeted with a touch of spice, much like you would experience in eggnog.  Before my mind gets a chance to think too hard on eggnog soda the spice quickly dissipates into a mildly carbonated apple juice flavored soda.  The aftertaste reminds me of a red apple/green apple hybrid.  It is sweet and tart at the same time and lasts considerably longer than any of the other tastes you’ll experience.  As much as I like Topo Sabores Apple Soda it doesn’t actually “wow” me.  This is an above average soda, and I will suggest you buy multiples, but it’s lacking a special something that would set it apart from being slightly above average.

~A

One day Twist will be on a bottle of soda.

Fever-Tree Ginger Ale

I went on a search for some new soda to review, as I’m very low at the moment, and went into what I thought would be a goldmine of sodas.  Sadly this was no goldmine, but it did have one nugget to give me to make sure I didn’t leave empty handed.  Fever-Tree Ginger Ale is the subject of today’s review… and oddly enough it is gold from head to toe.  Fever-Tree Ginger Ale is bottled in such a way you’d expect to find this in a mini-bar in a very nice hotel room.  It’s a full 6.8 oz. of light gold liquid so it has the ‘hip tiny bottle factor’ going for it as well.  I must also say that I enjoy the simple gold bottle cap with the "Fever-Tree" printed on it.  The ingredients in Fever-Tree Ginger Ale are as follows, Spring Water, Cane Sugar, Citric Acid, Natural Gingers, Natural Flavours, and Natural Caramel.  That’s a fairly simple recipe for ginger ale… let’s see if it works for them.

Silly me, I just tried to twist the cap off and found myself in need of a bottle opener.  How could I have forgotten that I’m dealing with Fever-Tree… la ti da!  Immediately upon opening I get the very recognizable scent of ginger entering my nostrils.  The aroma was so strong that I’d almost think I was about to drink a ginger beer instead of the much tamer ginger ale.  Well I guess there’s only one way to find out.

As the ingredients would have me expect, this is a very pleasant soda.  It has the initial mouth feel of a ginger beer but quickly slows down to the speed of the much calmer ale.  Pretend you’re driving a DeLorean, just cruisin’ the streets.  You pull up next to some guy riding a bicycle and act as if you’re going to drag race him.  Revving the engines a couple of times you make your intentions all the more clear.  When the light turns green you gun it, racing off for about 25 feet before you turn to the guy on the bike and laugh, then slowing down to the posted speed still enjoying the fact that you drive a DeLorean.  That’s what my first impressions of Fever-Tree Ginger Ale are, and I don’t really care if the analogy makes any sense.  I like this initial burn.  It scared me for a split second when I thought my throat was going to be toasted by the end of this review, but it’s good to be scared every now and again.  The overall flavor is fairly clean, but there’s always a reminder that you’re dealing with real deal ginger.  This isn’t really something you’d drink on a hot day, although I’m not sure there’s a ginger ale that fits that particular bill.  

While I do enjoy several aspects about this Fever-Tree Ginger Ale I do have some complaints.  First off is once you get past the burn you’re greeted with a reliable ginger taste but it doesn’t hold up for very long and becomes a bit watery.  Second the ingredients are kind of vague.  It says that there are natural gingers in the bottle but I can’t seem to find the actual measurement.  Maybe Reed’s has spoiled me in the ginger department, but if you want to be the best ginger ale then Reed’s is a name you’re going to have to trump.  By the way, I’m re-reading my review of Reed’s Original Ginger Brew to refresh my mind of how I felt about it and I noticed something odd.  That review was written about a year ago but I referenced DeLoreans in it as well.  Maybe there’s something about good ginger ale that makes me think of Back to the Future… or maybe I’m just a nerd.

~A

Twist was born in a Fever-Tree.

Deerfield Vanilla Cream Soda

Walgreen’s is capable of making great soda!  Yes it’s true, folks.  Now that the initial shock of that statement has hopefully worn off, and you’ve read the reviews I linked proving such a statement, let’s move on.  Today’s review is of Deerfield Vanilla Cream Soda brought to us by one Dan Dub.  Dan actually brought us a bottle of this a year or so ago but it got lost in the wibbly wobbly timey wimey.  So I made my way to the local Walgreens and picked up a bottle for myself.  For those who didn’t read the linked reviews let me tell you that Deerfield sodas are sweetened with sugar and not HFCS.  Nuff said?  Yes, nuff said.

Oooh.  The scent off the top is like amazing butterscotch.  As mentioned before butterscotch is a love of mine and this wafting scent is going to cut short its own description.

While not as amazingly butterscotchy as I thought it could be there are definite tones of it.  The scent portrayed an amazing level of butterscotch while the consumption gives you about half that.  Deerfield Vanilla Cream Soda starts off smooth, but then its mouth feel falls short.  About halfway through the drink experience the smooth just cuts off.  It’s like that feeling when you just got through with the main part of a roller coaster and you’re taxiing back to the load/unload part.  There you are laughing, having a good time, remembering what you just experienced and BAM the roller coaster stops abruptly waiting for the next coaster in line to be loaded.  Your harness is now digging into all the wrong regions, and for that brief moment you don’t even remember having a great time on the ride… just how uncomfortable you are.  That’s how my time with Deerfield Vanilla Cream Soda is going.  Obviously it’s not uncomfortable but the experience feels incomplete.  During the first, more enjoyable, half of this beverage it compares to A&W Cream Soda in its smooth factor… actually surpassing it.  The carbonation is quite subtle allowing for such creaminess to exist.  When that comes to a grinding halt you’re left with what tastes like the aftertaste to an inferior product.  “Well of course it’s like an aftertaste… that’s what comes after the taste right?”  Yes, Timmy… the after taste comes after the taste, but not when there is still soda in your mouth.  Even though Deerfield Vanilla Cream Soda uses sugar I can’t excuse it’s lack of a second act.  With that said know that its rating could have been higher.

~A

It's impossible for Twist to only do things half way.

Thomas Kemper Black Cherry

Not too long ago my mother and step-father gave me a bottle of Thomas Kemper Black Cherry Soda.  Apparently they bought it from a nifty little shop in Rockwall, TX (near Dallas) called The Candy Jar Malt Shop which I have now conveniently linked.  We all know Thomas Kemper makes great stuff... well if you read the site for any amount of time you know that.  If you didn’t know that then you should probably read more of the site and tell all of your friends to do the same.  Your friends will then tell all of their friends and eventually we’ll become the only multi-billion dollar soda review site in the world.  To make a non-existent story short I’m happy I’m about to review a Thomas Kemper product!  I’m thirsty so I think I’m just going to go to the review portion now.

Thomas Kemper Black Cherry does indeed smell like black cherry soda… flavored cough syrup.  While cough syrups sometimes have a wonderful taste I’m still a bit worried about the story my ol’ nose just told.  Drinky drink time!

Cough syrup this is not.  Thomas Kemper Black Cherry soda has a robust flavor all the way through your drinking experience.  The initial taste is crisp and hits your tongue screaming “BLACK CHERRY!” at the top of its imaginary lungs.  After the initial crisp hit of black cherry the flavor doesn’t even back down for a second.  For the entirety of its duration in your mouth you are made very aware of the fact that you are consuming a black cherry soda.  The flavor could be more powerful, but it would honestly be too much for most people to enjoy if it was.  So far the only downside I’ve noticed is that the aftertaste is a little syrupy but I’m sure that has to do with their use of honey.  The carbonation is fairly high but once again works very well with the whole experience.  I’ve now finished my bottle before finishing my review… that’s both a good sign and something that rarely ever happens.  Overall, Thomas Kemper Black Cherry is a very fizzy black cherry soda with the slightest taste of honey.  You should be able to open a bottle of black cherry soda and pretty much predict what you’re about to taste.  Thomas Kemper Black Cherry doesn’t disappoint in the slightest putting IBC Black Cherry now at 2nd place on my black cherry soda list.

~A

Twist can make black cherries appear at will.

Kickapoo Joy Juice

Another beverage given to me by the MMAgician and hailing from Singapore is Kickapoo Joy Juice.  Judging by the green and yellow coloration of the can I’m going to assume this is similar to a Mountain Dew (or MTN DEW) product.  Now on the can and this where it gets weird, are two characters from the now defunct comic strip Li’l Abner.  Character number one is “Lonesome Polecat”.  Lonesome Polecat is drawn how you would think a Native American would be drawn back when Li’l Abner was a comic strip.  That would be from 1934-1977 for reference.  The second character in charge of making this Kickapoo Joy Juice is “Hairless Joe”.  Hairless Joe is a caveman that lives in modern times.  He’s got a giant club, a leopard skin outfit, and even though his name suggests it he is most certainly not hairless.  Now that you know the cast of characters let me tell you what they’re doing on this logo.  Lonesome Polecat and Hairless Joe seem to be sitting in a tub of Kickapoo Joy Juice that has created an explosion so large (a mushroom cloud is visible) that they have rocketed themselves out of Earth’s orbit.  Underneath said picture read the words “Original USA Joy Juice Recipe”.  So at least we know we’re getting the real deal here.  The ingredients are as follows, Carbonated Water, Sucrose, Citric Acid, Sodium Citrate, Stabilizers (what?), Flavouring, Preservative, Colour E102, and Caffeine.  With all that said, let’s try out some of Lonesome Polecat and Hairless Joe’s mixture… which according to the Li’l Aber Wiki page is made in a cave.

As I assumed this is certainly a Mountain Dew-esque beverage, or at least the smell would have me believe that.  If I had to pick a scent which stands out over the other citrus aromas that are escaping the can I’d go with lemon.  Time to hopefully enjoy my 10.9 fluid ounces of Kickapoo Joy Juice!

The top of this can reads “Get That Kick!” and I certainly would have loved to have “Gotten it” but it’s not in the cards for Kickapoo Joy Juice.  Kickapoo Joy Juice, which I enjoy typing out, tastes like a diluted Mountain Dew.  If it were just a diluted Mountain Dew I could probably sign off on it fairly easily but there’s more.  With every drink there’s another flavor, sorry, flavour that sits on your tongue like a fat cat sits on a warm windowsill.  While this flavour isn’t horrible it is unmoving and very noticeable to me.  The rest of your mouth becomes a moderately fun party with each sip and your tongue is the grouchy neighbor downstairs who keeps ruining it through various means… and begin scene using characters from Zelda.

Link - “Hey guys!  Ummmm, no one could really make it to the party today, so I’m glad you came.  Want to drag out the old pop-o-matic bubble for a rousing game of Trouble?”

**knock knock knock** 

“Oh hi officer, what can I do for you?” 

Officer Armos - “We got a call from the Old Man downstairs saying that you were making far too much noise up here.”

Link – “But we were just about to play a bo….”

Officer Armos – “I don’t really care; just keep it down would you?”

Link – “Ok, sorry [closes door].  So where were we?

Zelda – “Actually Link I think Ganon and I are gonna head out.

Link – “…but he’s going to kidna… nevermind.  Just make sure he doesn’t get all feely with your triforce.”

Aaaand scene!  Ok, that example that went on for too long was more enjoyable than the flavor that is still sitting on my tongue.  I guess the best way to describe Kickapoo Joy Juice is this.  Kickapoo Joy Juice is a soda.  It’s nothing special in the slightest but still consumable.

~A

Twist actually starred in Li'l Abner between the years 1943-1945.

F&N Sarsi

“The Original Sarsi”.  That’s what I have in front of me today.  Technically it’s F&N Sarsi but I honestly don’t know if that makes a difference.  You see this can of Sarsi is from Singapore, brought to me by the MMAgician.  F&N Sarsi is manufactured and distributed by Coca-Cola Singapore Beverages Pte. Ltd.  I’m guessing it’s a fairy mainstream drink over there.  Maybe I’ll do a little more digging on Sarsi.  If you find these next few sentences <surrounded by alligators> informative at all that means I did in fact do some digging. <Sarsi, it’s just so fun to type, is a sarsaparilla based beverage sold in South East Asia.  Ok, we’re making some sense here… Sarsi/Sarsparilla… I see what they did there.  Fun fact!  According to Wikipedia, Sarsi was the subject of a 1985 film called It’s a Drink, It’s a Bomb, where a grenade was disguised as a can of Sarsi.> Sarsi seems to have a pretty short ingredient list.  Let’s read shall we?  Carbonated Water, Sugar, Flavourings, Caramel, Citric Acid and Preservative.  They seem to hide stuff a little better over in Singapore.  I know not if the “Flavourings” are naturally or chemically spawned.  I also don’t know what the “Preservative” is.  It could be formaldehyde or Sodium Benzoate.  Fingers crossed for formaldehyde!  Seeing as I don’t know what Sarsi should even begin to taste like (since I haven’t looked it up yet as of typing this) I’m interested to open up this stumpy maroon can.

One.   That was the most difficult opening of a can I’ve ever been a part of.  Two.  This smells like dreams.  Sarsi smells of root beer, Dr. Pepper, and peppermint, COMBINED!  While intrigued even more I’m now experiencing a bit of fear as well.  Ah well, who else can say that they’re drinking a Singapore soda today?  NOT YOU!  Unless of course you’re reading this in Singapore… in that case thanks for the readership you handsome/beautiful devil you.

Whoa… that tastes nothing like Dr. Pepper or peppermint.  Sarsi tastes of carbonated black licorice with a hint of root beer.  Mike (remember Mike?) says that birch beer tastes of licorice, while I thought it tasted so similarly to root beer that they wasted time re-naming it birch beer.  There were fights abound on the subject, one eventually coming to fisticuffs.  Sarsi on the other hand tastes like they soaked a handful of black licorice jellybeans in a diluted root beer concoction.  If you remember from the research above you will understand that half of my review isn’t that far off.  Sarsi is a sarsaparilla based soda so that explains the root beer.  I guess one of the “flavourings” could be licorice but we’ll never know.  Thanks Coke!  Thoke!  Sarsi’s carbonation to flavour ratio works very well for itself, but carbonation sits on the back burner when you have such an interesting flavour as we do here.  With that said Sarsi is in fact very different from anything I’ve tried up to this point.  While my joy of drinking it has increased throughout this review, I just can’t see myself purchasing a pack of Sarsi.  Therefore.

~A

Twist's blood is actually Sarsi, but not the kind you find in stores... the life granting kind.

Maine Root Lemon Lime

Ok, I may discredit myself as a soda review by saying this but… lemon lime soda is boring.  Wait, wait, wait!  Don’t leave just yet; let me explain.  A good lime soda isn’t boring, in fact it’s one of my most coveted sodas.  A good lemon soda… well I haven’t really had one to write home about yet, but it’d be unique.  Lemon Lime soda though… well in my opinion has the biggest chance to be a very boring soda.  It’s so overdone and the flavor is never anything spectacular.  Sure I love 7up, but I’m not going to shove a bottle into your hand unless I find out you’re sick.  Sure I tolerate Sierra Mist, but I’m not going to force you to drink it unless you want the clear carbonated liquid from Taco Bell.  Sure I don’t really like Sprite.  Wait for it… nothing.  So today I’m giving Maine Root (a highly ranked soda company by our standards) a chance with their Maine Root Lemon Lime Soda.  Already looking through the bottle I can tell you that this has a ridiculous amount of sediment.  I’m looking at pieces so large I could literally chew them.  Already Maine Root Lemon Lime Soda has taken a turn for the unique, a place few lemon lime sodas ever go.  Let’s smell it shall we?

My nostrils greet a familiar smell.  This smells like lemon lime Twang.  Now I’m sure I’ve mentioned Twang in a past review but I’m feeling far too lazy to search for it at this moment.  If the word “integer” is a link in this sentence then you’ll know I became un-lazy and found it.  As I was saying the scent coming from this bottle is a very sharp and sour lemon lime aroma.  Honestly I’m excited!  Hopefully here goes something!

Wow this does taste a little like Twang, but without the instant throat fire.  It’s like a super lemon lime soda that allows you to taste the individual lemon and lime flavors.  The carbonation factor works well with the taste and burns you just a little bit more after you’re done with your sip.  I really thought I’d be able to feel the sediment drifting down my gullet on each sip much like I would experience in a Boba tea… or the ill-fated Orbitz.  Since I wrote that last sentence you should easily deduce that I can’t feel the sediment at all.  Hooray for no icky sediment feeling!  All in all this is a great lemon lime soda, and while I wouldn’t say it completely makes my “lemon lime is boring” argument null and void it does a lot for its own cause.

~A

Lemon Lime Iguana Goodness!

Henry Weinhard's Vanilla Cream

Remember that last Henry Weinhard’s beverage we reviewed that was so very GROSS?!  No?  Me neither as they’ve all been pretty dang good.  Hopefully today’s entry into our journal, or as it will be known in the future after excavation our lore, will be just as fondly remembered.  Henry Weinhard’s Vanilla Cream is most definitely a cream soda with a draught style head.  It’s loaded with the same great ingredients (minus the fact that they use HFCS), so it should be loaded with the same great taste!  Let’s find out.

Oooooweeee!  That is a vanilla packed aroma.  It smells like they jammed so much vanilla in this bottle that it runs to the safety of the outside world to keep from overcrowding.  You know the fire marshall has really been eyeing them, trying to ticket them on any little charge.  Let’s help our vanilla friends out with their problem by consuming their souls.

Fortunately I am consuming another quality product from the shelves of Henry Weinhard.  This soda is smooth, but nothing I’m going to write more than this sentence about.  Initially I’m finding the taste to most resemble a high quality A&W Cream Soda, but with a sharper feel on your tongue.  Odd, the soon-to-be-aftertaste and the aftertaste both have hints of Big Red.  Now, I’m not the biggest fan of Big Red so it’s breaking my brain since I’m now experiencing its flavor in something I like.  Remember when you were a kid and your parents threw you that awesome dinosaur birthday party?  Of course you do, it was SO AWESOME!  Your cake was a dinosaur, your hats had dinosaurs on them, and you even got Jurassic Park on VHS/DVD/BluRay.  To top it off all of your friends were there!  All of them, even that guy that moved away last year!  Everything is coming up dinosaurs... until the doorbell rings and THAT GUY is standing there waiting for you to let him in.  You don’t like THAT GUY, you didn’t even invite him.  Who did?  It was probably your mom trying to be “polite”.  You open the door, THAT GUY has brought you nothing.  He looks around at all the dinosaur awesomeness.  “Dinosaurs, hmm?  I had a dragon party last year and everyone knows that dragons can beat up dinosaurs.”  You’re brain quickly learns your first curse word but doesn’t teach your mouth to say it.  From that point on the party never reaches its full potential.  Every fun thing that happens goes through a THAT GUY filter, diluting the ‘could be greatness’.  That’s how I feel about the Big Red taste appearing in my Henry Weinhard’s Vanilla Cream.  Ahhh that felt good.  I haven’t had a good pointless rant in a while.  Big Red taste or not this is still a better than average cream soda and it’s rating should reflect just that.

~A

Twist was never THAT GUY.

Big K Pineapple Passionfruit Soda

I just cleaned up dog vomit so by comparison this soda may get a more amazing rating than it deserves, but who knows it may knock my socks off!  The soda I’ve now mentioned in the same breath as dog vomit is Big K’s Pineapple Passionfruit Soda, another gift from the Santa-esque D. Dub.  Santa gives you things you ask for, whereas D. Dub gives you stuff he thinks you won’t like.  He’s the anti-claus really.  Anywho, this is a chemical filled beverage with a light peach color and a label like you would only expect on a 2 liter bottle of Big K.  To this day I have no idea what a passionfruit is, but I can guess that it’s pretty tasty.  How could it not be tasty when it’s called PASSIONfruit.  The software I’m typing this on really doesn’t like the fact that I keep writing it “Passionfruit” instead of “Passion Fruit”, but I’m only doing so because that’s how it’s written on the jug.  Enough chit chat… let’s do this thang!

Upon huffing said beverage I notice little to no pineapple scent escaping the opening of my Missile Command pint glass.  I’m guessing the scent I’m experiencing is that of the ever quirky Passionfruit, but that’s just a hopeful guess.  Honestly it smells a little “peachy” to me, but that might have everything to do with the color of the beverage.  On to the tasting!

Very nice for a chemical filled soda.  The carbonation visits you throughout the sip, never being the most powerful ingredient until the end.  Again, I’m not tasting a lot of pineapple here but it’s not completely absent.  It’s almost as if right as Pineapple got his pinkie toe in the bottle Peach walked up to him and made fun of his complexion.  Pineapple, now distraught, decided to give up on ever being a part of Big K Pineapple Passionfruit Soda and fell into a deep depression.  Fortunately for him the fine makers of the Dole Whip asked him to be their featured performer and he has been succeeding like gang-busters ever since.  It’s pretty much the exact same thing that happened to Jennifer Hudson.  Meanwhile back in the soda… there is also a bit of a plum flavor present as well.  I notice the plum becoming more involved during the final act of this performance, also known as the aftertaste.  Ok so maybe I don’t know what a passionfruit tastes like but I do know that this tastes like Peach Punch.  Not quite peach, not quite punch, add some carbonation and other flavors and there you have it… Peach Punch!  Quickly!  To the patent board! 

~A

Faux Fact:  The "glass pineapple" seen in this picture is the actual type of pineapple used in this soda.

Old Town Root Beer

A while back we reviewed Old Town Root Beer –Sarsparilla.  Today we shall review its seemingly twin brother… Old Town Root Beer Company – Root Beer.  For the sake of keeping the number of times I write out the word “Root Beer,” we’re just going to call it Old Town Root Beer.  Fun fact!  Old Town Root Beer has an @msn.com e-mail address.  I dunno why I put that in the review, I guess I just found it kind of amusing.  It’s not @aol.com amusing, but amusing nonetheless.  Old Town Root Beer has a short but quality ingredient list including Carbonated Water (who’d have guessed?!)  Cane Sugar, Honey, Natural and Other Flavors ("Other Flavors" always scares me a bit) Sodium Benzoate, Phosphoric Acid, and rounding out the batting order is Real Vanilla!  The label… how can I say this tactfully… looks like someone decided one day that they wanted to start making root beer out of their house and didn’t even try to learn any graphic design, so they just found a neat clip art picture.  Well to be honest with you it’s exactly one step above that.  Anywho, hopefully the flavor makes me forget about it. 

This certainly passes the smell test!  I can most definitely smell the vanilla, but it’s not so over powering that it blinds my nose to the fact that it’s about to consume a root beer.  Smellwise this passes with flying colors.  On with the tasting!

This doesn’t surprise me after smelling it but this is a tasty root beer.  There’s not a lot of carbonation going on here, but that just adds to the potential smoothness of the beverage.  I will say though that your tongue is hit with an initial shock of bubble fun.  After this, the vanilla begins to seep in and takes you to a smoother place.  This isn’t baby’s bottom smooth… what a gross comparison to a root beer that would be.  Old Town Root Beer is Pepe Le Pew smooth.  This is the sentence where I should tell you who Pepe Le Pew is, but if you don’t know you probably shouldn’t tell me, as I will go into a blind rage.  Anywho… Pepe Le Pew always seemed to be a rather smooth talking character.  He had all the lines, all the moves, didn’t rush anywhere… smooth right?  Well yes, until he actually had to deliver said smoothness to the cat with unfortunate skunk marks (Penelope for those playing at home) he was chasing.  He would gradually make his way over to Penelope and force his smoothness upon her, which of course she would not have any part of since he smelled like a skunk.  Still he tried and tried and tried, each time removing a bit of his smoothness with each failure.  That’s what Old Town Root Beer’s smoothness is like.  It’s initially very smooth, but there’s something at the end of the drink that reminds me a little bit of green NyQuil.  While tasty, I feel that Old Town Root Beer could be improved upon by adding some spice to the flavor.  The way it sits now makes for an above average root beer, but I can’t help but think this could be improved upon.  Either way… this should be tried.

~A

Twist is actually much older than the Old Town Root Beer Company

Retro 7Up

How happy I was when I saw that I could finally enjoy a 7up made with sugar.  You see 7Up was my mother’s healing elixir of choice and I’m pretty sure that you could cure the world’s ails if you just gave everyone enough 7Up and Premium saltine crackers.  If this belief is what my love of 7up hinges on… I honestly don’t know.  I do know that it’s the best tasting mainstream lemon lime brand out there.  Sprite has too “smacky” an aftertaste and Sierra Mist is almost void of any good flavor.  7up sits there in the happy middle ready to quench my thirst and balance my humors.  This Retro 7Up comes in a fantastically 70’s style bottle and begs for me to try it.  I’m so very happy I didn’t get one of the gaudy cans this beverage also comes in as I’m pretty sure half of my experience would be ruined.  Sniff test!

This should be short.  Guess what?  It smells like 7Up!  For those of you who’ve never had 7up and are old enough to read… here goes.  The light scent of lemon and lime caress my inner nostril, dancing upon my nose as if you tease the connected throat of its existence.  Voila!  Time to drink!

This is exactly what I expected it to be which is good.  I can’t imagine if I tried this Retro 7Up and it tasted like Marshmallow Fluff thus destroying both my perception of 7Up and my mind in general.  No, this tastes like a refreshing 7Up with the added perk that its taste is crisper than a normal 7Up.  There’s not a doubt in my mind that this is due to the fact this is sweetened with sugar instead of Mean Ol’ Mister High Fructose Corn Syrup.  Faux Fact:  That’s the original name of it I promise!  MOMHFCS never caught on so they shortened it to HFCS.  The drink experience itself goes down something like this.  Once this beverage hits your tongue your taste buds are immediately shown that you are drinking a citrus soda.  Just sitting on top of your ‘buds (slang for taste buds, ya like that?) Retro 7Up sizzles and bubbles awaiting the next stage of ingestion. I don’t have a regular 7Up to compare this too but Retro 7Up seems to have lighter bubbles causing a miniscule shock as it races around your mouth, something regular 7Up didn’t have.   As you move the 7Up around your mouth you’re greeted with more fizzing carbonation and the familiar taste of both lemon and lime.  The aftertaste is where things get a little hairy.  You see all is going well in the land of 7Up until I reach the aftertaste.  Let me preface all that I’m about to say (probably three whole sentences) with that I do not dislike this aftertaste… there’s just something a bit off-putting with it.  Regular 7Up with its MOMHFCS… sorry HFCS… sticks to your mouth since it’s a bit more syrupy.  On the other hand Retro 7Up ends like the movie Magnolia… unexpected.  It has a bit of a chemical feel there at the end almost tasting diet.  I’m not quite sure why this is but it’s a disappointing end to what should have been a solid ride.  I just got on the roller coaster of my dreams and it took off thrilling me.  My hat has flown off my head and I’m laughing with my best gal by my side.  Suddenly I’m stabbed in the face with the tiniest of daggers… and then another… and again.  It’s raining!  Thousands of drops of needle rain hit my laughing face contorting it with pain.  Finally the experience ends and I’m not sure whether to cheer or sigh.  That’s Retro 7Up… except I’m sure of which to do.  Sigh.

~A

but it looks so cooooooooool!

Big K Watermelon Kiwi

I hate watermelon and I hate kiwi.  So why am I drinking this anti-freeze colored liquid with the name of Big K Watermelon Kiwi?  One Mr. Dan Dub has kindly brought this delightful combination of flavors to my attention… in two full liters mind you!  Seeing as I will drink any soda anyone brings me here goes.  Here I go down this misguided path.  It’s like walking down a well-lit alley, looking at the mugger at the end as you flip your wallet from hand to hand.  Maybe drinking this out of an Atari pint glass will help with my soon to be sadness.  Awwww… my Centipede glass is dirty so I have to go with Tempest.  Ah well… time for a whiff.

Yup.  That’s definitely the smell of chemicals made to smell like watermelon/kiwi.  I really don’t want to smell this again just to write another sentence about it so we’re going to move on.

Ok… so I’m not dead or vomiting.  This seems to be a perk of the fact that this doesn’t actually have any watermelon or kiwi in it.  Chemicals for the win!  In fact the watermelon flavoring is quite subtle and I honestly couldn’t tell you what a kiwi tasted like anymore.  I just remember having a horrible experience with one as a child never to eat one again.  Big K Watermelon Kiwi starts off smooth with that subtle taste I spoke of earlier.  Once you actually go into the act of ingesting it though a shock of carbonation hits the back of your throat and the flavor intensifies a bit more before dissolving into a ghost of its former self.  While I will end up finishing the two liter (not out of love but out of not wasting a two liter) the best thing about Big K Watermelon Kiwi is its color.  It’s a muted florescent green that would stand out in any soda lineup.  Honestly I don’t hate this soda nor would I put it on any top 10 lists.  I would however suggest that someone use it in a punch of some kind.  Something tells me that this would work 100% better as a supporting player instead of the lead.  Well my Tempest glass is now empty and I don’t feel like going back downstairs to fill it back up thus lengthening this review. 

~A

Faux FAct:  Twist's blood is actual anti-freeze