MASH Grapefruit Citrus Zing

At the time I’m writing this review I’m supposed to be asleep.  Why am I not asleep you probably didn’t ask.  I’m hot.  There are several miserable ways to wake up that don’t involve emergencies of some sort and being hot is at the top of my list.  Your body just sort of develops this thin layer of sweat that tries its darndest to cool you off to no avail.  Fortunately I recently reviewed a soda, MASH Lemon Peel Ginger Root, which was incredibly refreshing.  Even more fortunately I have three more flavors in my fridge.  So after I decided that continuing to sleep wasn’t going to happen I walked to my refrigerator and pulled out the most thirst quenching name… MASH Grapefruit Citrus Zing.  As many grapefruit drinks are this one is a light pink color with label art to match.  Since I’ve already reviewed what goes into a MASH beverage I’ll go ahead and quench my thirst now.

Wow, my allergies are kicking and I can still smell the pungent grapefruit aroma that this large mouth bottle allows.  From scent alone I’m starting to wonder if this beverage is going to be “too grapefruity” for my liking.

Meh.  The flavor doesn’t hold the same strength as the scent, but it’s still clearly a grapefruit flavored beverage.  Once again the carbonation is light and actually a little stronger than the Lemon Peel Ginger Root Flavor.  You mouth is greeted by a quick wash of grapefruit flavoring that grows watery by the second while the tiny bubbles try their hardest to tickle your tongue.  Fortunately the taste doesn’t stay in your mouth long enough to reach a negative level of watery…ness...ness.  The “Citrus Zing” is only felt at the beginning of each sip as a shock of generic citrus flavor.  This flavor sets the table for the rest of your MASH Grapefruit Citrus Zing experience.  On a slightly different note, I’ll be happy when I’m done reviewing these MASH beverages because they have obscenely long names.  Sadly this flavor of MASH isn’t quite as thirst quenching (I don’t think there’s a better way to say “thirst quenching”) as the previous version I tried, but it’s getting the job done.  Remember when you were asked to make the bed as a kid and instead of neatly completing the task you just through the comforter over and smoothed it out?  Yeah… like that.  While I’m ok with this bottle of MASH Grapefruit Citrus Zing it’s just not living up to the level I expected it to.  In fact it’s about a notch below and will be rated as such.

~A

Dr. B

Dr Pepper is an odd duck.  It’s not a cola, it’s not a root beer, it lives in its own category.  Mr. Pibb, Dr Pepper’s neighbor, even left the street because he couldn’t hang with the good Dr.  Now Pibb Xtra walks the streets looking for its identity while Dr Pepper lives without care.  If you haven’t realized it yet I’m a Texan.  This increases my love of Dr Pepper by a great degree and while I’m not happy with what happened in Dublin I can’t say that I’d never drink a Dr Pepper again… I’d just be fooling myself.  What I’m poorly setting up here is that it’s hard for me to review products that are supposed to taste like Dr Pepper.  In my time reviewing sodas I’ve only come across one that is equal to or beats the flavor of Pepper… Doc Zola.  Today I have a bottle of Dr. B in front of me.  Dr. B is a grocery store made soda, HEB to be exact.  Before you immediately write it off HEB Cola is a very good cola in its own right.  I put HEB Cola above both Coke and Pepsi.  HEB does indeed put some love and care into their “Pure Cane Sugar” sweetened sodas and Dr. B is just that.  So here we go again, another Dr Pepper knock off about to be reviewed.  Will it go by the wayside as so many do, or will it prove worthy to stand next to Dr Pepper and Doc Zola?  Let’s find out, shall we?

The scent I just inhaled is almost exactly that of Dr Pepper.  I don’t think that’s a very telling characteristic, but I suppose it’s the first thing you need to do to keep me interested.  Onward… and hopefully upward.

Twist went back and removed all of the periods after Dr (Pepper) for me.

Ok, so Dr. B is obviously going to have some taste similarities to Dr Pepper so we’re going to talk about what’s different instead.  The first thing I notice is that Dr. B is a smoother drink than Dr Pepper, which is somewhat impressive because Dr Pepper prides itself on how smooth the taste is.  Secondly, Dr. B is a notch sweeter that what you find in that maroon and white can.  I would think that the added sweetness would be noticeable by most, but not to the point where it tastes like Dr Pepper Cotton Candy (patent pending!).   The carbonation level is also muted a bit, but I assume that’s because of the sweetener used (sugar).  I wish I had a sugar sweetened Dr Pepper to compare this too right in front of me, but I guess you gotta work with what you got.  Overall Dr. B is a great product, but it won’t be replacing Dr Pepper in my life (much like HEB Cola has replaced Coke and Pepsi).  I like the added burn of Dr Pepper even if it is slight.  I also associate so many positive things with Dr Pepper that Dr. B just couldn’t catch up to.  Dr. B is Doctor Peppers equal in every way in terms of being a good soda, but Dr Pepper has a nostalgia factor for me personally.  This won’t change the rating of the drink, but Doc Zola is still the reigning champion when it comes to Dr Pepper knock offs. 

~A

UPDATE - I'M A FORGETFUL DOOFUS

I reviewed this soda again without even checking to see if I had already... here's the three year update on Dr. B.

July 9, 2015 Update

I enjoyed HEB Original Cola quite a bit if I remember correctly… and by “remember” I mean quickly glance at the review I wrote five years ago.  That said, I’m not really sure why it took me that long to pick up a bottle of their Dr. B.  As you might have guessed Dr. B is the HEB (a grocery store in Texas) version of Dr Pepper.  It’s sweetened with “pure” cane sugar instead of all that “tainted” cane sugar the other guys use.  If only it was “Real Pure Cane Sugar”, then I’d be impressed.

The bottle Dr. B is housed in is a pleasant shape and quite simple in labeling.  The cap was not a screw top as evidenced by my foolish attempt to remove it.  Thankfully I have a bottle opener on my keychain to assist me in such situations.

Hey, guess what?  It smells like Dr Pepper.  Moving on.

Very nice.  Dr. B does a pretty good job of mimicking the Dr Pepper flavor, to the point I’m not sure if I could tell the difference if it was poured in a cup,

Ok, so I just did a blind taste test with some fountain Dr Pepper and I totally couldn’t tell the difference.  The first cup was a little richer than the first which made me think it was the original Dr Pepper… alas it was not.

Dr. B, apparently, has a bit of a boost in the flavor department but it’s just small enough to confuse me.  If I remembered the price I paid for this bottle I could tell you if it was worth buying over glass bottled Dr Pepper… my guess is yes if you only care about flavor.

Where Dr. B will always suffer is that it does not have nearly the nostalgia with people that Dr Pepper does so they’ll reach for the known quantity more times than not.  As for me though I’ll probably take another step towards being a soda snob and drink Dr. B while telling folks it tastes exactly the same if not a little better than fountain Dr Pepper.

~A

I bought this at an HEB grocery store… weren’t you listening?

MASH Lemon Peel Ginger Root

I ran out of sodas last week so I plodded on down to my local grocer to see if they had anything I might be able to consume.  When all seemed lost I noticed a refrigerated case at the front of the store with all sorts of energy drinks in them… all of which had been reviewed or are in line to be.  Saddened I made like Tom Dooley and hung down my head and cried.  Apparently the folks at Boylan Bottling Co. didn’t want me to meet the same fate as the aforementioned Dooley because my eyes fell upon a bottle of Mash.  Technically there were four different flavors of Mash at my fingertips, but I guess there could be more somewhere out there.  This particular flavor of Mash, Lemon Peel Ginger Root, is like all the other flavors in the way that they’re all defined as Low Calorie Water Drinks.  I quickly checked the ingredients, searching for carbonation.  Check.  Upon doing this I also noticed that Lemon Peel Ginger Root Mash only has 10 grams of sugar per 8 oz.  Curious about how many oz. this stubby little bottle held I checked the side and was surprised to see 20 fl oz.  I like this shorter, chunkier, 20 oz. bottle… not sure why I just do.  Glancing at the ingredients once again I’m not sure how much flavor this beverage is going to pack.  There isn’t even any ginger listed as an ingredient of any kind.  I take that back; I guess it could be covered under the very vague “natural flavors”.  It should be interesting to see how they incorporate a listed flavor without said listed ingredient.  I guess there’s only one way to tell.

Before I even get the cap completely off a ginger/lemon scent comes wafting out of the mouth.  The aroma coming from this is very enticing to me.  There is something about it that makes me thing my thirst is about to be quenched to a very high degree.  Let’s find out.

This pleases me greatly.  The flavor is definitely more lemon peel than ginger root, but the two paragraphs before this should have told you it was going to be.  The carbonation level is almost non-existent, but needed to keep this from falling flat in your mouth.  Much like I anticipated this is a very refreshing beverage.  I’d happily have this by my side while out in any Texas heat.  While Mash is probably more watery than your standard soda, that doesn’t hinder its taste at all.  The lemon juice’s flavor comes through perfectly clear.  Minute Maid lemonade doesn’t have this level of lemon strength, but they are probably my least favorite lemonade out there so maybe I’m just throwing daggers.  My stomach feels the hints of a burn that would be caused by ginger and I guess you could imagine the flavor has those same hints, but it’s so little I wouldn’t even have listed it on the bottle.  Over all Mash Lemon Peel Ginger Root is a very long name and a pretty good soda; it’s low in sugar, low in calories (40), and refreshing.  This particular flavor isn’t amazing enough to warrant you going out and buying large quantities of it, but I look forward to the other three bottles that rest in my fridge.

~A

Twist was disappointed in the lack of bangers

Virgil's Blueberry Pomegranate

Ok, so I’ve got good news and bad news.  Bad news first?  I’m not going to sugar coat it… just gonna say it…I’m out of soda… my stock pile has run dry.  I do have a few on the way, but this ultimately means I must go out and scour the earth for new things to drink.  Actually I enjoy searching for new things to drink so this is sort of a happy time for all of us.  The much anticipated good news is that today’s soda up for review is Virgil’s Blueberry Pomegranate!  You may remember a few months ago a member of the Carbo-Nation reviewed this for us (C.W.) and loved it.  Well fortunately for me he gave me a bottle that I can call my very own.  Virgil’s Blueberry Pomegranate is all natural, 90% fruit juice, and that’s about it.  There are no preservatives, caffeine, or gluten in this bottle… it’s pretty much 100% good stuff.  That doesn’t mean it’s a health drink, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess it’s healthier than your ordinary soda.  Virgil’s Blueberry Pomegranate is a lovely rose color and dons the traditional Virgil’s bottle cap that sits atop the rest of their beverages.  I must admit the typical Virgil’s bottle cap looks a bit odd on this because I’ve always associated it with cola’s, root beer, cream sodas, and the like.  Maybe that’s just a bit off putting to me, but I’m crazy like that.  Drink on!

While the scent escaping form the bottle is light I can sense a whole host of fruity aromas.  Apple is the strongest to me, followed by pear.  Those two seem to barge ahead of any other potential fruit smells and hog most of my attention.  The other scents sit quietly in the back waiting, hopefully, for their time to shine when consumed.

There they are.  Hi guys!  Virgil’s Blueberry Pomegranate has a crisp and fizzy mouth-feel.  The pomegranate really gets to shine throughout the entire duration of the consumption process.  I’m struggling to taste the blueberry as Big Apple and Humungo Pear keep blocking him from my taste buds.  This tastes a little fermented to me, but I know it’s not.  That would normally be a huge turn off to me, but that aspect of the drink isn’t noticeable enough to sway me in a negative direction.  The more I drink this the more I like it.  The flavor never sits idle upon your tongue it feels like the 2nd sip every time.  Obviously it can’t feel like the first sip every time or it would be as addictive as those addictive things kids are always taking as they ruin the blah blah blah and that’s why shoelaces cost so dang much.  Virgil’s Blueberry Pomegranate is an “Anytime Soda”, meaning that this would go well with a meal or drinking is solo.  Ingredient wise this should receive a perfect score, but the lack of blueberry takes it down a notch for me.  I wanted so very desperately for blueberry to have the stage at some point, but the comically large hook keeps pulling him off.  Other than this this was a fantastic drinking experience that I highly recommend to you.  Thanks, Virgil’s.  Thirgil’s.

~A

Twist is also 90% Fruit Juice

Boylan's Creamy Red Birch Beer

There is a long standing argument between Mike and myself that birch beer has qualities that discern it from root beer.  Before we even started this site the few times Mike got me to try a birch beer I really couldn’t have picked it out of a row of root beers.  You see, Mike likes root beer… yet hates birch beer if I remember correctly and that blows my mind.  The two are so similar I can’t imagine liking one but not the other.  Today though I think I may have found a feather for Mike’s cap which is nice because you don’t see feathered caps anymore.  Boylan’s Creamy Red Birch Beer seems like a birch beer that is different enough, with it being red in color, that maybe it will set itself apart from the root beer family.  We’ve reviewed Boylan’s products before, root beer included, and they do a good job at making sodas so I’m not worried about the quality.  The ingredients even have “Pure Birch Oils” listed at #3 so I’m feeling pretty good that I’ll be able to taste said “difference”.  I really hope I like Boylan’s Creamy Red Birch Beer because I have an amusing play on words already lined up in my head.  Ok, ain’t nothing to it, but to do it.

Right off the bat this birch beer smells like a root beer.  There is a sharpness to the scent though that I normally only find in a licorice heavy root beer.  With the first battle won (Go Team Aaron!) it’s time to move on to the war itself… the tasting.

Curse you Mike.  Boylan’s Creamy Red Birch Beer is most certainly not a root beer.  I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was slightly root-beer-esque, but this clearly stands on its own.  The bubbles are small and powerful as they dance rapidly on my tongue, almost to the point of being ticklish.  While Boylan’s Creamy Red Birch Beer isn’t as smooth as say a vanilla heavy root beer, it’s still a joy to drink.  The birch oils make this beverage tip its hat to the bitter side.  It’s nothing that would make you scrunch up your face, but I could see some not liking it.  Another difference this has to root beer is that it doesn’t sit heavily in your mouth.  While you try and get that terrible visual image out of your head I’ll explain.  Picture yourself drinking your favorite creamy root beer… not Barq’s, I said creamy.  After the root beer has done its job and you’ve taken a gulp a heavy velvet curtain lowers in your mouth.  It usually just sits there and there’s nothing you can do about it.  Sure, maybe the velvet curtain is nice to look at, but no matter if it is or isn’t it will be there for a while.  Boylan’s Creamy Red Birch Beer has a curtain as well, but it’s not made from heavy velvet.  Boylan’s has a lighter polyester curtain that makes itself known, but not with the same oomph.  After drinking this I’ve learned that I’m more of a root beer person myself, but to Mike I have one thing to say to you.  If you’re havin’ soda problems I feel bad for you, son.  I’ve got 99 problems, but a birch ain’t one.

~A

You're gonna get bored watching the throne because Twist won't give it up

Taylor's Tonics Gingerbread House

March 26th officially marks the end of the holiday season here at TheSodaJerks as we’re finally finishing up with our themed sodas.  Today’s selection is Taylor’s Tonics Gingerbread House, which in my opinion could either be delicious or horrible.  Now that I’ve wowed you with my deductive reasoning it’s time to get this over with before the smiling gingerbread face on the bottle guilt’s me out of drinking him.

It certainly has a spicy aroma; one that’s burning my nose like a house hold cleaner or maybe a fancy candle your parents may own.  Either way I’m now a bit more hesitant to try this, but hey… gotta pay the bills somehow.  Wait a second… this doesn’t pay the bills at all.  Why would I subject myself to reviewing this if there isn’t anything in it for me?  Boredom?  Masochism? Curiosity?  Pick whichever one amuses you the most and that’s your answer.

Taylors Tonics Gingerbread House just ran over my tongue like a steam roller.  The ginger clove and cinnamon shoved their fist down my throat and forced all of my taste buds to be abused by this very festive concoction.  Now that I have stopped coughing from my first taste, let’s see if the second isn’t any smoother.  Ok, now that I’m prepared for it I can keep my body from trying to reject it immediately and I must say it’s rather pleasant; it’s very strong… but pleasant.  I see that there is no apple in here, but my brain is creating the apple flavor for me which balances out nicely.  I wouldn’t necessarily say that this tastes like gingerbread, but the ginger clove does a fine job in keeping Taylor’s Tonics Gingerbread House separate from your normal ginger soda faire.  This beverage lights your mouth on fire like a ginger beer, but it’s a small fire, one that you can build a resistance to.  Of course I wouldn’t drink this every day, but I don’t think Taylor’s Tonics wants you to do that.  Well of course they want you to drink their sodas every day… their profits would go through the roof, but you get the idea.  Overall I’m pleased with what I’ve consumed here, but I can’t recommend buying more than a bottle at a time.

~A

Twist lives in a gingerbread mansion.  It's quite tasty.

Berghoff Famous Root Beer

We already have a fan review up of Berghoff Famous Root Beer, but I’d take 100 reviews of it if possible.  When I say “100 reviews” of Berghoff Famous Root Beer I really mean 100 reviews of any soda out there.  You see, I feel opinions are important so if you see a beverage on our site that we’ve reviewed and you disagree with said review then please feel free to write one of your own and we’ll post it.  With all that said it’s probably time to start this review of Berghoff Famous Root Beer.  Honestly the bottle looks like a fairly generic somewhat upscale root beer and a look at the ingredients show that it’s fairly upscale since sugar is their substance of sweet.  I’m not sure how often you’re concerned with the amount of sodium in your root beer, but Berghoff has “very little sodium”.  Every bottle of root beer out there might say this, but I haven’t noticed it until right now.   Like I said the labeling is boring and not worth much commentary, hopefully the fluid inside will be more lead performer and less plywood tree.

Well the good news is that Berghoff Famous Root Beer has a nice odor to it.  It’s not wowing the ol’ olfactory glands or anything, but it’s a sweet, inviting scent none-the-less.   This is appearing more and more like a single step up from your mainstream root beer.  Sadly I’ve been spoiled in creating this site… I need more than one step up because that one step isn’t always worth the extra cash spent in the purchase.  Drink time.

Hello?  Carbonation?  Are you there?  The idea of carbonation that is contained in this bottle of Berghoff is all that keeps it from being root beer juice.    Root Beer Juice.  I can’t tell if it’d be good or not… my mind leans towards the direction of no.  Alright, now that I kind of grossed myself out with the newly coined product “root beer juice” I should probably continue the review.  Berghoff Famous Root Beer has a bit of a licorice taste to it which might be off putting to some, but licorice is nowhere to be found in the makeup of this soda.  Taste wise, aside from the faux licorice, this is most similar to Barq’s when compared to the big three and the aftertaste is as dirty as 7th grade limerick.  I really can’t seem to get over the lack of carbonation I’m experience (or not experiencing) here.  Honestly I don’t feel that Berghoff is any better than A&W or Barq’s Root Beer… Mug on the other hand it could probably beat.  It’s not a terrible root beer, but it won’t be winning any Twisty’s… the now made up award presented by this site.  **(Now for your obligatory Gary Berghoff reference)** After reading this review you should have known that this rating was coming from over a mile away... much like Gary Berghoff as Eugene "Radar" O'Reilly in the Emmy Award winning television show M*A*S*H.

~A

And now presenting the Twisty for most average root beer...

IVI Carbonated Orangeade

I honestly couldn’t tell you what I’m reviewing today.  It’s sitting here right in front of me, but I can’t pronounce it even if I tried.  You see, today’s drink is from Greece and it’s called hbh Carbonated Orangeade.  The only reason I know it’s carbonated orangeade is because the “English” side of the bottle tells me that, but those are the only words in English I can spot.  The label, other than being 98% Greek displays numerous fun images like an MP3 player and a guitar in an orange tint.  Using a Google Translation I check out their website and see that hbh Carbonated Orangeade is sweetened with sugar and also includes 20% orange juice.  I also found out that it can be called IVI Carbonated Orangeade as well.  I’m going to use that from here on out just to help out the search engines.  Thanks website!  Heck they even have a Youtube video on here showing you how it’s made.  Maybe I’ll check that out after this review.  As for now, I have a somewhat less mysterious soda to drink.

I’m not sure how carbonated this is supposed to be, but it has little to none.  I’m going to go ahead and attribute this to the long distance it travelled being shaken all the way.  Hopefully the taste will still be delightful enough for a good review, but I will definitely factor in that it might actually have carbonation if consumed directly from the store.

Ok, so there is the slightest touch of carbonation, which tells me that IVI Carbonated Orangeade usually has more.  As for the taste, I really like it.  The orange juice and orange soda mixture is done perfectly combining the best of both drinks beautifully.  The sweetness of the orange soda leaves your mouth very pleased with what it’s consuming, but the orange juice almost tricks your brain into thinking what you’re consuming is healthy.  As I was trying to figure out how many grams of sugar are in this (39g btw) I found that IVI Carbonated Orangeade is a Pepsi-Co product.  I thought that website looked pretty fancy for it not to be attached to one of the big two.  I’ve tasted carbonated orange juice before when I reviewed Orangina and I must say that IVI Carbonated Orangeade is the better of the two.  Now you’ll probably find Orangina a bit more easily in the states, but if for some reason you travel to a place that has them both, maybe Santa Paula, California Citrus or Ganzhou, Jiangxi, China… you should probably chose the IVI.  While I truly enjoy this beverage I’m going to stop drinking it because I’m not really sure when, or if, it has expired.  If it hasn’t expired then it’s a fantastic beverage that will fulfill any want or need for oranges you might have… minus vitamin C of course.  Now if this bottle of IVI Carbonated Orangeade has indeed expired then I’m not sure my tongue could stand to see what it tasted like “fresh”.  For now though I’m going to grade it on the flavor and mouth feel I just experienced.  Know that this rating is probably lower than it deserves, but until I crack open a brand new bottle it’ll have to work.

~A

Nothing is Greek to Twist.

Taylor's Tonics Candy Cane Shake

March always reminds me of candy canes.  The cool mint on my tongue, the red and white stripes, the way it turns down at one end.  Those are all horrible comparisons to the month of March, but then again this bottle of Taylor’s Tonics Candy Cane Shake was supposed to be consumed in December.  This is the third out of four times that I will reference the fact that I’m drinking a soda at the wrong time of year.  As you might imagine Taylors Tonics Candy Cane Shake has peppermint in the ingredients.  While I’ve had spearmint in a soda before, this might be the first time I’ve consumed liquid peppermint… aside from PeptoBismol which I do indeed like the flavor of.  According to the bottle this soda is a “Minty & Majestic Peppermint Stick Fizz”.  The words “Majestic Peppermint Stick” reminds me of the best peppermint sticks out there…King Leo Peppermint Sticks.  Truly they are amazing and you should purchase them, but we’re talking soda here. 

The scent wafting from the mouth of the bottle is an inviting sweet vanilla mint.  It does remind me of candy canes, so that seems to be on the right track.  Drink on!

Liquid candy cane, well done.  The initial sip tastes fairly minty, but the candy cane goodness doesn’t hit until about a second after.  The weakest point in each sip is the aftertaste, but I have a theory on this.  I’m not sure if my mouth just can’t wrap itself around…wait… that’s going to a terrible place.  Let’s reword shall we?  I’m not sure if my brain can comprehend “liquid candy cane” so the finish causes me to tilt my head like a confused dog.  Taylor’s Tonics Candy Cane Shake is not something you’re going to drink with a meal; this is definitely a stand-alone beverage in my opinion.  Ever eaten a candy cane with your scrambled eggs?  How about with a burrito?  Candy Canes and pickles?  Actually, let me key you in on a very odd, but surprisingly good recipe.

Take a sour pickle, movie theatre size, and cut off the very end of it.  Next take a candy cane and stuff it through the middle of the pickle… much like your hand would go in a puppet.  The curve of the candy cane is now your handle, and the pickle/mint treat on the other is oddly tasty.  Give it a shot, what have you got to lose… except all your friends and family.  Back to the review.

So as you see this soda isn’t for many occasions, but it still delivers on its promise of being liquid candy cane.  I’m still not quite sure why it’s called a “candy cane SHAKE” though.  Does the use of vanilla allow for the word “shake” to be used?  It does cut a little into the mintyness allowing you to consume said beverage with a bit more ease.  No matter!  This beverage is unique enough and tasty enough to warrant you purchasing a bottle.

~A

Twist takes his Candy Cane Shake stirred.

Kutztown Red Cream Soda

Mike used to be the one that reviewed Kutztown beverages.  Sigh, I remember Mike.  Anywho, he’s unavailable for this review so I guess the boy from Texas will have to review this northern delicacy of Kutztown Red Cream Soda.  As I’m sure we’ve mentioned before, Kutztown is indeed a town… in Pennsylvania.  It’s made at the Kutztown Soda Works, which was established in 1851.  The “go ahead and buy this” sentence on the back of the bottle reads as such.

“Sweeten your day with an old-fashioned mug of Kutztown Red Cream Soda!  So velvety smooth, it’s good for any occasion… or for just nutzin’ around!  Drink ‘til it’s all!”

Let’s avoid the obvious jokes that we might think of using “nutzin’ around” and just agree that they were using their name as a verb.  I don’t understand the last part of the paragraph, “Drink ‘til it’s all!”.  Maybe it’s some sort of Pennsylvanian colloquialism.  So if any of you could please explain this to me that’d be great.  Anywho, this is a sugar sweetened soda and I’m tired of not drinking it so we’re going to move on to that portion of the review.

Ah, the sweet smell of red cream soda.  It reminds me of a day my father and I wandered through Leonard’s Grocery Store and he picked up a bottle for the family movie night.  Of course he picked up the generic two liter bottle of red cream soda, but I still had no idea what it might taste like at that stop in my life.  The memory scent I get from this, which is much like a normal cream soda with a little more tang, will hopefully not sway me in a positive direction based on nostalgia alone.

While I wouldn’t call it velvety smooth it still has a nice mouth feel.  Kutztown Red Cream Soda has a very soft carbonation feel, almost like having a tiny kitten snuggle down upon your taste buds.  That description should really go at the end of this review as it’s the final sensation your mouth experiences when your sip of soda is complete.  I guess I should start with the negatives, but it’s a bit too late for that so here’s the point where I get to it eventually.  Initially the taste isn’t what I’d associate with a smooth cream soda, but it’s only slightly off putting and for only a split second of the drink experience.  Another thing is that the cream soda flavor isn’t all that rich, but it still might get the job done for most. 

My mind keeps going back to the words “velvety smooth” and my tongue keeps searching for said texture with no luck.  I think if the vanilla level was raised just a bit they’d have quite the beverage here.  As it stands now they have an above average red cream soda with a unique mouth feel.  Of course this is something they should be proud of, but I bet with just a tweak more it could be outstanding.  I do like the fact that the flavor doesn’t hang onto the walls of my mouth like many creams sodas would do.  While I’m not sure if I just got done “nutzin’ around” (and I’m pretty sure I would know if I had been), the bottle is now empty and I’m satisfied with what I consumed.

~A

It's only so red because he's so green.

Taylor's Tonics Eggnog Fizz

Once again I have a soda in front of me that is Holiday themed, but the holiday season has passed us so this review might seem a little out of place.  Oh well, I’d rather an out of place review than a wasted soda in my fridge.  Today’s review is Taylor’s Tonics Eggnog Fizz.  Even if you like eggnog… as I do, you probably cringe at the idea of an eggnog soda… as I do.  It’s great that it’s all natural and the ingredients include nutmeg, vanilla bean, allspice, and rum flavoring (just to name a few), but eggnog flavored anything is off-putting to me.  Even those eggnog shakes that come around your favorite or least favorite, fast fooderies don’t even come close to tempting me.  Enough stalling, time to drink!  I mean it has been almost 2 months already.

Good news?  It doesn’t really smell like eggnog.  I’d compare the aroma to a very spicy cream soda, which others might compare to eggnog, which puts us back at square one.  I’m not longer afraid of the eggnoggy taste because I don’t believe it’s going to be there.  I feel this will be a lot like Taylor’s Tonics Chai Cola just a bit smoother due to the vanilla.  Time for drinking.

My scent description was almost right on.  While there are the smallest hints of eggnog flavoring, this tastes more like an oddly flavored cream soda to me.  Sorry to say though, I’m not a fan.  Even though it’s an all-natural beverage it tastes like a concoction of chemicals.  The vanilla isn’t strong enough for my liking, but the nutmeg and allspice add a nice flavor.  It would probably help to tell you that I’m not all that big a fan of rum and this does have rum flavors in it and I think that might be where it’s losing me.  The drink contains no alcohol though.  The majority of the taste while consuming gives me negative thoughts.  There are dashes of “yay eggnog soda”, but like lightning those positive memories are removed from my brain.  Sad really, the Cranberry Dream made by the same company was one of the most deliciously unique sodas I’ve ever tried.  Eggnog Fizz tastes like its cousin that no one talks about because you don’t want to create an awkward silence in the room.  Like I said before, maybe a bit more vanilla would help mask the overall flavor of Eggnog Fizz, but I’m not even sure that would help it because of how powerful the taste that disagrees with me is.  Bleh, I’m not even going to finish this.  I can’t even get into a good rhythm to write a well worded review.

~A

Twist invented Eggnog, then un-invented eggnog, then someone came in and made a completely different product.

Capt'n Eli's Blueberry Pop

It’s back to the world of awesome bottle art with today’s soda review!  Earlier in this sites history we reviewed Capt’n Eli’s Root Beer and while the root beer itself was tasty the art on the bottle is still one of my favorite scenes.  With that said I’m very happy to see that Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop has incredibly similar bottle art with the exception that young Capt’n Eli is surrounded by blueberries.  In fact even his root beer barrels have been replaced by heaping barrels of blueberries, so many that I fear for the buoyancy of his boat.  Now join me as I review one of my favorite flavors of soda made by a pretty darn good brand.  Put on your life jacket, give Murphy the Parrot a sip of your root beer, and shove off!

I can already tell that it’s going to be a good day sailing these waters with Eli.  The scent that floats out of the mouth of this bottle is unmistakably blueberry and why shouldn’t it be?  Blueberry juice is the third ingredient listed, right after water and cane sugar, so you know this is about to be a fantastic experience.  The aroma is deliciously sweet and not so much tart.  So here’s where I give up on typing any more words that might describe the fragrance so that I may now drink.

Blueberry soda is one of the biggest gifts starting this site ever gave me.  As TheSodaJerk.net historians know, and I have to believe they exist to feed my own hungry ego, I’m not keen on blueberry.  Blueberry never did it for me as a fruit, but as a soda… more please.  Honestly I’m not sure I’ve run into a legit blueberry soda that I didn’t like and Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop is no exception either.  Upon my first sip my mouth is awash with blueberry tastes, almost to the point where I expect the skins to come floating to the top with each drink.  Nothing about the taste of this tastes artificial to me at all which should make sense since none of the ingredients are artificial.  Ferocious, tiny bubbles attack the back of my throat reminding me at this is indeed blueberry POP and not something of a safer nature.  Grape juice is also used in the making of Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop and it is noticeable, but still takes a back seat to the blueberries as it should.  I can’t imagine someone titling something “Blueberry” but having grape be the main attraction.  It’d be like watching a Muppet special with a bunch of celebrity guests, but instead of Kermit hosting you get 90 minutes of Bronson Pinchot.  While amused you’d still feel slighted at the sight of this perfect stranger.  Do I care that the last analogy was forced?  Not really. 

Any who, while very tasty Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop does have its weak points and they’re all at the end of your soda journey.  As I mentioned before the blueberry flavoring is fantastic, but its finish could be improved upon greatly.  The strength you experience at the beginning of each sip wilts away into sadness right before it descends into your stomach.  If the flavor could maintain throughout then this would be an all-around amazing soda.  Right after you experience this flavor funeral you’re greeted with a boring aftertaste as well.  Is it probable that the weak flavor preceding it is the cause?  Yes, I’d say so, but that’s just another reason to have a strong flavor throughout.  Even with these weak points Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop is still something you should try, preferably before Murphy consumes it all.

~A

Faux Fact: A Parrot a day keeps Twist at bay

GolferAID

I know less about playing golf than every single one of our readers combined.  With that last sentence in mind you’ll understand why I was a bit hesitant to take on this review of GolferAID.  GolferAID is tagged as “The World’s Most Advanced Functional Golf Beverage”.  It’s sweetened with 9 grams of blue agave and has 3 grams of supplements.  Heck even on the back of the can it diagrams which ingredients help you with what.  For example it says that Glucosamine promotes joint health, and that Magnesium lessens muscle fatigue.  Bilberries, which I didn’t even know existed, apparently improve your visual acuity and balance.  Of course at the bottom in small print they have the legalese that the statements above haven’t been evaluated by the FDA… if this bothers you then so be it, if not so be it again. 

Ok, so GolferAID is chock full of golfy goodness.  I told the nice man who sent me this that I didn’t really care what it did for my nonexistent golf game.  All I cared about was how it tasted; I mean it is a soda after all.  He assured me that they would “take the Pepsi challenge with our drink against anything out there.”  Those are some bold words for a drink that at a glance I would call a golf energy drink.  Now maybe I’m wrong; this site has only reviewed 300+ drinks and while that seems like a large number on paper I bet it’s not even 2% of all the sodas out there.  So let’s get out on the green and tip back this can of 100% Natural GolferAID and see if it aces or bogeys.  Hopefully for your sake with that last sentence I’ve now exhausted all of my golf lingo

The scent to me is definitely citrus in origin.  Grapefruit is what it most closely resembles, but I’m not completely sure of even that.  Looking for the grapefruit in the ingredients I notice that stevia is also in here… sneaky, sneaky stevia.  Aside from the grapefruit aroma I’m also reminded of a protein shake.  By no means am I saying this will taste powdery and chalky, but the scent of GolferAID isn’t the most welcoming in the world.  On with the drinking!

Better than I thought it’d be.  The End.  While I can name several sodas on our site that would destroy this in the “Pepsi challenge” as far as supplemental beverages go it seems to be one of the better we’ve tried.  Of course “lifestyle beverages”, as we call them, do not get a free pass in terms of flavor so we’ll see how well it does in the long haul.  The initial taste is the worst part of your journey through GolferAID.  You’re greeted with a quick bitter slap in the mouth before it fades away creating a grapefruit-esque atmosphere in your gullet.  The carbonation level is almost non-existent due to the fact that they used agave to sweeten.  While I’m sure not being bloated on bubbles is beneficial to your golf game, I think that a bit more fizz to GolferAID would help its overall experience quite a bit. 

It’s sad to say the more I drink it the less I like it.  The flavor left on my lips is a pleasant one, but each gulp is becoming a bit more tasking.  Every sip reminds me I’m drinking what is basically a healthy energy drink.  Sure it has wonderful ingredients, but that doesn’t mean as much if a good taste isn’t attached to it.  I always want beverage companies to succeed in their craft, but on taste alone GolferAID doesn’t do that.  Maybe it’ll help you with your golf game, I’m not here to debate that point.  I’m here to tell you that if given the choice I’d pick a more delicious golf drink… SLICE!  See what I did there was take a non-golf drink with a golf term name and made a joke to tie the article all together.  Genius.

~A

(Note:  This beverage was supplied to us by GolferAID)

Twist was the secret founder of St Andrews

Jones Soda Lime

I tried to get my dog to pick out todays soda.  All I wanted him to do was sniff a bottle and that would be the one I reviewed.  Oddly enough he seemed much more interested in the thin mint cookie I was consuming and cared nothing for helping out the site.  Since I didn’t have the help of my canine friend I had to brave the choice myself… hopefully picking something satisfactory for you all to read.  In a perfect world the previous sentences written would be a build up to the flavor reveal which is Jones Soda Lime.  Because of the helpfulness of titling articles I’ve never been able to do a proper build up.  Ah well, I’m about to drink a lime soda and that is usually one of the things in life that makes me happy.  Currently my favorite lime soda is Jarritos Lime; let’s see if Jones can compete with the boys from across the border.

The scent my nostrils receive is more sweet than tart, so I’m wondering if this will be closer to Key Lime than plain old lime.  Jones Soda Lime even smells a bit creamy, another warning that this may not be the lime soda I’m looking for.  I can go about my business.  Move along.

Ok, so it’s not as smooth as I thought it might be, but it definitely leans towards key lime in terms of flavor.  The carbonation level is powerful and compact.  My throat feels like it has been exposed to a lime flavored sleet storm for a brief moment as the soda passes by.  The lime flavoring, while candy-esque, isn’t overly sweet making it more likely I’d consume Jones Soda Lime with a meal.    There’s also a good level of sour/tart in the works here.  There’s nothing that agitates me more than a weak lime soda.  Well, there are several things, probably hundreds, that agitate me more than weak lime soda, but I’m trying to really hammer this home.  With that said drinking Jones Soda Lime will give you a terrific balance in taste, mouth feel, and overall experience.  Is it better than Jarritos Lime?  Short answer, no.  Long answer, noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, but I’ll definitely mention it from here on out every time I’m asked to give a commencement speech with the subject of lime sodas.  Honestly all of the commencement speeches I’ve been to could have been about lime sodas, I don’t remember a single word from any of them.

~A

Twist used to be lime flavored, now if you were to lick him you'd see through time.

Brain Wash

Picture a skull and crossbones staring at you from the label of your potential beverage.  Now picture the top of the skull cracked open exposing the oddly fresh brain inside of it.  That my friend is what is currently staring into my soul on this label of Brain Wash.  Brain Wash is made from the same fine folks that brought us Black Lemonade, one of the harshest beverages my throat ever dealt with.  Just like Black Lemonade, Brain Wash has amusing blurbs on its label like “This may be your only way out!” and “May cause special effects”.  Navy blue isn’t a color you usually associate with soda, but they’ve put enough Blue Dye #1 in this bad boy to reach that level.  It has a lot of the same ingredients that Black Lemonade has with a few exceptions.  Brain Wash sadly uses HFCS instead of Cane Sugar, but on the plus side also uses Sage and Jalapeno Oil.  I’m not sure how the sage will play a role in this performance, but I’m hoping the jalapeno oil is at least noticeable.  Since Brain Wash isn’t exactly a flavor I’m a little curious as to what this will most taste like in the realm of real tastes.  My initial guess is going to be a fruity ginger beverage that’s about to scald the back of my throat through the act of chemical warfare.  Let’s find out, shall we?

The initial odor I’m getting is that of green NyQuil which isn’t what you want to smell when you first open anything… except NyQuil of course.  I will say that the bubbles forming in the neck of the bottle look rather nice when contrasted against the dark blue soda.  Will they keep this from tasting like carbonated NyQuil?  No, but hopefully something else does.

A barrage of pain shoots through my sinuses as the spice/carbonation combination reaches my nose with ease.  With my mouth a bit more acclimated the second sip is much more tame allowing me to properly review this beverage known as Brain Wash.  Right off the bat I can tell you that the jalapeno oil is indeed noticeable as the back of my throat now has a (nice?) continuous burn going.  The flavor of the drink itself is rather vague, honestly it tastes like a generic blueberry soda you might find anywhere.  My brain may have just associated this vague taste with blueberry due to the hue, but it’s all I’ve got to go on right now.  Even though the base flavor itself is vague and unspectacular the experience of drinking Brain Wash is so far one I’ll remember for a long time.  Each sip assaults my mouth in every way possible.  The ginger/jalapeno/capsicum combination proves volatile at first, but calms down a bit once you’re throat learns how to cope.  The strongest of these, as mentioned before, is what I assume to be the jalapeno oil as my throat feels like it would after enjoying a spicy plate of nachos.  While this is very similar to the mouth feel of Black Lemonade I find that Black Lemonade at least had a purpose.  It was a harsh lemonade unlike anything you’d had before.  Brain Wash is a harsh… fruity… blue… drink that in my opinion the gimmick of destroying your mouth becomes nothing more than just that… a gimmick.  It’s not original because Black Lemonade exists.  It’s almost like they said “hey, Black Lemonade is doing ok… how else might we ruin someone’s vocal chords (which of course it does not do)” so they invented Brain Wash because they could.  I need more of a reason than the one I just made up for them to promote this beverage.  If you want a throat conquering soda then purchase Black Lemonade, as for Brain Wash...

~A

Twist mocks you're extreme label with his own extreme...ness?

Taylor's Tonics Cranberry Dream

For the last few Christmas’s my best friend Dustin has purchased a basket of sodas for me to review.  We don’t usually exchange gifts until middle to late January and I don’t usually start reviewing them until February.  I tell you this seemingly pointless information because I’m about to review several Christmas themed sodas and I didn’t want you to think that I was slow to the draw.  Today’s soda is Taylor’s Tonics Cranberry Dream.  We’ve reviewed Taylor’s Tonics before and they’re always both unique and powerful.  The flavors aren’t always my favorite, but I always appreciate the amount of effort they put into each one.  Seeing Cranberry Dream in my fridge I figured I’d be consuming a cranberry soda and nothing more.  Looking at the ingredients label I found that I couldn’t be further from the truth.  The ingredients are as follows:

Sparking Water (Infused with Wildcrafted Balsam Fir Needles, Ginger, & Allspice), Evaporated Cane Juice, Coconut Water, Cherry Juice, Cranberry Juice, Natural Douglas Fir & French Vanilla Flavors, Extract of Orange, and Citric Acid.

The usually talkative Twist was even at a loss for words.

I immediately notice two things after reading those ingredients.  The first is that there are an insane amount of flavors in what I thought was just cranberry soda.  The second thing I notice is that this is also flavored with CHRISTMAS TREES!  Honestly I have no idea how tree translates into soda, but I’m excited to find out.  Holding the bottle up to the light I glance at the peach colored soda and remove the festive green bottle cap.

The smell is fantastic.  It smells like a candle store during the holiday season.  The sweet aroma hits your nostrils with such a mixture of scents that you’re nose isn’t even sure where to start.  The ginger, allspice, and vanilla are the most discernible fragrances coming out of the bottle.  I do find it odd that I can’t even smell the titular berry, but honestly this smells so good I don’t even care.  I’m not sure how a scent this interesting will translate to taste… I guess we’ll find out together.

Good news everybody, it doesn’t taste like a tree.  Taylor’s Tonics Cranberry Dream has now surprised me in all three sections of this review.  At first taste the ginger and allspice hit my tongue for what I thought was going to be a harsh ride.  Wrong.  While the two spices made themselves at home on my palate they both gently went to sleep upon arriving.  The cranberry is noticeable, but again not tart in the slightest.  I’m guessing the cranberries are muted by the amount of vanilla in the beverage, which by the way works fantastically well in this soda.  The last few sips I’ve taken did have hints of tree and I must say that I liked it.  Picture yourself outside in the forest… the Piney Woods if you will.  The air is crisp and quiet, the only thing around you are pine trees and that one bird that you can’t quite identify.  After you come to the realization that you’re never going to figure out what kind of bird that is, disappointing your Ornithologist dad once again in the process, you take a deep breath.  The crisp air combined with the surrounding trees coats your mouth with a distinctive taste.  That taste is nature and it makes you feel alive.  That is what the tree taste of Taylor’s Tonics Cranberry Dream likens to.  Even though the orange extract is one of the last ingredients its flavor still reaches your mouth.  In fact I can taste every single ingredient on this label, like identifying instruments in an orchestra… you just have to sit down and really listen.  Well I’m listening and I love what I’m hearing.  Cranberry Dream is one of the most impressive sodas I’ve had since I’ve started this site.  If you see a bottle you should pick it up and listen to what it has to say.

~A

*One addition.  By the time I was finished writing this review I had only one gulp left in the bottle.  I posted the review and then took said gulp.  This gulp had a lot of sediment in it and was not pleasant.  I'm not changing the rating of the soda based on this, but if you do try it you might want to skip out on that last taste.*

A “Twist’s Choice” Recipient

Grand Teton Brewing Company - Black Cherry

I turned 30 yesterday and today I finish the line of sodas from Grand Teton Brewing Company.  I’m sure if I were a wiser man I could make witty comparisons about the two journeys and you would be tickled pink upon reading it.  Instead, on this day after my 30th birthday, I’ve hurt my back to the point of not wanting to be witty.  I just want to be grumpy, and old (which I know I’m not), and cantankerous.  So here is the final Grant Teton Brewing Company review… Black Cherry.  Overall I’ve been quite pleased with this line of beverages, saving black cherry for last because I know how potentially awesome it might be.  So join me won’t you?  As I toss my 20’s behind me and dive mouth first into a bottle of soda.

I mistakenly thought this might be black cherry cola, had my reading comprehension level been above that of a first grader then I could have clearly seen that the word “cola” is nowhere to be found on the label.  This, my friends, is just black cherry soda, and the aroma is so very rich and sweet that it reminds me of sno-cone syrup.  Sadly I have no crushed sno-esque ice to pour this on.  Grand Teton Black Cherry will have to be judged as it stands without the help of the sno-cone fairies.  By the way, if you ever seen a sno-cone fairy kill it as fast as possible, they’re terribly evil.  I’ve had a few run-ins with them… not good times.  They will CUT YOU!  Onward.

The most consistent thing I’ve noticed about Grand Teton sodas is their carbonation.  Grand Teton has the most unique carbonation levels, style, and mouth feel  that I’ve witnessed in any line of beverage.  In the case of black cherry I’m met with a raucous amount of fizz attacking all the nooks and crannies of my mouth.  It splashes against the back of my throat and delightfully stings like a cherry Icee.  The flavor, while just a bit overly syrupy, is very robust and well defined.  There is no doubt in my mind what this is at any point of the journey.  From opening the bottle to the last few drops you are slapped in the face with a very strong black cherry soda.  It tastes as if it has more sugar in it than listed on its label.  That’s not to say it has very little sugar, 39 grams, but to say that it seems like it should have closer to 50.  I like this… a lot.  This is the most in your face black cherry soda I’ve ever tasted, I guess they’re all “in my face” as I consume them, but you get the idea.  Grand Teton Black Cherry… drink it and love it!

~A

(This beverage was supplied to us by Grand Teton Brewing Company)

I literally had to wrestle this out of his hands... 4 hours.

Big K Root Beer

Quickly… think of your favorite Root Beer.  Did you?  Is it Big K Root Beer?  For those of you who said “yes” then you can refute whatever I’m about to write.  For those of you who answered the negative then just sit back and find out what category I’m about to fall into.  Big K Root Beer is Kroger brand root beer.  For those of you not familiar with Kroger, it’s a super market.  So yes, Big K Root Beer probably won’t be my favorite as very few stores actually try to make a good soda.  I’m pretty sure this won’t be my new favorite root beer, but hopefully this chemical concoction will at least please my taste buds somewhat.  The label even says that they “promise” my whole family will enjoy this or my money back… or a replacement.  I’m kind of curious as to what a proper replacement is of Big K Root Beer.  My imagination is shot for the day so I think I’ll just continue the review.

Big K Root Beer does indeed smell somewhat like a root beer… so… that’s a plus, although there is also something odd about this aroma.  After smelling the somewhat obvious root beer scent the smell just kind of vanishes.  The fragrance (I’m running out of words for ‘smell’) doesn’t seem to be strong enough to maintain a simple inhalation thus frightening me just a bit as to what this will taste like.

Not terrible, not good.  Big K Root Beer is most similar to Barq’s, but without the bite that makes Barq’s slogan so memorable.  The initial mouth fell is very watery and a bit off putting.  As you might expect this is a very generic tasting root beer.  It does have a bit of a licorice flavor to it and just a whisper of wintergreen as well.  Did they actually use these ingredients?  No idea, but the artificial/natural flavors they used somewhat replicate them.  There’s not much else to be said about Big K Root Beer except this.  If you have an extra dollar just buy the Barq’s instead.  While there are better root beers out there than Barq’s at least you’re not rewarding a grocery store for making a less than stellar product… instead you are rewarding the Coca Cola company.  If you want to take a few steps up from that then look no further than these two.

~A

This is Twist's "meh" face

Grand Teton Brewing Company - Cream Soda

We rush back to the mountains to review Grand Teton Brewing Company Cream Soda today.  We’ve already reviewed, and enjoyed, their Mountain Berry Soda and root beer so hopefully the cream soda will stand equally as tall as its brothers.  As I’m writing this review I’m realizing that I have very little opinion when it comes to cream soda.  Cream soda is something I enjoy as it reminds me of my childhood for some reason, but I’m just not very passionate about it.  Maybe I just haven’t had a terrible enough cream soda to be disappointed to the point of passion.  I’m a very opinionated person when it comes to very trivial things like Pizza Hut commercials, the pronunciation of particular tree nuts, and the state of Texas A&M football… therefore it’s not like me to just let cream soda slide.  I’ve probably bored most of you out there so I’m going to drop this and continue on with the review of Grand Teton Cream Soda.  DRINK ON… but seriously when’s the last time Pizza Hut had a good commercial?

That is a sugar filled scent attaching itself to the inner workings of my nose.  The scent itself is smooth, buttery, and very enticing.  Maybe, just maybe, today will be the day I become passionate about the taste of my cream sodas.  If today is indeed that day please believe me when I tell you that the first paragraph was not a “lead in” for the rest of this review that I wrote after consuming this beverage.  All of my reviews are consumed in the same order the reviews are written, from staring at the label, to opening, to consumption.  I’m over explaining a lot today, hopefully I just need a good cream soda to shut me up. 

This, my friends, is a good cream soda.  It doesn’t invoke passion in me, but that bridge may never be crossed.  That said, Grand Teton Cream Soda is a solid entry into the cream soda market.  The aroma inhaled earlier is an honest representation of the taste I’m experiencing now.  It has a very smooth, creamy mouth feel that any cream soda enthusiast would enjoy.  The carbonation adds a fleeting bite to the back of my throat upon each gulp which is something I’m not quite used to in a cream soda, but it’s only worth noting not complaint.  One small thing irks me though, the finish.  Completing each sip I’m left with an aftertaste that starts off just fine but ends on an artificial note.  It’d be like having a delicious sundae in front of you, but instead of a cherry on top you have a cherry made of wax.  Sure you can take it off, but you aren’t going to be as happy as you would be with an actual cherry.  With that said, Grand Teton Cream Soda is good enough to purchase multiples and my rating will say the same.

~A

(This beverage was supplied to us by Grand Teton Brewing Company)

Twist was just spotted peeping over the fence.  Stay cool, stay cool.

Refreshe - Cherry Cola

It’s time to re-visit the Safeway brand “refreshe” in all its un-capitalized glory.  Today’s flavor of choice is refreshe Cherry Cola, which contains 0% juice.  You know how I know this?  Well it’s stated on the can silly, if that wasn’t printed on here I bet I’d be wondering all day if there was real cherry juice in here.  Sigh… I wish sarcasm had a font because I’d use the heck out of it.  How’s about we use Comic Sans as the official “Sarcasm Font”?   People would like it more if it were used for the benefit of sarcasm wouldn’t they?  I understand that some use Comic Sans ironically, but let’s take it back from the Hipsters and use it for the sarcastic!  Surely a large portion of Hipsters are sarcastic so the lash-back won’t be that great.  So yet another trend is decided on this site.  TheSodaJerks.net:  Setters of trends, and nothing more!  Wait… we also review sodas.  Speaking of… this refreshe Cherry Cola has a very mysterious ingredients list as Natural Flavors are listed alongside HFCS, Coloring agents, and acids.  Let’s just open it up and see what we get.

The scent test proves refreshe Cherry Cola to be more cola than cherry, which is perfectly understandable.  I can discern the cherry scent mind you, but it wasn’t the first thing my nose noticed.  Then again my allergies are kicked up today so there’s that.  DRINK ON!

The first sip is a major disappointment.  The cola taste immediately falls flat and the cherry gets crushed underneath it.  Swishing it around in my mouth I can feel the cola trying with all its might to intrigue me with bursts of carbonation.  “Like me! Like me!” it screams, but once you stop swishing… it quiets down to a whisper.  Every sip I take allows the flavor to build on itself which you might think would help its case.  No, Ma’am.  No, Sir.  While the flavor is becoming more pungent it’s just revealing how weak of a Cherry Cola this really is.  You can almost taste the chemicals, assuming they are since Natural Flavors are all we’re given.  Honestly I hope they are chemicals because if you use real deal ingredients and you make it taste this underwhelming then shame on you.  Fortunately the aftertaste vanishes fairly quickly but you’re left with the caustic feel of refreshe Cherry Cola on your teeth.  It’s holding on to my enamel for dear life, making my teeth more easily grind when I close my mouth.  That’s it.  I’m done.  I could finish this can, but I see no reason to do so.  This is one of the worst attempts at a Cherry Cola, something that should be a treat in any definition, which I have seen in a very long time.

~A

Twist doesn't even realize it's there... that's how flavorless it is.